when you see a dead person do you recognise ...

Grummer

Grummer

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them as if in your best memory of how they looked? or its quite different?
why?
i mean I think i can tell you the 'why' crazy it might seem..
but..e
they appearance could reflect to THEIR prime of THEIR life...
and more mysteriously...would THEIR wives, or husbands be reminiscing to how they looked in they day of the marriage?? or when they fell in love??
or maybe in case of 'not marriage' - it doesn't matter whether marriage was gained in the life....but the achievement or the heights of their passion in their lives...

i mean ...when you see them in the coffin, (often if you're lucky to go to their homes BEFORE actual funeral take place...(very privileged families and best friends goes there)...when you see them, do they strike you as completely 'unknown to you' OR did you really see the 'younger self' as they spoke/told you about it? (as they shared their life stories to you)...

so, i guess its a hard one to describe...so hence is a fairly long question
but i hope...you might share your story, and your perception/viewpoint about the 'age' a person die at, when they physically die...
 
My mother....in the Coffin looked 100% different...due to very "cakey" makeup (on her temple, due to a gun shot wound, which was quite big)...she was also "very white" looking...but guessing it's been so long....and now-a-days, they have better make-up for things like this.....but do feel it should have been a "closed coffin" funeral for my mother....
 
I did not have my husband embolmed because he was going to be cremated after the funeral Mass. Except for immediate family, we had a closed coffin viewing. My oldest daughter had been out of town when his health deteriorated and wanted to see him. As I recall, he looked like himself.
 
My Nonna looked cakey white from the make up. I recall kissing her in the coffin and feeling how cold she was. She looked at peace but I still wished she were back home with us.

Laura
 
rockin'robin said:
My mother....in the Coffin looked 100% different...due to very "cakey" makeup (on her temple, due to a gun shot wound, which was quite big)...she was also "very white" looking...but guessing it's been so long....and now-a-days, they have better make-up for things like this.....but do feel it should have been a "closed coffin" funeral for my mother....
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Oh Robin, I'm sorry for your loss. I realize it was a long time ago, but that is tragic. How old were you when it happened? Did they ever catch the perpetrator? Only answer what you feel comfortable answering...
 
When I have seen my family members before they got the "Treatments" ( meaning makeup and embolments) they looked different, flat... melted in a sense???
It is hard to explain, and after the "Treatments" they just looked fake as a wax model. They never look the same after they pass away. And if you are very close to them, you tend to forget that they are gone, you will think about them and miss them and sometimes want to go visit them til you realize...wait, they passed away.
I actually asked someone once if so-so was coming as I haven't seen them in years ( completely forgot) and they said, Don't you remember.......and I was like oh shit, sorry. When someone is close in your heart they are always there.
 
All my parents, step-parents and grandparents are deceased but I never saw any of them in open caskets because they were either cremated or we lived too far away to get home in time. When my father-in-law died, Hubby made it to the viewing and funeral but I was not able to go.

However, I've seen many other friends in open caskets. Three were young children, and the rest were adults, mostly elderly. The elderly looked the most wasted away because they had long-term debilitation before dying. The cosmetic presentation was good, all things considered but not what I would call "natural" looking.

It was hardest looking at the children. One was a toddler who had gone thru chemo, so she had lost her hair. In the casket, she wore an all-white outfit with a white turban. She looked very nice. Loved ones had placed her favorite videos, blanket and toys in the casket with her. It was a hard time for me because I was present when she died. The service was very touching.

The other two children were a sister and brother. They were buried together in one casket. They were arranged to look like they were hugging each other. They looked good despite the fact that they had been murdered. The girl wore a bonnet and the boy wore a cap; I think that was to hide their wounds.

In Southeastern American states, the viewing is usually held at the funeral parlor or church. If it's the evening before the funeral it's also a time to meet with the family. They often have family photos on display, or, more recently, they have a video gallery of family photos that play on a continuous loop on a monitor.

If there is no viewing and the reception is after the funeral, that usually includes a meal that is provided for the family and mourners.

