deafdrummer
Active Member
- Joined
- May 17, 2009
- Messages
- 1,240
- Reaction score
- 12
This is about my current job situation in that I'm going crazy from not knowing what I want to do for the last 28 years or so.
----------------------------
Lalalala
I'm going insane, I'm going insane
Insane with the itch that gets no satisfaction
I look this way, and I look that way
And the story is the same
I am a slave, hating every minute of my job
Looking for ways to sucker myself into liking it
Lalalala
I'm going insane, I'm going insane
Insane with the impending itch that only grows bigger
I search here and there
And the story is the same
"You don't have any certifications"
"You don't have 20 years' experience"
"You don't have a real resume"
"We can't contact over half the companies on it"
Lalalala
Lalalala
Back to the woods I return
Away from the illusion that is civilization
A mirage that never was
There is no need to fear hell
Because you're already there
It is hell on earth
Lalalala
Lalalala
Lalalala
Don't call me crazy
Don't ever call an insane person crazy
Going insane...
Insane like the glue-streaked manager in the air traffic tower.
Hanging by my feet to see if the world makes better sense.
Just ready to shatter like crystal turned to sand perfectly with the right frequency with the right volume. Exploding to nothing...
-------------------------------
Copyright @ 2012 Deafdrummer
Unless there is resolution and I get help, there may come a day when it finally snaps, and I say, "THAT. IS. IT..." regardless of the consequences of my actions. Like pack up everything into storage, cashing out my savings, and simply get in the Jeep and drive in camper configuration. That is probably what I'll end up doing late next year. I had a rough day today at work. I had a hard time understanding customers (it's catching up with me, and I'm trying to stall off the day when I have to give up because I can't do it anymore, as I don't have anything else to go to with current skills). I had someone ask me if I carried bike-slide. ¿? Eventually I learned she was looking for body-glide.
There will be a day coming when I will look back at the store front from the parking lot, and I will realize I will no longer have to be back there as an employee. Even if it means I'm 90 years old and I die in my sleep one night. That is NOT how I want to leave retail, through death. Because it would mean I would have worked for my company for nearly 50 years. NO THANKS.
I don't know what I want to do. I feel like I want a trade of some kind. I feel stuck... Like a tree on the edge of a quicksand puddle. Half in a death trap with yet a tenuous hold on firm ground.
I sometimes wondered if I should never have left the little town I was raised in and STAYED the F* there and kept my Dad's business going (though he didn't want me working in that field and fell for the scam that is useless college degrees), but it wouldn't have mattered, because the fall I went to college, the oil fields collapsed and closed my Dad's business, and he didn't have enough enough time to train me and turn the business over even if I wanted to take it over. I've had to start all the F* over, 3 or 4 times. Everything that my French part of the family had worked for for nearly 400 years was wiped out by the indiscretions of a certain family member, and I paid dearly for her mistakes. I'm hitting rock bottom in my life right now...
There was something that I had hoped would happen within the last two years, but the people involved in the crimes in the financial markets have managed to delay the outcome of their misdeeds by several years, and I feel as if I'm in prison of a financial sorts because of the inability to crack an incredibly complicated case of white collar criminal activity that should require the death penalty as punishment. It looks like it may not happen for another 2-3 years, and I just can't seem to find the strength to hang on much longer than another year.
Because of that possibility of hanging it up, I'm closing out the last of my financial obligations (I was doing some projects, and I suddenly broke them off and stopped them cold without finishing them out). I'm shutting things down in preparation for getting out.
I'm tired...
----------------------------
Lalalala
I'm going insane, I'm going insane
Insane with the itch that gets no satisfaction
I look this way, and I look that way
And the story is the same
I am a slave, hating every minute of my job
Looking for ways to sucker myself into liking it
Lalalala
I'm going insane, I'm going insane
Insane with the impending itch that only grows bigger
I search here and there
And the story is the same
"You don't have any certifications"
"You don't have 20 years' experience"
"You don't have a real resume"
"We can't contact over half the companies on it"
Lalalala
Lalalala
Back to the woods I return
Away from the illusion that is civilization
A mirage that never was
There is no need to fear hell
Because you're already there
It is hell on earth
Lalalala
Lalalala
Lalalala
Don't call me crazy
Don't ever call an insane person crazy
Going insane...
Insane like the glue-streaked manager in the air traffic tower.
Hanging by my feet to see if the world makes better sense.
Just ready to shatter like crystal turned to sand perfectly with the right frequency with the right volume. Exploding to nothing...
-------------------------------
Copyright @ 2012 Deafdrummer
Unless there is resolution and I get help, there may come a day when it finally snaps, and I say, "THAT. IS. IT..." regardless of the consequences of my actions. Like pack up everything into storage, cashing out my savings, and simply get in the Jeep and drive in camper configuration. That is probably what I'll end up doing late next year. I had a rough day today at work. I had a hard time understanding customers (it's catching up with me, and I'm trying to stall off the day when I have to give up because I can't do it anymore, as I don't have anything else to go to with current skills). I had someone ask me if I carried bike-slide. ¿? Eventually I learned she was looking for body-glide.
There will be a day coming when I will look back at the store front from the parking lot, and I will realize I will no longer have to be back there as an employee. Even if it means I'm 90 years old and I die in my sleep one night. That is NOT how I want to leave retail, through death. Because it would mean I would have worked for my company for nearly 50 years. NO THANKS.
I don't know what I want to do. I feel like I want a trade of some kind. I feel stuck... Like a tree on the edge of a quicksand puddle. Half in a death trap with yet a tenuous hold on firm ground.
I sometimes wondered if I should never have left the little town I was raised in and STAYED the F* there and kept my Dad's business going (though he didn't want me working in that field and fell for the scam that is useless college degrees), but it wouldn't have mattered, because the fall I went to college, the oil fields collapsed and closed my Dad's business, and he didn't have enough enough time to train me and turn the business over even if I wanted to take it over. I've had to start all the F* over, 3 or 4 times. Everything that my French part of the family had worked for for nearly 400 years was wiped out by the indiscretions of a certain family member, and I paid dearly for her mistakes. I'm hitting rock bottom in my life right now...
There was something that I had hoped would happen within the last two years, but the people involved in the crimes in the financial markets have managed to delay the outcome of their misdeeds by several years, and I feel as if I'm in prison of a financial sorts because of the inability to crack an incredibly complicated case of white collar criminal activity that should require the death penalty as punishment. It looks like it may not happen for another 2-3 years, and I just can't seem to find the strength to hang on much longer than another year.
Because of that possibility of hanging it up, I'm closing out the last of my financial obligations (I was doing some projects, and I suddenly broke them off and stopped them cold without finishing them out). I'm shutting things down in preparation for getting out.
I'm tired...