Liebling:-)))

Yeah, Zesty. I understand how your mother feeling. She care sooo much about you and want you be happy with your life in the future.

My hubby and I already insured nursing and care insurance for the case because we DONT want our sons to take care of us because they have their own family, they should consider.

I do not expect my sons to take care of me in return because I take care of them since their birth.
I take care of them because they are my wish babies and enjoy to have them and watch them grow up etc. It doesnt meant that I demand them to take care of me in return because I take care of them as babies. No Way. I want them consider their own LIFE!!! I would be happy when they visit to see me in Nursing home.

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Deafness

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Liebling:-)))

Well, it's not very easy job to take care of big baby than small baby.

I tell you it's really work hard to take care of big baby what we did for 4 years with 90 years old aunt until she's died. It's definitely WORST than take care of small babies what I already have 2 sons. That's why I dont want my sons to take care of me but consider their own family life. I dont want to make my sons feel that it's their duty to take care of me. I also dont want to expect too much from my children in return. No way!

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Kalista

Well.. My mom was very sick with cancerous. She said, she had not wash her hair for a week because her arms became too weaker. I said, I could give her to wash hair. She said, are you sure? I said yeah, now it is my turn to give your hair wash. She did give me bath when I was baby. She laughed. We went to the kitchen to put her on high chair to wash her hair with shampoo and condition. She hugged and kissed me. She missed to give me a bath when I was baby. She teared her eyes because she knew that she wouldn't be much alive few days.

I dryed and combed her hair. She wrote a check $200 dollars to give it to me. I said why... She wanted me go to the cementry to find the land to be closer to the lake where the swans are. I was crying and crying. I accepted to take her check. I went to the cementry to talk with the manager to make the arrangement. It was on May 9th, Thursday. She died on Mother's Day - May 12, th. She can't stand with all painful because she stopped to taking the chemotheraphy. It made her very sick and weaker. I respected her wishes.

It was very hard on me to taking care of my Mom with cancer with my three babies. Two are mine and one is from others. (long story). My jerk ex husband had been never around to support me. I was all alone to go through with my Mom and Dad. My Dad was very hard due to emotional and couldn't deal with it.

I realized how important for children to be there with their Parents to show how much we love them.

I missed my Mom !

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Liebling:-)))

Forget add one more:

I want my sons love me what I am and I love them what they are, not expect too much from them.

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FeistyChick

yes i know.. but i feel that nursing homes are the worse places to put people there to leave them and have them DIE ALONE!?!? it just makes me feelSO UNEASY here..

i used to be a candystripper at a nursing home in h.s... became attacked to this old sweet man who had no family... one day i went there.. he was gone.. i was so heartbroken.. up to this day i always help old people by giving them foot massages, help them go to their cars, cross the street, with their shopping bags, etc.. and ppl keep asking me.. why dont i work at nursing homes. i am like.. i JUST CAN'T cuz i get TOO ATTACHED to these people too easily.. (sigh) and many of them are LONELY/ALONE/DONT HAVE FAMILIES, etc and it just BREAKS MY HEART..

and WHATS MORE!? >>> alot of nursing homes SUCK!!! TRUST ME ON THIS ... they don't treat the elderly very well, with respect, etc.. so i just cant stand the thought of doing this. i hear these stories all the time.. two of my old teachers were telling me stories aobut it.. one of them had a father in a nursing home down in florida.. it was very stressful for him cuz he had no idea what was happening down there and all that.. he finally PULLED him out of there and flew him to be near him but it is VERY STRESSFUL to have to go to see him EVERYDAY when he has a family and all that, etc.. and the same with my other teacher whose mother is in a nursing home and she had a son who needed her all the time as he was in middle/junior high school at that time..she was always STRESSED OUT AND VERY TIRED when she came in (SIGH) ----> if you know what i mean?? i mean you still have to MAKE THE TIME TO GO and see them anyway... so whats the difference?? id rather have them at home than have to stress myself of MAKING THE TIME OUT OF MY SCHEDULE to go out to see them.. thats what we did with my gramma (mimi) .. she had 5 aides around the clock..and we saw her everyday... said hi.. gave her a hug/kiss, etc.. she LOVED IT!! because she felt more at home and knew her family was there all the time.. her two sons (my uncle) stopped by all the time, one of them came almost everyday cuz his mother in law lived around the corner from us!! (she nows has aides living with her as well)

EDIT: sorry for making this so long.. just wanted to tell you how i felt..

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HE IS MY SUNSHINE N MY ROCK!

Right ear- Nucleus Freedom
IMPLANTED: 1/11/07
ACTIVATED: 1/29/07

FeistyChick

OMG.. this is very heartwrenching!! she knew her time was coming.. (SIGH) here is my

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HE IS MY SUNSHINE N MY ROCK!

Right ear- Nucleus Freedom
IMPLANTED: 1/11/07
ACTIVATED: 1/29/07

FeistyChick

you can get aides?? thats what we did with my gramma.. and my uncle's mother in law has aides too.. a lot easier and less hassle too.. and gives them PEACE. without arguing with them cuz they can be stubborn and give you the GUILT TRIP.. i have heard stories that they don't forgive their children for doing it to them!! and they die like that!! SHEESH!!! and then you will never forgive yourself either!! >>>it is NOT WORTH IT!!

