Miss-Delectable
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Mary, lend me your ears... - Lifestyle, Frontpage - Independent.ie
As the eldest child of deaf parents Mary Stringer has a unique perspective on life. She is the ultimate CODA (Child of Deaf Adult) and divides her time between the deaf world and the hearing world. While Mary herself can hear, her first language is sign language and she considers herself just as much a member of the deaf community as the hearing community.
"Having deaf parents has had a huge influence on my life. Sometimes people think the only deaf people I know are my parents, but I have as many deaf friends as I have hearing friends, and I have a lot of CODA friends as well.
"It has given me a very different perspective on the world. People think that deaf people live in a silent world, but it's the opposite -- deaf people are often quite noisy.
"Being a CODA I tend to be quite loud myself because I'm used to not being heard either. In our house we usually have the washing machine and the television and everything else blaring at the same time.
"Growing up, music wasn't something that was valued and I was actually eight years old before we even had a stereo in our house. I didn't really miss it though because there were other things that were important to us instead."
As a CODA, Mary started interpreting for her parents at an early age. Day to day, she acted as a link between the hearing world and the deaf world, allowing her to have one foot in each.
She confesses that the power of a CODA is very strong. "I used to interpret pretty much everything for my parents when I was a kid, so I knew everything about my mother, sometimes more than I wanted to.
"CODAs do have more responsibility than other children, but I never felt it was a huge burden, just a bit of a chore, like doing the dishes. I'd go along with my mother to the bank or the doctor, it was just something that had to be done.
"Sometimes it's difficult for a child because they don't understand what's going on, like when I was eight and the woman in the bank was talking to my mum about current accounts and I thought she was trying to talk to her about baking, so everyone ended up getting confused.
"There were very few interpreters when I was younger but there's more awareness now of a deaf person's entitlement to an interpreter in different situations, so I would say to deaf parents that they shouldn't ask their child to interpret for them in legal or medical matters."
Being a CODA meant Mary often worried about things beyond her years.
The death of her father when Mary was just 16 was tough. Mary could hardly understand what was happening herself, let alone explain it to her mother. "That was very difficult for me. I didn't have the language skills to interpret a lot of the medical terminology so it was quite traumatic. It was dangerous too. I remember once the doctor was asking my dad simple questions to check his state of mind. He got one of them wrong but I gave the doctor the right answer because I didn't want my dad to look stupid."
Mary's mother Jennifer remembers the time around her husband's death in particular.
She was in a difficult position, wanting to protect her child, but also needing information.
"I didn't want to ask Mary to interpret because I knew she was going to be upset, and I didn't want to see her upset. She was only 16. But what could I do?"
Jennifer says that Mary started interpreting from an early age. "I wouldn't force my children to sign, I just kind of left them to it and they learned themselves. I'd be signing with my husband and they would look and pick it up.
"When Mary was nine months old I'd be busy cooking dinner and she'd start trying to sign to me that her father was home. By a year, she was able to let me know if there was a knock at the door."
Interpreting for her parents had a lot of pluses for Mary as a child. While her mother and father were in charge inside the home, outside the home the responsibility shifted.
"When you're a kid you don't want to get into trouble, and as a CODA you've got a lot of power in some situations. I knew a lot of stuff I shouldn't have known as a kid because I was interpreting things for my parents and I didn't always interpret truthfully.
"At one of my earliest parent-teacher meetings I was telling mum that the teacher was very happy with me when that wasn't what she was saying at all -- though they copped on pretty soon because of the facial expressions they were both using. But I did get away with other things. I used to sneak friends in at night because my parents couldn't hear us and we'd have the music blaring, or I'd go down to the kitchen for a forbidden snack and wouldn't be heard."
Growing up, Mary didn't see herself or her parents as different, in fact she saw deafness as normal.
"Growing up, I always wanted a hearing aid because the younger deaf children I knew all had them and I never understood why I wasn't allowed one.
"I really didn't see myself or my parents as any different from anyone else. Then one day in school we were having a social studies class about handicapped people and my teacher referred to my parents as handicapped. I was really shocked. They are not handicapped -- they just have a different language and a different culture from other people. But society can have very negative perceptions of deaf people."
Overall Mary feels that being a CODA has been a huge benefit in her life -- in particular the opportunity to be part of the deaf community.
"It's like belonging to a very small very close rural village -- it's a very supportive community. At the moment there is a growing CODA network as well. When deaf people or CODAs are travelling abroad they'll email others in the community and they'll even offer them a place to stay."
Being a CODA also influenced Mary's choice of career. After studying interpreting in college she now works full-time as a professional sign-language interpreter.
"The work is great. There are lots of different people and situations so it's always interesting. One day you are going with a deaf person to the GP, then the next it's to a court appearance, or a university lecture. I just can't imagine what my career or my life would have been like if I wasn't a CODA".
