When expecting a child, would you want it to be deaf?

Mama2AFTIV, TweetyBirdie!

Not being comfortable with a thread is reason to close it.... You could just not visit it and let other people continue. The thread will die out by itself.

I am learning a lot, enjoying discussion with people that are not uncomfortable with the issue. But where is the uncomfortable feeling coming from? It can't be just a simple question.
 
For me, there's no "want". If the child is deaf, fine. If the child is hearing, fine. I'm not going to dwell on it.
 
Cheri said:
Ok, Let me ask you this question, What would u prefer a deaf child or a blind child? and why?
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The question in this thread is not about what I want for me, it's about what I want for my child.

I would want my child to be hearing and be able to see. I am not wishing for a certain child.

But my reaction whe either of the two would happen would be different.
A deaf child would not be a shock because I 've been there before. A blind child would mean a new learning curve and would probably have a big impact.
Do I need to say - "I would love them both equally."?

Now I am curious about your answer to your question?
 
^Angel^ said:
Why do you prefer to have a " hearing " child just to hear the sounds? what wrong with a " deaf " child being able to hear the sounds with the use of either CI implants or hearing aids?
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Very good question. There's nothing wrong with that. But being born hearing would prevent getting finding out about it, fitting HA's, adjusting HA's, operating CI, fitting CI, learning to listen.

I think you knew the answer allready :roll: What do you really want to ask me... go ahead.....
 
GalaxyAngel said:
CUT THAT CRAP! your imagation.. I felt good that my history background whoever nobody have Deaf Child.. I felt better..

That r u sick!

No matter what, if came it up 1 out of 1 million.. For example alikely Down Sydrome.. wow unique a child.. can be smart and bright child..
Aren't you love your child who has Down Sydrome or not.? Do you prefer dump your child to ophrane home.. I think you're expecting PERFECT CHILD, what r u seek for!

I think you're...
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Hey, I believe Cloggy has shown a geninue interested in deaf world, and register as forum member. And proud parent to his children, all living with him in Norway, not at insitution or Children Home.

Why would he register this forum for? Because he cares about deaf!!

He wants what is best for his child's upbringing :)
 
Cloggy said:
OK, here's where all the commotion starts.. jumping to conclusions.

What I said, or what I meant was: I doesn't matter if it is hearing or deaf, but I wish for the child that it can hear.... I want my children to experience sound. (Beyond hearing loud noises.... just to prevent you saying "But I can hear loud noises) You might not care about not having sound but I do.
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Correct i don't mind (it's wrong to say don't care) to not having to hear the sound .. because i just got used do it as i was born deaf . when i was little i thought it is normal to be deaf , i just get on with it and i does to have a good life and good career, and love my life what i have got here .

if any kids find out when they grow up that their parents had been wish that they are hearing or deaf or whatever it will hurt their feeling maybe think that you are disppointing with this kids what they haven't got that you have wish for !! just becareful. i do not care of you keep bashing me .. you are very sad person .. you should learn to find out for yourself instead to keep asking us .. :dunno: as if i care !!
 
OOOO I remember that Deaf lesbians got their deaf baby from sperm bank. Many of them thinks it s wrong to have a deaf baby for Deaf lesbian s wishes. However I m seeing it s okay for hearing for them to conform or manipulate a deaf chlid into a hearing child. **rme** Whats that supposed to be? Okay for hearnig's wishes and Forbid for deaf's wishes.. Scoffs!

So therefore it shows me they are not completely accept of any d/Deaf child to be exist into this hearing world. It doesnt surprised me at all.

This topic is not really new to me because he does that for a year. So whats the point for him to pressure on us to share with him after all he already made the decision for his child.. So NO use to be discussion!!!!

LOOK at cochlear implant topic at Deaf Interest / hearing aid and cochlear implant


For PETE S SAKE!!!

Sweetmind
 
CutePommie said:
Correct i don't mind (it's wrong to say don't care) to not having to hear the sound .. because i just got used do it as i was born deaf . when i was little i thought it is normal to be deaf , i just get on with it and i does to have a good life and good career, and love my life what i have got here .

if any kids find out when they grow up that their parents had been wish that they are hearing or deaf or whatever it will hurt their feeling maybe think that you are disppointing with this kids what they haven't got that you have wish for !! just becareful. i do not care of you keep bashing me .. you are very sad person .. you should learn to find out for yourself instead to keep asking us .. :dunno: as if i care !!
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Yes, it's better to say don't mind. But I get the feeling that some people "don't care". You're not one of them.

You said: "i just get on with it" and that's great. My daughter doesn't have to get in the situation that she "iust has to get on with it". There will be other issues, like why doesn't everyone has a thing on their head.

You said: "i do not care of you keep bashing me".... Where?. You have called me all kinds of names in this and other theads. I have answered politely - at least so far as I am aware off.
Please tel me where I bashed you. Looking forward to learn where I went wrong.
 
