What would you do if your Mom or Dad couldn't take care of themselves?

Kalista · 06-05-2003, 02:31 PM

My perspectives the elders abuse and neglect that are sad and grievous. Many elderly people who no longer can take care of themselves and live at the nursing home. Most of elder’s children are burdening on their jobs and family schedules. The adult children become feel guilty because they do not know how to deal to take care of their Parents. When elder’s grandchildren become impatience or misbehavior, elder yelled or screamed toward to grandchildren. The adult children become upset and can’t handle with their elder Parents. The elderly Parents become weaker or can’t take care of themselves. The adult children become frustration due absent a lot from their jobs because they take care of their elder Parents. Their Parents become too grouchy and stubborn. The adult children could take care both of their own children and elder Parents. Their energy becomes burnout and overwhelming. The neglected elderly are older and have more physical and mental difficulties to cause burdensome to care for their adult children.

I do not know if I could handle to take care of my father when he becomes really old like eighty years old. I know, I could not carry him into the toilet or bathtub, etc.. I love my father very much; I really do not want to send him to the nursing home. I do not trust the staffs at the Nursing Home. The staffs could be neglect or abuse to the elderly people. It reminds me of the movie, “One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest”. The nurse was forbidding use of the television to watch baseball World Series. Some of the staffs are neglect to let the elderly or mental people barefoot, dressed in threadbare gowns and unattended in urine-soaked hallways, and no activities entertainment for them. The residents were not bathed, inappropriately dressed, spotted with bedsores and housed in unsafe and unsanitary conditions. That completely DISGUSTED! And also, the staffs were not giving a right prescribe medication to the patients. The medical records were inaccurate, incomplete or missing altogether, and some patients were misdiagnosed. The mental or elderly people could not speak up for themselves to the State or Attorney at the Law for their right. The nurse was manipulative attitude and neglects the mental illness patients. It was really scared me to think of the elderly people at the nursing home. I told my father, I did not want him goes to the nursing home or strange place to take care of him.

I have heard about the Hospice Care or maid who clean and take care of the elderly people at their homes. They stole their valuable things and jewelry, etc. The elderly people reported for missing items from their houses. It is very difficult to prove because they did not see of outside help who did steal their items. The house insurance did not pay 100% due to deducible. It is very frustrated for the elderly people become trust or not with outside people who help them.

The nursing home should have a camera each of the rooms. The staffs will be reducing neglect or abuse to the elderly people. It is very sad to see elderly people have to sell their homes and move into a depression and ugly nursing homes. The State should have help the elderly people as 100% medical care and hiring good staffs who love and talk with them. There are many lawsuits against the nursing home for repay Medicare and Medicaid for improper billings. It is not just the money. It is personal on their part that some of their grandparents or parents died in the nursing home due to neglect and leaves them isolation in dark room. The government established strict and hires inspectors every weekly each of the nursing homes for their safety and protection.

wickedeyed · 06-05-2003, 02:34 PM

we just tossed our grandma to a senior citizen apartment complex. she likes it.

she aint my mother. and plus i told my mother that she had to take care of her reirement plans to her death. she knows.

ChelEler · 06-05-2003, 03:39 PM

MsGiglz is a perfect person you can talk to, since she's thinking about taking in her father in law to live with them. (Am I wrong, MsGiglz?)

For me, I would help them find a Senior Citizen Center, or Nursing Home to live for the rest of their lives. I will come and visit them more often than now.

WBHarley · 06-05-2003, 03:56 PM

Actually, There are many many types of homes that you can check into, Researches them, compare on the costing (either insurance or you pay them , incomes from state/federal etc).

I know there was many case years ago but now Many homes have been retrained, many workers have assigned to their own assignements/assesements etc Just like the group homes too. except for Nursing home there are few rules/policy that employee can/cannot do etc.

Both of my sisters are Nurse, one is RN, other is LPN. The onre-e with RN she works two part time one at the hospital I think, other is visiting nurse. Other sister with LPN she works at Nursing home.
Both have preferences on their jobs.

Many nurses now have their educations on specifics on what they want to work with... so they can be proper trained when I researches for college course for nurses. I am like wow there are so many courses. Of course I am still thinking about it...

Anyway, My mother made her own wills If something happen she would rather this to be "done and over with" she does not believe in many way I have to ask my mom again.

