10 things you shouldn't say to a deaf person

coolgirlspyer90

coolgirlspyer90

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One of my friends posted this article on facebook. I read this and i thought it sends out a good explaination of things of how we felt about how the hearing treats us. I thought it might be interesting to see what others think about this article. But please, no fighting.


10 Things You Should Never Say to a Deaf Person « Becoming Deaf

Enjoy!
 
I can relate to #4 a lot. Now that I am getting older, I have a tendency to get baby boomers who want to show me the tiny hearing aids that they just got!

It doesn't make me upset. I just think it's funny as they don't realize there is a difference. I try to humor them and compliment them on their style... :P
 
Thank you for sharing my post :)

Most of these just make me laugh. The ones that really frustrate me are usually said by people who've known me for a long time, and just don't get it. I think that there would be a lot less irritating/ignorant things said by strangers, doctors, grocery clerks, etc, if there was just more education.... people just have no clue how to talk to someone with hearing loss. Most of them mean well, but they're clueless.
 
You know I have to disagree with the "You speak really well!" complement. I consider that a high complement if they can't even tell I'm HoH. I have struggled through years of speech therapy as a child and I didn't do all that work just so I can mumble.
 
I don't have a problem with "you speak so well!" - I simple take it as a compliment, and say back "thank you!".

I do speak well, dammit! :lol: as best to my abilities!
Damn if I won't get compliments for it!

It implies that people who don’t have clear speech are less intelligent, capable, or aren’t trying hard enough.

I disagree. People may have same speech problem due to, say,
a mouth disfiguration, i.e birth defect "cleft palate" - does that mean anyone think on the spot they are" less intelligent, capable, or aren’t trying hard enough" - NO.
I feel this is a pre-concived assumption.

I do hate "oh, I am sorry", when people notice my hearing aids and either stop talking or walk away.
wtf is that? what am I, all of a sudden a grieving widow, just orphaned, grew a third arm, a second nose, or some shit like that??
PRICKS!!


#4 - I also got it in migraine version :roll: dunno what's worse, but I think - migraine, hands down. yeah, no contest.

#7 – But, you have hearing aids.

I just use the guitar comparison here -if guitar miss some strings, no matter how much louder you make it, you can't make them louder
if they isn't there. 99% peeps get it.
#8 – Oh, are you going to get that implant thing to fix your hearing?

I also explain - my migraines may suffer, also CI doesn't sound the same as normal hearing. most pple understand, realise it is not miracle cure and leave it at that.

#9 – But you don’t sound deaf.
Thank you ! :)

(what's the point, anyway?)

#6 – Oh, I’m so sorry. Losing my hearing would be the worst thing in the world.

I say-
" it really is not that bad.
I also have migraines, and if I was going to be born again, and was asked what is it- migraines or being deaf- I'd say- deaf, definitely!
You just never needed to, so thus never have a chance to experience what is like to be deaf,
but if you were BORN deaf or HoH it would be normal state of being for you, like being hearing now. Just think about it for a while.
You get used to it, and you accommodate.

And without fail, it stops everyone in their tracks and make them think.
they usually say after a while "well, yeah... maybe.." :)

#3 – Can you read?
I have never ever encountered this - wtf??

#2 – How do you drive?
I turn the key on, and go! :wave:


Fuzzy
 
A Nihilist said:
You know I have to disagree with the "You speak really well!" complement. I consider that a high complement if they can't even tell I'm HoH. I have struggled through years of speech therapy as a child and I didn't do all that work just so I can mumble.
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I was writing my message while you posted yours - looks like we are on the same page, literally and figuratively! :lol:

Fuzzy
 
I haven't clicked on yet, I've just read your posts, I just got told today "you speak beautifully". Uh thanks, but I didn't lose my hearing until I was 20, not much of an accomplishment there lol. What I get a kick out of.....I'm a massage therapist so I have to explain at least a few times a day that I'm HOH and that when they're face down on the table I won't understand a word they're saying, well almost ALWAYS right after I say "I'm HOH" and point at my HA the person will literally take a step forward and look intently at my mouth, like they're going to read my lips or something. Kills me every damn time, I'm thinking....wait, I'm HOH of hearing, not you, wtf are you doing? lol

