How do you handle a partner who is very critical of you?

GarnetTigerMom · 11-18-2007, 12:33 PM

How do you handle a partner who is very critical of you? I would like to know what your input on this topic question and how would you deal with someone who critical of you in the relationship? So let say a person ask a question like this: " My girlfriend keeps trying to change everything about me, from how I dress, what I read, the grammar I use when I speak, even who my friends are. Nothing I do is ever perfect enough, and I live with constant criticism. I’m afraid I’ll never live up to her expectations. How can I get her to be less critical?"

What would you say? I love to hear your input.

Kaitin · 11-18-2007, 01:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GarnetTigerMom

How do you handle a partner who is very critical of you? I would like to know what your input on this topic question and how would you deal with someone who critical of you in the relationship? So let say a person ask a question like this: " My girlfriend keeps trying to change everything about me, from how I dress, what I read, the grammar I use when I speak, even who my friends are. Nothing I do is ever perfect enough, and I live with constant criticism. I’m afraid I’ll never live up to her expectations. How can I get her to be less critical?"

What would you say? I love to hear your input.

I think you tell the person all these and ask for explanation (maybe you misunderstand or some other problem) and for change if you understand correctly. If the person can't or won't change I guess he needs a new partner. And I don't think he probably can make her "less critical" and don't think he can "live up to her expectations" ever so they need new people. They should break up so the girlfriend finds someone "perfect enough" and the man finds someone who accepts and not criticizes always. Life is hard and others criticize enough so your partner should not and instead support you. No way I want someone who has constant criticism - so what is the point of the relationship? JMO.

GarnetTigerMom · 11-18-2007, 02:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kaitin

I think you tell the person all these and ask for explanation (maybe you misunderstand or some other problem) and for change if you understand correctly. If the person can't or won't change I guess he needs a new partner. And I don't think he probably can make her "less critical" and don't think he can "live up to her expectations" ever so they need new people. They should break up so the girlfriend finds someone "perfect enough" and the man finds someone who accepts and not criticizes always. Life is hard and others criticize enough so your partner should not and instead support you. No way I want someone who has constant criticism - so what is the point of the relationship? JMO.

I have to agree with you. It not worth being in relationship with someone who always a constant critics all the time. I would give my advice to him. But instead he asking the wrong question. Instead of asking me "How can I get her to be less critical?’, you should be asking yourself, "Why am I punishing myself by being in a relationship with someone who treats me like dirt?" Your girlfriend is making herself very clear--she doesn’t like you very much! She obviously sees you as someone whom she can either emotionally torture or rehabilitate, depending on the mood she’s in. You’re right...you can never live up to her expectations, because she is expecting you to be someone you aren’t. This isn’t a relationship--it’s self-flagellation on your part! I would tell him dumped her. She looking for someone perfect so to me, there is no such thing as perfect person. :-)

SxyPorkie · 11-18-2007, 02:38 PM

If a partner continue doing to me... i would dump the partner....a partner has to accept me and my faults.. Instead of criticing me.. either dump or both of us have to make many compromises..

PuyoPiyo · 11-18-2007, 02:54 PM

If my panther kept critizing against my personally, then I will feel like he/she don't have heart for me anymore, but fussy me out. I would just dump him/her just like SxyPorkie said.

Bear · 11-18-2007, 05:12 PM

What you are describing is a form of emotional and verbal abuse. As in all abusive relationships sometimes people cant stop blaming themselves enough and finding fault with themselves enough to see that the other person is abusing them.

The best advice you could give this guy is to seek counseling. He needs to realize what type of relationship he is in, and needs help to figure out why he feels he deserves that type of treatment.

As for the girl sometimes if an outsider tells her off and stands up for the guy she just may well back off. And let another girl sometimes show interest in the guy and she will change her ways SOMETIMES.

It does sound to me like she just likes to control someone and this guy is a perfect pushover for her. But do tell him to seek counseling.

Gemma · 11-18-2007, 05:19 PM

If my man becomes overly critical of me, I will simply leave him. It is not my job to change into what or who he wants....if he is so critical, it means he has his own issues.

No point of staying with him and trying to make him see from my perspective. No matter how HARD or how LONG I try, he will remain overly critical unless he goes through massive therapy but most critical people will not even seek therapy so I know better from my own experiences.

I will RUN, not walk. There are many other fishes in the sea who will accept for me who I am and not be ANAL RETENTIVE. LIfe is too damn short to try to meet a man's unrealistic expectations. Of course there is a word called compromising but it doesnt involve overtly criticism.

GarnetTigerMom · 11-18-2007, 09:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gemma

If my man becomes overly critical of me, I will simply leave him. It is not my job to change into what or who he wants....if he is so critical, it means he has his own issues.