Anyway there are........
Nursing homes
Retirement homes
Hospices (for failing health only)
rehabiliations (for relearn how to take care of your life-such as stroke etc)
Rest home (My aunt did live there she likes it, she has her own some private time, she can go to resturant, go to day adult program, goes on acitives Not much like Nursing home-- Nursing home may have some limited)
Few other Some of you may know more than we do.

There also some homes that has specific kinds.
such as for:

Alzheimer
Residental homes for some specific dieases.

some people would take their mom/dad into their home but to have some helps with visiting nurse assicotate, or home health care worker, certified nurse aide, etc.

I can't think of anything else

All I know that I will be helping my parents if they want to do this way or that way. I will make sure they are happy. I will never burden them if they don't want to live this place or that place or there etc. Just as long there's wills that we all know what the mom/dad want to do

Wendy

javapride · 06-05-2003, 03:59 PM

For the first yr my grandmother detortatied in the alzhemier's diease, my mom and i would come over on a daily basic ( that was during summer before i returned to CSDF for my senior yr) and i would end up taking care of my grandma and walking her a round the house and mostly just sitting with her watching tv and making sure she doesn't go out the front door wandering away when she did that one night we knew she would need to go to the hospices for alzhemier's deise and that in a way was good i went to see her EVERY weekend when i got home form school for the wekeend and it was sad that she couldn t come to my graduation, but i did go see her twice a week and i knew her time was coming so i started bringing some of my friends to say good bye to her that knew and grew up with her along with me, so gave them a closure so thety wouldn t have to worry about that. then when she passed away in the hospice, the funreal home informed me she passed away with the ILY sign on her hand and they left that there in my honor it was so hard but sad as well, i was basically there for both my grandparents for 2 yrs when they spent 18 yrs of taking care of me and helping me and loving me basically treating me like one of thier own. getting a second chance of rasing thier own kid, i still miss them... but i know thier watching me and i know they don t have pain or alzhemiers or cancer now they just talk to me on a occasional basics just to say thier doing alright. I love them always have.

Steel X · 06-08-2003, 12:05 AM

I could take 'em to nursing home and visit them often and all that...hmm?

Sydlie · 06-08-2003, 02:03 PM

I would gladly move my father in with me. My dad is awsome, we're really close. he has his moments when he makes me crazy, but for the most part we get along wonderfully. If my dad was left alone and bored (which I can't imagine, he's SO creative) I'd demand he move in with me and my family.

My mom on the other hand.... I can barely handle living with her now. Even when I lived 800 miles away, I would get annoyed just talking to her on the phone. She's a hypochondriac with probably a touch of Munchausen by Proxy Syndrome and it's SO awful. She has just enough of an education to think she's better than everyone, but not enough of one to actually make her intellegent. I love my mother, really I do, but I have nothing in common with her. Honestly, though, she'd be happy in a nursing home, all those doctors and nurses around... that would be Nirvana to her!
can't stand

Kalista · 06-08-2003, 02:34 PM

I wish, my Dad would move in with us. We have small apartment with two teenager kids. It is so hard. Hopefully, Dad will move in with my brother in Connecticut. He constantly builds a house. It should be finish by end of July.

I wish, I have an own house.

***VamPyroX*** · 06-08-2003, 04:23 PM

I'd just toss them into a nursery home. My parents did tell me that they do not want me taking care of them. They said that they would rather be on their own... which is what I will do.

06-08-2003, 04:39 PM

I perfer send my parent to senior home to give my sibing to take care since I am cp too mucg work for me forget it!!!

SilenceGold · 06-09-2003, 03:24 PM

I can't stand my mother in law. She always have too many things worrying her. She would pester her every chance she has.

My mother is someone that I wouldn't be able to stand when it comes to clashs of deaf and hearing ways.

MsGiglz · 06-10-2003, 12:49 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by ChelEler
MsGiglz is a perfect person you can talk to, since she's thinking about taking in her father in law to live with them. (Am I wrong, MsGiglz?)

For me, I would help them find a Senior Citizen Center, or Nursing Home to live for the rest of their lives. I will come and visit them more often than now.

