Questions for you guys ....

Maria · 04-10-2008, 09:30 AM

I have some questions I would like to ask some of you.

Do you think it is okay to be jealous to show enough that you really care about significate other ?

Do you think it is not okay to be jealous just, because it could lead to many problems such as " stalking " or " mistrust " or " spying " and so on ?

I have this huge debate about this issue with a friend of mine. I would like to see your perspective, opinions, point of view, experience, and all on this issue. I just want to see what you know about the differences between " okay to be jealous " or " not okay to be jealous " ....

Discuss!

jazzy · 04-10-2008, 09:40 AM

Honestly, I hate that word but my husband need to know that I care and love him to let him know it bothers me. It makes him feel secure to know that I love him. If I do not show it to him then he may wonder "Is my wife truly love me or not?" Now we have grown up and change, we are comfortable with eachother, not need to go thru this cycle over again and again.

Chase · 04-10-2008, 11:56 AM

Just one guy's opinion, but as in any human interaction, moderation should rule.

Despite what some therapists would have us believe, mild jealousy regarding a significant other is normal and healthy. If we have mutually agreed to an exclusive relationship (going steady, dating only each other, engaged, married) then a certain amount of guarding one's claim is reasonable, and as mentioned can show we care. Many couples banter about their jealousy as a form of romantic play and keeping things interesting.

It's when constant suspicion, resentment, anger, and/or extreme possessiveness is involved that jealousy becomes the monster with eyes of any color.

The relationship is obviously unhealthy when one makes a game of making the other jealous or actually is unfaithful. The relationship is unhealthy when the jealousy of one is constant or unreasonable. In both cases the relationship needs to change for the better or definitely end.

If one has definitely broken off with the other and possessive acts continue, that's when jealousy crosses the line to be illegal, don't you think?

sequoias · 04-10-2008, 01:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chase

Just one guy's opinion, but as in any human interaction, moderation should rule.

Despite what some therapists would have us believe, mild jealousy regarding a significant other is normal and healthy. If we have mutually agreed to an exclusive relationship (going steady, dating only each other, engaged, married) then a certain amount of guarding one's claim is reasonable, and as mentioned can show we care. Many couples banter about their jealousy as a form of romantic play and keeping things interesting.

It's when constant suspicion, resentment, anger, and/or extreme possessiveness is involved that jealousy becomes the monster with eyes of any color.

The relationship is obviously unhealthy when one makes a game of making the other jealous or actually is unfaithful. The relationship is unhealthy when the jealousy of one is constant or unreasonable. In both cases the relationship needs to change for the better or definitely end.

If one has definitely broken off with the other and possessive acts continue, that's when jealousy crosses the line to be illegal, don't you think?

Well said! That's what I was thinking also.

Maria · 04-10-2008, 01:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jazzy

Honestly, I hate that word but my husband need to know that I care and love him to let him know it bothers me. It makes him feel secure to know that I love him. If I do not show it to him then he may wonder "Is my wife truly love me or not?" Now we have grown up and change, we are comfortable with eachother, not need to go thru this cycle over again and again.

Me, too. I hate that word as well. To me, I think that word " jealous " ain't that pretty. Some women are more emotional than men. And, of course I've seen some men are more emotional, too when they show their " jealousy " side... dependin' on what their situations are.

sequoias · 04-10-2008, 01:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Maria

Me, too. I hate that word as well. To me, I think that word " jealous " ain't that pretty. Some women are more emotional than men. And, of course I've seen some men are more emotional, too when they show their " jealousy " side... dependin' on what their situations are.

I show my jealousy side.

I am a emotional man sometimes. Sad isn't it?

Maria · 04-10-2008, 02:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chase

Just one guy's opinion, but as in any human interaction, moderation should rule.

Despite what some therapists would have us believe, mild jealousy regarding a significant other is normal and healthy. If we have mutually agreed to an exclusive relationship (going steady, dating only each other, engaged, married) then a certain amount of guarding one's claim is reasonable, and as mentioned can show we care. Many couples banter about their jealousy as a form of romantic play and keeping things interesting.

I am glad you share your opinion since you are a man. Thanks for explainin' what man's view tells him. A friend of mine is a man himself. And, he don't say things like this what you just have stated.

It's when constant suspicion, resentment, anger, and/or extreme possessiveness is involved that jealousy becomes the monster with eyes of any color.

