He is there, always there. He is in the background of almost every dream. I dream many times each night and why he is always there is a mystery to me. I started to see him when I was 22. I do not know if he had been there before that. I have always dreamed many times each night. I have the ability to remember most of what I dream. It is his face that is always there. This wolf. He is large and gray…silver really, but his color is not as important as his size. He is so large that it scares me. He never comes close but always watches me. I notice him more when the dream is unpleasant. He is not what makes the dream unpleasant, just as always he is just there in the background watching me. There are times that I feel he is in as much danger as I, and I look to make sure he is still there to reassure my self that I am still ok. He has never once left my site in these dreams, good or bad he has been through it all, and watch me through my troubled sleep.
The wolf appeared nightly, and I got used to him being there. He never approached me nor did I try to approach him. He was just there and I accepted him. The presence of something always being there does not scare me, or cause me concern, as I like routine and it was a way to know I was dreaming.
Olympia Washington. What a horrible place. I have a beautiful house in the woods, and I am alone with my son. My husband will join me in 3 months. I do not have to work, and can spend all my time cooking, cleaning and being a mother. I build snowmen, and cut firewood. Yet I am unhappy here, and know that I can not go on living in this State. I hang on until my husband joins me. 3 nights before his homecoming, I am very wistful. I put Michael to bed, and make some hot chocolate. I curl up in front of the fire place. I can see the snow falling out the back sliding door in the woods that are my backyard, and instead of the warm fireplace, I want to be in those woods and hear and feel the snow fall. I grab a jacket, gloves and hand gun and go out the slider to the woods. I walk for about 3 minutes and find a log that looks like a great place to sit in the moonlight and watch the snow fall. I had been sitting for about 20 minutes when I became aware of someone or something watching me. Being no stranger to the woods I knew not to jump up and run, less I might look like an attractive meal to whatever was watching me. I scanned the woods, and what was peaceful and full of light from the moon only moments before, now looked dark and frightening. While I scanned my surroundings I listened, not for the usual, but for the unusual. Then I saw it, about twenty yards to my right. A wolf. A big huge wolf. Looking right at me. I sat as still as my racing heart would allow me, I was sure the wolf could hear my heart, as it sounded like a train to me. I tried to control my breathing knowing like a dog a wolf would sense my fear. I slowly reached into my pocket and felt the gun. I locked my fingers around it, and slowly pulled it out. I heard a sound, and so does the wolf because we both look to my left. All I can think is oh no another wolf and they distracted me, and now they are going to eat me. Yet when I look at the wolf his eyes are on the spot that the noise came from. I do not see anything. I do not know what to do. The wolf looks at me again, and looks towards my house, as if telling me I should start walking back there. Having no other ideas and really no other options I start to slowly back towards my house, my hand on the gun, looking at the wolf. The wolf is looking at the place where the noise came from. About ten feet from the sliding door I see the wolf shoot off in the direction that the noise had come from. I dove for the door. Once inside I quickly locked the door and sat down. Wow what an experience. I almost died. That wolf could have eaten me in a minute. I go to bed thinking about the wolf. I dream that night, and once again the wolf is there, yet this time I know he is more real to me. I have seen him. He does not do anything unusual in my dream that night, just the same as always; he stands around in the background watching. I awake the next morning from a very hard sleep to Michael shaking me. He says the police are at the door and want to talk to me. WHAT! I jump up and put on a robe and go to the door. I can see police at my back sliding door, and police and dogs in the woods too. I ask the officer what is happening. He asks to come inside, and have a look around. I ask him why. He tells me that a woman two houses down has been raped last night and the intruder came from the woods. I tell him to look as I sit down. I am suddenly thinking back to the night before and what happened in the woods. The officer goes upstairs and returns. He asks if anyone had hurt me. I told him no. He starts to tell me that the detectives have found some strange footprints and paw prints in the woods right behind my house as well as 2 sets of footprints leading up to my back door with blood drops. I start to stammer and try telling the officer what had happened in the woods the night before. He is asking questions, but they do not make sense. No there was only me, and a wolf and a noise. He is talking with a detective, and is not telling him what I mean….I am telling the detective what happened, and he is looking at me like I am crazy. The officer and the detective are talking in hushed tones looking at me; a female officer comes and leads me to my room. No