Hi Angel,
Thanks for your feedback. Really appreciate it.
^Angel^ said:
I do often wondered what it would be like if I was born " hearing " and I do believe that I would be a very different person but it's not necessarily means to become a better person but to be able to hear the sound of the world etc but I learn to accept my own deafness as I grew, and I also learn that being deaf isn't so bad at all, I met all kinds of people, and this is what made me feel special because I'm not the same as everyone else but different, and I like to feel different I feel that my own deafness made me feel more stronger and defined I believe that this world is meant to have people of all different kinds, whether it may be sexual gender, religion, disability and race etc. this makes what our world as it is today as learning to accept and treat people the same, because we are no different than any of you, if our world only for everyone to hear, then it would be soo dull, because I love meeting so many different people and learing about their cultures, etc and what it like being deaf, hanciapped etc...There's nothing in the world I would want to change my child or myself, I learn to accept myself as being deaf, and it's a great feeling because it made me feel special somehow, having a deaf child is a gift from above, because we have a reason why God gave us deaf children or why we became deaf, and we learn how to fit in with both hearing and the deaf world, and learning from each others is just awesome....
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Any child is a gift from above and I believe that they are here to learn themselves and to teach others, right from conception. As for a reason why the child is deaf, one cannot know what the higher purpose is. Perhaps the reason is to have you go through the process of helping the child to hear, and not doing anything about it would be wrong.
Nobody knows, so it’s up to the parent to make the choices and learn from that process. Any decision has consequences. Our decision gives her (for now) another direction that you took.
They are both good directions, and we read stories like yours BEFORE we made the decision.

We are put on this world to face barriers and obstacles whether we like it or not. This is part of life and we deal from whatever choices we do make for our children whether they're deaf or hearing...We should learn from each others and not try to change ourselves and Why should anyone be given the right to choose to have deaf or hearing baby?, why should it matter?, I think it's kind of selfish in a way of wanted a hearing baby instead of a deaf baby, when we have devices to help our children hear,I'm not going to pick because I will accept both hearing and deaf and I'm not going to sit here and worry about what if my baby is born deaf, when I know there's tools out there that will provide the needs for my deaf child, the most important thing is give our children whether they're deaf or hearing alot of love and attention, that is what every child needs from both of their parents....
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You said “and not try to change ourselves” but change is a process that goes with life. “Stagnating water will eventually stink.”
You said “I think it's kind of selfish in a way of wanted a hearing baby instead of a deaf baby.” and I agree, just like it is ““I think it's kind of selfish in a way of wanted a deaf baby instead of a hearing baby.”.The point is, you have no choise in the matter. You receive a child, and will love it unconditionally. But I wish for the child that it can hear, for her to experience birds, whisper, trains, planes, wind, water, chimes.

I agree with you totally that “the most important thing is give our children whether they're deaf or hearing a lot of love and attention, that is what every child needs from both of their parents....” Absolutely.
And it’s sad to see that some of you have seen / are experiencing the opposite. Really sad.
 
Both my mother and grandmother have deep sorrows for me and my brother being deaf. Not because we are deaf but because they KNEW that we will miss so much out on auditory joys and will never have an easy life. Even my brother is 40 and me 38 now, they are still deeply saddened and will never make peace with it.

I have done my best to convince both of them that I am OK and would not want to change anything about me but they cant see it from my OWN perspective.

I have seen some AD'ers attack Cloggy for her perspectives - we all have to remember that she will NEVER understand our feelings - that we have no problem being deaf or whether our kid is deaf or not because we KNOW. We just have to stop judging others as much as they stop judging us too. What happened to " agree to disagree " ? Didn't we just have a thread on that recently? Yet, I still see people bashing and hurling insults. If every single person would stop being so defensive and realize that Cloggy or any other hearing parent or grandparent will NEVER get it and will always grieve because they know what we are missing.

But we should not let it bother us that we cant seem to convince them that we are okay. We should focus more on embracing the differences and sharing our experiences so they can understand slightly better, not walk away being defensive and angry.

I know that most of us have dealt with anger and pain growing up with people who treated us harshly.

My own father walked away from me and my brother simply because we are deaf but I don't go around carrying that personal anger to this day.

I had to remind myself that our own inner peace counts and that will help educate others, not our personal rage and anger.

P.S. Last Christmas, my grandmother finally admitted to me that she KNOWS now at age of 82. She is losing her hearing and she said she got lightbulb in her head about what it feels like etc so she is no longer saddened but still grieving and feeling guilty that we could have had easier lives, etc but didn't. She has simply stopped wishing that my brother and I could hear so I am happy that she KNOWS.
 
TweetyBird said:
i agree with cheri, GA...


i think better close thread cuz of some people dont comfortable talk abt that and it can cause people feeling hurt in past what parents did...
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Well, my own father abandoned me and my brother simply because of this. Yes, it hurted like HELL and I will never forget all these years of growing up, yearning and needing him when he was a shitass but I have made peace with it and want to share it with other hearing parents of deaf children so they will understand where we are coming from.

What is the point of closing this thread? How else would Cloggy and others learn???
 
