My GF still hangs out with her ex

Discussion in 'Marriage, Dating & Single Life' started by somedeafguy, Jan 30, 2011.

  1. somedeafguy

    somedeafguy New Member

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    Just would like to hear your feedback...

    Knowing how small the deaf population, deaf people values each other's presence makes it harder for people to go separate ways.

    My girlfriend and I have been dating for 8 months and we’re crazy over each other. However, she still hangs out with her ex. She tells me that she does not possess any romantic feelings toward to her ex. What bothers me is that she continues to hang out with her ex at events or alone.

    Few weeks ago, her ex threw a tantrum and, in result, it put her at a breaking point then she asked her for a break from each other. So, they went on for almost a month without hanging out but solemnly text to each other. Recently, she told me that she misses his company (I don’t know if I should be worried or not). I asked her what if her ex begs you to go back with him, what would you say to him? She told me that she will tell him to try to move on. Now they are hanging out again and recently went out to eat alone. She knows that this still bothers me a little, but I never asked her to stop hanging out… nor bring myself to do that in first place.

    Now, the question is… am I overreacting or should I be worried? Should I be the “bad person” and give her the ultimatum?

    Thanks for your feedback!
     
  2. MotorexGTR32

    MotorexGTR32 New Member

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    That is really a tough position to put yourself into this. You will never know what will going on between your girlfriend and her ex when they go out on their own. Only god knows the truth. I mean, how would your girlfriend feel if you decided to hang out with your ex just like your girlfriend doing it now. What would be her react to it? That would put me in an uneasy feeling and I have know what it is like because my ex did the same thing. What I did was to sat down with her and had a long talk with her about it and tell her how I felt about it. It did not work out eventually because things get too complicated. I mean, it might work out for you at first but in a long run, it might not. Being with ex is not going to go away unless she put her turning point to stop this from breaking apart between you and her.

    It is not your decision to what to tell her that she should not to do this and that because it is her decision that she has to make that she might regret it later on. It's her choice but it is also your choice on what you feel it's right for you by follow your heart.

    If it was me, I would be damn worried about it because in this big picture, it doesn't look damn right. It would put you more confusing, uneasy, betrayal in some way, and feel like what the f..., you know.

    You need to ask her why in the world she would want to continue to hang out with her ex while stay together with you? I am sorry but it is really tough to answer your question but I tried my best.
     
  3. shel90

    shel90 Audist are not welcome Premium Member

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    As yourself this.."Do I feel comfortable with this?"

    If you dont, then follow your heart. Nobody should have to feel uncomfortable in their relationship so if she continues and you still dont feel comfortable maybe it is a sign that the relationship isnt right for you.
     
  4. Reba

    Reba Retired Terp Premium Member

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    Your girlfriend doesn't seem very considerate of your feelings. Are you sure that she's crazy about you? Or is she just self-centered?
     
  5. Babyblue

    Babyblue New Member

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    She obviously has some types of feelings towards her ex. She can not let him go and misses him.

    I agree with Shel, If you do not feel comfortable. Trust your gut.
     
  6. Beowulf

    Beowulf Well-Known Member Premium Member

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    Get a clue. :roll:
     
  7. sequoias

    sequoias Active Member Premium Member

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    Wirelessly posted (sent from a smartphone. )

    If she still hangs out with her ex often, that isnt a good sign. Its obvious.
     
  8. lanapoo

    lanapoo New Member

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    That sounds like what I encountered with my ex and his ex. They were together every weekend. They saw each other more than I did him.

    Put me through too much pain. I'm telling you, it's not worth it. You should feel comfortable and trust your significant other completely, also be open and honest. That's the key to a successful relationship.
     
  9. rockin'robin

    rockin'robin Well-Known Member

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    It's obvious ur girlfriend still has a "connection" with her ex.....Or, she is playing both of you.....a sign of immaturity, and not ready for a steady boyfriend.

    Since this bothers you, I would not "demand" that she choose, I'd just consider her a "friend", and not make urself available at times, go out with other girls or friends.

    In all aspects, she isn't ready for a committed relationship, since her ex is still in the picture!....
     
  10. shel90

    shel90 Audist are not welcome Premium Member

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    The reason I said this is cuz my best friend's hubby still hangs out with his ex and her mother and now all of them have been good friends for like 13 years now.
     
  11. ember

    ember New Member

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    I still talk to and hang out with my ex and his family. He was my high school sweetheart but we really were friends so when the relationship ended we were still really close friends just grew apart. He is married now with two kids and his wife hates me she swears I am trying to break up their happy home. Anything could be farther from the truth than that, I told him I would go away because I am not trying to get in the middle of their marriage but he said no you have are my friend always have been always will be, so we hand out in the middle of day when we do public and always try to keep it respectful, but if he ever told me it was threatening their relationship and we had to stop talking I would understand and walk away.
     
  12. rockin'robin

    rockin'robin Well-Known Member

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    Don't know really how to say this....the OP said "his girlfriend" hung out with her ex......
    But you're hanging out with ur ex and he is now married with children. IF ur ex boyfriend & his wife got along famously, I would foresee no problem with it...but unfortunately that's not the case! The wife is upset and jealous, has a reason to be so....

    Seeing/waving/short talking with ur "ex" at public gatherings, grocery store, etc., is fine...but hanging out with him during the day, even in public without his wife?....His wife feels "threatened"...and is a cause of unrest in the marriage and they have children. I would not do this!
     
  13. TWA

    TWA New Member Premium Member

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    Everyone here is giving you solid, hard advice, but it sounds to me like you already know what to do. You just want some reassurance and motivation to do something that you know is hard. You can't force her to stop hanging out with anybody, unfortunately. She needs to realize that this is wrong on her own free will. You can tell her how you feel about it honestly and openly. If she doesn't respect that, then it's time to end things until she does.

    Good luck. :(
     
  14. MidnightSun

    MidnightSun Member

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    hanging out with ex

    Agreed, well said Alex. and, everyone really I think you already know the answer. But to be fair.tell her your feelings and more importantly ,,how they make you feel. If her seeing the ex is more important then her making you feel badly..well..seems she made a choice. and please do not let her tell you
    "we are just such good friends" that's YOUR position in the relationship. I will admit if children are involved there is a responsibility for the ex's to come together and offer a solid support system for those children...good luck..Peace
     
  15. ember

    ember New Member

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    :gpost:
     
  16. authentic

    authentic Well-Known Member

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    Where is your confidence in yourself? Trust your girlfriend.
     
  17. Reba

    Reba Retired Terp Premium Member

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    Wake up and smell the coffee. ;)
     
  18. Reba

    Reba Retired Terp Premium Member

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    Ditto.
     
  19. BartSimpsx24x

    BartSimpsx24x New Member

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    I am experience same thing! I have been dating with my girlfriend for one year and 5 month! I live in my own apt with my roommate and my girlfriend live with roommate and ex-boyfriend but they make kid together. This have been happening since March. My girlfriend tell me that she sick of her ex-boyfriend just like what you said. Same thing.
     
  20. shel90

    shel90 Audist are not welcome Premium Member

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    I agree with Alex..follow your heart.If your heart or your feelings are not comfortable with it, then it wont work out.

    My hubby hangs out with women sometimes and I have no problem with it. I hang out with men sometimes. They are just friends.
     

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