Thanks ChelEler!!!..
Yeah, up-to-date.. there are alot of stuff going on, I learned that there are ALOT of responsible. Even though Veteran staffs gave some advices that they know I am fulltime mom.. the more its get harder to take care of Dad.. But Still stubborn, I WANT to take care of him.. to give my man and his dad together to get know more and spend more time that they missed out almost all their lives.
Right now, Veteran in Minnesota review Dad's Files to see how much severe he is.. and might not come & live with us right away because WVa still *own* Dad.. so they said its easier that to have him transfer him from WVa to MN.. then He can become resident MN in a year then move in with us upon depends on his health first. Whats more they said we can visit as much we can plus we can take him out for weekend.. maybe that will be start..

Well about negliences.... What we saw our dad at Veteran Nursing homes.. they did excellent job.. very caring.. they have alot of activities for them to play or hang out with..
Sabrina..-- if your grandma can be qualify for Veteran nursing home (her husband was veteran? then she is qualify).. Dad is nt too happy to stay there because none of families or friends came visit him .. just us.. whats more he is too young.. he is only 57 years old..
I understand the trust you have about nursing homes.. or Hospice Care... Alot of my uncles/aunts are old and living in nursing homes or are in hospice care.. they are doing good but they did ALOT research the best place and trusty place to live..

If any more questions .. feel free to ask..

Fly Free · 06-10-2003, 01:20 PM

my grandma is still living on her own despite the fact shes becoming forgetful (due to aging not alzheimers or otherwise)

my mom has told me shes brought up the subject of having grandma be moved to a senior citizen's home and my grandma flatly REFUSES saying the house she has been living in for 50+ years is home to her and she will NOT move anywhere else

shes VERY independent and is firecely protective of that

as for my mom -- shes also fiercely independent and she has told me she does NOT want to be put in a retirement home/senior citizens home so that would fall on me or my sister to care for mom in her elder years

CatoCooper13 · 07-11-2003, 08:25 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Fly Free
my grandma is still living on her own despite the fact shes becoming forgetful (due to aging not alzheimers or otherwise) my mom has told me shes brought up the subject of having grandma be moved to a senior citizen's home and my grandma flatly REFUSES saying the house she has been living in for 50+ years is home to her and she will NOT move anywhere else shes VERY independent and is firecely protective of that

as for my mom -- shes also fiercely independent and she has told me she does NOT want to be put in a retirement home/senior citizens home so that would fall on me or my sister to care for mom in her elder years

I totally understand that...my grandparents in law (hubby's grandparents) both are in their 80's and have lived on a farm for 20+ years. Recently, Grandpa took a nasty fall and broke his arm and his health's been deterioating as of late.
Mum and Dad have talked about having them put into a Nursing Home, but they know it will be fruitless in talking to them about it cos they will refuse and they have mentioned in the past that they WON'T leave the farm at all.
The farm they live on is 40 acres -- they used to run an agistment (stud) service for horses and they still look after 10+ horses, there are some chooks and cows as well.
I worry about them being out there on the farm by themselves and I visit whenever possible. I help out with the farm chores and checking fences around the site and feeding the animals.

Goldie

Kalista · 07-11-2003, 08:38 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by SilenceGold
I can't stand my mother in law. She always have too many things worrying her. She would pester her every chance she has.

My mother is someone that I wouldn't be able to stand when it comes to clashs of deaf and hearing ways.

I saw the bumber sticker said, " My mother in law is in my trunk".

07-11-2003, 09:53 AM

Im not sure what i'd do - my grandma is reaching 70 and she seems to function ok (despite the fact she has a couple health probs like she needs a knee replacement and one more thing.) I'd send my dad straight to a nursing home or something. If it were my mom - i'd try and keep her with me as long as I could. I have 4 parents I have to think about when you ask questions like this - my dad and his wife, and my bio mom and her husband.

However, we have a small newspaper that i totally love to read - its better than the real paper. This weeks edition's cover page broke my heart.

http://www.citypages.com/databank/24...ticle11369.asp

Fly Free · 07-11-2003, 12:37 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by WaterRats13
I totally understand that...my grandparents in law (hubby's grandparents) both are in their 80's and have lived on a farm for 20+ years. Recently, Grandpa took a nasty fall and broke his arm and his health's been deterioating as of late.
Mum and Dad have talked about having them put into a Nursing Home, but they know it will be fruitless in talking to them about it cos they will refuse and they have mentioned in the past that they WON'T leave the farm at all.
The farm they live on is 40 acres -- they used to run an agistment (stud) service for horses and they still look after 10+ horses, there are some chooks and cows as well.
I worry about them being out there on the farm by themselves and I visit whenever possible. I help out with the farm chores and checking fences around the site and feeding the animals.

