Today, This morning not too much going on, the cold morning air woke me up, the woods are so hollow, the leaf that has long fallen off bare trees breeze through the ground, autumn has become a wet weather, the rain is beating against my window and now has slowed to a running spotty drizzle while still raining which makes me sleepy and tiresome, like I am going on the nod. There is a hint of winter in the air as the cold air rushes and envolepes me with forty miles an hour howling winds as I am breathing a fog of cold air, so many thoughts have been going through my mind, from where the years have gone by to the so many things that have been happening and the events that have been taking place in my life has tore me in different directions. There is no sunshine, just gray clouds and things never could have reached a low point that so as fast as it has practically overnight with so much that has happened the past few weeks which shall go un-known but only for myself to know. It is at these times I wish I had a motorcycle and go on the open roads lost in my thoughts of peace, no people, no place. The time passes many hours as I am mediative on my motorcycle as I lay down on my bed thinking ..... I can not sleep so I do pushups, sit ups, go for a midnight jog for thirty to forty-five mintunes and do pullups on a strong thick branch, pick up rocks and work out then I return home and do pushups with my eyes closed quiet lost in my thoughts and do situps struggling to stay alive. I do side twist situps with each heartbroken ache remembering the many good things that have happened are now no more. Things I learned or I was taught have ceased to be able to be spoken and I can no longer seek good and wise advice. Things are going too fast and this can't be happening to me but it is happening to me. I can only hope what I have seen and believed is not what I am seeing and believing. A gulf has seperated thousands, millions and billions of miles away from where I was once, happy. My thoughts are no longer one that of happiness, even though I try to think good thoughts, I can not force myself to think good thoughts because these thoughts are so overwhelming powerful, deep abiding and wrecked into grief that I can not even smile, I know that I want to smile so that I can think more positive but my smile is not there anymore. Just not there, grief and sadness has taken over my mood so much that I can not smile anymore. As I try to settle down to sleep, dreams of yesterday come flooding my memory so much that I can not sleep, the things I have seen come right through my mind and I try to stop what I am remembering but it is no use. I close my eyes and breathe as I realize the dreams of yesterday were from real life but they no longer do happen anymore and those are some very strong memories that only time will ease the very powerful memories that have a very strong hold over my mind from the life experiences that I have been through come flooding right back to that yesterday today. There is nothing I can do much about it but move on with life and survive the next day after day, night after night. Even a tourtured soul needs rest and sleep but none is to be sought. So much to do, so little time to accomplish the goals that I set out to reach and people take things for granted. I do not take things for granted. I count my blessings and go on about my day.
Not too much going on today
- Thread starter Heath
- Start date
guido
New Member
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- Apr 27, 2006
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Hi Guido, I don't even have a blog site. I am just expressing the pain of losing somebody that I was close to.
I'm sorry to hear that you lost someone close to you Heath, btw I'm glad you're able to express your feelings, it's always good to be able to share your feelings with the other members here....
Thank you and God Bless you too Angel