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HE IS MY SUNSHINE N MY ROCK!

Right ear- Nucleus Freedom
IMPLANTED: 1/11/07
ACTIVATED: 1/29/07

FeistyChick

Quote:
Originally Posted by nozobo
When you were borned, were you glad your parents wiped ur ass and took care of you when u was growing up...

Now your parent's getting old, it's your turn to wipe your parents' ass and take care of them unless they rather take care of themselves or nursery home...

Shouldn't we follow the Karma "What goes around, comes around back to you"



GOOD LUCK to you guys!! hope you guys will get aides.. it is a lot easier that way cuz when they get older their bodies become SOLID (my mom hurt her back lifting her cuz of that! sheesh)-- making it very difficult to lift them,turn them over, etc.. then you have to feed them, bath them, etc.. it very TIME CONSUMING >>>unlike when you have kids.. TRUST ME ON THIS ONE!! cuz we did it with my gramma.. even if you have a family of your own, etc.. so i SUGGEST you to get aides, etc..

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HE IS MY SUNSHINE N MY ROCK!

Right ear- Nucleus Freedom
IMPLANTED: 1/11/07
ACTIVATED: 1/29/07

Liebling:-)))

Oh No, you dont have to say "sorry for making this so long...". It's okay that you open your feel to us.

Yeah, I understand how you feel about nursing home.
I heard bad things about nursing homes, too but we were told to not apply anything from the newspapers but go to Public Health company who knows about good nursing home. There're no problem since they apply anything from Public Health company because they have list of good nursing home with controllers.

Yes, I know it's terrible to let old people die alone with no family. It's very sad. It's sweetie of you to massage their foots, etc. I'm one of them who help old people what we did with my hubby's 90 years old great aunt (my hubby's mother's aunt) for years. Nobody take care of her since my mother-in-law died of brain tumor so my hubby and I took it over. My hubby and I are alone to take care of her for 4 years until she's died. It's not very easy job than we thought. The doctor recommended us to put her to nursing home which she deserve a 24 hours caring because we have a famliy, we consider about and aunt's condition burden us too much thru her stubborn etc. I'm sure you know what it is. Aunt lost her daughter to heart diease aged 14 and lost her husband to WWII. She is widow since WWII. We are always there for her. She dont want to stay at my mother in law's place but her own place. Everything goes bad since my mother-in-law passed away and leave aunt alone because my father-in-law and brother-in-law dont want do anything with her which it's only 5 minutes away walk between their places. We offered her to stay with us which it's 4 km away from our house but she refused and want to stay at her own place. We travel to check her all the time which it's stress for us but we had been through out for 4 years until doctor recommend us to put her nursing home. Aunt said that she will call us "monster" if we follow doctor's advise. We are tooo soft and feel for her. I do realized that we worn out thru stress since we have a family, we consider and her until one day she slipped out and fall down and hit her head to the wall. Those situation made us realized that she need a good hand is NURSING HOME so we applied right way. Unfortunalately, she died in the hospitail one day after an accident.

Accord your post: I can see that you have families who support each other to take care of Grandma which it's good. It's good when you really want to have your mother around to take care. I'm sure you know it's not easy condition to take care of old people.

Those condition what we had been through out with Aunt give my hubby and me think twice about our sons's future. We would look for a good nursing home near where my sons live then they can see us anytime what they want. The staff would call the relatives to let them know that their patient are going die soon or go to hospital. I would need my sons there when I'm die. (***knock the wood***).

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Liebling:-)))

True!!!!!!! it remind me of aunt.

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Liebling:-)))

*bump this thread for newbies*

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Foxrac

Oh, not know about take care of someone in near future.

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God bless America

PuyoPiyo

Well if my parents can't take care of themselves, then I would go take care of them. They took care of me when I was baby to teenager, so it's their turn for me to take care of them.

I think it is very rude for children to leave their parents who are too old and can't care of themselves.

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Foxrac

How about if son or daughter are live about far away from parent, around like 500 miles or more then what would be expected? also if they are busy at workplace.

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God bless America

jazzy

u can not judge everyone who had/are going thru this. I already asked my 80 years old mother to live with us and she said no. She said " I am too burden for u and your husband" she is right about one thing, I can not take care of her especially when her health is very poor. she needs someone who has nurse skill to take care of her. She said she is willing to go to nursing home in case she gets worse. I am sad about that, oh well. That is life.

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Reba

You're right. My parents are deceased, and my father-in-law is deceased. Just Hubby's mom is left alive. She lives over 1,000 miles away. We offered for her to stay with us but she doesn't want to leave her snowy home for the sunny South. What can you do? You can't kidnap them.

My mom stayed with us for a few months before she died. I wish she could have stayed longer. Sigh....

PuyoPiyo

Then let them live in son/daughter's place if their parents don't mind.

Yeah you are right, elders people do still have a life and they still have right to choice for themselves.

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sequoias

For me, I would find the best and alternative way to have good care and all that stuff for my parents when they can't take care of themselves. So far, theyre very independent and busy couples. Dad is 67 and mom is 55. It'll probably a long way until they will be in that pool.

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