There's been a death in your family and you're devastated

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Kalista

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How would you be able to deal during the hoildays when there is a death in your family during your grieving path? Most grief takes more than six months or a year to process. It is hard to believe, my Dad was passing away last week. We saw my mother's coffin in the ground and wait for my Dad buried next to her. It was horrible grieving and painful since both of my parents gone at my young age.

Life is not fair! My life will never be the same. It will always grieve that loss of my husband and both of my parents. But I am learning to love again and move on with my life.

I have no motivation to celebrate any of those hoildays this year. Oh gosh, I can't wait Christmas will be over in few days....

There's been a death in your family and you're devastated
 
I haven't yet experienced a death in my family that was particular close to me. I *have* experienced the death of my best friend almost two years ago, though. Her passing was sudden and unexpected, and I'm just now to a point where I can see myself being "OK". I have two really good friends that seen me through things and without them, I'd probably still be in that dark pit I was in after she died.

You're right, Kalista. The grief process can take at least a year to work through, and sometimes, it takes longer.

Hang in there. You have my sympathies. :aw:
 
Ohhhhh I'm very sorry to hear about the loss of your beloved father... :hug: Yes I remember that he was suffered for months but I never thought that he can't make it... :(


Yes, we have bad experience and took it very bad because we never, never thought that my MIL died of lung clot on my hubby's birthday and 3 days before Christmas...

Yes, she got brain tumor begin of October 1996. My MIL rejected operation because of 20% chance to cure her. Suddenly, her lung clot affected her and died within 30 minutes on 21st December 1996. We took it badly because we do not expect it and thought she will live up to one or over year as what the doctors confirmed us due her brain tumor... Funeral on 24th December... and we tried to positive British Xmas to be special for our 3 years old and 7 months old sons to celebrate... It's not easy but we doing quite well...










 
I can understand how you feel about holidays are the worst time of the year for you, I'm sorry how you lost both of your parents and your husband. I know what it's like to lose someone you love it'll never will be easy again, but you still got your two sons and they're as important as your parents and husband. Enjoy the time with them, they need you as much as you know. ;)
 
I don't have soul to understand the death mean to me. But I once been in pain with my grandpa because I was not much closer to him but understand his history on who he is and what he have done for country. I'm proud of him. He had a good life.
 
hi I do understand how you feel my mother in law and my gramnda pass away in the summer . it would be hard for our family but other way we can think about them in good times
 
Kalista,

I am very sorry that the holidays are such a tough time for you. I have personally lost my mother, my father, my brother, and my husband to death...all in the span of 4 years. The holdays are not the same as they were when they were alive. But they can still be good. My loved ones are still with me in many ways, because they all contributed to making me the person that I am. I firmly believe that they would want me to take all the good things they gave me and use them to go on and have a happy and productive life. Of course, I wish they were still here to enjoy the holidays with me. But they aren't, and that is just the way it is. I will always have the happy memories of them being a part of my life, however, and that is what I focus on during the times that I miss them so much.
 
i am sorry about your father :hug:

i can imaged it i lost my paternal grandfather on dec 20th 1995
it had been 13 years now since he died. my 2 cousins was killed few months before in 1994 and now it had been 14 years now so i know i was not really motivated to celebrate but now i can pray for 3 of them
and also all of my relatives that i have lost in years before
 
Sorry about your father..

I never had anyone that I knew who died near or during the holidays, but I've seen a ambluance passed us during the Christmas day and it was sad to see.. Also I have a friend who have the birthday on the 9/11..
 
Ah well I do know the feeling as some of you all know that about 2 years ago in January of 2007 I lost my dad on Jan 9th and then 16 days later my mom on Jan 25th... it was painful to lose both of them within a span of 2 weeks almost but mom had been battling a losing war vs brain cancer and dad had been ill for some time for the last month or so before he passed on... we were expecting mom to pass on peacefully but when dad died, we were shattered for sure... I have taken a year or so to grieve and I have thought about my parents everyday and I know they would want me to move on forward and celebrate life as is everyday to the fullest... I do know that Ukrainian Christmas is really hard without them around but they would want me to do so forward with the traditions.. do remember, your beloved loved ones would be watching from above and guide ya in the time of need and more... I know my parents are guiding me somehow from above...
 
Yes, its very hard not having your loved ones who passed on here for the holidays. I can remmy my paternal grandparents, we always gather at their home eating, talking and having fun. Now, that most of the family is gone, survivors are small includes me, dad, bro, aunt and cousin. This year will be with my paternal side of the family can't wait :)
 
jillio said:
Kalista,

I am very sorry that the holidays are such a tough time for you. I have personally lost my mother, my father, my brother, and my husband to death...all in the span of 4 years. The holidays are not the same as they were when they were alive. But they can still be good. My loved ones are still with me in many ways, because they all contributed to making me the person that I am. I firmly believe that they would want me to take all the good things they gave me and use them to go on and have a happy and productive life. Of course, I wish they were still here to enjoy the holidays with me. But they aren't, and that is just the way it is. I will always have the happy memories of them being a part of my life, however, and that is what I focus on during the times that I miss them so much.
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Oh wow span of four years with all those people death. I know, it is very difficult for us to move on with daily in our life. I miss my Dad so much, look through old pictures with a good memories during my childhood. I know, he is in a better place instead of suffer with all illness since May 19th to Dec 3rd, 2008.

