20 Rules For Surviving A Horror Movie

Sutter Cane

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I was watching Scream series the other day and I'm in awe of a character (Jamie Kennedy) that knows his horror movies. Here are the rules...

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#1. When it appears that you have killed the monster, never check
to see if it's really dead.

#2. Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.

#3. Do not search the basement, especially if the power has just
gone out.

#4. Never accept invitations from strangers, especially
individuals who inexplicably live in isolated areas and have no
contact with society.

#5. As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to
Hell.

#6. If you're searching for the cause of a noise and find out that
it's not just the cat, leave the room immediately if you value
your life.

#7. If appliances start operating by themselves, move out.

#8. No sex, beer or partying! Any of these activities will surely
seal your fate.

#9. If you find a town which is deserted, it's probably for a
reason. Take the hint and stay away.

#10. Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure
you know what you're doing.

#11. Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which
are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog,
the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine.

#12. If your car runs out of gas at night, do not go to the nearby
deserted-looking house to phone for help.

#13. Beware of strangers bearing tools such as chain saws, staple
guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines,
lawnmowers, butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, or any
device made from deceased companions.

#14. If the walls and faucets start bleeding... That's not a borken sewer main!

#15. Never take a shower in the middle of a raging thunder storm, or blackout.

#16. If a real estate deal includes the phrases "This old house/building used to be, or was built on" and is followed by "insane asylum; Indian burial ground; ancient Druid temple; Satanic Portal to Hell", chances are those aren't just catchy phrases being used by movitated sellers!

#17. If you go to an island resort and the staff and guests start disappearing one by one... That's not "downsizing", or "unhappy customers". Get on the nearest boat to the mainland ASAP!

#18. If the government offers you a job at a super-secret, secure facility miles from nowwhere, underground, with a minimal staff whose research involves ancient astronauts, cloning, creating intelligent animals, DNA, UFOs, or anything that violates the laws of man and nature (or any combination of these)... Chances are this is not the latest Equal Opportunity Employment Program you've been hearing so much about!

#19. Don't ever go to a death row execution where the criminal being executed has a known history of practicing black magic, Vodoo or devil worship... Because chances are he's going to be walking out of there in your body and you're the one who is going to Hell!

#20. If you are trapped in a house with a knife/chainsaw/hook weilding killer... Never go out the front door. Run upstairs and barricade yourself in. This way it will make it easier for you to each other in a deadly game of cat and mouse.
 

Sutter Cane

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did you write all that?

Oh, I would be so impressed with myself if I write all that but I didn't. I never knew there were such rules for horror movies until a few years ago. There are few rules that was mentioned in Scream series so I thought I should look up for more rules that I forgot and this is what I found at Fan Forum.
 

Grummer

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must been a brain storm session in a group of think tanks or fans high on LSD lol
 

rockin'robin

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Surviving a good horror movie...having someone to share it with you...(never alone)...and a big bowl of popcorn...(I go for the kernals when a scene gets really creepy)...and somebody to hold on to and hide my face when the killer gets too close to the victim.
 

Sutter Cane

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Hehe I would love to be the "somebody" that someone hold on to.

I totally loathe popcorn! I hate that it's considered movie food. I always have to pause a movie and get tooth pick/floss to get the annoying thing out of my teeth, and if I don't do that, I will be easily distracted to keep sucking on it and it just won't get out. Big fat pickle is way better because it's too sour it'll take me an almost entire movie to finish it.

P.S. (extra stuff and contains spoilers) In the beginning of Scream 2, there is a couple that goes to a theater to watch a horror movie called Stab (it's based on the first Scream.) The boyfriend has to go to the bathroom and when he gets back, his girlfriend was getting scared and hides her face behind his shoulder. She feels something wet and was puzzled to see her bloody hands after touching him. BAM the boyfriend (actually it was a different person in the boyfriend's clothes and wears a mask) stabs her multiple times and she then die in front of the audience which they thought was a publicity stunt. Maybe that's the another rule: never go to a theater to watch a horror movie that is based on real life especially when you can wear a costume of a killer from the movie because the killer may be there. Same with Scream 4 where there's a party that does "Stab" marathon and someone almost got killed there.
 

lovezebras

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lol some of those for sure made me laugh.

I swear my old house was haunted..the lights in my room and the spare room would only turn on after a certain time of the day and then I started not being able to sleep...

My old private school was a war hospital and orphanage lol it was VERY haunted and VERY old lol
 

Grummer

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actually true story i lived in an old mental hosptial (deserted) as it was bought out to e use as private means, i was boarding there for 3 months, and kid you not i heard , felt foor steps taking place at night times, Everynight, i try not worry about it (and I didnt worry about it) but wow..i dunno, it is realyl haunted or just rats??? (had a half- hearing with me hat night, she was spooked by it big time), so thats saying quite abit.
 

Sutter Cane

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Haha I wish I was there. It's been a long time since I was truly scared.

About 5 years ago a group of friends and I trespassed to a seemingly haunted building in downtown. One of them wrote a story about our night there and the story is still on the Internet (good thing for copy and paste). It's long but feel free to read.

This is what she wrote...
My body is all sore from the activity last night, haha.

Hassan, Jamie, Me, and Annie went to an old building that was supposed to be "haunted" in downtown last night. It was a huge building with the broken windows. It is a perfect scene for the horror film, I swear!

There was a door that had a face on it which was horribly interesting! =D And I tried to break it down by kicking it but was unsuccessful.

