your friend going to be dad! (non-marriage)

Illustrator, I think YOU answered your own question when you said, "Maybe he don't like it(meanging pressure, etc from you) because its his life." The water's gone over the dam and you cannot turn back time. Best you give full support and hope they marry.
 
Tousi said:
Illustrator, I think YOU answered your own question when you said, "Maybe he don't like it(meanging pressure, etc from you) because its his life." The water's gone over the dam and you cannot turn back time. Best you give full support and hope they marry.
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:roll: bbnt heck at me like if I told him about marriage already. no.
 
VamPyroX said:
If it happens, then it happens. I've had over 20 friends get pregnant out of marriage. The best I can do is support them and congratulate them. Anything else I say isn't gonna change anything so what's the point of saying it? The best solution is to show your support and make them feel better instead of putting them down.
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In agreement.

Take a class of children: some have 2 parents, some have 1, some have parents who never married at all. There's no difference in 'quality' between them. Ten to one you can't even tell any difference.

Being married doesn't make ya good parent, no magic in that paper. Yes?
 
illustrator said:
:roll: bbnt heck at me like if I told him about marriage already. no.
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this was in your first post
Should I pressure on him into marriage
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I responded to that question
 
And furthermore, when I said "......and hope that they will marry", I was echoing what is in your(Illustrator's)personal values system. Big difference between you "hoping" vs you coercing, savvy? At any rate, like Katzie said, "support".......
 
well this has happened to my boyfriend. his best friend has a kid and he didnt marry her, the girl got pregnant cuz she wanted him to marry her. This is what I didnt get.....if she was his girlfriend and they were together for at least a year and they were having sex, he should know that marriage is a possibility not break up the relationship when he found out she is pregnant. He loves her daughter but dislikes the ex girlfriend and now is getting engaged to another girl........I was thinking....hell no.....that is not right, if you have sex with somone and in a long relationship and official as a girl/boyfriend not a booty call then why not be ready to have marriage.... anyways his other friend, a girl, she broke up with her ex and found out she was pregnant but she is trying to work it out with the guy and they just did a baby shower together, she is tryinig to have marriage in the picture since her family is catholic and she believes the baby should have a father. I think what she is doing is more respectable and responsible but i dont approve of his other friend (the guy)......its hard cuz we hang out alot......... also with me in my culture if you are not married out of wedlock then your child would be a bastard and be embarassing to the family. If someone is my boyfriend and I am having sex without condoms, its a person I would marry and spend my life with regardless if baby or no baby........but that is another issue just having unprotected sex for fun.......
 
his business, his problem, his life....and I know u haven't pressured him...don't bother with that....he will find his own choices....my mom got pregnant with me 5 years before my parents marriage....now they've been married for 23 years now, no difference there...it's all about love...no matter married or not.
 
illustrator said:
EVERYBODY! YOU MISTOOK READ MY POST! I HAVEN'T PRESSURE ON MY FRIEND INTO MARRIAGE!!!
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I understand what you are saying.
First off it is great that you congradulated him on being a pre-father!!!! :)
keep giving him support that is what friends are for.

As far as pressuring him, I think you should not. Are you real religious?
In the king James bible look at the book of James 26-
If any man among you seem to be religious, and bridleth not his tongue, but deceiveth his own heart, this man's religion is vain.

This mean that you seem to be religious, but you are not god, you have
no right to deccide what is right for you friend, only god. And if you talk to him about marriage wiether his situation is right or wrong, you have place your religion in vainif you pressure him to do what YOU believe is right.

so be their as a friend and help as much as you can. Everyone needs support some time.
:)
 
If he asks for advice, then you can give it. If he is just informing you, then really all you can say is, "Thanks for letting me know."

Sure, marriage is a big serious step. Producing and raising children is an even bigger and more serious step. If someone is not ready for marriage, then they certainly aren't ready for raising children. Children require even more money and responsibility than marriage. But if he doesn't want your advice there is nothing you can do except be there when he needs you.

It is too bad that people really don't think about children before satisfying their own pleasures.
 
I had a good chuckle when I read this thread. Feathers got ruffled and all. Hey, no biggie. We all have our own opinions of how things work. That's cool. No harm done.

Wow. Sam, your friend's gonna be a father. That's nice you gave him your support, knowing you have different ideas how things work morally. I just hope he will be a damn good one, and be a responsible adult. That's just about the extent of where my moral compass is-- not necessarily including marriage if it doesn't have anything to stand on except for kids, and kids aint gonna stay forever.

So, I agree with Katzie-- ultimately it comes down to this as a FRIEND.. support a friend whenever it is appriopiate. Share your ideas whenever it is appriopiate (only when asked right?). Ya know? That's what I'd do, since, Sam, you asked our opinion on this matter. You sound like a guy who cares for your friend deeply. Good luck!
 
Whoa...what a debacle that is going on in here...all I can say is just give the guy congratulations and leave him be. He'll make all the decisions for the future on whether he'd marry the mother of his child or not. :)
 
In addition to the two responses that I offered and along with almost everyone else's contributions, I can't help but admit(because I come from another time--lol)that there's this little voice in my head repeating over and over: "What in the hell ever happened to personal responsibility"?
 
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