Awauphi
Active Member
- Joined
- Apr 29, 2003
- Messages
- 10,225
- Reaction score
- 3
Two elderly ladies met at the launderette after not seeing one
another for some time. After inquiring about each other's health,
one asked how the other's husband was doing.
"Oh! Ted died last week. He went out to the garden to dig up a
cabbage for dinner, had a heart attack and dropped down dead right
there in the middle of the vegetable patch!"
"Oh dear! I'm very sorry." replied her friend "What did you do?"
"Opened a can of peas instead."
______________________
Olga and Olie were applying for a wedding license and were
answering questions asked by the clerk. "Olga, how old are you?"
Olga answered, "I am going to be tventy one in Yanuary."
Next the clerk asked, "Olga, how tall are you?"
Responding, Olga stated, "I'm yust about six feet tall."
"And how much do you weigh, Olga?" was the next question.
"I weigh yust about 185 pounds."
"Wow", exclaimed the clerk. "You're big enough to play with
the Green Bay Packers!!"
"Oh no," answered Olga. "I yust play with Olie's packer."
_______________
A man has eight children and is very proud of his
achievement. He is so proud of himself that he starts
calling his wife "Mother of Eight" in spite of her objections.
One night they go to a party. The man decides that it`s
time to go home, and wants to find out if his wife is ready
to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice,
"Shall we go home Mother of Eight?"
His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion
shouts back... "Anytime you`re ready, Father of Four!"
________________
A man tried to sell his neighbor a new dog.
"This is a talking dog," he said. "And you
can have him for five dollars."
The neighbor said, "Who do you think you're
kidding with this talking-dog stuff? There
ain't no such animal."
Suddenly the dog looked up with tears in his
eyes. "Please buy me, Sir," he pleaded. "This
man is cruel. He never buys me a meal, never
bathes me, never takes me for a walk. And I used
to be the richest trick dog in America. I performed
before kings. I was in the army and was
decorated ten times."
"Hey!" said the neighbor. "He *can* talk. Why
do you want to sell him for just five dollars?"
"Because," said the seller, "I'm getting tired
of all his lies."
_________________________
A Scotsman is working at a sewerage. It's a warm day, so he
takes off his jacket and drapes it over a handrail -
where it slips off into a vast tank of shit!
He's just about to dive in when his mate shouts
"It's nae guid tae do that, the jacket's ruined"
He replies "Aye, ah ken, but ma sandwiches are in the pocket"
got this via email..
another for some time. After inquiring about each other's health,
one asked how the other's husband was doing.
"Oh! Ted died last week. He went out to the garden to dig up a
cabbage for dinner, had a heart attack and dropped down dead right
there in the middle of the vegetable patch!"
"Oh dear! I'm very sorry." replied her friend "What did you do?"
"Opened a can of peas instead."
______________________
Olga and Olie were applying for a wedding license and were
answering questions asked by the clerk. "Olga, how old are you?"
Olga answered, "I am going to be tventy one in Yanuary."
Next the clerk asked, "Olga, how tall are you?"
Responding, Olga stated, "I'm yust about six feet tall."
"And how much do you weigh, Olga?" was the next question.
"I weigh yust about 185 pounds."
"Wow", exclaimed the clerk. "You're big enough to play with
the Green Bay Packers!!"
"Oh no," answered Olga. "I yust play with Olie's packer."
_______________
A man has eight children and is very proud of his
achievement. He is so proud of himself that he starts
calling his wife "Mother of Eight" in spite of her objections.
One night they go to a party. The man decides that it`s
time to go home, and wants to find out if his wife is ready
to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice,
"Shall we go home Mother of Eight?"
His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion
shouts back... "Anytime you`re ready, Father of Four!"
________________
A man tried to sell his neighbor a new dog.
"This is a talking dog," he said. "And you
can have him for five dollars."
The neighbor said, "Who do you think you're
kidding with this talking-dog stuff? There
ain't no such animal."
Suddenly the dog looked up with tears in his
eyes. "Please buy me, Sir," he pleaded. "This
man is cruel. He never buys me a meal, never
bathes me, never takes me for a walk. And I used
to be the richest trick dog in America. I performed
before kings. I was in the army and was
decorated ten times."
"Hey!" said the neighbor. "He *can* talk. Why
do you want to sell him for just five dollars?"
"Because," said the seller, "I'm getting tired
of all his lies."
_________________________
A Scotsman is working at a sewerage. It's a warm day, so he
takes off his jacket and drapes it over a handrail -
where it slips off into a vast tank of shit!
He's just about to dive in when his mate shouts
"It's nae guid tae do that, the jacket's ruined"
He replies "Aye, ah ken, but ma sandwiches are in the pocket"
got this via email..
