Awauphi
Active Member
- Joined
- Apr 29, 2003
- Messages
- 10,225
- Reaction score
- 3
Regular naps prevent old age.....
especially if you take them while driving.
========================================
Casey came home from the doctor looking very worried. his wife
said,"What's the problem?"
He said, "The doctor told me I have to take a pill every day for
the rest of my life."
She said, "So what? Lots of people have to take a pill every day
their whole lives."
He said, "I know, but he only gave me four pills!"
=========================================
Giuseppi walks into work, and he says, "Ey, Tony! You know
who's-a George Washington?"
Tony says, "No, Giuseppi, who's-a George Washington?"
He says, "Hah! George-a Washington's the first-a President of-
a United States. I'm-a go to night school, learn all about-a
United States, and become-a U.S.-a citizen."
A couple of days later, Giuseppi walks into work and says.
"Ey, Tony, you know who's-a Abraham Lincoln?"
Tony says, "No, Giuseppi, who's-a Abraham Lincoln?"
He says, "Hah! Abaham-a Lincoln is-a sixteenth President of-a
the United States. I'm-a go to night school, learn all about-a
United States, and become-a U.S.-a citizen."
A guy in the back of the shop yells, "Yo, Giuseppi . . . you
know who Fishlips Lorenzo is?"
He says, "No. Who's-a Fishlips Lorenzo is?"
The guy yells, "That's the guy who's bangin' your wife while
you're in night school."
======================================
What do lawyers and sperm have in common?
One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
==========================================
A man sits down at a restaurant and looks at the menu. He tells
the waiter, "I think I will have the turtle soup".
The waiter leaves, but the man changes his mind to pea soup.
He calls out to the waiter, "Excuse me, can you hold the turtle
and make it pea?"
=======================================
In a check out line the other day and the couple were arguing
about whose turn it was to pay. The clerk was kind of
listening until she heard the lady said to the guy, "Stop being a scrote."
With a furrowed brow the clerk asked, "What is a scrote?"
Without missing a beat the lady responded,
"Short for scrotum.
He is somewhere between a prick and an asshole."
=========================================
A really, really fat man got out of the shower at the health
club.
A second man said, "Gee, you're fat!"
The fat man said, "Yeah."
The second man asked, "How long has it been since you've seen
your dick?"
The fat man answered, "Long time."
The second man asked, "Why don't you diet?"
The fat man asks, "Why? What color is it now?"
=======================================
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.
==========================================
At a Gynecologist convention in Switzerland two gynecologists
were talking.
One from France says "There was a woman in my office yesterday
with a clitoris like a watermelon."
Another one from England says, "That's impossible, if she had a
clitoris the size of a watermelon she couldn't walk."
The one from France responded,
"You English, always thinking about size. I was talking about
taste."
===================================
At a bookstore the other day, I saw a book entitled "Sex for
Dummies".
Why would someone want to teach dumb people how to reproduce?
===========================================
Oh God," sighed the wife one morning, "I'm convinced my mind is
almost completely gone!"
Her husband looked up from the newspaper and commented,
"I'm not surprised.
You've been giving me a piece of it every day for twenty years!"
=========================================
What did the bird say when it flew over K-MART?
CHEEP-CHEEP.
Why are New Yorkers always depressed?
The light at the end of their tunnel is New Jersey.
====================================================
Three blondes walk into a bar and ask the bartender for three
shots of tequila. He looks at them and says, "OK," and pours their shots.
They all clink glasses and and yell "51 days!" Then they proceed
to slam the shots, looking very self-satisfied.
They look back to the bartender and decide to order another
round. This time they pick up the glasses again and, more gleefully yell,
"51 days!"
The bartender finally can't stand wondering what they are
talking about and asks them what they mean by 51 days.
One of the blondes looks at him and says, "Well," looking very
smug,"we just finished a jigsaw puzzle. It took us only 51 days.
And on the box it said 2-4 years!"
=======================================
DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE BLONDE THAT:
* Lost her boyfriend because she forgot where she laid him.
* Thought that asphalt was rectum trouble.
* Was called tapioca because she could be made in a minute.
* Thought her typewriter was pregnant because it missed a
period.
=================================
Mark and Bubba, two army buddies are on leave and decide to go
to Bubba's house and get drunk. Lo and behold they run out of beer
so Bubba says that he will go for more. As he is leaving he tells
his wife Linda-Lou to show Mark her best southern hospitality which she
agrees to do.
Bubba comes back with the beer and finds Mark and Linda-Lou
fooking right on the kitchen floor. Bubba yells, "
What are you doing Linda-Lou?"
She replies " You told me to show Mark my best southern
hospitality."