Goldie

yea Waterrats *sigh* my grandma also had a fall and broke her hip in NM while travelling with my mom last winter (Feb 2003) and was taken to hospital and had surgery there -- thankfully we had family members who were nearby (they were in Alburq) and when grandma was well enuf they took a short but quick flight up to SLC UT so my grandma can visit her baby sister who has a fear of travelling now and stayed there for a couple days then took the train back (they had taken the train in the first place from here to NM and were supposed to have taken the train from NM to SLC (taking a drive from NM to CA to visit my mom's oldest sister was also planned but that part of the trip was cancelled) but chose to fly with grandma in the first class section and mom in the back economy section for the short flight) then upon their return back here to the DC area i met with them at the Union Station and it was snowing that day argh -- but once we got grandma home safely she in abt a month and half's time she was already back to her usual -- mom had to stay at her place for nearly 2 months to make sure grandma comply with all she was supposed to do in ref to PT and etc -- shes stubborn and recovers quite fast for an elderly person like her which was amazing to me and she ACTUALLY *listened* to her physical therapist that came to her home for some PT and all that -- so yea definately she would refuse to leave her home

CatoCooper13 · 07-11-2003, 06:20 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Fly Free
yea Waterrats *sigh* my grandma also had a fall and broke her hip in NM while travelling with my mom last winter (Feb 2003) and was taken to hospital and had surgery there -- thankfully we had family members who were nearby (they were in Alburq) and when grandma was well enuf they took a short but quick flight up to SLC UT so my grandma can visit her baby sister who has a fear of travelling now and stayed there for a couple days then took the train back (they had taken the train in the first place from here to NM and were supposed to have taken the train from NM to SLC (taking a drive from NM to CA to visit my mom's oldest sister was also planned but that part of the trip was cancelled) but chose to fly with grandma in the first class section and mom in the back economy section for the short flight) then upon their return back here to the DC area i met with them at the Union Station and it was snowing that day argh -- but once we got grandma home safely she in abt a month and half's time she was already back to her usual -- mom had to stay at her place for nearly 2 months to make sure grandma comply with all she was supposed to do in ref to PT and etc -- shes stubborn and recovers quite fast for an elderly person like her which was amazing to me and she ACTUALLY *listened* to her physical therapist that came to her home for some PT and all that -- so yea definately she would refuse to leave her home

Yeah, FlyFree -- I'm pretty sure at least 95% of elderly people don't want to lose their freedom by moving into an elderly home care Centre and not living at their OWN home. I think I would be the same because my home's MY home and I'm familiar with the surroundings, whilst in the Nursing home, everything's so 'Sterile' and strange.

Goldie

Soonersseth · 07-13-2003, 03:54 PM

I would hire in home care provider if I could afford it. Or have them live with me would hate to send them to nursing home.

CatoCooper13 · 07-13-2003, 08:43 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Soonersfan79
I would hire in home care provider if I could afford it. Or have them live with me would hate to send them to nursing home.

Although I haven't put my parents into a nursing home as of yet -- Mum's still 'young' and sprite at age 54 and my dad passed away from Colon Cancer at age 53...but when he was afflicted with Cancer, he had at home Hospice and Pallative care for the last 4 months of his life. It was better than being stuck in the hospital and die there.
Dad died in his home with my mum and my sister and myself there with him. (he passed away in 1997) I still miss him nearly on a daily basis, especially around special days and his birthday each year.

Goldie

Kalista · 02-01-2005, 06:16 AM

This is a little point out of this subject ! One of my colleagues, a man was very sad and cried because he could not take care of his wife. She has a cancer. He is looking for a nursing home for his wife. We gave him a lot of support.

I can't imagine, my son could not take care of me when I become old or serious illness. (knock the wood) !!! Would he send me to the nursing home?

Liebling:-))) · 02-01-2005, 08:06 AM

No, I would not consider them as selfish to put their parents in nursing home since they have their family, they take care of.

I would consider it as selfish when the parents threaten their children like that
"You forget quickley what we do everything for you in the past etc"
"You have no appreciate etc "
"You have no grateful what we did for you in the past etc".

It makes children feel guilty & unhappy. They fall out over that. No good.