And, we decided to bring the weapons, just in case, if there is a killer live there haha. Not the knife or anything lol. Just steel pipe, wooden pipe and wooden plank. I held a longass steel pipe and pretty heavy. But it is worth it.

And to find a way to get in the building...we had to climb into the building by going in the "first" floor (which was actually a basement) by climbing on the cagey-box thing and once we got there, there was water everywhere on the floor, it's so wet.

And the things in the building were rusted and very deadish look. It was like something out of the horror film! =D

Also, too many noises in the building too. O.O Like there was someone with the chained legs that caused the noises...if you know what i mean. And yes, we're deaf but that doesn't mean we can't hear. >.> And there was a BAM! in the building and lol I held Hassan's arm very tightly, was almost in tears haha. XD I was standing stood there, looking O_O while Jamie was busy using the big flashlight and Annie was shaking lol. Yeah, I was shaking a little too haha.

A couple of times, we found blood in there. Not sure if they're real or not. And there was a white lab jacket there too. O.O I thought that maybe it used to be a hospital? But I doubted because there are a few of Mannequin's limbs everywhere so I figured...that it could be like some kind of a store..I think. =/

More doctor's masks. =/

And lol there was a chair in there too. XD So like a horror film. A school's chair. >.> Up in the ceiling, you can see a big hole...like there was another floor up there. (I think it's a 5-story building).

We got on the second floor...which was more creepier and lol wacky! We thought we saw another blood. More like scattered. On the wall in one of the room. But later it turned out to be a red paint when me and Jamie went in to investigate it. Thank god. But I think the blood was real in the basement. =/

A blood on an outfit was stuck in the wall...pavement?

I accidently hit Hassan in the face from the behind as I moved my steel pipe, not pay attention what was I doing with it.

Anyway, the weirdest part in the second floor is the sign with the words. O.O Someone wrote it. It said: "ITS ME 2 DIE" with some kind of graffiti...i think. And we were like "oooohhhh someone died here! SWEET!"

Until there was another noise and we quickly gathered, together, looking scared. XD Jeez. Pathetic!

And more handgun shot prints in the wall. =/ *smfh* I'm glad we're still alive by now.

For some reason, we got a bad feeling that someone was following us the whole time...so lol fuck that, we got out of the building as quick as possible. XD I stepped on something that's oozing under my shoe...I looked down to see what was it. I think I stepped on a mud but it was something red. O.o Ew. I hope it isn't not what I think it is. Jamie thought it could be blood but it was hard to tell since it was pitch dark in the building, not even a flashlight can help. >.< Fuck it.

And when we got out of the building...we were glad. Jamie was looking annoyed, wanting to go there more. I kept dropping my cell phone for no reasons, ugh. It was cold out there though. For some reason, we decided to look for a drunk woman who told bs stories about the "haunted" building because of what we found in the building.

But I still think it was just a joke...if it is not. Then damn we're screwed.

lol, crazy night! I think we spent 2 hours there, though! =D We decided to go there again to look some more next Saturday, this time, we will bring the REAL weapons. For self-defense.

Anyway, in the middle of the night...Hassan was driving, Jamie, me and Annie were talking...and then BAM! i thought we were in a car accident or something but it wasn't. Hassan fucked up the tire as the car was hit to the corner of the street...hard to explain.

Jamie was pissed off at Hassan, so does Annie.

Now, Annie and I had to go for help and found the people in KFC and lol Annie had an attitude to the Manager since he treated her like she's a dumb person haha.

Anyway,we got a couple of cops to help us to jack the car for changing the tire. =/ Annie and Jamie were giggling as they were busy to watch one of the cops' bum. >.>

Annie: "I think I've fallen in love with him!"

Ha but you wish, girl.

Blah blah, we got home. =)

What a night! Everybody should be happy that I'm still alive haha. XD My mom was busy, yelling at me for doing something soooo dumb. =/ Oh well, still, it was like an adventure.
 

VamPyroX

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Gotta love these rules.

I've see similar rules/lists for other topics like "Movie Rules", "Date Movie Rules", "Action Movie Rules", etc. For instance, a few "Movie Rules" I know of are "The car will never start until the last second." "The woman will always be fully covered while the man will be covered from the waist and below." "The detective who is about to retire will suddenly have one last big case to solve." (and so on...)
 

Sutter Cane

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Oh yeah, cars! In horror movies, car always either shall or won't started at all. In Friday the 13th series (1-8), all of the movies has that except the 8th one.

Another thing that is common in slasher movies is when a female is being chased, they always tripped over something.

Speaking of slasher movies, the reason why Joss Whedon pick a woman to play the vampire slayer is because he's sick of seeing horror movies where blonde women are defenseless. Obviously you know Sarah Michelle Gellar plays Buffy. In Scream 2 and I Know What You Did Last Summer, SMG plays that blonde character. I sadly thought, "She isn't Buffy, she can't throw them across the room. All she can do is run."
 

AlleyCat

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LOL. This was too funny.

But in all seriousness. I have created master blueprints of my home from which I will escape safely and without screaming, be fully clothed and without blood oozing from every port. It only involves a few broken legs or arms. But eh.

:giggle:
 

Sutter Cane

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LOL. This was too funny.

But in all seriousness. I have created master blueprints of my home from which I will escape safely and without screaming, be fully clothed and without blood oozing from every port. It only involves a few broken legs or arms. But eh.

:giggle:

He'll yeah! Always be prepare or you'll end up like those couple in The Strangers. Boy, that was a scary movie.
 
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