Chase, I ask just for a friend ( not more than that ) and for what he have done to me...he told me that he feels regret and had nightmares. Told me that " karma " was following him everywhere he went. Care to explain what he means by that ? I warned him several months ago that he shouldn't be playin' with my good. Now, that words I told him several months ago....it haunted him.

The relationship is obviously unhealthy when one makes a game of making the other jealous or actually is unfaithful. The relationship is unhealthy when the jealousy of one is constant or unreasonable. In both cases the relationship needs to change for the better or definitely end.

If one has definitely broken off with the other and possessive acts continue, that's when jealousy crosses the line to be illegal, don't you think?

I agree. However, I do know that the word " jealousy " has many contradictions. It's hard to prove when a person is not jealous or jealous. Some men and women have a hard time to admit their jealousy and even, thou they KNEW it that they are jealous. Some men and women are afraid of losing their significant others if, they admit their jealousy... in another word around, they are also afraid of losing their significant others, if they don't admit their jealousy by showin' uncarin' side for them. How do you explain all this to ease both sides ?

Some men and women's jealousy has been damaged by abuse from the past and they don't show it emotionally to show how much they truly care. I believe that it takes 2 persons to go flow with each other and move on.... try to overlook the " blemish spots " from each other by showin' love side, don't ya think ?

jillio · 04-10-2008, 09:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chase

Just one guy's opinion, but as in any human interaction, moderation should rule.

Despite what some therapists would have us believe, mild jealousy regarding a significant other is normal and healthy. If we have mutually agreed to an exclusive relationship (going steady, dating only each other, engaged, married) then a certain amount of guarding one's claim is reasonable, and as mentioned can show we care. Many couples banter about their jealousy as a form of romantic play and keeping things interesting.

It's when constant suspicion, resentment, anger, and/or extreme possessiveness is involved that jealousy becomes the monster with eyes of any color.

The relationship is obviously unhealthy when one makes a game of making the other jealous or actually is unfaithful. The relationship is unhealthy when the jealousy of one is constant or unreasonable. In both cases the relationship needs to change for the better or definitely end.

If one has definitely broken off with the other and possessive acts continue, that's when jealousy crosses the line to be illegal, don't you think?

Very good, Chase. A reasonable amount of jealousy, or proprietory feelings are natural to relationships. However, extreme jealousy is usually more about the person experiencing the jealousy than it is about showing the partner one cares about them. Caring also involves trust and support.

04-10-2008, 09:30 AM	#1 (permalink)
Maria My love and I Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: FLORIDA Posts: 8,762	Questions for you guys .... I have some questions I would like to ask some of you. Do you think it is okay to be jealous to show enough that you really care about significate other ? Do you think it is not okay to be jealous just, because it could lead to many problems such as " stalking " or " mistrust " or " spying " and so on ? I have this huge debate about this issue with a friend of mine. I would like to see your perspective, opinions, point of view, experience, and all on this issue. I just want to see what you know about the differences between " okay to be jealous " or " not okay to be jealous " .... Discuss!

04-10-2008, 09:40 AM	#2 (permalink)
jazzy Registered User Join Date: Jun 2004 Posts: 3,196	Honestly, I hate that word but my husband need to know that I care and love him to let him know it bothers me. It makes him feel secure to know that I love him. If I do not show it to him then he may wonder "Is my wife truly love me or not?" Now we have grown up and change, we are comfortable with eachother, not need to go thru this cycle over again and again. __________________

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04-10-2008, 11:56 AM	#3 (permalink)
Chase Premium Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Posts: 2,316	Just one guy's opinion, but as in any human interaction, moderation should rule. Despite what some therapists would have us believe, mild jealousy regarding a significant other is normal and healthy. If we have mutually agreed to an exclusive relationship (going steady, dating only each other, engaged, married) then a certain amount of guarding one's claim is reasonable, and as mentioned can show we care. Many couples banter about their jealousy as a form of romantic play and keeping things interesting. It's when constant suspicion, resentment, anger, and/or extreme possessiveness is involved that jealousy becomes the monster with eyes of any color. The relationship is obviously unhealthy when one makes a game of making the other jealous or actually is unfaithful. The relationship is unhealthy when the jealousy of one is constant or unreasonable. In both cases the relationship needs to change for the better or definitely end. If one has definitely broken off with the other and possessive acts continue, that's when jealousy crosses the line to be illegal, don't you think?