It was happened at 10 years ago: Terrible one
I saw how stress my co-worker is for 3 years. Her mother told my co-worker that she'll have her house if she agreed to not put her in nursing home. She have her family she take care of. Her marriage was on rock. She neglect her family to be there for mother all the time because her mother demand it. She realized that house is not everything but her family so she told her mother that she give up. She decided firm to send her to nursing home. 6 months later after that her mother thanked her to put her in nursing home because she LOVE it & meet new people there. craftwork, paint etc. trips. She apologised my co-worker for her selfish behaviour. It made my co-worker happy. She is still alive now & happy. Her healthy goes improve more better. I can see that alot of old people are afraid to be alone but at nursing home they won't be alone.

I would not expect my children to look after me since they have their own family to care of. It's important for my children to think about their own family. It's important for me to see my children happy.

My hubby & I took care of my hubby's great Aunt Maria for 4 years until she died at aged 90 in 2000. It's not easy work & total stress, I tell you.. It's worst than take care of babies to toddler. We decided to put her nursing home with the recommended from my co-worker. We applied for that but Aunt died 1 week after application.

I know what it alike that's why I don't want to force/threaten my children to look after me.

I would not demand my children to take care of me. Up to them if they really want to have me or put me in nursing home (only if I am not fit to take care of myself).
I beleive it's best to put old people in nursing home whom they have better hand than me.

Reba · 02-01-2005, 09:21 AM

It is important for middle-age people to get long-term care insurance, so when they become old they can pick a nice full-care residence that they can afford. If they just depend on Social Security to pay, they will be stuck with a nasty nursing home.

Both of my parents have been dead for many years, so I can't say what my experience would be.

My hubby's dad has been dead for many years also. His mom is still alive and lives many states away. Her health is very bad, and she really should move to a safer place (without stairs), or allow in-home help. But she refuses. That is the other problem. So far, most of the postings here assume that you will have some choice in what happens to your parents. We have offered my mom-in-law to live with us but she refuses. Some of you might say, "Oh, I will let them live with us." Or you say, "I will put him/her in thus-and-such nursing home." Well, it is not that easy if they refuse to go.

WBHarley · 02-01-2005, 09:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Reba

It is important for middle-age people to get long-term care insurance, so when they become old they can pick a nice full-care residence that they can afford. If they just depend on Social Security to pay, they will be stuck with a nasty nursing home.

Both of my parents have been dead for many years, so I can't say what my experience would be.

My hubby's dad has been dead for many years also. His mom is still alive and lives many states away. Her health is very bad, and she really should move to a safer place (without stairs), or allow in-home help. But she refuses. That is the other problem. So far, most of the postings here assume that you will have some choice in what happens to your parents. We have offered my mom-in-law to live with us but she refuses. Some of you might say, "Oh, I will let them live with us." Or you say, "I will put him/her in thus-and-such nursing home." Well, it is not that easy if they refuse to go.

I agree with you Reba
mostly with parents/parents in law who refused!

My mom in law had partial hip replacement due of Tumor in her bone in hip.. she bend her Rod so they did surgery again.. my husband and his brothers Offer her to move back to homestead where everyone can keep eye on her etc. She was soo stubborn refusing to leave her home (waterfront home.. it is small) Ralph my bro in law build a ramp for her so her wheelchair can go in and out.. she can use walker but limit time walking. She wants go back to work everything she demand but her mind is very capable to take care etc. she's only 72 years old.. I do worry about her of course we all do! she was there for me too when My son went thru his radiations while I was preg.. She and my mom take turns taking my son Sean to boston for his treatment when I had baby.. I was there for her when I can.. I try to be there but she know I m very handful with kids.. My husband hopes she would move when We move so that way she can get lots of help even if she has her own place ie trailer or mobile home with double wide single home.. but She was so stubborn wants this home! so We leave her alone and just be there for her..

