Will I Die Alone?

#1
Seriously, I'm starting to worry that I might.

Sounds needlessly dramatic, and it is to some extent, I've never had a serious relationship where I thought "I'm in love", in 37 years I've not had many relationships at all, just a 3, that's strange because everyone I know, work with, even my family members would describe me as a handsome ladies man, one who is always dating around and should settle down.

Even my own family, it's how everyone sees me, and it's not true, you'd think they would realize that I never come to events or holidays with date, or that my pictures are always without any of those beautiful women they assume I am dating. I was talking with my sister earlier this evening and she asked me, "so when are you going to finally propose?" and I'm blown away and say, "propose? to who?", "You know, to what's her name, you're too secretive Lucent, you never tell anyone your girlfriends name"

I was shocked, "I don't have a girlfriend Tina, I haven't dated anyone since 2012"
She didn't believe me, she was upset with me and offended that I wouldn't introduce her to my girlfriend that doesn't exist, "why do you have to be so secretive" she says, "everyone knows you like to date around but it's time you started a family" "You always have girlfriends, probably even more that one at a time Lucent"

I was flabbergasted, i didn't know what to think, hours later I found myself sitting alone, as always, on the foot of my bed, I was ashamed to not have a girlfriend to share with my sister, I'm always a little embarrassed to always show up alone at events or holidays, last Christmas I actually hired a professional escort to attend the office party (a proper professional escort, not a hooker, she even knew ASL), That was when I decided to get cochlear implants.

Getting bilateral CI was part of my deciding it was time I stopped focusing on my business and seriously find a lady to share my life with, i figured being hearing would solve the problem and a handsome, successful, and well mannered man could find love.

2 CI implants later, I've learned to hear and speak, it took a lot of effort to become hearing, studying English and practicing my enunciation constantly until everyone says I sound just like any other hearing person who speaks well.

Here we are, almost a year later, and I haven't even been on a single date, I'm still a complete fool when it comes to talking to women, and I'm lonely, lonelier now than I ever was before, because now I realize that I have a problem, I realize that I may die alone and ask myself, is it even worth going on when in reality, all my accomplishments and successes I've worked so hard for, mean nothing when you have no one to share it with.

My apologies, I'm not really so dramatic or wallowing in self-pity, I kind of wish I hadn't had that conversation with my sister today, if I could take back time I would never have answered the call, I never realized that my own family didn't know that I am single, that I've always been single.

To not only have the shame of not being believed about it, but to actually be in trouble or caused offense for being single, for not being the man they thought I was, I called a buddy later today, and asked if he knew I was single. "nah man, I thought you were gay, and didn't want people to know"...

Great, so now im not only a lier, I'm gay too, gods above, what do other people think? How many obsurb fictions are going through the minds of those close to me, my assistant must think I'm heartless for never sending flowers or gifts to a lover. last week she asked if I needed her help picking out feminine gifts for Christmas, she even went so far as "I know you're so busy so I can help get your wife and daughters gifts, I don't mind, all men have trouble shopping for the women in their lives." it never occurred to me until just now that she has an entire illusionary family for me, "that's okay, I had a matching necklace and earrings sets made for all of my sisters". Now I would feel like a perv to specifically inform her that I am single and have no daughters.

I wish there were more people on AllDeaf or at least more that are active, I don't actually need tons of people, just one single Deaf or HOH or CODA lady who could love a deaf workaholic geek who is passionate(probably) and loves all the way, forever. I know just asking for a beautiful and kind single deaf lady is a long shot, but it would be so awsome to find a lady who understands development or marketing. I'm kind of a Geek, well, not kind of, I'm a Geeks, Geek, the geek of the geeks, and I've met few people who understand what I do little less comprehend what the heck I'm talking about when I am puzzling through an issue with a solution I'm developing. I spend most of my days in building solutions for another world, might be part of issue with finding love, and the fact that inside, in my heart, I know I could never just settle for anything. I know I need to be with someone who understands me, loves being with me, loves me for who I am and not for money, or the successes I've had or for the things I could give her or him even, shit If I found a handsome man with all those qualities I might just decide to be gay after all... The love I seek goes far beyond the physical attraction or labels society puts on people. The love I seek, real love, if between two or more people that find solace and completion of their soul by being together.

That's why I'm still alone, why I don't date just to date, or look for a quick sexual partner, the reason why I am so fantastic at developing business solutions that rock, is bevause I'll never settle for good enough, or string someone along that I know won't be the lover of my life. All or nothing sucks, but you sleep better at night knowing you're not hurting someone just to get a quick fix.
 

DeafDucky

Well-Known Member
#2
Well I'm not a lady but can certainly understand your situation as I've lived it.

I'm a "bit" older than you, have been single forever. Dated a few times- never worked out. I usually need to be hit with a two by four or something to know if someone is flirting with me or is interested. Only kind of passively looking. Thankfully my family has never hounded me or questioned it though I'm sure my mother may have wished all of her children married and had kids lol.
 
#3
Well I'm not a lady but can certainly understand your situation as I've lived it.

I'm a "bit" older than you, have been single forever. Dated a few times- never worked out. I usually need to be hit with a two by four or something to know if someone is flirting with me or is interested. Only kind of passively looking. Thankfully my family has never hounded me or questioned it though I'm sure my mother may have wished all of her children married and had kids lol.
HA! you walk away and 20 minutes later a light bulb comes on, You turn around running back screaming, "ME TOO ME TOO, does that mean you wanna have sex?!?"

Right DD, I know what you mean, It's not just a Deaf thing, can't be, there are a lot of a-sexual people out there, but I don't feel a-sexual, I want a companion, I feel it every day, it's just the whole flipping the switch, completing the circuit.
 

