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1. At dinner, guard your plate with fork and steak knife, so as to give the impression that you'll stab anyone, including the waiter, who reaches for it. 2. Collect the salt shakers from all of the tables in the restaurant, and balance them in a tower on your table. 3. Wipe your nose on your...

I always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love, and now that you've come into my life... (Inside card) I've changed my mind. I must admit, you brought religion into my life. (Inside card) I never believed in Hell until I met you. As the days go by, I think how lucky I am...

1. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies. 2. In the memo field of all your checks, write “for sexual favors.” 3. Specify that your drive-through order is “TO-GO.” 4. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to...

There was a Japanese man who went to America for sightseeing. On his last day, he hail a cab and told the driver to drive to the airport. During the journey, a Honda drove past the taxi. Thereupon, the man leaned out of the window excitedly and yelled, "Honda, very fast! Made in Japan."...

A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived. "My God!" the trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an...

The manager of a large office noticed a new man one day and told him to come into his office. "What is your name?" was the first thing the manager asked the new guy. "John," the new guy replied. The manager scowled, "Look... I don't know what kind of a mamby-pamby place you worked at...