As the eldest child of deaf parents Mary Stringer has a unique perspective on life. She is the ultimate CODA (Child of Deaf Adult) and divides her time between the deaf world and the hearing world. While Mary herself can hear, her first language is sign language and she considers herself just as much a member of the deaf community as the hearing community.
"Having deaf parents has had a huge influence on my life. Sometimes people think the only deaf people I know are my parents, but I have as many deaf friends as I have hearing friends, and I have a lot of CODA friends as well.
"It has given me a very different perspective on the world. People think that deaf people live in a silent world, but it's the opposite -- deaf people are often quite noisy.
"Being a CODA I tend to be quite loud myself because I'm used to not being heard either. In our house we usually have the washing machine and the television and everything else blaring at the same time.
"Growing up, music wasn't something that was valued and I was actually eight years old before we even had a stereo in our house. I didn't really miss it though because there were other things that were important to us instead."
As a CODA, Mary started interpreting for her parents at an early age. Day to day, she acted as a link between the hearing world and the deaf world, allowing her to have one foot in each.
She confesses that the power of a CODA is very strong. "I used to interpret pretty much everything for my parents when I was a kid, so I knew everything about my mother, sometimes more than I wanted to.
"CODAs do have more responsibility than other children, but I never felt it was a huge burden, just a bit of a chore, like doing the dishes. I'd go along with my mother to the bank or the doctor, it was just something that had to be done.
"Sometimes it's difficult for a child because they don't understand what's going on, like when I was eight and the woman in the bank was talking to my mum about current accounts and I thought she was trying to talk to her about baking, so everyone ended up getting confused.
"There were very few interpreters when I was younger but there's more awareness now of a deaf person's entitlement to an interpreter in different situations, so I would say to deaf parents that they shouldn't ask their child to interpret for them in legal or medical matters."
Being a CODA meant Mary often worried about things beyond her years.
The death of her father when Mary was just 16 was tough. Mary could hardly understand what was happening herself, let alone explain it to her mother. "That was very difficult for me. I didn't have the language skills to interpret a lot of the medical terminology so it was quite traumatic. It was dangerous too. I remember once the doctor was asking my dad simple questions to check his state of mind. He got one of them wrong but I gave the doctor the right answer because I didn't want my dad to look stupid."
Mary's mother Jennifer remembers the time around her husband's death in particular.
She was in a difficult position, wanting to protect her child, but also needing information.
"I didn't want to ask Mary to interpret because I knew she was going to be upset, and I didn't want to see her upset. She was only 16. But what could I do?"
Jennifer says that Mary started interpreting from an early age. "I wouldn't force my children to sign, I just kind of left them to it and they learned themselves. I'd be signing with my husband and they would look and pick it up.
"When Mary was nine months old I'd be busy cooking dinner and she'd start trying to sign to me that her father was home. By a year, she was able to let me know if there was a knock at the door."
Interpreting for her parents had a lot of pluses for Mary as a child. While her mother and father were in charge inside the home, outside the home the responsibility shifted.
"When you're a kid you don't want to get into trouble, and as a CODA you've got a lot of power in some situations. I knew a lot of stuff I shouldn't have known as a kid because I was interpreting things for my parents and I didn't always interpret truthfully.
"At one of my earliest parent-teacher meetings I was telling mum that the teacher was very happy with me when that wasn't what she was saying at all -- though they copped on pretty soon because of the facial expressions they were both using. But I did get away with other things. I used to sneak friends in at night because my parents couldn't hear us and we'd have the music blaring, or I'd go down to the kitchen for a forbidden snack and wouldn't be heard."
Growing up, Mary didn't see herself or her parents as different, in fact she saw deafness as normal.
"Growing up, I always wanted a hearing aid because the younger deaf children I knew all had them and I never understood why I wasn't allowed one.
"I really didn't see myself or my parents as any different from anyone else. Then one day in school we were having a social studies class about handicapped people and my teacher referred to my parents as handicapped. I was really shocked. They are not handicapped -- they just have a different language and a different culture from other people. But society can have very negative perceptions of deaf people."
Overall Mary feels that being a CODA has been a huge benefit in her life -- in particular the opportunity to be part of the deaf community.
"It's like belonging to a very small very close rural village -- it's a very supportive community. At the moment there is a growing CODA network as well. When deaf people or CODAs are travelling abroad they'll email others in the community and they'll even offer them a place to stay."
Being a CODA also influenced Mary's choice of career. After studying interpreting in college she now works full-time as a professional sign-language interpreter.
"The work is great. There are lots of different people and situations so it's always interesting. One day you are going with a deaf person to the GP, then the next it's to a court appearance, or a university lecture. I just can't imagine what my career or my life would have been like if I wasn't a CODA".
