SIL issues? AM I THE ONLY ONE?

[RainGurl]

It's been bugging me for a while.
I don't know where else to go. I have
talked to my hub about it. But, he says
that she just doesn't have good communication skills.
She brings up my hub's exs all the time. This and that.
I feel so alienated. I help her out all the time. I feel that
she uses me because I am so giving. I almost can't stand her.
Yesterday my FIL made a comment, not sure how to take it.
My hub says I over anaylize everything. He said if it doesn't
die on its own, I kill it. I read too much into things. Well, my FIL
asked where my S/O is, or not so S/O? I felt like, Wow it's like
I am a loose part of the family tree. Maybe I am the next to go.
I don't know, I just hate feeling so defensive. I like it when I am on my own
with my own family (hub and the girls). Because I don't have to worry about
what jerky comments are going to be said. Just like at the SuperBowl party, my SIL goes," Oh Bill, you broke your 2 year rule about giving Bri's gf a gift for Christmas." He was joking says, oh yea give that jacket back." But it really hurt me alot. She brought up my hub's exs, from first to last.
Any suggestions how to handle this?

 

[Angel]

hmm...I'm not quite sure if I understood you there, but are you saying that his family keep bring up about his past with any of his ex's and saying this to you or in front of you?...

 

[RainGurl]

hmm...I'm not quite sure if I understood you there, but are you saying that his family keep bring up about his past with any of his ex's and saying this to you or in front of you?...

Sister in Law keeps bringing it up infront of me/to me (all of his past relationships).

 

[Angel]

Sister in Law keeps bringing it up infront of me/to me (all of his past relationships).

Is she your husband's sister or his brother's wife?....

Sounds to me she doesn't think before she says things, even if it may hurt your feelings, what you can do is ignore it by not letting it bother you, or you can go up to her and tell her in private that you do not want to hear any of his ex's or his past, because you don't want your children listen to this by confusing them in a way they will start asking a bunch of question...I think its kind of immature how she say those things even she has no intend to hurt your feelings but the kind of talk is a bit childish, I mean why would it be interesting to know his past when he got a woman right in front of him which is you as his lovely wife....Maybe she thinks it funni, but I don't see myself laughing at any her comments!

 

[Liza]

The best thing is to not give your power away to SIL. You can decide how to do that. The best revenge is also to have a happy and secure marriage that has trust and open communication both ways. Personally, I think your husband should be the one to tell her to cut the crap out.

 

[RainGurl]

Brother's wife.

I guess I am not that way. I am very sensitive
to other people's feelings. I just feel that somehow
she has to be the "center of attention." Or likes
to cause problems. I cried all the way home. I just felt
like I don't need to be around negativity. I mean, I don't
put up with it from my own family (my side) and I have
pretty much put up and shut up. Because I don't want
them to think I am a B!tch. You just have no idea the
things she says. I don't think I can talk to her, she is very
overpowering sometimes. Gets involved in hub's and our plans for the girls.
Like we had them babysat by her babysitter (she likes me too, told me anytime). Well I was going to be out late, and he was at the guy's night out poker game. I told her that hub and I were going to pick them up if she had arrangements to bring our nieces there the same night. I didn't want the babysitter having all 5. I had called 2 weeks before and made plans with the sitter. Well, SIL goes when are you going to be home. I said I dunno 12? She goes well then I will pick them up. I told her, Hub and I have it already discussed and planned out. She pushes alot to get involved. I hate that. Hub and I can take care of our girls. We don't need any help in that department.

 

[Angel]

Brother's wife.

I guess I am not that way. I am very sensitive
to other people's feelings. I just feel that somehow
she has to be the "center of attention." Or likes
to cause problems.

Wow, she sounds like my ex sister in law, sometimes I had to swallow some of her words that she throw in my face for 15 years...Thanks heaven I don't see her anymore since the divorce was final, and I thanks God everyday for this too....

I cried all the way home. I just felt
like I don't need to be around negativity. I mean, I don't
put up with it from my own family (my side) and I have
pretty much put up and shut up. Because I don't want
them to think I am a B!tch. You just have no idea the
things she says. I don't think I can talk to her, she is very
overpowering sometimes. Gets involved in hub's and our plans for the girls.
Like we had them babysat by her babysitter (she likes me too, told me anytime). Well I was going to be out late, and he was at the guy's night out poker game. I told her that hub and I were going to pick them up if she had arrangements to bring our nieces there the same night. I didn't want the babysitter having all 5. I had called 2 weeks before and made plans with the sitter. Well, SIL goes when are you going to be home. I said I dunno 12? She goes well then I will pick them up. I told her, Hub and I have it already discussed and planned out. She pushes alot to get involved. I hate that. Hub and I can take care of our girls. We don't need any help in that department.

Your husband has the one to stand up for you hon since it's about his family, you're his wife, and if he sees that is hurting you, then he has to be the one to put a stop at it and say hey, this is my wife, knock it off!