I tell her you do not understand… and then the detective and the officer and the female are telling “ma’am the best we can figure from the scene, is that you went outside, and the rapist was watching you. That wolf must have seen him and attacked him, because the blood is human, defiantly human.” No I say I saw the wolf if he attacked something it was not by my door, he was chasing something; he was running away from the house not towards it. The detective leads me back down the stairs and out the back slider; I show him where I was and where the wolf was. He then proceeds to show me the tracks that I am unaware of and the blood spots, or shall I say pools. I can clearly see the tracks of a foot much larger than my own foot leading right up to my slider. I can also see the tracks of the wolf coming from the same direction as my own footprints from last night. I can also see where the wolf and the large tracks meet and it looks like a struggle took place or so it seems from the blood. All I can do is stare. The female officer leads me back in to the house and seats me on the couch. She tells me they have not caught the suspect yet but they do have alerts at the hospitals so that if this clearly injured man shows up at the hospital they will arrest him. From the amount of blood they feel he will in all likelihood show up somewhere soon. They leave me a card and tell me if I have any problems to call them. I look at the officer and say “do you realize that that wolf saved my life. I am sure that the sound “we” heard was the rapist,” “yes” says the female officer, “I just wasn’t sure you were ready to hear it.” “Hear it, I lived it…that wolf saved me last night….” They left, and sat dazed. 2 weeks later I moved from Washington back to California. I have given very little to no thought to that wolf.
I never thought much about the wolf in my dreams, nor have I been particularly drawn to wolves. I do not stop and admire wolf art, nor do I own anything with a wolf. I have never tried to analyze why this wolf that is there in my dreams. Until the day my Michael came home from a weekend with his father and told me he knew what he wanted to get his father for Christmas. I asked him what? He replied, “a wolf statue, because my dad likes wolves and says they watch over him and me.” I just looked at my son, and I thought could it be, is it my son in my dreams? Is he watching over me, and walking the journey with me? I was confused, as I had not put much time or effort into this whole wolf in my dreams thing. Yet when I thought about the wolf in Washington and the wolf in my dreams, I knew that I had nothing to fear, that this wolf was there to protect me. I took Michael shopping for his wolf statue. We found a store that had maybe 20 different statues and figurines that he could choose from. Michael saw the one he liked. It was the wolf in my dream, the wolf from Washington. I asked him, “why this one?” and he relied, “this one feels safe.” I told him I knew for a fact that the wolf he had chose was a very strong and a powerful wolf and would serve him well if he wanted protection. He just smiled his little boy smile and bounced off to the register. I have always felt that God gave me Michael to answer all the big questions and great mysteries of life. Once again God had that wonderful child show me the light.
I have to say I have not thought much about my wolf in years. He is still always there in my dreams, or at least I think he is, for when I take the time to look for him he is always there.
On May 22, 2006 I have contacted a man on Yahoo personals. He has not sent me a reply so I do a little investigative work. I find his email address on yahoo, and interesting enough his screen name is wildwolfbryson____. A wolf… hmmm this is interesting. That night I dream and see my wolf… only this time he is not far away…he is closer than he has ever been. This unnerves me as I do not feel safe with him so close. I have a fitful night of sleep and the wolf is always close in my dreams, looking at me like there is something that needs to be said.
Friday June 2, 2003. Willy has told me to look at his my space site…name “wildwolf”
Makes me wonder.
Saturday June 3, 2006. I can not sleep. My thoughts are filled with Willy. I sleep for 30 minutes or so and wake up. I am annoyed. I hear the wolf howling in my dreams, yet I can not see him. Awake asleep, awake asleep. Finally around 4:30am I drop off to sleep. I dream almost right away. There he is, the wolf. This time he is not in the background. I am sitting on a hill, I think it is on Highway 84, and I am looking out to the hills watching the sun sink behind the mountains. The wolf is standing to my right, and he takes a few steps towards me and stops. He continues doing this until he is a few feet away. He then drops to his belly and crawls until he is right next to me. For some reason I am crying in my dream. The wolf nudges his head under my arm…I know I am safe and wrap my arms around him, and hug him close. I continue to cry and the wolf is there to comfort me and keep me safe. When I am done crying the wolf lays his head across my leg and sleeps. I softly stroke his head. After a while he stands, looks me in the eye and walks away. When I leave the hill he is off in the distance as always watching me. I wake up and I feel different. Lighter, free, I don’t know, just as if some burden is lifted. I put little thought to it, as today I am seeing Willy.
