"Oh, you speak so well!" and other annoying comments

[Tousi]

Hearing people who compliment on how you speak is just that... a compliment. They don't mean it in any other way. You have to understand that most hearing people have no clue about the deaf culture and don't think that they are upsetting you. If they find out your deaf, many of them automatically think that you can't communicate verbally and when they hear you talk, they are surprised. My daughter is deaf and i hear it all the time but i take it as a compliment more than anything else.

Point taken but if it is a compliment, that alone perhaps suggests they thought all deafies cannot speak?? And variations on that reason, I suppose. I rarely get the negative stuff I've seen here and in other places on the Net. I guess it's all in how you approach people, etc....

 

[Capmeister]

Point taken but if it is a compliment, that alone perhaps suggests they thought all deafies cannot speak??

Or they know it's not the easiest task when you can't hear or have trouble hearing to learn to speak clearly and it's impressive to them.

 

[Tousi]

Or they know it's not the easiest task when you can't hear or have trouble hearing to learn to speak clearly and it's impressive to them.

Point taken although I don't see how they can know those things on a more than a surface level. But that's ok; it's neither here nor there, I suppose. I appreciate your positive sentiment.

 

[Capmeister]

Point taken although I don't see how they can know those things on a more than a surface level. But that's ok; it's neither here nor there, I suppose. I appreciate your positive sentiment.

Oh, you're totally right--they're assuming. But I try not to be offended when someone doesn't mean to offend, and I think most people are trying to be nice.

 

[SpiceHD]

have anybody ever tells u that u speak better with hearing aid/cochlear implant?

i have all the time and finally someone told me the truth... as hearing aid/cochlear implant may help me be more careful with how i speak... it actually just sound same. just more slower. interesting...

 

[webexplorer]

However, another time... I was in the same signing situation with another friend. This time, that friend was offended by that guy. My friend said, "Jeez! I can talk! Why does he have to hand me a piece of paper and assume that all deaf people can't talk?"

I am afraid to tell you that some deafies think that their speech is excellent, but they are not. Who is fault? A speech teacher? Parents?

What about their spoken language? A few deafies have a poor language, and some hearies do not understand what this person is talking about.

 

[webexplorer]

I've had my share of the "you speak so well" comments. It's a bit condescending but we pity the uneducated public because they don't know any better. I work as a window clerk at the post office and most people have no problem understanding me. I went to work with a cold one day and when I have a cold I sound like a mechanical voice box. I was waiting on a lady and her little kid asked me why I sounded like a robot and I leaned close to him and said "That's because I am one." He hid behind his mother the rest of the time. Ahh, the joys of deafness.

 

[shel90]

I am afraid to tell you that some deafies think that their speech is excellent, but they are not. Who is fault? A speech teacher? Parents?

What about their spoken language? A few deafies have a poor language, and some hearies do not understand what this person is talking about.

Growing up, I always got mixed messages about my speech or speaking skills. My teachers or adults would always tell me how great I can speak or make a big deal out of it but my peers always told me that I talk funny. When I was in my early 20s and as an adult, people my age even told me the same thing that my peers told me. They said they have trouble understanding me and that I talk through my nose so why did the adults and teachers tell me different?

 

[GalaxyAngel]

annoys peoples say ohhh Im sorry you're deaf.. blah blah.. Making me nerves and climb up the wall..

 

[SpiceHD]

Growing up, I always got mixed messages about my speech or speaking skills. My teachers or adults would always tell me how great I can speak or make a big deal out of it but my peers always told me that I talk funny. When I was in my early 20s and as an adult, people my age even told me the same thing that my peers told me. They said they have trouble understanding me and that I talk through my nose so why did the adults and teachers tell me different?

because they did not want to discourage u from trying to talk. theres a fine line of that... they cant tell u how wonderful u are at whatever you are because then later you will find out it was a bunch of lies... but they cant tell u how terrible you are at it because then you will not keep trying. most of time people who "lies" abt it meant well. beside positive feedback tend to get more results than negative does.

 

[pek1]

I have to ask what is meant by that. I can only postulate that you feel southerners are inferior in their mental faculties. That we troglodytes here in the south lack any social graces. Further, that we are below the rest of the country in every way conceivable not just geographically. A person’s capacity to learn becomes inhibited if born below the Mason/Dixon line. We are so thick skulled as to be mistaken for the missing link at worst, or Neanderthals at best. I first thought of the person who posted this ill-conceived notion is that he or she is either a northeastern elitist, or self important westerner. And yet you are neither. No you are from Minnesota a state that is known for being cosmopolitan and the speech of her fine citizens to be the panicle of grandiloquence. Please forgive the blatant sarcasm, people in glass houses and all that. I am not trying to be litigious; however, statements as such deserve my ire.