No point of staying with him and trying to make him see from my perspective. No matter how HARD or how LONG I try, he will remain overly critical unless he goes through massive therapy but most critical people will not even seek therapy so I know better from my own experiences.

I will RUN, not walk. There are many other fishes in the sea who will accept for me who I am and not be ANAL RETENTIVE. LIfe is too damn short to try to meet a man's unrealistic expectations. Of course there is a word called compromising but it doesnt involve overtly criticism.

Amen, I would dump the guy that get contant criticial on me I would not want him in my life if he that way. I would rather have a good guy treat me right then critized me what I do.

GarnetTigerMom · 11-18-2007, 09:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bear

What you are describing is a form of emotional and verbal abuse. As in all abusive relationships sometimes people cant stop blaming themselves enough and finding fault with themselves enough to see that the other person is abusing them.

The best advice you could give this guy is to seek counseling. He needs to realize what type of relationship he is in, and needs help to figure out why he feels he deserves that type of treatment.

As for the girl sometimes if an outsider tells her off and stands up for the guy she just may well back off. And let another girl sometimes show interest in the guy and she will change her ways SOMETIMES.

It does sound to me like she just likes to control someone and this guy is a perfect pushover for her. But do tell him to seek counseling.

You be rights, but then again I would tell him differently. Say something like,
So what’s the answer to the real question: Why would you be attracted to a woman who treats you so terribly? You know what I’m going to say--it goes back to your Emotional Programming from childhood. You’re undoubtedly repeating a pattern you first experienced when you were young, one in which you had to work hard to gain the attention, praise or approval of someone who you loved very much. Maybe Dad or Mom was super critical, and nothing you did was ever good enough. Your grades should have been better, you should have excelled more at sports, you should have had a better attitude, etc. etc. You may have made an unconscious decision that "I’m not good enough, and I have to work hard to get someone to love me. "By attracting a woman who treats you like a child she’s trying to "raise" properly, you’ve put yourself right back home with your parents. It’s as if you are trying to finish that unfinished emotional business--"maybe this time, I’ll finally please someone I love." I would say break away from that person and find someone new.

Deafilmedia · 11-18-2007, 09:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GarnetTigerMom

How do you handle a partner who is very critical of you? I would like to know what your input on this topic question and how would you deal with someone who critical of you in the relationship? So let say a person ask a question like this: " My girlfriend keeps trying to change everything about me, from how I dress, what I read, the grammar I use when I speak, even who my friends are. Nothing I do is ever perfect enough, and I live with constant criticism. I’m afraid I’ll never live up to her expectations. How can I get her to be less critical?"

What would you say? I love to hear your input.

I would say, "Bytch, shut up!"

Just kidding... just say, "if you aren't happy with the way I look or speak, then go find someone else."

Tousi · 11-19-2007, 02:39 AM

I'd say, "There's the front door".

Actually, I wouldn't have allowed the relationship to get that far in the first place.

Pepsi · 11-19-2007, 07:33 AM

It`s hard to get along with my husband. He is very critical of me about almost anything. Like we can never watch t.v. together because he hates CC .It`s always about his needs.I always get that "I don`t have a hearing lost" why should "I" It`s always "I" this and "I" that?

shel90 · 11-19-2007, 08:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by peppsiwoman

It`s hard to get along with my husband. He is very critical of me about almost anything. Like we can never watch t.v. together because he hates CC .It`s always about his needs.I always get that "I don`t have a hearing lost" why should "I" It`s always "I" this and "I" that?

It would be hard for me to get along with my hubby if he did that to me. My ex hubby was always critical of me and blaming unfortunate situations on my deafness saying that I was the one who misunderstood this or that. We divorced and now, my current hubby has respect for my deafness so it makes things a lot easier and less stressful. Maybe you need to reconsider your marriage and if he wont change, it might not be worth staying with him. I never like to encourage people to take the divorce route but the same time, it turns my stomach to see deaf people's needs being disregarded by hearing people.

My friend's hearing husband is like that in some ways...when the baby cries (when they were trying to train their babies to sleep thru the night) her hubby would wake her up and tell her that the baby is crying and she would be like "Why did u wake me up?" He said "If I have to hear it, then u need to be awake too." She is with the kids all day and all night..I think that is very disrespectful of him.

Phillips · 11-19-2007, 09:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tousi

I'd say, "There's the front door".

Actually, I wouldn't have allowed the relationship to get that far in the first place.

Just tell her to be less critical!!! If No good Then I am agree with tousi >>"There's the front door"

GarnetTigerMom · 11-19-2007, 11:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shel90

It would be hard for me to get along with my hubby if he did that to me. My ex hubby was always critical of me and blaming unfortunate situations on my deafness saying that I was the one who misunderstood this or that. We divorced and now, my current hubby has respect for my deafness so it makes things a lot easier and less stressful. Maybe you need to reconsider your marriage and if he wont change, it might not be worth staying with him. I never like to encourage people to take the divorce route but the same time, it turns my stomach to see deaf people's needs being disregarded by hearing people.