DeafDucky

Well-Known Member
#4
Nope not a Deaf thing that's for sure. I am Deaf and know a few people- hearing and deaf (and deafblind) who are lonely and want a sexual relationship or companion to share their lives. I've never met anyone asexual though...agender maybe.. but that's besides the point of the topic.
 
#5
I have met several a-sexual people, people who simply have no desire for a relationship, sexual or otherwise, mostly because I met one, and then through him ran into his 'friends" who are all a-sexual too, they sort of flock togetherish.
 
#6
Oh yeah and none admit to being a-sexual, all but one claims to be gay, the one I know, is definitely not gay, he's not straight either, he's totally sexless, hahaha
 

rockin'robin

Well-Known Member
#7
Well...you know...I don't knock anyone being a-sexual or even gay.....majority of the time there are "reasons". And being true to your self is best....My status is a-sexual for many, many years and I don't regret it at all, and not embarrassed over it. My reasons are personal....Old school I am...and was told many, many years ago....Marry/be with someone who is your best friend, someone you have things in common with, communicate well with, get along with...Love is over rated, so is sex. And ask yourself...is being single really bothering you? or other people?....
 
#8
Well...you know...I don't knock anyone being a-sexual or even gay.....majority of the time there are "reasons". And being true to your self is best....My status is a-sexual for many, many years and I don't regret it at all, and not embarrassed over it. My reasons are personal....Old school I am...and was told many, many years ago....Marry/be with someone who is your best friend, someone you have things in common with, communicate well with, get along with...Love is over rated, so is sex. And ask yourself...is being single really bothering you? or other people?....
But you're old, I don't think it counts when you're old, aren't all old people a-sexual, even the married ones

Yes it bothers me, I am very lonely, more so lately and it's depressing, I thought about eating a bullet because I was so damn lonely, but then I saw something shiny and completely forgot about that idea,

Wait wait, are you hitting on me? Just want to make sure that wasn't 'a' sexual comon
 

rockin'robin

Well-Known Member
#9
LOL...nah, I'm not hitting on you...and Yes, it does "count" for older people too. And "older" people do still have sex...thanks to Viagra!...LOL...The Holidays are here...hence those who are "alone" feel it moreso than the other days of the year....Suicide too...All I can suggest is to put yourself out there among the single people...clubs,,,groups..Church....have a friend set you up?...Some do find a partner online...Even Facebook??...CI groups?...At AllDeaf, it's not a dating site...but you might get lucky here anyway....(some have). ...So wishing you good luck may sound like a broken record...but do wish you luck (seriously)…."She" is out there...somewhere...Keep the faith.
 

Lysander

Well-Known Member
#10
I don't really want to kick you when you're down, but something that stands out to me in your post is that you might have some trust/communication/intimacy issues. So, for example, you went to your sister and she obviously knew nothing about your life. My sister knows everything about me. She's calling you secretive. She's saying this because you're obviously not opening up to her.

And then you went to a friend and asked him. I assume if you went to him and asked you felt like he was a close enough friend that he'd give you an honest answer. And then he didn't even know who you were. It sounds like you're not being open enough and not developing deep relationships with people. This might be the problem. People might percieve you as superficial. You might want to start by talking to your sister about what you just posted here.
 

rockin'robin

Well-Known Member
#11
I don't really want to kick you when you're down, but something that stands out to me in your post is that you might have some trust/communication/intimacy issues. So, for example, you went to your sister and she obviously knew nothing about your life. My sister knows everything about me. She's calling you secretive. She's saying this because you're obviously not opening up to her.

And then you went to a friend and asked him. I assume if you went to him and asked you felt like he was a close enough friend that he'd give you an honest answer. And then he didn't even know who you were. It sounds like you're not being open enough and not developing deep relationships with people. This might be the problem. People might percieve you as superficial. You might want to start by talking to your sister about what you just posted here.
You know? ...that really rings a bell as I've been told also that I seemed "secretive"..."hiding something"....was just wondering if that might be a "deaf" thing or issue...??...Isn't it harder for the deaf to express their emotions and feelings to family, even friends?
 
#13
I don't really want to kick you when you're down, but something that stands out to me in your post is that you might have some trust/communication/intimacy issues. So, for example, you went to your sister and she obviously knew nothing about your life. My sister knows everything about me. She's calling you secretive. She's saying this because you're obviously not opening up to her.

And then you went to a friend and asked him. I assume if you went to him and asked you felt like he was a close enough friend that he'd give you an honest answer. And then he didn't even know who you were. It sounds like you're not being open enough and not developing deep relationships with people. This might be the problem. People might percieve you as superficial. You might want to start by talking to your sister about what you just posted here.
Hey stop kicking, sounds like horribad advice, I'm filing under "Horribad" and since I always choose the wrong path, I'll give it a try.
 

authentic

Well-Known Member
#15
Deaf person passed away
Deaf person goes to heaven to meet god
God was speaking to Deaf person
Deaf person to God, I can't hear you, please write on the paper
How do you communicate with hearing people on Planet Earth? God asked
We use ASL interpreter to communicate, and sometimes writing back and forth. Deaf replied
God looked at Earth, send a magic thunder to kill ASL interpreter, and here we have interpreter in heaven now with you all the times.

So you won't die alone.
 
#16
Deaf person passed away
Deaf person goes to heaven to meet god
God was speaking to Deaf person
Deaf person to God, I can't hear you, please write on the paper
How do you communicate with hearing people on Planet Earth? God asked
We use ASL interpreter to communicate, and sometimes writing back and forth. Deaf replied
God looked at Earth, send a magic thunder to kill ASL interpreter, and here we have interpreter in heaven now with you all the times.

So you won't die alone.
That's cold, I like it!
 

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