Bubba then says "Gee whiz girl, arch your back, poor Mark's
balls are on the cold kitchen floor."
got this via email...
especially if you take them while driving.
========================================
Casey came home from the doctor looking very worried. his wife
said,"What's the problem?"
He said, "The doctor told me I have to take a pill every day for
the rest of my life."
She said, "So what? Lots of people have to take a pill every day
their whole lives."
He said, "I know, but he only gave me four pills!"
=========================================
Giuseppi walks into work, and he says, "Ey, Tony! You know
who's-a George Washington?"
Tony says, "No, Giuseppi, who's-a George Washington?"
He says, "Hah! George-a Washington's the first-a President of-
a United States. I'm-a go to night school, learn all about-a
United States, and become-a U.S.-a citizen."
A couple of days later, Giuseppi walks into work and says.
"Ey, Tony, you know who's-a Abraham Lincoln?"
Tony says, "No, Giuseppi, who's-a Abraham Lincoln?"
He says, "Hah! Abaham-a Lincoln is-a sixteenth President of-a
the United States. I'm-a go to night school, learn all about-a
United States, and become-a U.S.-a citizen."
A guy in the back of the shop yells, "Yo, Giuseppi . . . you
know who Fishlips Lorenzo is?"
He says, "No. Who's-a Fishlips Lorenzo is?"
The guy yells, "That's the guy who's bangin' your wife while
you're in night school."
======================================
What do lawyers and sperm have in common?
One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
==========================================
A man sits down at a restaurant and looks at the menu. He tells
the waiter, "I think I will have the turtle soup".
The waiter leaves, but the man changes his mind to pea soup.
He calls out to the waiter, "Excuse me, can you hold the turtle
and make it pea?"
=======================================
In a check out line the other day and the couple were arguing
about whose turn it was to pay. The clerk was kind of
listening until she heard the lady said to the guy, "Stop being a scrote."
With a furrowed brow the clerk asked, "What is a scrote?"
Without missing a beat the lady responded,
"Short for scrotum.
He is somewhere between a prick and an asshole."
=========================================
A really, really fat man got out of the shower at the health
club.
A second man said, "Gee, you're fat!"
The fat man said, "Yeah."
The second man asked, "How long has it been since you've seen
your dick?"
The fat man answered, "Long time."
The second man asked, "Why don't you diet?"
The fat man asks, "Why? What color is it now?"
=======================================
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.
==========================================
At a Gynecologist convention in Switzerland two gynecologists
were talking.
One from France says "There was a woman in my office yesterday
with a clitoris like a watermelon."
Another one from England says, "That's impossible, if she had a
clitoris the size of a watermelon she couldn't walk."
The one from France responded,
"You English, always thinking about size. I was talking about
taste."
===================================
At a bookstore the other day, I saw a book entitled "Sex for
Dummies".
Why would someone want to teach dumb people how to reproduce?
===========================================
Oh God," sighed the wife one morning, "I'm convinced my mind is
almost completely gone!"
Her husband looked up from the newspaper and commented,
"I'm not surprised.
You've been giving me a piece of it every day for twenty years!"
=========================================
What did the bird say when it flew over K-MART?
CHEEP-CHEEP.
Why are New Yorkers always depressed?
The light at the end of their tunnel is New Jersey.
====================================================
Three blondes walk into a bar and ask the bartender for three
shots of tequila. He looks at them and says, "OK," and pours their shots.
They all clink glasses and and yell "51 days!" Then they proceed
to slam the shots, looking very self-satisfied.
They look back to the bartender and decide to order another
round. This time they pick up the glasses again and, more gleefully yell,
"51 days!"
The bartender finally can't stand wondering what they are
talking about and asks them what they mean by 51 days.
One of the blondes looks at him and says, "Well," looking very
smug,"we just finished a jigsaw puzzle. It took us only 51 days.
And on the box it said 2-4 years!"
=======================================
DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE BLONDE THAT:
* Lost her boyfriend because she forgot where she laid him.
* Thought that asphalt was rectum trouble.
* Was called tapioca because she could be made in a minute.
* Thought her typewriter was pregnant because it missed a
period.
=================================
Mark and Bubba, two army buddies are on leave and decide to go
to Bubba's house and get drunk. Lo and behold they run out of beer
so Bubba says that he will go for more. As he is leaving he tells
his wife Linda-Lou to show Mark her best southern hospitality which she
agrees to do.
Bubba comes back with the beer and finds Mark and Linda-Lou
fooking right on the kitchen floor. Bubba yells, "
What are you doing Linda-Lou?"
She replies " You told me to show Mark my best southern
hospitality."
Bubba then says "Gee whiz girl, arch your back, poor Mark's
balls are on the cold kitchen floor."
got this via email...