My friend's hearing husband is like that in some ways...when the baby cries (when they were trying to train their babies to sleep thru the night) her hubby would wake her up and tell her that the baby is crying and she would be like "Why did u wake me up?" He said "If I have to hear it, then u need to be awake too." She is with the kids all day and all night..I think that is very disrespectful of him.

ahh yes,, I get tired of my hearing folks being critical over my child and complains about my CC and calling my name by yelling not work. I already told my folks keep criticizad me and telling me what to do with my child and my life I will stop visiting them with my child and never see us again. I hope they back off this time. Hearing parents needs to stop being hard on a deaf adult once in a while and making them feel so stress out.

pek1 · 11-19-2007, 07:14 PM

I tried reconnecting with the girlfriend I had while in high school last year and, after two failed marriages, she started her old tricks with me. We hadn't seen each other since 1984 or thereabouts, although I have seen her parents and communicated regularly with them. I won't go into any details of what she was doing, but, to say the least, it was insulting to me, although I'm sure she didn't mean it that way. I severed ties and want nothing to do with her or her family and no contact to me whatsoever.

GarnetTigerMom · 11-19-2007, 11:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pek1

I tried reconnecting with the girlfriend I had while in high school last year and, after two failed marriages, she started her old tricks with me. We hadn't seen each other since 1984 or thereabouts, although I have seen her parents and communicated regularly with them. I won't go into any details of what she was doing, but, to say the least, it was insulting to me, although I'm sure she didn't mean it that way. I severed ties and want nothing to do with her or her family and no contact to me whatsoever.

wow,, 1984 seems like a life time ago. But at least you are doing what right for yourself and servered all ties with her, and you felt she was not the worth the trouble for you. You did what you think it was best.

Pepsi · 11-20-2007, 08:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pek1

I tried reconnecting with the girlfriend I had while in high school last year and, after two failed marriages, she started her old tricks with me. We hadn't seen each other since 1984 or thereabouts, although I have seen her parents and communicated regularly with them. I won't go into any details of what she was doing, but, to say the least, it was insulting to me, although I'm sure she didn't mean it that way. I severed ties and want nothing to do with her or her family and no contact to me whatsoever.

Good for you Pete.

jillio · 11-21-2007, 09:59 AM

I agree with the others whohave said "End the relationship." I someone feels the need to change anything about their partner, then it is obviously the wrong person for them. None of us can change another.

GarnetTigerMom · 11-21-2007, 10:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jillio

I agree with the others whohave said "End the relationship." I someone feels the need to change anything about their partner, then it is obviously the wrong person for them. None of us can change another.

sometimes we end up dating the wrong person but best thing is to do is keep looking for the right partner. It never easy to find that someone speical that be your true soul mate. Never give up hoping to find the right person.

jillio · 11-21-2007, 10:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GarnetTigerMom

sometimes we end up dating the wrong person but best thing is to do is keep looking for the right partner. It never easy to find that someone speical that be your true soul mate. Never give up hoping to find the right person.

Good advise. For some people, it is more important to be in a relationship than to be in a GOOD relationship. They have the attitude that that a bad relationship is better than no relationship.

GarnetTigerMom · 11-21-2007, 10:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jillio

Good advise. For some people, it is more important to be in a relationship than to be in a GOOD relationship. They have the attitude that that a bad relationship is better than no relationship.

Yep I also agree with you on that too. It always good to get out of a bad relationship then to stay in a bad relationship to get hurt more. But when you have a good relationship, the chances the couple will last long time as long they keep open commuications, trust, honestly, respects and support.

jillio · 11-21-2007, 10:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GarnetTigerMom

Yep I also agree with you on that too. It always good to get out of a bad relationship then to stay in a bad relationship to get hurt more. But when you have a good relationship, the chances the couple will last long time as long they keep open commuications, trust, honestly, respects and support.

**nodding agreement**

Buffalo · 11-21-2007, 11:16 PM

The solution is breakup/divorce. My ex-hubby was a backseat driver and an over-the-shoulder cook. He wasn't like that when we were dating. That is why he is an ex now.

