I was on my way to the post office to pick up my case of free M&Ms
(sent to me
because I forwarded an e-mail to five other people, celebrating the
fact that
the year 2000 is "MM" in Roman numerals), when I ran into a friend
whose
neighbor, a young man, was home recovering from having been served a
rat in his
bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken (which is predictable, since as
everyone knows,
there's no actual chicken in Kentucky Fried Chicken, which is why the
government
made them change their name to KFC).
Anyway, one day this guy went to sleep and when he awoke he was in his
bathtub
and it was full of ice and he was sore all over and when he got out of
the tub
he realized that his kidney had been stolen. He saw a note on his
mirror that
said "Call 911!" but he was afraid to use his phone because it was
connected to
his computer, and there was a virus on his computer that would destroy
his hard
drive if he opened an e-mail entitled "Join the crew!"
He knew it wasn't a hoax because he himself was a computer programmer
who was
working on software to prevent a global disaster in which all of the
computers
get together and distribute the $250.00 Neiman-Marcus cookie recipe
under the
leadership of Bill Gates. (It's true — I read it all last week in a
mass e-mail
from Bill Gates himself, who was also promising me a free Disney World
vacation
and $5,000 if I would forward the e-mail to everyone I know.)
The poor man then tried to call 911 from a pay phone to report his
missing
kidneys, but a voice on the line first asked him to press #90, which
unwittingly gave the bandit full access to the phone line at the guy's
expense.
Then reaching into the coin-return slot he got jabbed with an
HIV-infected
needle around which was wrapped a note that said, "Welcome to the world
of
AIDS." Luckily he was only a few blocks from the hospital — the one
where that
little boy who is dying of cancer is, the one whose last wish is for
everyone
in the world to send him an e-mail and the American Cancer Society has
agreed
to pay him a nickel for every e-mail he receives.
I sent him two e-mails and one of them was a bunch of x's and o's in
the shape
of an angel (if you get it and forward it to more than ten people, you
will
have good luck but for ten people only you will only have okay luck and
if you
send it to fewer than ten people you will have bad luck for seven
years).
So anyway the poor guy tried to drive himself to the hospital, but on
the way he
noticed another car driving without its lights on. To be helpful, he
flashed his
lights at him and was promptly shot as part of a gang initiation.
Send this to all the friends who send you their junk mail and you will
receive
four green M&Ms — if you don't, the owner of Proctor and Gamble will
report you
to his Satanist friends and you will have more bad luck: US government
will put
a tax on your e-mails forever.
I know this is all true because I read it on the Internet.
........
Use your brain before you hit "send" http://www.snopes.com/
(sent to me
because I forwarded an e-mail to five other people, celebrating the
fact that
the year 2000 is "MM" in Roman numerals), when I ran into a friend
whose
neighbor, a young man, was home recovering from having been served a
rat in his
bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken (which is predictable, since as
everyone knows,
there's no actual chicken in Kentucky Fried Chicken, which is why the
government
made them change their name to KFC).
Anyway, one day this guy went to sleep and when he awoke he was in his
bathtub
and it was full of ice and he was sore all over and when he got out of
the tub
he realized that his kidney had been stolen. He saw a note on his
mirror that
said "Call 911!" but he was afraid to use his phone because it was
connected to
his computer, and there was a virus on his computer that would destroy
his hard
drive if he opened an e-mail entitled "Join the crew!"
He knew it wasn't a hoax because he himself was a computer programmer
who was
working on software to prevent a global disaster in which all of the
computers
get together and distribute the $250.00 Neiman-Marcus cookie recipe
under the
leadership of Bill Gates. (It's true — I read it all last week in a
mass e-mail
from Bill Gates himself, who was also promising me a free Disney World
vacation
and $5,000 if I would forward the e-mail to everyone I know.)
The poor man then tried to call 911 from a pay phone to report his
missing
kidneys, but a voice on the line first asked him to press #90, which
unwittingly gave the bandit full access to the phone line at the guy's
expense.
Then reaching into the coin-return slot he got jabbed with an
HIV-infected
needle around which was wrapped a note that said, "Welcome to the world
of
AIDS." Luckily he was only a few blocks from the hospital — the one
where that
little boy who is dying of cancer is, the one whose last wish is for
everyone
in the world to send him an e-mail and the American Cancer Society has
agreed
to pay him a nickel for every e-mail he receives.
I sent him two e-mails and one of them was a bunch of x's and o's in
the shape
of an angel (if you get it and forward it to more than ten people, you
will
have good luck but for ten people only you will only have okay luck and
if you
send it to fewer than ten people you will have bad luck for seven
years).
So anyway the poor guy tried to drive himself to the hospital, but on
the way he
noticed another car driving without its lights on. To be helpful, he
flashed his
lights at him and was promptly shot as part of a gang initiation.
Send this to all the friends who send you their junk mail and you will
receive
four green M&Ms — if you don't, the owner of Proctor and Gamble will
report you
to his Satanist friends and you will have more bad luck: US government
will put
a tax on your e-mails forever.
I know this is all true because I read it on the Internet.
........
Use your brain before you hit "send" http://www.snopes.com/