Why Is Polygamy So Controversial?

Mr. Smith is not a sex addict.

BULLSH!T!! I will not go into the history of him.

Let people marry whoever they want as many as they want. As long as they are consenting adults. Government, butt out of our personal lives PLEASE.

I agree... but unfortunately we are in a unrelenting society.

But hasn't it long been proved he forged basis of entire Mormon religion?

he started it, yes even endured ridicule.
I'm sorry you went through this. Many husbands (and wives) justify rape by saying the spouse is obligated to have sex...that's not true. You have the right to say NO even if you're married. I'm glad you're out and won the custody case. You are one of the few lucky ones. Often domestic cases are not taken seriously in the legal system and that's a shame. In fact, many police departments do not consider calls of domestic violence serious enough to respond immediately to emergency calls...domestic calls are not a priority. Thankfully this is changing, but not fast enough for me.

same goes for both men and women. its not really fair in either case, but problem is courts have seen too many abusers so they have blinders on when entering new cases and unable to see whats really happening.

Back to the topic...not all multi-partner relationships will result in cult behavior (keep in mind that even denominations started as a cult when they were new and different...until society accepted them as being part of the norm)...or child marriages ...or prone to sexual violence. With that said...If I wanted to marry two men, why can't I? What right does the government has to say NO? I can understand regulating insurance policies and things like that...but still. Economically, it would be good to have more income, more chances of having sex (since men stop being interested after a while and knowing there's another dude who could do the deed for him might either relieve the pressure or make him competitive to do more), and there's more chances the trash will be taken out.

You are right. they dont all become cults. its the ones you hear about that do. also the relationship where only 3 people are totally happy not expanding. I think that is more then enough. all it takes a one person to see something and twist it in a rumor that looks like a cult.

Because that's how Utah is.

utah? really? it started in palmyra, ny. its still there, but under radar. utah just happened to be the next largest location with mormons. it doesnt matter if it latter day saints or old faith like RLS etc.
 
If you didn't figure it out. That was my little "joke". I didn't know it started in NY, though. Didn't they come from Europe along with other settlers?
 
@ Rebeccalj & Steinhauer's wife:

:( I'm really sorry you had to go through those awful first marriages and am glad you got out OK.
 
Back to the topic...not all multi-partner relationships will result in cult behavior (keep in mind that even denominations started as a cult when they were new and different...until society accepted them as being part of the norm)...or child marriages ...or prone to sexual violence. With that said...If I wanted to marry two men, why can't I? What right does the government has to say NO? I can understand regulating insurance policies and things like that...but still. Economically, it would be good to have more income, more chances of having sex (since men stop being interested after a while and knowing there's another dude who could do the deed for him might either relieve the pressure or make him competitive to do more), and there's more chances the trash will be taken out.

If you want more income, you can still have multiple partners sharing resources and income. More sex? Just have an open relationship. You don't need marriage for any of these things to happen.

And are you saying you are too lazy to take the trash out? Want your men to be competitive for your pleasure? Doesn't sound like an equal relationship... I thought it was the women who tend to lose interest in sex. If a man has erection problems, there's nothing he could do about it short of taking viagra or other dangerous meds. Are you gonna kick him to the curb? Are you willing to have two male partners who also have sex with each other? It's only fair they be allowed to enjoy each other, not just one person out of three.

Can you imagine how to divvy up child support and alimony when the group splits up? Will a paternity test then be mandatory or will two of the three parents be forced to share paying child support? If partners B and C have different incomes, will they still share 50/50 of alimony or 40/60 based on their incomes? What if one partner has to pay alimony/child support to two partners? If one partner gets pregnant, what if the other two partners say they ain't the father? What if three or four people bought a house together and then split up? Negotiating will be more difficult than with just two people.

Marriage, in legal eyes, is there to protect rights and benefits of a couple and children (getting married in the eyes of a god is a whole other story), but if there are more partners involved, it will get really messy. If you and your partners are religious, you could get married according to the ways of your religion and skip the state-recognized marriage part.
 
If you want more income, you can still have multiple partners sharing resources and income. More sex? Just have an open relationship. You don't need marriage for any of these things to happen.

And are you saying you are too lazy to take the trash out? Want your men to be competitive for your pleasure? Doesn't sound like an equal relationship... I thought it was the women who tend to lose interest in sex. If a man has erection problems, there's nothing he could do about it short of taking viagra or other dangerous meds. Are you gonna kick him to the curb? Are you willing to have two male partners who also have sex with each other? It's only fair they be allowed to enjoy each other, not just one person out of three.

