Do you wish to become baby again?

I wouldn't mind being a baby again just for awhile, I know I wouldn't be able to do a lot of things on my own but just to get away from everything for awhile. And to get attention and just have fun instead of being stressed all the time, almost like a little vacation.
I have no desire to repeat the baby, childhood or teen years. The baby side was difficult enough. The childhood was part of a dysfunctional family made worse by changing schools constantly until the State built a new Deaf in Columbia in '73. I was part of Baer School on Warwick Ave in Baltimore City Maryland for a year I think it was prior. I had three classmates somewhat older than me and a different race and nationality too. So everything that my parents tried to teach me went out the window as I gained streetwise learning and a filthy language to match when out downtown. It was a tough area in those days.

The teen years were messed up seriously badly. We managed a move out of the city to the Country which made things somewhat worse in some ways. City bumpkin had to learn country ways fast. I think leaving out the predators et.Al... the failures of the State Education to address certain things that we would need to know before we learned it on our own made quite a impression. I remember in public school there were two simple books that a girlfriend and I got into for a day or two and that was much more learning than a course offered that year in middle school for her and for me. However due to a variety of situations in a heavily supervised building like that things did not go well for most of us.

That led to high school. The more "They" added stuff for me to get into the less interested I became. I wanted out. Nothing else interested me those last years. If you consider long haul trucking school off haven street in baltimore the following spring and summer and then rolling for a variety of employers hauling pretty much anything except radioactive I got out of there for sure. It was a land of No growing up. No this no that no something else no. no. and no. Never the why? never the how, when etc. nothing. Just no to everything. Great. I'll cut loose and get out on my own TYVM. At that point I was free. And whats interesting is that many people did not have anything left to say to me when I did not need them anymore in a manner of speaking.

Sure, you can keep the baby, child and teen crap growing up. The sooner we got that out of the way the easier it is to decide what, when, how, who and where to spend your life quietly doing what you think best and to enjoy it a little bit along the way. I think in those days the teen years did alot of damage. Not necessarily for myself but to the Girls in particular. They would love to date and have a relationship and so forth but most of them simply were not taught how by anyone. And the State wondered why we had girls get pregnant aftter a certain year in high school. Some were actually borderline problems between boy and girl in consent and those were prosecuted. The rest was swept under the rug. I feel blessed in those days with three who were my equals in many ways and shared some understanding of our crappy teen years then. Took a little bit of joy and light along the way waiting for the day we officially escaped the "System" among other things.

I don't worry about all that now. Thats 40 plus years gone. Ancient history. Its not pretty when I feel like a little kid some days. Whoo hoo. Its actually not right for someone like me to get into something and have alot of fun as a child would. Be it a game, adventure or a day trip or whatever.

And that I think is the best thought in life. If you can stay young and not worry about the passing of years, you will never grow old. And there lies the other side of the coin... There has been people who made it to 15, 16, 17 etc and were killed by drunk drivers, wrecks or some other stupid wasteful tragety in life. Cut like a flower before it had a chance to enjoy life along with the rain. Maybe its better they never lived long enough to grow up. Surely God has mercy on them. However they miss out on so much and there are people who miss them. I had one back in the mid 70's at the Columbia for about a year and change in school. One day that person did not exist anymore and probably to this day I would wonder what in the world happened. Ive also suspected other influences as well but you cannot dwell on it. It will eat you up and hurt you.

And so there it is. Those early years are closed and resolved and we had moved on for so long free from that crap. And that would be the worst of it. When you are a child your body has no problems other than what the doctors might need to do once in a while. However no one takes the time to teach you about evolving into a adult process that takes off relatively early and takes a few years to resolve the growth. I think for me that would be the worst of it. Not knowing anything. Keep in mind in those days we did not have a computer anywhere. No cell phones either. We had enclycopedias and we had very few people able to go over the subject of growing up. However many of us just muddled through because in those days Society was pretty puritan and not able to use that time to teach well. And so it was.

That I think was the biggest thing. If no one was going to teach me, then I will go find out on my own. Illegally or not.

Once they understand that (Who is this They?) then we really had some conflicts. They can have all that. Swept into the dustbin of a time long since closed out and forgotten. What a mess.

The OP did mention money etc. To me hauling million dollar loads of medicine, narcotics, kits and so forth to distribution for hospitals around the USA was plenty. The high dollar loads did not scare us because thats what we did best. Blood Plasma was another. That was with FFE straight through between Avenel NJ and LA California. Twice weekly 7000 miles with a half day to sleep around and rest up for the next week. 9-11 really threw some medical loads for NYC. But all that got taken care of good.

The money pertaining to debt as in stupid credit cards at 20% interest or even 25% or even 30+ in some cases had to stop. And it did. Took a few years but all that crap got stopped pernamently. ZERO credit. As in credit that has money backing it in a special bank account. I can go get whatever I need any time within reason and not worry about the running up of debt that turns one into a slave. They say you smile at the bank in those days. Now the Bank smiles at us when we pay a water bill a year ahead of time. Poof Paid. See you next year. Anything left over just roll it into the new years bills. Thats one example. If we needed to put together something big in cash for the engine? no problem. Takes a month or two. Depending. IF you did not need money for anything, just throw it into a safe or account. Let it pile up. No need to keep up with the joneses. Wait a while you will spend it soon enough. (Medical bills etc) Im actually at the point that I am sick of money stuff and don't worry about it too much. I spend one hour each month writing a few bills and adding up everything else and when all of that is done down to the penny until next month I don't worry about it anymore.

Alot better to life well than to say be 10,000 dollars in debt, no rent money that is due in 4 days, your electric has been shut off along with the water soon because your debts and wild spending got away from you. Or perhaps a life of illegal drugs involving big money spending that you don't have but must do in order not to be too sick. And live in fear and all that with the Law, other Users or abusers and addictions ranging say from Gambling to whatever compulsive that eats you up. And people do get seriously lost and sometimes killed for it.

When everything is in order sleeping is easy. When it is not in order then you need to fix it before bed.
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