But the speech thing was a problem before I got my aids. I'd tell them I was HOH and ask them to speak up, and they'd say it exactly the same. after a few times of me asking for a repeat, they'd go "are you serious?" Of course I am!! No I just get a kick out of finding out how many times I can get you to say the same thing. grrr but it's because my speech is normal they wouldn't believe me, because yes people do sound deaf. Actually my audi and sister were discussing the fact that I'm starting to sound more deaf. He was explaining to her that I'm getting nasally, because I can't hear my own voice that well anymore so I'm pushing the sound through my nose so I can feel the vibrations, feel my voice. weird....I had no idea I was doing that:eek3:
 
She didn't put in my biggest pet peeve, granted it's not really an issue with meeting new people, but it's the most irritating thing to her from friends, family and coworkers.

nevermind. I hate hearing that, look I'm sorry you said something to me but didn't bother to get my attention first, then talk to me, so I missed it the first time. But it leaves the feeling that I'm just too annoying, or not worth trying to talk to. :cry:
 
ambrosia said:
She didn't put in my biggest pet peeve, granted it's not really an issue with meeting new people, but it's the most irritating thing to her from friends, family and coworkers.

nevermind. I hate hearing that, look I'm sorry you said something to me but didn't bother to get my attention first, then talk to me, so I missed it the first time. But it leaves the feeling that I'm just too annoying, or not worth trying to talk to. :cry:
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I never got that it was always "forget it" after their second attempt didn't work. My biggest pet peeves usually involved my mother: 1) talking to me from the other room like I could hear her - I'm 44 and she still does this, and 2) asking me in front of the person talking to me "Did you hear what she said? What did she just say." After several times telling her how she embarrassed the crap out of me she finally stopped.


Laura
 
Lau2046 said:
I never got that it was always "forget it" after their second attempt didn't work. My biggest pet peeves usually involved my mother: 1) talking to me from the other room like I could hear her - I'm 44 and she still does this, and 2) asking me in front of the person talking to me "Did you hear what she said? What did she just say." After several times telling her how she embarrassed the crap out of me she finally stopped.


Laura
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omg that's horrible!!! My soon to be ex turd husband....I've been losing my hearing the entire 14 years we were together, and he'd do that to me, talk to me from the other room. Or he'd talk to me while he was walking away from me, or with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth. Okay dude, for one thing you're mumbling wicked bad doing that, and how the heck can I read your lips like that, and then he'd get annoyed with me because I couldn't understand him

On the other hand....we'd get in fights, which he'd start. I am 100% positive that he's manic depressive, but he's never been to see a doctor, but anyway, he'd just go on and on and on about stuff. Ive turned my HA waaay down before haha or the last few times we got in fights before I left him, I'd say you know what, I'm done here and take my hearing aid out and go to bed. One night after I did that he was stood over the bed and was screaming at me. I couldn't hear a thing but I could feel the vibrations and I don't even want to say his breath, more like the damn wind he creating with his mouth blowing across me from him screaming. But I didn't have to listen to him anymore :laugh2::laugh2:
 
When I was in college, I took a writing course. For some reason, part of it involved students critiquing each other's work. On the whole, most people were nice, except this one kid that just ripped into everyone's writing till they felt like nothing. It was cruel and one woman had emotional problems and that was beyond what should have been tolerated. She had to drop out of the course; he was allowed to remain and incredibly the teacher did nothing to tell this guy to shut the Hell up. I knew how he was, and so I wrote about something to do with my hearing and how the world sounded to me. I was ready for him when it was his turn to speak and I turned my hearing aids off. Then one of the girls in the class who was on to what I was doing mouthed "Turn them back on!" Turns out he had only complementary things to say about my story. Go figure.... :D
 
I absolutely HATE the "you speak so well" comment.

What it USUALLY really seems to mean is "I don't think you're that deaf, you must be exaggerating/pretending".