I am a true and proud southerner. My family has been southern for more than 260 years. When people make this type of statement it shows their own ignorance and prejudice, something the south is supposed to have in abundance. And please do not mistake the verbose manner of this retort to be in anyway disingenuous. If you take the time to review many of my other posts you will discover that this is this southerner’s TYPICAL way of discourse. True I brought it to a higher level to show that we are not all ignorant malcontents down here in the bowels of the country. No, some of us gots real good learnin. I am vehement in my indignation at this same attitude that much of the country has about who I am and where I am from. Television and movies promulgate this type of attitude by continuing to show the south as full of slack jawed knuckle draggers. I hope by this you can see that not all of us are backward, uncultured, and uneducated.

This is way too funny for me to comment on, but thanks for the laugh today, I needed it.

 

[Berry]

When I was a little tiny kid, before I ever met a deaf person, I remember sitting in the back seat of a car on my mother's lap. There were three men in the car, the driver, a passenger, and a man in the backseat with us. I was about 5 years old, it was about 1950.

While we were stopped a man came up to the window with a business card saying he was deaf and showing the manual alphabet. The front seat passenger felt generous and gave him a dollar. Not to be outdone every man in the car also handed him a dollar. I remember being given a card as well. I immediately started to learn the alphabet. I was so happy to get it thinking this was a wonderful thing to learn.

As we drove away the man shouted after us, "Thank you. Thank you."

To which the men reacted, "Did you hear that? He was talking. He isn't deaf at all." Then they turned the car around, chased the guy down and beat him up. My mother covered my ears but I heard most of it. The man screaming for help. One telling him, "You want money so bad choke on it." as they shoved the dollar bills down his throat.

When we drove off the men were saying how the guy deserved worse than what he'd gotten for playing on people's sympathies pretending to be deaf.

I threw the card out the window thinking it was a fake, feeling sad at how bad the world was. It would be 5 years before I met another deaf person.

 

[DietLemon]

I work in a place that hires many deaf people because it's a job that doesn't require hearing very much.
Now there are some deaf people there that I have conversations with by simple signs that we can both understand and facial expressions. I used to know some ASL but I've forgotten most of it cause I haven't used it since I was 8 (I'd also be afraid of embarassing myself by not making any sense).

Anyway, most of the deaf people there don't speak at all. But today I was working with a new man who was deaf, but he could speak very well and he could lip read. It never came across my mind that he might be able to hear better than I thought he could just because he was talking.
I was going to say to him that he speaks very well, but I would never mean it as an insult. I thought it would be a compliment. Because I am used to working alongside many deaf people that I can't understand very well (and they can't understand me either), I enjoyed talking to him.

I have SAD and I like it when someone tells me that I'm doing really well with people. I take it as a compliment, not like someone is patronizing me. I don't know if that can be used as a comparison :P

Anyhoo, I never did say it to him and I'm not about to now that I've read this thread :P I don't like offending people.

Also, can I just say that I hate it when other hearing people say to me, "Why are you talking to [whoever]? They can't hear what you're saying, so why bother." whenever I talk out loud to a deaf person. I realise that they might not be able to lip read but I find it easier to gesture AND speak out loud.


>>>>We hearies depend so much on hearing we know we speak how we do because of us hearing the words. It is so amazing that a person that has never heard the words but can produce them so well>>>>

Yes, well said.


And I've never heard of or seen a hearing ear dog. How does that work?

 

[Dixie]

IF you live in a apartment or other public housing that does not allow you to make certain adjustments to the apartment to accomodate you as a deafie, a hearing dog would be there to alert you to the door, the phone, smoke alarms, microwave, oven, timers, and other stuff. The only place a hearing ear dog can be truly effective is in the home or in rare cases an office setting.

 

[deafskeptic]

Ha, ha! I love this thread. Some of the hearing's reactions make me want to laugh and go headdesk headdesk at the same time. When people tell me how good my speech is and apparently I don't sound deaf any more with my new CI, I always feel like yelling at them "IS THAT ALL I AM, GOOD SPEECH?"