Cloggy said:
I am learning a lot, enjoying discussion with people that are not uncomfortable with the issue. But where is the uncomfortable feeling coming from? It can't be just a simple question.
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I can safely assume that the uncomfortable feeling is coming from years of pain and rage. We have always wanted to be accepted as deaf people but people keep trying to change us - from parents to doctors to teachers.

We keep telling them we are ok with it but they wont believe us and keep trying to fix the "problem".

Either that or a parent simply abuse or abandon us for being deaf.

If anyone asked me, I would say that being abandoned by a father is way way way way worse than being deaf itself. Can't people see that instead of focusing way tooooooo much on our deafness? Why keep harping on that when we will never know the difference but simply ask for unconditional acceptance of us?
 
:gpost: ^Angel^ and Gemtun!

Gemtun, Cloggy is "he", not "she"... :D


Most hearing people can't accept that we are happy what we are. I find sad some deaf people can't accept and try to positive their deafness but feel sorry themselves and never sataisfy themselves.

Of course I accept that there're cons and pros about deafness but I still positive my deafness, no matter what.
 
Liebling:-))) said:
:gpost: ^Angel^ and Gemtun!

Gemtun, Cloggy is "he", not "she"... :D


Most hearing people can't accept that we are happy what we are. I find sad some deaf people can't accept and try to positive their deafness but feel sorry themselves and never sataisfy themselves.

Of course I accept that there're cons and pros about deafness but I still positive my deafness, no matter what.
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Come on Liebling... They are not the only ones... I was enjoying the confusion. :lol:
 
CutePommie said:
.. you are very sad person .. you should learn to find out for yourself instead to keep asking us .. :dunno: as if i care !!
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Well, I see different as you.

We need to open our mind when any questions comes. We answer anyone's questions what we can. You said that Cloggy should find out himself. Yes, he have! Look what Cloggy did HERE!!!!! Cloggy is here to find out and collect his experiences where he registered few deaf forums. I like Cloggy's honest and open mind when the questions comes.

If Cloggy is really sad person, that he would not join deaf forums or create his threads for his daughter, don't he? It shows that he cares about his daughter and want to learn about Deaf culture.

I find amazing how Cloggy show his interesting to learn about us as deaf people because my parents doesn't do that... NEVER even train me to speak or try to understand me... Yes, I complaint to parents about my deafness because I felt being left out in hearing world... My parents tried their best to positive me about deafness... One thing is I thank my parents for not whine over my deafness... I CAN'T stand my hubby's parents because they kept on whine and whine negative over deafness...

Cloggy, I would advise you to not whine your daughter negative over her deafness... Teach her to accept the positive about her deafness with love and attention...
 
Liebling:-))) said:
Well, I see different as you.

We need to open our mind when any questions comes. We answer anyone's questions what we can. You said that Cloggy should find out himself. Yes, he have! Look what Cloggy did HERE!!!!! Cloggy is here to find out and collect his experiences where he registered few deaf forums. I like Cloggy's honest and open mind when the questions comes.

If Cloggy is really sad person, that he would not join deaf forums or create his threads for his daughter, don't he? It shows that he cares about his daughter and want to learn about Deaf culture.

I find amazing how Cloggy show his interesting to learn about us as deaf people because my parents doesn't do that... NEVER even train me to speak or try to understand me... Yes, I complaint to parents about my deafness because I felt being left out in hearing world... My parents tried their best to positive me about deafness... One thing is I thank my parents for not whine over my deafness... I CAN'T stand my hubby's parents because they kept on whine and whine negative over deafness...

Cloggy, I would advise you to not whine your daughter negative over her deafness... Teach her to accept the positive about her deafness with love and attention...
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Well said, Lieb!!! Questioning is not an act of crime but of genuine motivation to learn.
 
Cheri said:
Deaf people are not the ONLY ones getting picked on, Why do you think there are bullies at school? Everyone get picked on even the who get upset easily or who have trouble sticking up for themselves. Hell even my two boys get bullied in school and they are hearing! It makes no differences. Kids are kids, there are gotta be bad kids, and there are gotta be good kids. No one deserves to be bullied.
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I understand that, Cheri, and you're right...but bullies will LOOK for things to pick at - and my being deaf and speaking differently was just more clear to them so that just made me an easy target. Yes, kids are kids, but a child who is deaf perhaps has more of a chance at being ridiculed than a child who is not. That's all I'm saying.
 
Originally Posted by Malfoyish
Now - that being said...I'll admit that growing up deaf was NOT easy on me. I was picked on, abused, tortured by kids in school, I often went home crying because they'd play monkey-in-the-middle with my hearing aid in the schoolyard. It was almost ALWAYS about my deafness and my peers' inability to be sensitive towards me.

So, no, I really wouldn't wish that my child go through some of the same issues I did.)
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Honestly, deaf people are also bullied by deaf people at school as well like hearing people! I was being bullied by deaf people, not just hearing... I'm sure that you know that there're hearing people are also being bullies as well.

I find sad that some deaf parents implant their babies with CI and want to change them because of their past...

I know some of hearing members around here... I bet they would say that they are being bullied at school.
 
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