With people I know, or will spend time with in the future, I almost always politely explain that it actaully works against me more than anything else ... people always assume that because I "speak hearing", it means that I must have hearing that is "almost like a hearing person" instead of my reality which is (if we play the "percent game") that I have about 30% of normal hearing on a "good day", and APD on top of that.


I'd rather get the "can you read" or "can you drive" question any day of the week if I could shake the stupid "you speak so well" statement I typically get.
 
With age, I've learned (and still learning) to ignore the ignorants....when you're young and HOH or deaf....you're gonna be seeing these comments over and over.....as you age, it gets boring and somewhat tedious. So many people associate being HOH or even deaf, is due to ageing....

Never forget one incident that did happen to me when someone said...."you speak so well!" (for being deaf)....so I answered back (not using my voice), saying "Thank You...and it's nice of you to say that"....she responded...."what?"...so I repeated it (not using my voice)...and said..."what's the matter? can't you read lips"?....Well, that left her "wondering" about her own Hearing...
 
rockin'robin said:
With age, I've learned (and still learning) to ignore the ignorants....when you're young and HOH or deaf....you're gonna be seeing these comments over and over.....as you age, it gets boring and somewhat tedious. So many people associate being HOH or even deaf, is due to ageing....

Never forget one incident that did happen to me when someone said...."you speak so well!" (for being deaf)....so I answered back (not using my voice), saying "Thank You...and it's nice of you to say that"....she responded...."what?"...so I repeated it (not using my voice)...and said..."what's the matter? can't you read lips"?....Well, that left her "wondering" about her own Hearing...
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:laugh2: ahhahaha i love that story!!

I remember in high school i was in the bathroom on my lunch hour from school, and there was a girl that came into the bathroom and started randomly talking to me and she was talking so fast i couldn't keep up with her or even understand her. So, i said to the girl "wait what are you talking about?" and she rolled her eyes and said back: "what? are you deaf or something?" and i replied "actually, yeah I am" pointing to my CIs and she became so red and she quickly washed her hands, grabbed her stuff and left the bathroom.
 
oh dear i am guilty,profoundly deaf myself my husband loosing hearing i loosing temper with him he very selective, he can get nhs h/a but refuse make me so cross
 
Anij said:
I absolutely HATE the "you speak so well" comment.

What it USUALLY really seems to mean is "I don't think you're that deaf, you must be exaggerating/pretending".
Click to expand...

I was wondering, have you ever asked/ talked to the person who said that
what does he/she mean by this?

Because to me it means something else entirely - that someone can't believe that I triumph over my obvious lack of hearing ability, and still learn to speak so well,
and that's a damn great achievement! :)

And if someone still said "yeah, I think you have to hear better in order to speak so well" - I would reply -
"well there is such a thing called INTELLIGENCE. You can do anything if you are intelligent. anything. even learn to speak while being totally deaf"

If that someone happens to be total azz, and insist it's impossible you can say - well, as I've said- intelligence helps you to do anything- understand difficult things, too. seems to me you can't get it, too bad...." lolol

Fuzzy
 
My experience is a little different. Since my hearing loss was sudden and due to illness, I get "I am sorry" a lot. So far that has not bothered me. When I get around family who we do not see very often, they forget that I am deaf and tell me it is because I still speak "normal". I tend to be the one who says "forget it" with my hubby because I get tired of him trying to explain something. I am sure if I went out more by myself things would be exactly like you all describe. I do understand what you all mean.
 
Can honestly say that none of these would bother me. I actually see most of them as good conversation starters (except #1 of course. Lol)
 
I get customers who writes on paper asking---"can you speak". I pointed to paper. He did buy bike for my asking price. I don't worry about the gauntlet I have to go through. See, if I sell a bike, great. If I don't sell bike, ok. I move on. I've learned to not take communication issues personally.
 
Wirelessly posted (Blackberry Bold )

Fuzzy - yup, I've asked them. What they mean is "I don't believe you are actually really hoh/deaf, I think you're trying to get off the hook for ignoring me talking to you!"

Yup - always nice for people to accuse you of lying & wearing a HA "for fun".
 
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