From URL: http://www.lisawhelchel.com/coffee.html
May 19, 2004
One of the most fun events of a MomTime Get-A-Way is
the “Celebration Party.” It is during this time that
the focus is on laughter as good medicine. One of the
favorite parts is when we read a handful of answers to
the questions moms fill out upon registration, “Tell
us about one of the funniest times your child has done
something to embarrass you.”
I’ve collected these over the last few Get-A-Ways and
I thought perhaps you could use a good belly laugh
today. (Be forewarned, these are read before a
ballroom full of moms so if you are a guy or a
youngster you may want to proceed with caution. The
remainder of this journal entry is overflowing with
estrogen!)
During an upbeat song in church, my two year old son
got in the diaper bag and pulled out my tampon,
unwrapped it and was swinging it around by the string
to the beat!
One Sunday morning during church my son got into my
purse, pulled out a Kotex, unwrapped it and stuck it
to my back like a sticker. I didn’t find out until
after the service was over.
News report of Hollywood having a hard time filling
the middle age women/angry roles because of Botox
injections. My children said rather loudly, “Mom,
you’d be great at that!”
I explained to my daughter that the Kotex she found in
the bathroom were napkins that were used on special
occasions. Many months later we had our pastor and his
wife over for dinner and my daughter set the table
with the “special occasion napkins.”
In a full, loaded grocery store, my daughter was
sitting the grocery cart seat and pooted really,
really, loudly and then yelled, “Excuse you, Mommy!”
My 8-year-old son in an attempt to be a funny
practical joker made a sign for my back that said,
“Call me for a REAL good time!” I wore it around town
while running errands all day and nobody mentioned it
to me.
I sent my 4-year-old boy to the public washroom for
the first time, alone. He went poo-poo in the men’s
urinal thinking it was the toilet. A man came out and
said, “ I think you should go in.” I went in and saw
my little boy sitting and not able to get out.”
My husband is a triathlete and was modeling a new
“Speedo” bathing suit in front of my 7-year-old
daughter. She asked, “What was in Daddy’s pants? Did
he go poop in front or what?”
When my daughter was 2 she told everybody that her
daddy had a tail after she took a shower with him. It
was the last shower with her daddy.
My son told a man collecting funds to help people get
off drugs that I was on drugs. He was four and I was
taking cold medicine. The more I tried to convince the
guy I wasn’t…the more he thought I was.
My son, Brady, was about 2 ½ years old. We were
shopping and a lady bent down to pick up something off
the floor and he slapped her on the rump.
My little girl went to church all dolled up with lacey
dress and socks and hair bow and stood up on the pew
before church began and lifted up dress and said,
“Look Mom, I have no panties on.
When Alaina was about 4-years-old someone kept calling
her a bully. She jerked her panties down and dress up
and stated, “I don’t have bully parts; I’m a girl!”
When being interviewed for Kindergarten by his
teacher, he was asked, “Does your Mommy work?” “No,”
he answered, “Well, what does she do?” Well. She tans
and she emails and she works out.” “Oh, what kind of
exercise does she do?” “I don’t know, she just comes
home all sweaty!” Yep…that’s all I do!
I once had to call the Dr. because my one-year-old bit
my 2-year-old on his “toot-toot.” Imagine trying to
explain that.
Emily saw a man in a wheelchair and screamed, “Mommy,
I want a stroller like that.”
When he was 3, we were getting ready for morning
worship, I played the piano and my husband led
singing. He told his Dad that he had to go potty. My
husband said go ahead you don’t need help. He pulled
his pants down right there in front of the sanctuary
and walked down the middle aisle to the back of the
church.
Getting in front of people at church and when I was
asked if I smoke or drink coffee because my teeth were
so white, my child said, “No, but she drinks beer.”
My 2-year-old let everyone at Wal-Mart know that
“Mommy Peeed her pants and needs a “Pull-up” please!”
My daughter and son were at my sister-in-laws house
for about an hour. I was nursing my daughter at the
time. While I was away she began to cry. Since my son
thought that she was hungry, he told his aunt that he
needed to call me. She asked why. His reply was, “My
mom needs to bring her boobs home so Brooklyn can
eat.”
In a public restroom my 3-year-old asked me why I had
Bo’s (the black Lab dog we own) hair all over down
there.
While showing off our new baby at work a coworker
asked my 3-year-old if she could take the new baby
home. My 3-year-old looks up and asks, “Do you have
any breast milk?”
We were in a grocery store shopping at Christmas time
and encountered a middle Eastern woman with the head
covering on and my 3-year-old son said very loudly,
“Look, Mommy, it’s Mary!”
My daughter slept over at her friend’s house and they
have a dog that was breathing all over her. Abigail
said, “My mommy’s breath smells like that when she
wakes up, too.”
My 4-year-old took a shower with my husband and
announced the next day to his Sunday School class that
his Dad had fur!
In a public bathroom my kids were with me in the stall
and they said rather loudly, “Wow, Mom, your bottom is
falling off the potty.”
I spank my children and when I picked him up from
preschool I walked in during show and tell and he was
using his belt to show everyone how he gets spanked.
Our neighbor was out smoking one day and my daughter
knew that smoking was bad. So, out of her mouth came,
“Mr. Sweet, you are killing yourself! My Mommy says
that every time she sees you smoking!”
I was in Wal-Mart with my son and daughter. When my
daughter was young I nursed her. When we passed by the
bras my son said, “Look, mom, - bottle holders!”
After a brief conversation about why/how I was
breastfeeding his new brother my son said, “I know,
Mommy, you’re a big sippy cup!”
One day at my father-in-laws house a man was there to
help sell their house when my daughter said as loudly
as she could, “Mom, is that guy pregnant cause he sure
has a big belly!”
In a public restroom my daughter asked rather loudly,
“Why do you have to have that string on your bottom?”
We had been to a Champagne Brunch with family at a
Casino restaurant. Several months later in Sunday
School, my daughter’s teacher was giving a testimony
re: her father who drank and quit when he came to the
Lord. When asked if anyone wanted to share, my
daughter said, “My mom only drinks alcohol sometimes
and that’s only at the Casino.”
May 19, 2004
One of the most fun events of a MomTime Get-A-Way is
the “Celebration Party.” It is during this time that
the focus is on laughter as good medicine. One of the
favorite parts is when we read a handful of answers to
the questions moms fill out upon registration, “Tell
us about one of the funniest times your child has done
something to embarrass you.”
I’ve collected these over the last few Get-A-Ways and
I thought perhaps you could use a good belly laugh
today. (Be forewarned, these are read before a
ballroom full of moms so if you are a guy or a
youngster you may want to proceed with caution. The
remainder of this journal entry is overflowing with
estrogen!)
During an upbeat song in church, my two year old son
got in the diaper bag and pulled out my tampon,
unwrapped it and was swinging it around by the string
to the beat!
One Sunday morning during church my son got into my
purse, pulled out a Kotex, unwrapped it and stuck it
to my back like a sticker. I didn’t find out until
after the service was over.
News report of Hollywood having a hard time filling
the middle age women/angry roles because of Botox
injections. My children said rather loudly, “Mom,
you’d be great at that!”
I explained to my daughter that the Kotex she found in
the bathroom were napkins that were used on special
occasions. Many months later we had our pastor and his
wife over for dinner and my daughter set the table
with the “special occasion napkins.”
In a full, loaded grocery store, my daughter was
sitting the grocery cart seat and pooted really,
really, loudly and then yelled, “Excuse you, Mommy!”
My 8-year-old son in an attempt to be a funny
practical joker made a sign for my back that said,
“Call me for a REAL good time!” I wore it around town
while running errands all day and nobody mentioned it
to me.
I sent my 4-year-old boy to the public washroom for
the first time, alone. He went poo-poo in the men’s
urinal thinking it was the toilet. A man came out and
said, “ I think you should go in.” I went in and saw
my little boy sitting and not able to get out.”
My husband is a triathlete and was modeling a new
“Speedo” bathing suit in front of my 7-year-old
daughter. She asked, “What was in Daddy’s pants? Did
he go poop in front or what?”
When my daughter was 2 she told everybody that her
daddy had a tail after she took a shower with him. It
was the last shower with her daddy.
My son told a man collecting funds to help people get
off drugs that I was on drugs. He was four and I was
taking cold medicine. The more I tried to convince the
guy I wasn’t…the more he thought I was.
My son, Brady, was about 2 ½ years old. We were
shopping and a lady bent down to pick up something off
the floor and he slapped her on the rump.
My little girl went to church all dolled up with lacey
dress and socks and hair bow and stood up on the pew
before church began and lifted up dress and said,
“Look Mom, I have no panties on.
When Alaina was about 4-years-old someone kept calling
her a bully. She jerked her panties down and dress up
and stated, “I don’t have bully parts; I’m a girl!”
When being interviewed for Kindergarten by his
teacher, he was asked, “Does your Mommy work?” “No,”
he answered, “Well, what does she do?” Well. She tans
and she emails and she works out.” “Oh, what kind of
exercise does she do?” “I don’t know, she just comes
home all sweaty!” Yep…that’s all I do!
I once had to call the Dr. because my one-year-old bit
my 2-year-old on his “toot-toot.” Imagine trying to
explain that.
Emily saw a man in a wheelchair and screamed, “Mommy,
I want a stroller like that.”
When he was 3, we were getting ready for morning
worship, I played the piano and my husband led
singing. He told his Dad that he had to go potty. My
husband said go ahead you don’t need help. He pulled
his pants down right there in front of the sanctuary
and walked down the middle aisle to the back of the
church.
Getting in front of people at church and when I was
asked if I smoke or drink coffee because my teeth were
so white, my child said, “No, but she drinks beer.”
My 2-year-old let everyone at Wal-Mart know that
“Mommy Peeed her pants and needs a “Pull-up” please!”
My daughter and son were at my sister-in-laws house
for about an hour. I was nursing my daughter at the
time. While I was away she began to cry. Since my son
thought that she was hungry, he told his aunt that he
needed to call me. She asked why. His reply was, “My
mom needs to bring her boobs home so Brooklyn can
eat.”
In a public restroom my 3-year-old asked me why I had
Bo’s (the black Lab dog we own) hair all over down
there.
While showing off our new baby at work a coworker
asked my 3-year-old if she could take the new baby
home. My 3-year-old looks up and asks, “Do you have
any breast milk?”
We were in a grocery store shopping at Christmas time
and encountered a middle Eastern woman with the head
covering on and my 3-year-old son said very loudly,
“Look, Mommy, it’s Mary!”
My daughter slept over at her friend’s house and they
have a dog that was breathing all over her. Abigail
said, “My mommy’s breath smells like that when she
wakes up, too.”
My 4-year-old took a shower with my husband and
announced the next day to his Sunday School class that
his Dad had fur!
In a public bathroom my kids were with me in the stall
and they said rather loudly, “Wow, Mom, your bottom is
falling off the potty.”
I spank my children and when I picked him up from
preschool I walked in during show and tell and he was
using his belt to show everyone how he gets spanked.
Our neighbor was out smoking one day and my daughter
knew that smoking was bad. So, out of her mouth came,
“Mr. Sweet, you are killing yourself! My Mommy says
that every time she sees you smoking!”
I was in Wal-Mart with my son and daughter. When my
daughter was young I nursed her. When we passed by the
bras my son said, “Look, mom, - bottle holders!”
After a brief conversation about why/how I was
breastfeeding his new brother my son said, “I know,
Mommy, you’re a big sippy cup!”
One day at my father-in-laws house a man was there to
help sell their house when my daughter said as loudly
as she could, “Mom, is that guy pregnant cause he sure
has a big belly!”
In a public restroom my daughter asked rather loudly,
“Why do you have to have that string on your bottom?”
We had been to a Champagne Brunch with family at a
Casino restaurant. Several months later in Sunday
School, my daughter’s teacher was giving a testimony
re: her father who drank and quit when he came to the
Lord. When asked if anyone wanted to share, my
daughter said, “My mom only drinks alcohol sometimes
and that’s only at the Casino.”
Yeah, kids sure say the zaniest things! Shocking, but funny! 
