Buddha/Zen jokes

Liza

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Q: Why don't Buddhists vacuum in the corners?
A: Because they have no attachments.

Q: How many Zen buddhists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, they are the light bulb.

Q: What happens when a Buddhist becomes totally absorbed with the computer he is working with?
A: He enters Nerdvana.

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Compassion with an umbrella
A Western Buddhist woman was In india, studying with her teacher. She was riding with another woman friend in a rickshaw-like carriage, when they were attacked by a man on the street. In the end, the attacker only succeeded in frightening the women, but the Buddhist woman was quite upset by the event and told her teacher so. She asked him what she should have done - what would have been the appropriate, Buddhist response.

The teacher said very simply, "You should have very mindfully and with great compassion whacked the attacker over the head with your umbrella."

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Flapping flag
Four monks were meditating in a monastery. All of a sudden the prayer flag on the roof started flapping.

The younger monk came out of his meditation and said: "Flag is flapping"

A more experienced monk said: "Wind is flapping"

A third monk who had been there for more than 20 years said: "Mind is flapping."

The fourth monk who was the eldest said, visibly annoyed: "Mouths are flapping!"
 
Ananda: How should we behave towards Women, O Lord?
Buddha: Do not see them.
Ananda: But if we should see them, Lord?
Buddha: No talking.
Ananda: But if they should speak to us, Lord, what are we to do?
Budda: Then keep wide-awake, Ananda.
 
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