My bro in law is thinkin' of moving too

so meaning Less help for their mom.. since We will move

Wendy

06-05-2003, 02:31 PM	#1 (permalink)
Kalista Premium Member Join Date: May 2003 Posts: 7,475	What would you do if your Mom or Dad couldn't take care of themselves? My perspectives the elders abuse and neglect that are sad and grievous. Many elderly people who no longer can take care of themselves and live at the nursing home. Most of elder’s children are burdening on their jobs and family schedules. The adult children become feel guilty because they do not know how to deal to take care of their Parents. When elder’s grandchildren become impatience or misbehavior, elder yelled or screamed toward to grandchildren. The adult children become upset and can’t handle with their elder Parents. The elderly Parents become weaker or can’t take care of themselves. The adult children become frustration due absent a lot from their jobs because they take care of their elder Parents. Their Parents become too grouchy and stubborn. The adult children could take care both of their own children and elder Parents. Their energy becomes burnout and overwhelming. The neglected elderly are older and have more physical and mental difficulties to cause burdensome to care for their adult children. I do not know if I could handle to take care of my father when he becomes really old like eighty years old. I know, I could not carry him into the toilet or bathtub, etc.. I love my father very much; I really do not want to send him to the nursing home. I do not trust the staffs at the Nursing Home. The staffs could be neglect or abuse to the elderly people. It reminds me of the movie, “One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest”. The nurse was forbidding use of the television to watch baseball World Series. Some of the staffs are neglect to let the elderly or mental people barefoot, dressed in threadbare gowns and unattended in urine-soaked hallways, and no activities entertainment for them. The residents were not bathed, inappropriately dressed, spotted with bedsores and housed in unsafe and unsanitary conditions. That completely DISGUSTED! And also, the staffs were not giving a right prescribe medication to the patients. The medical records were inaccurate, incomplete or missing altogether, and some patients were misdiagnosed. The mental or elderly people could not speak up for themselves to the State or Attorney at the Law for their right. The nurse was manipulative attitude and neglects the mental illness patients. It was really scared me to think of the elderly people at the nursing home. I told my father, I did not want him goes to the nursing home or strange place to take care of him. I have heard about the Hospice Care or maid who clean and take care of the elderly people at their homes. They stole their valuable things and jewelry, etc. The elderly people reported for missing items from their houses. It is very difficult to prove because they did not see of outside help who did steal their items. The house insurance did not pay 100% due to deducible. It is very frustrated for the elderly people become trust or not with outside people who help them. The nursing home should have a camera each of the rooms. The staffs will be reducing neglect or abuse to the elderly people. It is very sad to see elderly people have to sell their homes and move into a depression and ugly nursing homes. The State should have help the elderly people as 100% medical care and hiring good staffs who love and talk with them. There are many lawsuits against the nursing home for repay Medicare and Medicaid for improper billings. It is not just the money. It is personal on their part that some of their grandparents or parents died in the nursing home due to neglect and leaves them isolation in dark room. The government established strict and hires inspectors every weekly each of the nursing homes for their safety and protection. __________________

06-05-2003, 03:39 PM	#3 (permalink)
ChelEler Registered User Join Date: Mar 2003 Posts: 5,555	MsGiglz is a perfect person you can talk to, since she's thinking about taking in her father in law to live with them. (Am I wrong, MsGiglz?) For me, I would help them find a Senior Citizen Center, or Nursing Home to live for the rest of their lives. I will come and visit them more often than now. __________________ -ChelEler- =^.~=

06-08-2003, 12:05 AM	#6 (permalink)
Steel X Registered User Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: North Carolina Posts: 10,989	I could take 'em to nursing home and visit them often and all that...hmm? __________________

06-08-2003, 02:34 PM	#8 (permalink)
Kalista Premium Member Join Date: May 2003 Posts: 7,475	I wish, my Dad would move in with us. We have small apartment with two teenager kids. It is so hard. Hopefully, Dad will move in with my brother in Connecticut. He constantly builds a house. It should be finish by end of July. I wish, I have an own house. __________________

06-08-2003, 04:23 PM	#9 (permalink)
*VamPyroX* bloody phreak from hell Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Hell Posts: 27,867	I'd just toss them into a nursery home. My parents did tell me that they do not want me taking care of them. They said that they would rather be on their own... which is what I will do. __________________ Check out my city... CLICK HERE! (If you already visited yesterday, visit again today!)

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06-05-2003, 02:34 PM	#2 (permalink)
wickedeyed forever tainted Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: a plastic fork factory Posts: 337	we just tossed our grandma to a senior citizen apartment complex. she likes it. she aint my mother. and plus i told my mother that she had to take care of her reirement plans to her death. she knows.