Also, TCS and I, as members of Patriot Guard Riders, attend many services for veterans, so we've seen a variety of ways that services are done. That includes receiving the remains at airport ceremonies. Sometimes that's the hardest time for the families. Of course, that is closed casket with a Flag draped over it, and an honor guard escort.
 
sonocativo said:
...When someone is close in your heart they are always there.
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That's true. My mom died over 20 years ago but sometimes I still see things at a store or on-line and think, "That would be a perfect gift for Mom; she would love that." Or, when I get new pictures of my grandsons, I think, "I wish I could send these pictures to her." There are so many things I want to share with her. We have many reminiscences about family stories of loved ones. :)
 
I have never seen a dead person (as of this writing) before the funeral home prepared the body. Every body I've seen has struck me as very disconnected from the person I knew. They were all older, and their skin had been pulled more tautly than it had sat on their faces when they were alive. So they looked artificial to me.

But as Reba mentioned, the immediate family would generally put lots of pictures on display, so you could see them as they looked when they were at all different stages of their lives. And of course we have our memories of the person. I think that's the main thing for me. The pictures are nice for reminiscing, and visiting the casket gives some closure, you look and fully acknowledge and maybe quietly say goodbye, with other components depending on your culture/upbringing, like things from religious tradition. But I've always felt that the last time I saw the person *before* they died was really the last time I saw them.
 
I am Jewish and we do not have an open coffin but I have seen a few dead people. A friend of my daughter dies when he 38 yo and I was shocked to see how horrible his body was laid out. He looked liked like crumbled up doll and like an old man . My daughter and some of her friend thought the body looked like a crumbled up doll too. A lot of makeup was on the face too and that was awful looking. I saw my mother in law in an open coffin and her family was saying how good she looked. And I was thinking , she dead. it was sad because my mother in law always took pride in looking good but when she got ill she let herself go and the guy she lived with was horrible to her and did nothing for her. So there she was all dressed up with a new dress and hairdo and earrings and DEAD!
 
Dead people I have seen looked like wax statues to me. Nothing like what they were alive.

My dogs looked real and no different. When our Lhasa had to be put to sleep, the vet had to tell me she was dead and I could stop holding her.
 
Bottesini said:
Dead people I have seen looked like wax statues to me. Nothing like what they were alive.

My dogs looked real and no different. When our Lhasa had to be put to sleep, the vet had to tell me she was dead and I could stop holding her.
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Yes, you're right about animals. It's not so much how they look but how they feel.
 
Bottesini said:
Dead people I have seen looked like wax statues to me. Nothing like what they were alive.

My dogs looked real and no different. When our Lhasa had to be put to sleep, the vet had to tell me she was dead and I could stop holding her.
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when I had to put my beloved Finlay to sleep I held on to him the whole time and the vet had to ask me to move so she could listen to his sweet little heart for the last time. He looked very dead to me. :(
 
whatdidyousay! said:
when I had to put my beloved Finlay to sleep I held on to him the whole time and the vet had to ask me to move so she could listen to his sweet little heart for the last time. He looked very dead to me. :(
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Our poodle who died two years ago, had a massive stroke, and she had Cheyne-Stokes breathing at the end, and we kept holding her and petting her for quite a while to make sure she wouldn't be alone if she gasped for breath again.

I am not certain when she was alive, and then not alive.
 
Reba said:
That's true. My mom died over 20 years ago but sometimes I still see things at a store or on-line and think, "That would be a perfect gift for Mom; she would love that." Or, when I get new pictures of my grandsons, I think, "I wish I could send these pictures to her." There are so many things I want to share with her. We have many reminiscences about family stories of loved ones. :)
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i get that too...yeah
 
This also brings up the choice to be creamated or burried once you die. I want to be creamated, hubby wants to be burried. People need to make their wishes clear before something bad happens.

Our son was creamated and his ashes were scattered in the church garden. I will always remember him the way he looked when he died.

The older we get the more funerals we attend sadly.
 
Bottesini said:
Our poodle who died two years ago, had a massive stroke, and she had Cheyne-Stokes breathing at the end, and we kept holding her and petting her for quite a while to make sure she wouldn't be alone if she gasped for breath again.

I am not certain when she was alive, and then not alive.
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:( That is so sad. I can't even think of having to do this again Marty. Our pets just do not live long enough . If anyone life is too short it's our pets.
 
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