The day is not going well. Instead of spending the whole day with Willy I have spent most of the day shopping and waiting for Willy. No big deal. We are meeting at a hotel. I am not sure if this is too soon to make love with him, yet I feel I must. Is it the fact that I have not had sex in 7 years or is it a real attraction. When I see him I feel warmth from my head to my toes. He makes me smile more than I thought possible. He is amazing and strong, and handsome. I like the way he talks to me, and asks questions. I like his eyes and most of all, I like that he is different. The fact that he is deaf is of no concern to me, only frustrating because there is so much I want to tell him. I have never met anyone who I was so physically and mentally attracted to this quickly. I am cautious Lisa…rider of the slow train, yet he comes along and makes me want to ride the locomotive at high speeds. Love does not come quickly to me, yet I feel so much love for this man already that it scares me.
Willy pulls off his shirt, and there it is….. the wolf. It is on his back, and looking straight at me. It is just the face, but that is all I need to see, for it is the face I have seen in a thousand dreams. I know I am safe, the wolf has always been there when I did not feel safe, yet has protected me when I did not even know I needed protection. I make love to this amazing man, and he walks away. I do not see him again, but now the wolf is everywhere…not just in my dreams. I am hurt and confused, yet the wolf in my dreams continues to stay close to me. He is there feeling my hurt, and making sure that I am strong enough to stand.
Sunday June 11, 2006. My son asks me, “When can I meet Willy?, I have talked to him on line and I would like to meet him soon.” I just stare at him, not sure what to say so I ask, “you have talked to him?” “yes mom, he seems really cool” and I say “ we are not seeing each other Michael.” Michael says, “ whatever it is you need to talk with him, since you met him you have had this light in your eyes that I have only seen when you look at me.” All I can do is walk away and cry, because I do not know how to tell my son that I fear the light has left and I do not know how to find it again. I dream of the wolf again. He is still there watching over me. Why would he come so close then pull away? Why would he show me his warmth and love and then leave me alone to yearn for what he gave? Is the wolf here to strengthen me or confuse me?
The wolf appeared nightly, and I got used to him being there. He never approached me nor did I try to approach him. He was just there and I accepted him. The presence of something always being there does not scare me, or cause me concern, as I like routine and it was a way to know I was dreaming.
Olympia Washington. What a horrible place. I have a beautiful house in the woods, and I am alone with my son. My husband will join me in 3 months. I do not have to work, and can spend all my time cooking, cleaning and being a mother. I build snowmen, and cut firewood. Yet I am unhappy here, and know that I can not go on living in this State. I hang on until my husband joins me. 3 nights before his homecoming, I am very wistful. I put Michael to bed, and make some hot chocolate. I curl up in front of the fire place. I can see the snow falling out the back sliding door in the woods that are my backyard, and instead of the warm fireplace, I want to be in those woods and hear and feel the snow fall. I grab a jacket, gloves and hand gun and go out the slider to the woods. I walk for about 3 minutes and find a log that looks like a great place to sit in the moonlight and watch the snow fall. I had been sitting for about 20 minutes when I became aware of someone or something watching me. Being no stranger to the woods I knew not to jump up and run, less I might look like an attractive meal to whatever was watching me. I scanned the woods, and what was peaceful and full of light from the moon only moments before, now looked dark and frightening. While I scanned my surroundings I listened, not for the usual, but for the unusual. Then I saw it, about twenty yards to my right. A wolf. A big huge wolf. Looking right at me. I sat as still as my racing heart would allow me, I was sure the wolf could hear my heart, as it sounded like a train to me. I tried to control my breathing knowing like a dog a wolf would sense my fear. I slowly reached into my pocket and felt the gun. I locked my fingers around it, and slowly pulled it out. I heard a sound, and so does the wolf because we both look to my left. All I can think is oh no another wolf and they distracted me, and now they are going to eat me. Yet when I look at the wolf his eyes are on the spot that the noise came from. I do not see anything. I do not know what to do. The wolf looks at me again, and looks towards my house, as if telling me I should start walking back there. Having no other ideas and really no other options I start to slowly back towards my house, my hand on the gun, looking at the wolf. The wolf is looking at the place where the noise came from. About ten feet from the sliding door I see the wolf shoot off