06-05-2003, 03:56 PM	#4 (permalink)
WBHarley Multitaskin' Wanderin'Mom Join Date: May 2003 Location: Somewhere Posts: 1,378	Actually, There are many many types of homes that you can check into, Researches them, compare on the costing (either insurance or you pay them , incomes from state/federal etc). I know there was many case years ago but now Many homes have been retrained, many workers have assigned to their own assignements/assesements etc Just like the group homes too. except for Nursing home there are few rules/policy that employee can/cannot do etc. Both of my sisters are Nurse, one is RN, other is LPN. The onre-e with RN she works two part time one at the hospital I think, other is visiting nurse. Other sister with LPN she works at Nursing home. Both have preferences on their jobs. Many nurses now have their educations on specifics on what they want to work with... so they can be proper trained when I researches for college course for nurses. I am like wow there are so many courses. Of course I am still thinking about it... Anyway, My mother made her own wills If something happen she would rather this to be "done and over with" she does not believe in many way I have to ask my mom again. Anyway there are........ Nursing homes Retirement homes Hospices (for failing health only) rehabiliations (for relearn how to take care of your life-such as stroke etc) Rest home (My aunt did live there she likes it, she has her own some private time, she can go to resturant, go to day adult program, goes on acitives Not much like Nursing home-- Nursing home may have some limited) Few other Some of you may know more than we do. There also some homes that has specific kinds. such as for: Alzheimer Residental homes for some specific dieases. some people would take their mom/dad into their home but to have some helps with visiting nurse assicotate, or home health care worker, certified nurse aide, etc. I can't think of anything else All I know that I will be helping my parents if they want to do this way or that way. I will make sure they are happy. I will never burden them if they don't want to live this place or that place or there etc. Just as long there's wills that we all know what the mom/dad want to do Wendy

06-05-2003, 03:59 PM	#5 (permalink)
javapride Java's Big Island Life! Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: hawaii Posts: 6,509	For the first yr my grandmother detortatied in the alzhemier's diease, my mom and i would come over on a daily basic ( that was during summer before i returned to CSDF for my senior yr) and i would end up taking care of my grandma and walking her a round the house and mostly just sitting with her watching tv and making sure she doesn't go out the front door wandering away when she did that one night we knew she would need to go to the hospices for alzhemier's deise and that in a way was good i went to see her EVERY weekend when i got home form school for the wekeend and it was sad that she couldn t come to my graduation, but i did go see her twice a week and i knew her time was coming so i started bringing some of my friends to say good bye to her that knew and grew up with her along with me, so gave them a closure so thety wouldn t have to worry about that. then when she passed away in the hospice, the funreal home informed me she passed away with the ILY sign on her hand and they left that there in my honor it was so hard but sad as well, i was basically there for both my grandparents for 2 yrs when they spent 18 yrs of taking care of me and helping me and loving me basically treating me like one of thier own. getting a second chance of rasing thier own kid, i still miss them... but i know thier watching me and i know they don t have pain or alzhemiers or cancer now they just talk to me on a occasional basics just to say thier doing alright. I love them always have.

06-08-2003, 02:03 PM	#7 (permalink)
Sydlie Happier for it Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Columbus Posts: 445	I would gladly move my father in with me. My dad is awsome, we're really close. he has his moments when he makes me crazy, but for the most part we get along wonderfully. If my dad was left alone and bored (which I can't imagine, he's SO creative) I'd demand he move in with me and my family. My mom on the other hand.... I can barely handle living with her now. Even when I lived 800 miles away, I would get annoyed just talking to her on the phone. She's a hypochondriac with probably a touch of Munchausen by Proxy Syndrome and it's SO awful. She has just enough of an education to think she's better than everyone, but not enough of one to actually make her intellegent. I love my mother, really I do, but I have nothing in common with her. Honestly, though, she'd be happy in a nursing home, all those doctors and nurses around... that would be Nirvana to her! can't stand

06-08-2003, 04:39 PM	#10 (permalink)
GoldenLeaf74 Guest Posts: n/a	I perfer send my parent to senior home to give my sibing to take care since I am cp too mucg work for me forget it!!!

06-09-2003, 03:24 PM	#11 (permalink)
SilenceGold Banned Join Date: May 2003 Location: Arkansas Posts: 3,484	I can't stand my mother in law. She always have too many things worrying her. She would pester her every chance she has. My mother is someone that I wouldn't be able to stand when it comes to clashs of deaf and hearing ways.