Hope, year of 2009 would be much better for us!
 
Kalista said:
Oh wow span of four years with all those people death. I know, it is very difficult for us to move on with daily in our life. I miss my Dad so much, look through old pictures with a good memories during my childhood. I know, he is in a better place instead of suffer with all illness since May 19th to Dec 3rd, 2008.

Hope, year of 2009 would be much better for us!
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I am sure that 2009 will be better for us. I understand that you miss your Dad. I still miss my Dad, and his death is not as recent as your father's. I think I will probably always miss him. As time has passed, I have found that rather than missing him and feeling as if my heart is breaking, I now miss him and am able to smile and be grateful that I had him in my life for as long as I did. I am sure that you will reach that point, too. It just takes time, and we have to get through the pain to get there.

You are right. Your father is no longer in pain and he is not suffering. That is a good thing. It can comfort you.

If you want to talk about your grief, you can PM me anytime.
 
uncomfortble thread but ok we all have to see and realise this, this does happens.. still im kinda unnerved - havent lost anyone, but pets, and coulpe of close freinds recently, one of which was my 'like my uncle- that i get on well with as a close freind' he was my motocross mentor - damn i missed him, all i can do its cherish the good timesand those adventures at the motocross and all the hard work, chopping wood and repairing the track (and Im nearly always the first to ride the tracks with big fresh ramps for those flying smooth jumps - god i can remember that! - what fun and privilege!) - he showed me how that life can be better, all it takes is a willful focus and that certain command over what we choose to do. Life gave me chances to meet wonderful people, relatives or not, inspirational people (or not - that even can count to people you actually care about for some unfathonmable reason because you might have more than they do - some people draw the good person out of you) they too are wonderful people.
Geee I feel for Kalista and Jillio, but yeah, Kalista - Jillio is a lady of wisdom, she'd help you thru but also you will help Jillio too :)
My freinds passing is not only a loss but also a chance for me to take what I really take from what I really learnt from him and have that 'turn now' to be a responsible person to pass on the good deeds in making the world a better place by showing other people good ways. Its hard as I'm not a leader material nor have something that people wants (eg, like I dont own the track but would be other ways/means) but it will happen no matter what. We all have it. a Big sigh, yeah just be really kind to yourself Kalista.
 
Grummer said:
uncomfortble thread but ok we all have to see and realise this, this does happens.. still im kinda unnerved - havent lost anyone, but pets, and coulpe of close freinds recently, one of which was my 'like my uncle- that i get on well with as a close freind' he was my motocross mentor - damn i missed him, all i can do its cherish the good timesand those adventures at the motocross and all the hard work, chopping wood and repairing the track (and Im nearly always the first to ride the tracks with big fresh ramps for those flying smooth jumps - god i can remember that! - what fun and privilege!) - he showed me how that life can be better, all it takes is a willful focus and that certain command over what we choose to do. Life gave me chances to meet wonderful people, relatives or not, inspirational people (or not - that even can count to people you actually care about for some unfathonmable reason because you might have more than they do - some people draw the good person out of you) they too are wonderful people.
Geee I feel for Kalista and Jillio, but yeah, Kalista - Jillio is a lady of wisdom, she'd help you thru but also you will help Jillio too :)
My freinds passing is not only a loss but also a chance for me to take what I really take from what I really learnt from him and have that 'turn now' to be a responsible person to pass on the good deeds in making the world a better place by showing other people good ways. Its hard as I'm not a leader material nor have something that people wants (eg, like I dont own the track but would be other ways/means) but it will happen no matter what. We all have it. a Big sigh, yeah just be really kind to yourself Kalista.
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You are absolutely correct, Grummer. We all help each other through trying times.
 
If I were you.. I would be same thing but important for me ever think about my precious children. I will not forget 'bout my family beside have wonderful life can be sometimes lead grief.. uneasy through few years..

I had lost my grandfather due pneumonia and passed away being not easy for me but have to accept let him go and better place for him rest in peace. I will be always remember my grandfather bottom my heart.

Most My favorite Nanny was passed away due cancer long time ago about when I was 15 yrs old and sorely miss her awful lot because used sneaking into my nanny's place all the time and to get money from her. Which she prefer name nanny because of England's tradition word... Pretty strange but supposed be grandma.. Anyway, I never forget about her rest of my life isn't same anymore.. I accept and move on...