11-18-2007, 12:33 PM	#1 (permalink)
GarnetTigerMom Registered User Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Virginia Posts: 4,595	How do you handle a partner who is very critical of you? How do you handle a partner who is very critical of you? I would like to know what your input on this topic question and how would you deal with someone who critical of you in the relationship? So let say a person ask a question like this: " My girlfriend keeps trying to change everything about me, from how I dress, what I read, the grammar I use when I speak, even who my friends are. Nothing I do is ever perfect enough, and I live with constant criticism. I’m afraid I’ll never live up to her expectations. How can I get her to be less critical?" What would you say? I love to hear your input. __________________ GarnetTigerMom "The rain may be falling hard outside, But your smile makes it all alright. I'm so glad that you're my friend. I know our friendship will never end." -- Robert Alan

11-18-2007, 02:38 PM	#4 (permalink)
SxyPorkie SxyPorkie Join Date: May 2006 Location: Southern California Posts: 3,095	If a partner continue doing to me... i would dump the partner....a partner has to accept me and my faults.. Instead of criticing me.. either dump or both of us have to make many compromises.. __________________ Life Goes On!!

11-18-2007, 02:54 PM	#5 (permalink)
PuyoPiyo slotting Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Fourth Plain Village WA Posts: 4,825	If my panther kept critizing against my personally, then I will feel like he/she don't have heart for me anymore, but fussy me out. I would just dump him/her just like SxyPorkie said. __________________ Hey everyone, I know some of you guys tried to pm me or leaving a message on my profile. I am very sorry that I haven't been around here lately because I went up to Puyallup State Fair working with my parents, and then I decided to go to Yakima Fair with my parents to work more, somehow when I came back and discovered that my computer had collasped. So I won't be using the computer as often as I was used to. Thanks everyone

11-19-2007, 07:14 PM	#16 (permalink)
pek1 Professional Writer. Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Minnesota. Posts: 3,362	I tried reconnecting with the girlfriend I had while in high school last year and, after two failed marriages, she started her old tricks with me. We hadn't seen each other since 1984 or thereabouts, although I have seen her parents and communicated regularly with them. I won't go into any details of what she was doing, but, to say the least, it was insulting to me, although I'm sure she didn't mean it that way. I severed ties and want nothing to do with her or her family and no contact to me whatsoever. __________________ Pete America: Love it or leave it. Send Obama to the unemployment office on November 4, 2008.

11-21-2007, 11:16 PM	#24 (permalink)
Buffalo Labra lege! Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 1,367	The solution is breakup/divorce. My ex-hubby was a backseat driver and an over-the-shoulder cook. He wasn't like that when we were dating. That is why he is an ex now. __________________ It isn't that they can't see the solution. It is that they can't see the problem. - Gilbert Chesterton

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11-18-2007, 05:12 PM	#6 (permalink)
Bear Out Of Hibernation Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Ohio Posts: 1,026	What you are describing is a form of emotional and verbal abuse. As in all abusive relationships sometimes people cant stop blaming themselves enough and finding fault with themselves enough to see that the other person is abusing them. The best advice you could give this guy is to seek counseling. He needs to realize what type of relationship he is in, and needs help to figure out why he feels he deserves that type of treatment. As for the girl sometimes if an outsider tells her off and stands up for the guy she just may well back off. And let another girl sometimes show interest in the guy and she will change her ways SOMETIMES. It does sound to me like she just likes to control someone and this guy is a perfect pushover for her. But do tell him to seek counseling.

11-18-2007, 05:19 PM	#7 (permalink)
Gemma Registered User Join Date: Jan 2007 Posts: 767	If my man becomes overly critical of me, I will simply leave him. It is not my job to change into what or who he wants....if he is so critical, it means he has his own issues. No point of staying with him and trying to make him see from my perspective. No matter how HARD or how LONG I try, he will remain overly critical unless he goes through massive therapy but most critical people will not even seek therapy so I know better from my own experiences. I will RUN, not walk. There are many other fishes in the sea who will accept for me who I am and not be ANAL RETENTIVE. LIfe is too damn short to try to meet a man's unrealistic expectations. Of course there is a word called compromising but it doesnt involve overtly criticism.

11-19-2007, 02:39 AM	#11 (permalink)
Tousi Registered User Join Date: Apr 2003 Posts: 7,552	I'd say, "There's the front door". Actually, I wouldn't have allowed the relationship to get that far in the first place.

11-19-2007, 07:33 AM	#12 (permalink)
Pepsi The One and Only Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: USA Posts: 2,838	It`s hard to get along with my husband. He is very critical of me about almost anything. Like we can never watch t.v. together because he hates CC .It`s always about his needs.I always get that "I don`t have a hearing lost" why should "I" It`s always "I" this and "I" that?

11-21-2007, 09:59 AM	#19 (permalink)
jillio Registered User Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 19,434	I agree with the others whohave said "End the relationship." I someone feels the need to change anything about their partner, then it is obviously the wrong person for them. None of us can change another.

11-22-2007, 08:02 AM	#25 (permalink)
GarnetTigerMom Registered User Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Virginia Posts: