Awauphi
Active Member
- Joined
- Apr 29, 2003
- Messages
- 10,225
- Reaction score
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Frannie went to the doctor, saying she had a problem with her aviaries.The doctor said, "Frannie, you're being silly. You mean ovaries.Aviaries are where you find birds."Frannie shook her head and said she meant *aviaries*.Not prepared to argue, the doctor told her to get on the couch for aninspection. After a quick look, he said, "Well, Frannie, you're right!There's been a cockatoo in there."
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A college professor is explaining to his class that pleasure is a mental state, and that many people overlook the things they already have. He explains, "A man who has developed a true sense of appreciation canenjoy a good bowel movement as much as having sexual intercourse." Little Johnny stands up and says, "Professor, either you don't know how to fuck, or I don't know how to shit."
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The world's greatest truck driver was driving along a country lane lateone night when his truck broke down. So he headed towards an oldfarmhouse and knocked on the door. "Hello," Kurt says, "I'm the greatest truck driver in the world and my truck has broken down, Iwonder could I have a bed for the night?" "Well," says Norm, "there's only two rooms, meself and the wife in one,and my nineteen year old daughter in the other." "Look, I'm the greatest truck driver in the world and all I want is a bed for the night, your daughter will be safe." Kurt says. "All right," Norm replies and they all go to bed. At four in the morning, the farmer heard the headboard in the next roombanging against the wall. He got up and looked in, there was the truckdriver driving it into his daughter, with his bare butt going up and down.So, Norm went down stairs and loaded the shotgun. He snuck into the room and pointed the gun at the trucker. "All right,then," he says, "if you're the greatest truck driver in the world, reverse out of there with a full load!!==========================================================
How do you get your husband interested in oral sex?Douche with beer.
======================================================
"This is Captain Sinclair speaking. On behalf of my crew I'd like towelcome you aboard So-So Airline flight 602 from New York toPunta Cana. We are currently flying at a eight of 35,000 feet going South the Atlantic. "If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire. "If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe thatthe port wing has fallen off. "If you look down towards the Atlantic ocean, you will see a little yellowlife raft with three people in it waving at you. "That's me your captain, the co-pilot, and one of the air stewardesses.This is a recorded message."
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After giving a man his annual physical, the doctor said,"You had a great checkup. Is there anything that you'd liketo talk about or ask me?""Well," the man replied, "I was thinking about getting avasectomy."The doctor warned, "That's a pretty big decision. Have you talked it over with your family?""Yeah, and they're in favor of it 15 to 2."
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A salesman, tired of his job, gave it up to become a policeman. Severalmonths later, a friend asked him how he liked his new role."Well," he replied, "the pay sucks and the hours are lousy, but what IDO like is that the customer is always wrong."
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Bubba from the lower valley decided he wanted to get married, and brought up the subject with his Ma and Pa over grits and gravy the other night. "Bubba," Ma said, "you can't get married yet. Why, you're the baby ofthe family." "But Ma," Bubba protested, "I had my 38th birthday jest last week." "We know that, Bubba," Pa chimed in. "But your Ma and me think youshould put off getting married until after you graduate from highschool." ==========================================================
The blind daters had really hit it off and, at the end of the evening as they were beginning to undress each other in his apartment, the fellow said, "Before we go any further, Charlene, tell me do you haveany special fetishes that I should take into account in bed?""As a matter of fact," smiled the girl, "I do happen to have a foot fetish but I suppose I'd settle for maybe seven or eight inches."
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Old Henry has been sick for quite some time, and could no longer stand the doldrums he was in, so he decided to see his good friend, Dr. Herb Cohen. After a thorough examination, Dr. Cohen told his friend, "Henry, you have a very rare disease and the only thing that can help you is to have a daily drink of fresh milk from a young mother." That didn't sound too bad to Henry, and after several days of looking for the right person, they found a young mother who was willing to sellher milk. So, for the first couple of days Henry showed up at thebeautiful young lady's house at 2:00 sharp, and proceeded to imbibe of the woman's breast milk. On the fifth day, the young lady was beginning to get accustomed to Henry, and with him nuzzling her breasts, she was becoming a bit erotic.So, as Henry was about to finish drinking the milk of the woman that day, she said to him seductively, "Well, Henry, is there anything elseyou would like?"Henry thought for a moment, and then replied, "Yes, If you would be sokind, and it's not too much trouble, maybe an Oreo cookie?"
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Why do men need instant replay on TV sports?Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.
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Blonde Moments!
An older couple are playing in the annual golf club championship. They are playing in a playoff hole and the championship comes down to a 6 inch putt which the wife has to make. The woman is trembling as she takes her stance. Then, she putts and...misses. They lose the match.On the way home in the car, the woman's husband is fuming,"I cannot believe you missed that putt! That putt was no longer than my dick!"The woman looks over at her husband, smiles and replies,"Yes dear, but it was much harder!"
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What do you call a Brunette with two Blondes? A Translator.
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There were three young priests about to take their final vows. The last test that they had to pass was the celibacy test. For this, all three had to strip naked and tie a little bell around their member. A belly dancer entered the room and started slinking around the firstpriest. "Ting-a-ling" The chief priest said, "oh Patrick, I'm disappointed, you have failed, go and take a cold shower." The belly dancer had stripped as far as her last veil for the second guy, when the chief priest heard, "Ting-a-ling." Robert, I'm very disappointed. You can't resist the temptation of a woman. Go for a cold shower, said the chief priest. The belly dancer started dancing totally naked now around the last priest. She did everything erotic she could think of, but no bell rang !! John, I'm delighted. You've passed ! You can resist the temptation of a woman. Now, go and relax and take a shower with Patrick and Robert. "Ting-a-ling," "Ting-a-ling," "Ting-aling"
got this via email..
