Sutter Cane
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- Joined
- Aug 14, 2012
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I was watching Scream series the other day and I'm in awe of a character (Jamie Kennedy) that knows his horror movies. Here are the rules...
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#1. When it appears that you have killed the monster, never check
to see if it's really dead.
#2. Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.
#3. Do not search the basement, especially if the power has just
gone out.
#4. Never accept invitations from strangers, especially
individuals who inexplicably live in isolated areas and have no
contact with society.
#5. As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to
Hell.
#6. If you're searching for the cause of a noise and find out that
it's not just the cat, leave the room immediately if you value
your life.
#7. If appliances start operating by themselves, move out.
#8. No sex, beer or partying! Any of these activities will surely
seal your fate.
#9. If you find a town which is deserted, it's probably for a
reason. Take the hint and stay away.
#10. Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure
you know what you're doing.
#11. Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which
are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog,
the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine.
#12. If your car runs out of gas at night, do not go to the nearby
deserted-looking house to phone for help.
#13. Beware of strangers bearing tools such as chain saws, staple
guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines,
lawnmowers, butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, or any
device made from deceased companions.
#14. If the walls and faucets start bleeding... That's not a borken sewer main!
#15. Never take a shower in the middle of a raging thunder storm, or blackout.
#16. If a real estate deal includes the phrases "This old house/building used to be, or was built on" and is followed by "insane asylum; Indian burial ground; ancient Druid temple; Satanic Portal to Hell", chances are those aren't just catchy phrases being used by movitated sellers!
#17. If you go to an island resort and the staff and guests start disappearing one by one... That's not "downsizing", or "unhappy customers". Get on the nearest boat to the mainland ASAP!
#18. If the government offers you a job at a super-secret, secure facility miles from nowwhere, underground, with a minimal staff whose research involves ancient astronauts, cloning, creating intelligent animals, DNA, UFOs, or anything that violates the laws of man and nature (or any combination of these)... Chances are this is not the latest Equal Opportunity Employment Program you've been hearing so much about!
#19. Don't ever go to a death row execution where the criminal being executed has a known history of practicing black magic, Vodoo or devil worship... Because chances are he's going to be walking out of there in your body and you're the one who is going to Hell!
#20. If you are trapped in a house with a knife/chainsaw/hook weilding killer... Never go out the front door. Run upstairs and barricade yourself in. This way it will make it easier for you to each other in a deadly game of cat and mouse.
-----------------
#1. When it appears that you have killed the monster, never check
to see if it's really dead.
#2. Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.
#3. Do not search the basement, especially if the power has just
gone out.
#4. Never accept invitations from strangers, especially
individuals who inexplicably live in isolated areas and have no
contact with society.
#5. As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to
Hell.
#6. If you're searching for the cause of a noise and find out that
it's not just the cat, leave the room immediately if you value
your life.
#7. If appliances start operating by themselves, move out.
#8. No sex, beer or partying! Any of these activities will surely
seal your fate.
#9. If you find a town which is deserted, it's probably for a
reason. Take the hint and stay away.
#10. Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure
you know what you're doing.
#11. Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which
are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog,
the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine.
#12. If your car runs out of gas at night, do not go to the nearby
deserted-looking house to phone for help.
#13. Beware of strangers bearing tools such as chain saws, staple
guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines,
lawnmowers, butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, or any
device made from deceased companions.
#14. If the walls and faucets start bleeding... That's not a borken sewer main!
#15. Never take a shower in the middle of a raging thunder storm, or blackout.
#16. If a real estate deal includes the phrases "This old house/building used to be, or was built on" and is followed by "insane asylum; Indian burial ground; ancient Druid temple; Satanic Portal to Hell", chances are those aren't just catchy phrases being used by movitated sellers!
#17. If you go to an island resort and the staff and guests start disappearing one by one... That's not "downsizing", or "unhappy customers". Get on the nearest boat to the mainland ASAP!
#18. If the government offers you a job at a super-secret, secure facility miles from nowwhere, underground, with a minimal staff whose research involves ancient astronauts, cloning, creating intelligent animals, DNA, UFOs, or anything that violates the laws of man and nature (or any combination of these)... Chances are this is not the latest Equal Opportunity Employment Program you've been hearing so much about!
#19. Don't ever go to a death row execution where the criminal being executed has a known history of practicing black magic, Vodoo or devil worship... Because chances are he's going to be walking out of there in your body and you're the one who is going to Hell!
#20. If you are trapped in a house with a knife/chainsaw/hook weilding killer... Never go out the front door. Run upstairs and barricade yourself in. This way it will make it easier for you to each other in a deadly game of cat and mouse.