06-10-2003, 01:20 PM	#13 (permalink)
Fly Free Just me Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Wherever i want to be LOL Posts: 9,101	my grandma is still living on her own despite the fact shes becoming forgetful (due to aging not alzheimers or otherwise) my mom has told me shes brought up the subject of having grandma be moved to a senior citizen's home and my grandma flatly REFUSES saying the house she has been living in for 50+ years is home to her and she will NOT move anywhere else shes VERY independent and is firecely protective of that as for my mom -- shes also fiercely independent and she has told me she does NOT want to be put in a retirement home/senior citizens home so that would fall on me or my sister to care for mom in her elder years

07-11-2003, 09:53 AM	#16 (permalink)
pinkster Guest Posts: n/a	Im not sure what i'd do - my grandma is reaching 70 and she seems to function ok (despite the fact she has a couple health probs like she needs a knee replacement and one more thing.) I'd send my dad straight to a nursing home or something. If it were my mom - i'd try and keep her with me as long as I could. I have 4 parents I have to think about when you ask questions like this - my dad and his wife, and my bio mom and her husband. However, we have a small newspaper that i totally love to read - its better than the real paper. This weeks edition's cover page broke my heart. http://www.citypages.com/databank/24...ticle11369.asp

07-13-2003, 03:54 PM	#19 (permalink)
Soonersseth Boomer Sooner Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Tulsa, OK Posts: 1,387	I would hire in home care provider if I could afford it. Or have them live with me would hate to send them to nursing home.

02-01-2005, 06:16 AM	#21 (permalink)
Kalista Premium Member Join Date: May 2003 Posts: 7,475	This is a little point out of this subject ! One of my colleagues, a man was very sad and cried because he could not take care of his wife. She has a cancer. He is looking for a nursing home for his wife. We gave him a lot of support. I can't imagine, my son could not take care of me when I become old or serious illness. (knock the wood) !!! Would he send me to the nursing home? __________________

02-01-2005, 08:06 AM	#22 (permalink)
Liebling:-))) My 3 darling princesses Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Germany Posts: 27,054	No, I would not consider them as selfish to put their parents in nursing home since they have their family, they take care of. I would consider it as selfish when the parents threaten their children like that "You forget quickley what we do everything for you in the past etc" "You have no appreciate etc " "You have no grateful what we did for you in the past etc". It makes children feel guilty & unhappy. They fall out over that. No good. It was happened at 10 years ago: Terrible one I saw how stress my co-worker is for 3 years. Her mother told my co-worker that she'll have her house if she agreed to not put her in nursing home. She have her family she take care of. Her marriage was on rock. She neglect her family to be there for mother all the time because her mother demand it. She realized that house is not everything but her family so she told her mother that she give up. She decided firm to send her to nursing home. 6 months later after that her mother thanked her to put her in nursing home because she LOVE it & meet new people there. craftwork, paint etc. trips. She apologised my co-worker for her selfish behaviour. It made my co-worker happy. She is still alive now & happy. Her healthy goes improve more better. I can see that alot of old people are afraid to be alone but at nursing home they won't be alone. I would not expect my children to look after me since they have their own family to care of. It's important for my children to think about their own family. It's important for me to see my children happy. My hubby & I took care of my hubby's great Aunt Maria for 4 years until she died at aged 90 in 2000. It's not easy work & total stress, I tell you.. It's worst than take care of babies to toddler. We decided to put her nursing home with the recommended from my co-worker. We applied for that but Aunt died 1 week after application. I know what it alike that's why I don't want to force/threaten my children to look after me. I would not demand my children to take care of me. Up to them if they really want to have me or put me in nursing home (only if I am not fit to take care of myself). I beleive it's best to put old people in nursing home whom they have better hand than me. __________________

02-01-2005, 09:21 AM	#23 (permalink)
Reba Premium Member Join Date: Jun 2004 Posts: 17,287	It is important for middle-age people to get long-term care insurance, so when they become old they can pick a nice full-care residence that they can afford. If they just depend on Social Security to pay, they will be stuck with a nasty nursing home. Both of my parents have been dead for many years, so I can't say what my experience would be. My hubby's dad has been dead for many years also. His mom is still alive and lives many states away. Her health is very bad, and she really should move to a safer place (without stairs), or allow in-home help. But she refuses. That is the other problem. So far, most of the postings here assume that you will have some choice in what happens to your parents. We have offered my mom-in-law to live with us but she refuses. Some of you might say, "Oh, I will let them live with us." Or you say, "I will put him/her in thus-and-such nursing home." Well, it is not that easy if they refuse to go.