 

[Capmeister]

Usually hearing people are just impressed and trying to be nice. They don't get how anyone who can't hear or can't hear well can master speech--not because they think deaf people can't do things, but because they can't imaging doing it themselves. Take comments for their intent. If it's intended as a compliment, take it as one.

 

[Dixie]

I have to ask what is meant by that. I can only postulate that you feel southerners are inferior in their mental faculties. That we troglodytes here in the south lack any social graces. Further, that we are below the rest of the country in every way conceivable not just geographically. A person’s capacity to learn becomes inhibited if born below the Mason/Dixon line. We are so thick skulled as to be mistaken for the missing link at worst, or Neanderthals at best. I first thought of the person who posted this ill-conceived notion is that he or she is either a northeastern elitist, or self important westerner. And yet you are neither. No you are from Minnesota a state that is known for being cosmopolitan and the speech of her fine citizens to be the panicle of grandiloquence. Please forgive the blatant sarcasm, people in glass houses and all that. I am not trying to be litigious; however, statements as such deserve my ire.

I am a true and proud southerner. My family has been southern for more than 260 years. When people make this type of statement it shows their own ignorance and prejudice, something the south is supposed to have in abundance. And please do not mistake the verbose manner of this retort to be in anyway disingenuous. If you take the time to review many of my other posts you will discover that this is this southerner’s TYPICAL way of discourse. True I brought it to a higher level to show that we are not all ignorant malcontents down here in the bowels of the country. No, some of us gots real good learnin. I am vehement in my indignation at this same attitude that much of the country has about who I am and where I am from. Television and movies promulgate this type of attitude by continuing to show the south as full of slack jawed knuckle draggers. I hope by this you can see that not all of us are backward, uncultured, and uneducated.

I am going to add that there is one kid I went to school with here in the bowls of the country who's IQ is 160+, something that very few people possess, and if you knew him well, he has not allowed it to go to his head and he very confident of himself although his appearance screams GEEK. And believe it or not he is an ordained minister of the Southern Baptist Convention.

 

[Nomad]

I was at a restaurant in Liberal, Kansas today and the waitress said to me, "How can a 'hearing-impaired' person drive a truck?" I gave her a serious answer as to not insult her.

Another time, I was at a Cracker Barrel restaurant down south somewhere (typical southerners) and was asked if I needed a braille (sp?) menu, because I had Snickers, my hearing dog, with me.

Boy, some people!

Sometimes, you just gotta grin and bear it and not say anything. Although the comment "how do you manage to have sex?" was quite a chuckle. Maybe this person needs to learn how people have sex.

Maybe tell them "Bend over and I'll show ya!" ????

Ain't I awful?

 

[akoutsourais]

I hate that comment. I get it all the time and after a while I feel like I should just stop concentrating on pronuncing things well (it takes a lot of effort) and just talk. Or even sign. But nobody would understand me.
I feel like when hearing people tell me that I speak well it is either a way of them telling me that I must not be too deaf or it is a condescending way of patting me on the back for trying to squeeze my square voice into the proverbial round hole.
Another annoying comment is "Oh, you aren't deaf enough to need an interpreter"

I hate it for various reasons. When I first started losing my hearing I freaked out, not because of any stigma, but because I didn't know what to expect.

After 10 years I can just barely hear myself talk without my aids. I've come to enjoy the silence. I know that I am who I am (and I really like myself) in part because of my loss and experiences "dealing" with it. So when people act like I'm lucky or something because "I don't talk like I can't hear" it pisses me off. I honestly feel I AM lucky I lost my hearing, because I KNOW I would be a different person, and I don't think I would like that person.

I don't sign (want to learn, but need a job to pay for the classes, if anyone knows of a good starter program I can teach myself with let me know!), so I haven't experienced that. When I was working, when called in for meetings, my supervisors would always type out what was going to be talked about and go over everything that was asked after the meeting. There was another deaf women who worked there and they would always bring in a interpretor for her.

I hate that people think that my hearing aids should restore my hearing when I wear them (I hate them, so I rarely wear them). They don't understand all the different ways deaf/hoh people "hear". They cover their mouths, turn away, call me on the phone even after I've asked them to email me countless times. Being HOH has really helped me weed out people who I want to get to know, and those who I know aren't people I would enjoy.

 

[oakbluffs]

Another thing I hate is when someone asks "Do you understand whay I just said?" I replied yes and he goes "What did I say?"