in the direction that the noise had come from. I dove for the door. Once inside I quickly locked the door and sat down. Wow what an experience. I almost died. That wolf could have eaten me in a minute. I go to bed thinking about the wolf. I dream that night, and once again the wolf is there, yet this time I know he is more real to me. I have seen him. He does not do anything unusual in my dream that night, just the same as always; he stands around in the background watching. I awake the next morning from a very hard sleep to Michael shaking me. He says the police are at the door and want to talk to me. WHAT! I jump up and put on a robe and go to the door. I can see police at my back sliding door, and police and dogs in the woods too. I ask the officer what is happening. He asks to come inside, and have a look around. I ask him why. He tells me that a woman two houses down has been raped last night and the intruder came from the woods. I tell him to look as I sit down. I am suddenly thinking back to the night before and what happened in the woods. The officer goes upstairs and returns. He asks if anyone had hurt me. I told him no. He starts to tell me that the detectives have found some strange footprints and paw prints in the woods right behind my house as well as 2 sets of footprints leading up to my back door with blood drops. I start to stammer and try telling the officer what had happened in the woods the night before. He is asking questions, but they do not make sense. No there was only me, and a wolf and a noise. He is talking with a detective, and is not telling him what I mean….I am telling the detective what happened, and he is looking at me like I am crazy. The officer and the detective are talking in hushed tones looking at me; a female officer comes and leads me to my room. No I tell her you do not understand… and then the detective and the officer and the female are telling “ma’am the best we can figure from the scene, is that you went outside, and the rapist was watching you. That wolf must have seen him and attacked him, because the blood is human, defiantly human.” No I say I saw the wolf if he attacked something it was not by my door, he was chasing something; he was running away from the house not towards it. The detective leads me back down the stairs and out the back slider; I show him where I was and where the wolf was. He then proceeds to show me the tracks that I am unaware of and the blood spots, or shall I say pools. I can clearly see the tracks of a foot much larger than my own foot leading right up to my slider. I can also see the tracks of the wolf coming from the same direction as my own footprints from last night. I can also see where the wolf and the large tracks meet and it looks like a struggle took place or so it seems from the blood. All I can do is stare. The female officer leads me back in to the house and seats me on the couch. She tells me they have not caught the suspect yet but they do have alerts at the hospitals so that if this clearly injured man shows up at the hospital they will arrest him. From the amount of blood they feel he will in all likelihood show up somewhere soon. They leave me a card and tell me if I have any problems to call them. I look at the officer and say “do you realize that that wolf saved my life. I am sure that the sound “we” heard was the rapist,” “yes” says the female officer, “I just wasn’t sure you were ready to hear it.” “Hear it, I lived it…that wolf saved me last night….” They left, and sat dazed. 2 weeks later I moved from Washington back to California. I have given very little to no thought to that wolf.
I never thought much about the wolf in my dreams, nor have I been particularly drawn to wolves. I do not stop and admire wolf art, nor do I own anything with a wolf. I have never tried to analyze why this wolf that is there in my dreams. Until the day my Michael came home from a weekend with his father and told me he knew what he wanted to get his father for Christmas. I asked him what? He replied, “a wolf statue, because my dad likes wolves and says they watch over him and me.” I just looked at my son, and I thought could it be, is it my son in my dreams? Is he watching over me, and walking the journey with me? I was confused, as I had not put much time or effort into this whole wolf in my dreams thing. Yet when I thought about the wolf in Washington and the wolf in my dreams, I knew that I had nothing to fear, that this wolf was there to protect me. I took Michael shopping for his wolf statue. We found a store that had maybe 20 different statues and figurines that he could choose from. Michael saw the one he liked. It was the wolf in my dream, the wolf from Washington. I asked him, “why this one?” and he relied, “this one feels safe.” I told him I knew for a fact that the wolf he had chose was a very strong and a powerful wolf and would serve him well if he wanted protection. He just smiled his little boy smile and bounced off to the register. I have always felt that God gave me Michael to answer all the big questions and great mysteries of life. Once again God had that wonderful child show me the light.