==========================================================
A college professor is explaining to his class that pleasure is a mental state, and that many people overlook the things they already have. He explains, "A man who has developed a true sense of appreciation canenjoy a good bowel movement as much as having sexual intercourse." Little Johnny stands up and says, "Professor, either you don't know how to fuck, or I don't know how to shit."
======================================================
The world's greatest truck driver was driving along a country lane lateone night when his truck broke down. So he headed towards an oldfarmhouse and knocked on the door. "Hello," Kurt says, "I'm the greatest truck driver in the world and my truck has broken down, Iwonder could I have a bed for the night?" "Well," says Norm, "there's only two rooms, meself and the wife in one,and my nineteen year old daughter in the other." "Look, I'm the greatest truck driver in the world and all I want is a bed for the night, your daughter will be safe." Kurt says. "All right," Norm replies and they all go to bed. At four in the morning, the farmer heard the headboard in the next roombanging against the wall. He got up and looked in, there was the truckdriver driving it into his daughter, with his bare butt going up and down.So, Norm went down stairs and loaded the shotgun. He snuck into the room and pointed the gun at the trucker. "All right,then," he says, "if you're the greatest truck driver in the world, reverse out of there with a full load!!==========================================================
How do you get your husband interested in oral sex?Douche with beer.
======================================================
"This is Captain Sinclair speaking. On behalf of my crew I'd like towelcome you aboard So-So Airline flight 602 from New York toPunta Cana. We are currently flying at a eight of 35,000 feet going South the Atlantic. "If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire. "If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe thatthe port wing has fallen off. "If you look down towards the Atlantic ocean, you will see a little yellowlife raft with three people in it waving at you. "That's me your captain, the co-pilot, and one of the air stewardesses.This is a recorded message."
==================================================
After giving a man his annual physical, the doctor said,"You had a great checkup. Is there anything that you'd liketo talk about or ask me?""Well," the man replied, "I was thinking about getting avasectomy."The doctor warned, "That's a pretty big decision. Have you talked it over with your family?""Yeah, and they're in favor of it 15 to 2."
=========================================================
A salesman, tired of his job, gave it up to become a policeman. Severalmonths later, a friend asked him how he liked his new role."Well," he replied, "the pay sucks and the hours are lousy, but what IDO like is that the customer is always wrong."
====================================================
Bubba from the lower valley decided he wanted to get married, and brought up the subject with his Ma and Pa over grits and gravy the other night. "Bubba," Ma said, "you can't get married yet. Why, you're the baby ofthe family." "But Ma," Bubba protested, "I had my 38th birthday jest last week." "We know that, Bubba," Pa chimed in. "But your Ma and me think youshould put off getting married until after you graduate from highschool." ==========================================================
The blind daters had really hit it off and, at the end of the evening as they were beginning to undress each other in his apartment, the fellow said, "Before we go any further, Charlene, tell me do you haveany special fetishes that I should take into account in bed?""As a matter of fact," smiled the girl, "I do happen to have a foot fetish but I suppose I'd settle for maybe seven or eight inches."
==========================================================
Old Henry has been sick for quite some time, and could no longer stand the doldrums he was in, so he decided to see his good friend, Dr. Herb Cohen. After a thorough examination, Dr. Cohen told his friend, "Henry, you have a very rare disease and the only thing that can help you is to have a daily drink of fresh milk from a young mother." That didn't sound too bad to Henry, and after several days of looking for the right person, they found a young mother who was willing to sellher milk. So, for the first couple of days Henry showed up at thebeautiful young lady's house at 2:00 sharp, and proceeded to imbibe of the woman's breast milk. On the fifth day, the young lady was beginning to get accustomed to Henry, and with him nuzzling her breasts, she was becoming a bit erotic.So, as Henry was about to finish drinking the milk of the woman that day, she said to him seductively, "Well, Henry, is there anything elseyou would like?"Henry thought for a moment, and then replied, "Yes, If you would be sokind, and it's not too much trouble, maybe an Oreo cookie?"
==========================================================
Why do men need instant replay on TV sports?Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.
==================================================
Blonde Moments!
An older couple are playing in the annual golf club championship. They are playing in a playoff hole and the championship comes down to a 6 inch putt which the wife has to make. The woman is trembling as she takes her stance. Then, she putts and...misses. They lose the match.On the way home in the car, the woman's husband is fuming,"I cannot believe you missed that putt! That putt was no longer than my dick!"The woman looks over at her husband, smiles and replies,"Yes dear, but it was much harder!"
================================================
What do you call a Brunette with two Blondes? A Translator.
==========================================
There were three young priests about to take their final vows. The last test that they had to pass was the celibacy test. For this, all three had to strip naked and tie a little bell around their member. A belly dancer entered the room and started slinking around the firstpriest. "Ting-a-ling" The chief priest said, "oh Patrick, I'm disappointed, you have failed, go and take a cold shower." The belly dancer had stripped as far as her last veil for the second guy, when the chief priest heard, "Ting-a-ling." Robert, I'm very disappointed. You can't resist the temptation of a woman. Go for a cold shower, said the chief priest. The belly dancer started dancing totally naked now around the last priest. She did everything erotic she could think of, but no bell rang !! John, I'm delighted. You've passed ! You can resist the temptation of a woman. Now, go and relax and take a shower with Patrick and Robert. "Ting-a-ling," "Ting-a-ling," "Ting-aling"
got this via email..