A couple weeks ago, I posted this in alldeaf. http://www.alldeaf.com/deaf-education/101883-abused-child-isolated-adult.html
I posted initially with the intent that I wanted to find out if I was the only one going through what I am going through. If what I've dealt with in my personal life and career is something I'm doing wrong. I have so much doubt in myself it's hard to figure out whether this stuff is self-inflicted or if it really is people taking advantage of a situation to make me feel like a lesser person.
Recently I had a situation with a boss in my office that has been saying things to me about my hearing, telling me I'm not paying close attention to detail, or that I may not be a good fit in the company. I've only been here 2 months, but already I'm being left out of important meetings, been passed on opportunities to attend conferences (though I suppose that's not so terrible considering they're so loud and I can't hear...), basically retaliation for my having made a formal complaint with HR.
It came about because my boss and another Director decided the best course of action with regards to the director taking a meeting room I reserved for a client was to admonish me for not demanding it back. I was put in an impossible situation, two managers attacking me for a scenario I wasn't really responsible for creating. And when I'd called him out (I had a client and didn't want to embarass myself or the company, which is why I'd brought it up), it was a united front to come at me. At that time, my boss felt it was appropriate to start piling on all the other little mistakes or misunderstandings that occurred and to blame me for not making the perfect, right decision at the time. It was an unrealistic expectation and it was NOT a cooperation between team members to find a resolution.
I felt harassed and attacked and I've gone through this many times before at previous companies, so I finally got the nerve to file a complaint. We went to the HR meeting, and I was immediately put on the defense, being attacked for a number of reasons. All the usual tricks, including the classic gaslighting technique used on me for so many years even by my own parents. And that's the worst because people start trying to make you feel like you're going crazy. Like you imagined something. I didn't. She lied in front of HR, proclaiming she never said anything. Used a family member who had a hearing disability as an excuse to show she knew what I dealt with, and told me to grow a thicker skin because life is unfair.
This is true. Life is unfair. But according to the ADA, the behavior exhibited is not legal or acceptable behavior.
This has all been extremely painful for me. I've worked so hard over the years to try to prove myself, and show I'm a valuable member of the team. Time and again, especially during a tough job market, people have used my disability against me, not ever even realizing that they're doing it. I was trying to make her aware of her actions. And through the course of it, she was using the EXACT tactics I was trying to make her understand.
The result of the meeting (HR didn't really help very much) was that there were a couple of things she'd do and I'd do to help communicate job requirements. But I'm still sitting here with very little to do, as a senior member of this group (and never having been promoted anywhere). I'm ignored, I'm not being invited to things. It's very clear retaliation is in full swing. But I don't trust my boss, and frankly I don't know how long I'll last here before they find something to use against me.
I hate feeling like this. I hate feeling like my career is at the mercy of people who will do anything to make them look good. I've been cursed at, yelled at, made to feel stupid, made to be afraid for my job repeatedly, ignored, and generally treated pretty poorly. I'd do anything for a manager who supports and encourages me, but apparently those don't exist. I had one once, and I thrived. But that was a long time ago.
So I guess I'm asking, is this a common theme for all of you? I AM HoH and don't know ASL, so I've had to live my entire life in the hearing world. It can be really difficult. I do well one-on-one, but don't do well in company functions. I'm exhausted. What career options are there for a college educated professional with a disability that doesn't have me being forced to deal with office politics, but also doesn't force me to work in an isolated space? Any ideas? Thank you.
I posted initially with the intent that I wanted to find out if I was the only one going through what I am going through. If what I've dealt with in my personal life and career is something I'm doing wrong. I have so much doubt in myself it's hard to figure out whether this stuff is self-inflicted or if it really is people taking advantage of a situation to make me feel like a lesser person.
Recently I had a situation with a boss in my office that has been saying things to me about my hearing, telling me I'm not paying close attention to detail, or that I may not be a good fit in the company. I've only been here 2 months, but already I'm being left out of important meetings, been passed on opportunities to attend conferences (though I suppose that's not so terrible considering they're so loud and I can't hear...), basically retaliation for my having made a formal complaint with HR.
It came about because my boss and another Director decided the best course of action with regards to the director taking a meeting room I reserved for a client was to admonish me for not demanding it back. I was put in an impossible situation, two managers attacking me for a scenario I wasn't really responsible for creating. And when I'd called him out (I had a client and didn't want to embarass myself or the company, which is why I'd brought it up), it was a united front to come at me. At that time, my boss felt it was appropriate to start piling on all the other little mistakes or misunderstandings that occurred and to blame me for not making the perfect, right decision at the time. It was an unrealistic expectation and it was NOT a cooperation between team members to find a resolution.
I felt harassed and attacked and I've gone through this many times before at previous companies, so I finally got the nerve to file a complaint. We went to the HR meeting, and I was immediately put on the defense, being attacked for a number of reasons. All the usual tricks, including the classic gaslighting technique used on me for so many years even by my own parents. And that's the worst because people start trying to make you feel like you're going crazy. Like you imagined something. I didn't. She lied in front of HR, proclaiming she never said anything. Used a family member who had a hearing disability as an excuse to show she knew what I dealt with, and told me to grow a thicker skin because life is unfair.
This is true. Life is unfair. But according to the ADA, the behavior exhibited is not legal or acceptable behavior.
This has all been extremely painful for me. I've worked so hard over the years to try to prove myself, and show I'm a valuable member of the team. Time and again, especially during a tough job market, people have used my disability against me, not ever even realizing that they're doing it. I was trying to make her aware of her actions. And through the course of it, she was using the EXACT tactics I was trying to make her understand.
The result of the meeting (HR didn't really help very much) was that there were a couple of things she'd do and I'd do to help communicate job requirements. But I'm still sitting here with very little to do, as a senior member of this group (and never having been promoted anywhere). I'm ignored, I'm not being invited to things. It's very clear retaliation is in full swing. But I don't trust my boss, and frankly I don't know how long I'll last here before they find something to use against me.
I hate feeling like this. I hate feeling like my career is at the mercy of people who will do anything to make them look good. I've been cursed at, yelled at, made to feel stupid, made to be afraid for my job repeatedly, ignored, and generally treated pretty poorly. I'd do anything for a manager who supports and encourages me, but apparently those don't exist. I had one once, and I thrived. But that was a long time ago.
So I guess I'm asking, is this a common theme for all of you? I AM HoH and don't know ASL, so I've had to live my entire life in the hearing world. It can be really difficult. I do well one-on-one, but don't do well in company functions. I'm exhausted. What career options are there for a college educated professional with a disability that doesn't have me being forced to deal with office politics, but also doesn't force me to work in an isolated space? Any ideas? Thank you.