I have to say I have not thought much about my wolf in years. He is still always there in my dreams, or at least I think he is, for when I take the time to look for him he is always there.
On May 22, 2006 I have contacted a man on Yahoo personals. He has not sent me a reply so I do a little investigative work. I find his email address on yahoo, and interesting enough his screen name is wildwolfbryson____. A wolf… hmmm this is interesting. That night I dream and see my wolf… only this time he is not far away…he is closer than he has ever been. This unnerves me as I do not feel safe with him so close. I have a fitful night of sleep and the wolf is always close in my dreams, looking at me like there is something that needs to be said.
Friday June 2, 2003. Willy has told me to look at his my space site…name “wildwolf”
Makes me wonder.
Saturday June 3, 2006. I can not sleep. My thoughts are filled with Willy. I sleep for 30 minutes or so and wake up. I am annoyed. I hear the wolf howling in my dreams, yet I can not see him. Awake asleep, awake asleep. Finally around 4:30am I drop off to sleep. I dream almost right away. There he is, the wolf. This time he is not in the background. I am sitting on a hill, I think it is on Highway 84, and I am looking out to the hills watching the sun sink behind the mountains. The wolf is standing to my right, and he takes a few steps towards me and stops. He continues doing this until he is a few feet away. He then drops to his belly and crawls until he is right next to me. For some reason I am crying in my dream. The wolf nudges his head under my arm…I know I am safe and wrap my arms around him, and hug him close. I continue to cry and the wolf is there to comfort me and keep me safe. When I am done crying the wolf lays his head across my leg and sleeps. I softly stroke his head. After a while he stands, looks me in the eye and walks away. When I leave the hill he is off in the distance as always watching me. I wake up and I feel different. Lighter, free, I don’t know, just as if some burden is lifted. I put little thought to it, as today I am seeing Willy.
The day is not going well. Instead of spending the whole day with Willy I have spent most of the day shopping and waiting for Willy. No big deal. We are meeting at a hotel. I am not sure if this is too soon to make love with him, yet I feel I must. Is it the fact that I have not had sex in 7 years or is it a real attraction. When I see him I feel warmth from my head to my toes. He makes me smile more than I thought possible. He is amazing and strong, and handsome. I like the way he talks to me, and asks questions. I like his eyes and most of all, I like that he is different. The fact that he is deaf is of no concern to me, only frustrating because there is so much I want to tell him. I have never met anyone who I was so physically and mentally attracted to this quickly. I am cautious Lisa…rider of the slow train, yet he comes along and makes me want to ride the locomotive at high speeds. Love does not come quickly to me, yet I feel so much love for this man already that it scares me.
Willy pulls off his shirt, and there it is….. the wolf. It is on his back, and looking straight at me. It is just the face, but that is all I need to see, for it is the face I have seen in a thousand dreams. I know I am safe, the wolf has always been there when I did not feel safe, yet has protected me when I did not even know I needed protection. I make love to this amazing man, and he walks away. I do not see him again, but now the wolf is everywhere…not just in my dreams. I am hurt and confused, yet the wolf in my dreams continues to stay close to me. He is there feeling my hurt, and making sure that I am strong enough to stand.
Sunday June 11, 2006. My son asks me, “When can I meet Willy?, I have talked to him on line and I would like to meet him soon.” I just stare at him, not sure what to say so I ask, “you have talked to him?” “yes mom, he seems really cool” and I say “ we are not seeing each other Michael.” Michael says, “ whatever it is you need to talk with him, since you met him you have had this light in your eyes that I have only seen when you look at me.” All I can do is walk away and cry, because I do not know how to tell my son that I fear the light has left and I do not know how to find it again. I dream of the wolf again. He is still there watching over me. Why would he come so close then pull away? Why would he show me his warmth and love and then leave me alone to yearn for what he gave? Is the wolf here to strengthen me or confuse me?