Always life goes by everyday.
I hope you will heal your grief.. Are you part of support group of grief ?
If yes, that would be great for you part of them and become new friends together...
 
my dad died too few monthes ago i didnt even go tot he funeral cuz i couldnt handle it and apparently i m glad id idnt go cuz my aunt was badmouthing him in the altar at his funeral as for family hoiday yah its rough but don worry it gets easier just give it time as for grievance thers no time limit for it just feel the pain and hold on tot he memory of ur father and honor him always in ur heart

mmk? hope u ll feel better
 
Kalista...I lost one my childhood friends in 1995. She was killed from drunk driving around 1 AM on Christmas Eve and it has been 13 years but I still feel the pain every Christmas Eve. There are some that are worse than others. I think what hurts the most is that she was the drunk driver and only 23 years old. No, she wasnt a family member but we used to do things along with another good friend of ours during the holidays since we all knew each other since we were 18 months old. Since then, it hasnt been the same and I still miss her.

Hang in there Kalista...:hug:
 
The holidays isn't easy, especially when one has a set of traditions that they have shared with their loved ones. And when they are gone--it's hard to carry out the traditions that you have shared with them. Whether it's reading the "Twas the Night Before Christmas" to your little child or dickering with one of your parents on what's the best way to hang Christmas lights on the house or your Grandmother's famous chicken noodles.

I don't have the liberty of the above three anymore. Grandma passed at an old ripe age of 98, my father passed of a heart attack at 78--and of course, we all know about my daughter, Ally, if you don't know Kalista--she was murdered right before Christmas at the age of 6.

But it's important to remember them at this time of the year--things may not be the same but nevertheless--they are there in spirit.

How are they there in spirit--well.....I have my Grandmother's recipe for the chicken noodles and am going to make them this year. I make it every year at Christmas--so she is still there with me so to speak. As for my father--I would have to stop and think how he would hang the Christmas lights and just do it to his specifications. The neat thing about it is that I still have his "special tools" that he uses at Christmas to hang the lights.

As for my daughter--that was the hardest. I didn't celebrate Christmas for almost 3 years as I was pretty upset and bitter over it. But eventually, time and patience won out. I started to hang up decorations and such. I still hang her stocking by the fireplace--even though she isn't here with me--it the memory of her on Christmas morning. The way her eyes lighted up, waking me up at an ungodly hour to let me know Santa has arrived, etc, etc.

This year is different. A couple of days ago, I was getting ready to decorate my house again and came across a box that hasn't been open in a long time. I thought it was college memorabilia--so I opened it and inside were three Christmas gifts that are for me from Ally. Unopened.

Right now--they are sitting underneath the Christmas tree--waiting to be opened. I get teary eye over it but it's okay. Like I said, I can't wait for Christmas morning to see what my little girl got me! :)

So...if you need to cry--go ahead and cry. If you want to laugh--laugh. But above all--cherish the memory you have of them at Christmas whether it's a favorite Christmas recipe, story, or tradition.

Hope it helps because I know it's helping me. It ain't easy but we will get through it!

Merry Christmas Kalista. It will get better :kiss: :hug:
 
Byrdie714 said:
The holidays isn't easy, especially when one has a set of traditions that they have shared with their loved ones. And when they are gone--it's hard to carry out the traditions that you have shared with them. Whether it's reading the "Twas the Night Before Christmas" to your little child or dickering with one of your parents on what's the best way to hang Christmas lights on the house or your Grandmother's famous chicken noodles.

I don't have the liberty of the above three anymore. Grandma passed at an old ripe age of 98, my father passed of a heart attack at 78--and of course, we all know about my daughter, Ally, if you don't know Kalista--she was murdered right before Christmas at the age of 6.

But it's important to remember them at this time of the year--things may not be the same but nevertheless--they are there in spirit.

How are they there in spirit--well.....I have my Grandmother's recipe for the chicken noodles and am going to make them this year. I make it every year at Christmas--so she is still there with me so to speak. As for my father--I would have to stop and think how he would hang the Christmas lights and just do it to his specifications. The neat thing about it is that I still have his "special tools" that he uses at Christmas to hang the lights.

As for my daughter--that was the hardest. I didn't celebrate Christmas for almost 3 years as I was pretty upset and bitter over it. But eventually, time and patience won out. I started to hang up decorations and such. I still hang her stocking by the fireplace--even though she isn't here with me--it the memory of her on Christmas morning. The way her eyes lighted up, waking me up at an ungodly hour to let me know Santa has arrived, etc, etc.

This year is different. A couple of days ago, I was getting ready to decorate my house again and came across a box that hasn't been open in a long time. I thought it was college memorabilia--so I opened it and inside were three Christmas gifts that are for me from Ally. Unopened.

Right now--they are sitting underneath the Christmas tree--waiting to be opened. I get teary eye over it but it's okay. Like I said, I can't wait for Christmas morning to see what my little girl got me! :)

So...if you need to cry--go ahead and cry. If you want to laugh--laugh. But above all--cherish the memory you have of them at Christmas whether it's a favorite Christmas recipe, story, or tradition.

Hope it helps because I know it's helping me. It ain't easy but we will get through it!

Merry Christmas Kalista. It will get better :kiss: :hug:
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he/she/its right it ll get better it might not seem like it but it will get better in time just be strong and honor ur father s memory
 
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