Can you imagine how to divvy up child support and alimony when the group splits up? Will a paternity test then be mandatory or will two of the three parents be forced to share paying child support? If partners B and C have different incomes, will they still share 50/50 of alimony or 40/60 based on their incomes? What if one partner has to pay alimony/child support to two partners? If one partner gets pregnant, what if the other two partners say they ain't the father? What if three or four people bought a house together and then split up? Negotiating will be more difficult than with just two people.

Marriage, in legal eyes, is there to protect rights and benefits of a couple and children (getting married in the eyes of a god is a whole other story), but if there are more partners involved, it will get really messy. If you and your partners are religious, you could get married according to the ways of your religion and skip the state-recognized marriage part.

Then please explain why it is that polygamous marriages work in so many societies across the world where it is considered the norm. Just because it "can't work" according to Westernized way of thought does not mean that it can't work at all, or that it is inherently damaging.
 
Just my 2cents: It's all about two things primarily.
1. The culture of that nation and 2. the personality of the people involved.

America is an individualistic society to where natives growing up here, people feel a sense of self-worth. It happened through many small things that fuel americans to keep feeling that entitlement. Their personalities revolve around growing up, thus you end up with monogamous marriages. In the USA, we had events like the women's suffrage to advocate equality and rights for women.

However, ladies (speaking to some of the posters), you do realize in the back of your mind not 100% of all american women would think the same as you do, there will be some relevant percent willing to join in with polygamy. Their personalities are likely different from you. They have a different set of thinking very likely due to some incident or way of life that they grew up seeing it differently than you.

In other nations, where people "don't" have as much self-worth, polygamy is normal. Africas, India, middle east, etc.

What do these nations have in common?

Notice a pattern that in all of them, women have a long way to go to become on an equal level with men. But in the meantime, many of those women are okay with being in polygamous marriages. Why? Because their cultures raise them that way, and their personalities then end up accepting it as they mature.
 
Sorry, my parents were Orthadox Mormon, as opposed to Mormon. I think this is topic. I was just turn 18 a few weeks and married off to a man who I do not know but was just 4 year older than me. Odd that. I was probably deemed 'lucky.' I was a virgin bride, did not know anything about sex back then, nothing. I left him, abusive husband that he was, not even 3 year into marriage with him. Entire family disown me. Take my two older daughters and hid them hoping I come back to marriage. I did not and fought? in court in BC for 7 year to get my two babies back. I won.

Is that you question?

ETA: Sorry, not polygamous marriage but I know of others my age who were.

Im sorry you went through all that. Thats terrible
 
If you want more income, you can still have multiple partners sharing resources and income. More sex? Just have an open relationship. You don't need marriage for any of these things to happen.

And are you saying you are too lazy to take the trash out? Want your men to be competitive for your pleasure? Doesn't sound like an equal relationship... I thought it was the women who tend to lose interest in sex. If a man has erection problems, there's nothing he could do about it short of taking viagra or other dangerous meds. Are you gonna kick him to the curb? Are you willing to have two male partners who also have sex with each other? It's only fair they be allowed to enjoy each other, not just one person out of three.

Can you imagine how to divvy up child support and alimony when the group splits up? Will a paternity test then be mandatory or will two of the three parents be forced to share paying child support? If partners B and C have different incomes, will they still share 50/50 of alimony or 40/60 based on their incomes? What if one partner has to pay alimony/child support to two partners? If one partner gets pregnant, what if the other two partners say they ain't the father? What if three or four people bought a house together and then split up? Negotiating will be more difficult than with just two people.

Marriage, in legal eyes, is there to protect rights and benefits of a couple and children (getting married in the eyes of a god is a whole other story), but if there are more partners involved, it will get really messy. If you and your partners are religious, you could get married according to the ways of your religion and skip the state-recognized marriage part.

What gives the law the right to define marriage? As for open relationships, adultery is still illegal in many states. It's usually not enforced. In many countries, marriages with multiple family roles work beautifully...don't be ethnocentric just because it doesn't fit in your culture's box.

On a serious note, I would personally never consider it. I adore my one and only husband, and I don't need anyone else to complete me. I'm merely pointing out that marriage is a choice that we should make ourselves without the interference of the government. At one time, a certain man tried to make it illegal for deaf people to marry because he wanted to stop deafness.
 
Which is a Westernized value system.:cool2: It has nothing to do with being self centered or feeding their ego. It is the accepted norm for the way their society is set up. You are attributing motive from your own Westernized perspective of how things are supposed to be.

When I lived in Berkley Ca. a woman I knew invited me to group she went to. I when along out curiosity. The group was run by a guy , I can't remember what he called himself, anyway he told everyone to stand in a circle back to back and rub their asses together! I am thinking WTF!! The guy running the group was watching the people do this , I DID NOT get in the circle and the guy told the rest of the group that I was 'not normal' as I did not want rub my ass with them! Curiosity killed the cat, but in this case the cat got sick! I could not believe how much control the guy had over the people. He was trying to start a cult and was trying to weed out people he could control. I was not asked to come back! He could not get me to do anything! I wonder if the women that get involved in polygamy are being controlled or there on their on free will . It is amazing how one person can control so many people.
 
When I lived in Berkley Ca. a woman I knew invited me to group she went to. I when along out curiosity. The group was run by a guy , I can't remember what he called himself, anyway he told everyone to stand in a circle back to back and rub their asses together! I am thinking WTF!! The guy running the group was watching the people do this , I DID NOT get in the circle and the guy told the rest of the group that I was 'not normal' as I did not want rub my ass with them! Curiosity killed the cat, but in this case the cat got sick! I could not believe how much control the guy had over the people. He was trying to start a cult and was trying to weed out people he could control. I was not asked to come back! He could not get me to do anything! I wonder if the women that get involved in polygamy are being controlled or there on their on free will . It is amazing how one person can control so many people.

Yes, it is amazing.
 
Then please explain why it is that polygamous marriages work in so many societies across the world where it is considered the norm. Just because it "can't work" according to Westernized way of thought does not mean that it can't work at all, or that it is inherently damaging.
Please explain what you mean by "work."
 
A general theory of law --

Most people rather live, work and play with others than live, work and play alone.

Once you got a bunch of people living together there is a need for a system or several systems on how to share resources and responsibilities.

It's tricky balancing what is best for the individual vs what is best for the group.

All the rest is commentary in the form of laws, regulations and customs.
 
Sounds like ethnocentric circular reasoning. :lol:

Actually, it is the opposite of ethnocentric. It is allowing judgement of appropriate institutions to the culture within which they survive.:P Someone judging a polygamous marriage from the cultural standards in which these marraiges are the norm will see the success of such very differently than someone who does not live in a culture where it is the norm.
 
If the women have low self-esteem, then the people causing that are responsible for their actions. It's not healthy for anyone involved.
 
Actually, it is the opposite of ethnocentric. It is allowing judgement of appropriate institutions to the culture within which they survive.:P Someone judging a polygamous marriage from the cultural standards in which these marraiges are the norm will see the success of such very differently than someone who does not live in a culture where it is the norm.
Western people aren't the only ethnocentricts. :lol:

The culture that is practicing polygamy is ethnocentric about their practices. The circular reasoning is that from their long-term cultural practices, they perceive what they do is a norm, only because it is a long-term normal practice for them. Not because there is anything intrinsically right about what they're doing.

Just about any practice could be called "working" if that's common in a particular culture, using that reasoning. The Chinese one-baby only policy is "working" for them (at least, according to Joe Biden), human sacrifice "worked" for cultures in the past, and plantation slavery "worked" for a time in American history, following that reasoning.

All so-called norms that depend on imperfect people deciding what "works" without following the guidelines from a perfect, immutable source, are going to be problematic.

That's the answer to the original question.
 
Actually, it is the opposite of ethnocentric. It is allowing judgement of appropriate institutions to the culture within which they survive.:P Someone judging a polygamous marriage from the cultural standards in which these marraiges are the norm will see the success of such very differently than someone who does not live in a culture where it is the norm.

I wonder if they're really successful , it could be if a girl or boy was only exposed to one culture and made to believed it was the only way to live that would be brainwashing and that would be controlling a young person mind which it very easy to.
Look at what happen at Jones Town. Mr. Jones was able to control people so good he had 100's of people drink poison kool aid . I feel the women are being controlled more than they realize it. Just like that group I when and the guy was able to get complete strangers to rub asses together! There a lot lonely people out there and people like Mr. Jones and Mr. Ass Rubber know how to find them. I meet a woman was in 'married into polygamy and she said had to give all her money to her 'husband' before marrying him and the woman had no control over her own life. She was able escape on during a field trip her husband took his 'wives' on.
 
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