Ive always wondered if people can turn gay, if so then how?

Discussion in 'GLBT Lounge' started by deafdude1, Jul 14, 2009.

  1. deafdude1

    deafdude1 New Member

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    Looking on Google, different sources will reveal different answers. Most sources say you are born gay(or straight) and stay that way for life. But ive read of people who "discovered" they were gay at 30, 40, 50 after they have been married for years.

    I also read that seemly straight people somehow turn gay if they find the right person whos beautiful, intellegant, rich, affectionate, etc. Look on other forums for threads titled "who would you turn gay for" alot of people say they are willing to turn gay in the right circumstances. They comment like "wow this woman is so pretty" or "that man is so handsome"

    Perhaps no one is 100% straight, gay, nor asexual? Ive read that 50% of men have had some sort of sexual relations with other men! Heck, ive been hit on(as in, they offered sexual favors and/or wanted a relationship) by other men back in high school and on the internet and most of those men said they were straight!

    One research study on the net showed homoerotica to men who identified as straight and 70% of them demonstrated varying levels of arousal with some of them fully aroused and sporting massive erections! :lol: I found that funny! Men(excluding asexuals) are such a horny bunch they have enough drive to be turned on by almost anything, including by other men!

    Ive read that as many as 20% of men are gay and more than 50% of men are bisexual to some extent. Perhaps they may be heterobisexual meaning they are 75% straight. They are "straight" enough that they prefer women and will usually choose women as long as they are available and willing to be in relationships. Can't find suitable women and they will settle for men, while less appealing/arousing is a far better option than nothing.
     
  2. Mrs Bucket

    Mrs Bucket New Member

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    I do not know what you read but I must disagree with you.

    People are born with their sexual preferences determined at birth. Some are determined at childhood.

    People cannot just turn gay, period. It is like a white person turning black. Vice versa.

    If a person was to turn gay, it is called bisexuality.
     
  3. Daredevel7

    Daredevel7 Adrenaline Junky Premium Member

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    To me.. there's no such thing as "turning gay".

    Only "trying out the same sex", "finally exploring the feelings they've always had", and so on.
     
  4. dogmom

    dogmom Well-Known Member

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    Just remember, bisexual is not a phase, although some individuals MAY end up going through the continuum such that they end up identifying as gay or lesbian. However, bi is also an identity unto itself. I was born this way and knew it early on but only started to really conceptualize and understand it in high school.
     
  5. Hwy99

    Hwy99 New Member

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    Actually all of living beings are bisexual in the nature.
     
  6. rockin'robin

    rockin'robin Well-Known Member

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    what about women who were raped (by a man), and became gay because of it?....They were not born gay, but circumstances changed when they got raped....as some women, after being raped violently/repeatedly...even gang raped, will never have sex with a man again. Call them "late lesbians"?....

    Even women who were raped and never have sex again? Call them "late asexuals"?

    Or victims of circumstance?
     
  7. yagazn

    yagazn New Member

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    :roll:

    :iough:


    Peace
     
    Last edited: Jul 15, 2009
  8. Hwy99

    Hwy99 New Member

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    First of all, woman who like women are lesbian, not gay, the gay role is man that like men.

    And about that kind of situation, those kind of reasons do exist. I was once with a man that told me he became gay because he was raised abused by his mom and can't handle to settle down with a woman except the men, he feel comfortable with the men.

    But when I say every living beings are bisexual in the nature, I don't only mean the love or sex, I mean like when other become jealous of the same gender, might even want to copy or challenge. Also it can mean like best friends or friends, have you notice the girls raise social with other girls, the boys raise social with other boys. They could also be attracted by the oppose gender, that's when they call themselves "straight".
     
  9. whatdidyousay!

    whatdidyousay! Well-Known Member

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    I know two men that are gay and the of of the had mother that put him all the time ! I meet the woman and she was a BITCH! I could see why son did not want date women ! The guy did married later in lfe but it did not work out! The other guy had a horrible father that put him down all the time and the guy never felt like his dad loved him. The guy became gay to feel close to men ! He was looking for the dad he never had! I met a woman when I was getting my hearing dog and she was abused by her dad and does not trust men! People some time become gay as they do not feel safe with the opposite sex! Women had come on to me and it freaked me out!
     
  10. deafdude1

    deafdude1 New Member

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    Thanks for the replies. Most people say gayness is at birth but some say people can become/turn gay in extreme cases. Is it possible any of you could turn gay?
     
  11. Hwy99

    Hwy99 New Member

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    No problemo, and yes it is possible depends on their emotionally or mentally.

    Not all of gay, lesbians, and bisexuals are like that.
     
  12. Oceanbreeze

    Oceanbreeze New Member

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    I believe that even in the event of abuse, a person's preference is pre-determined at birth. It may be that the abuse in the person's life reinforced that inclination, but it was still there, regardless.
     
  13. Oceanbreeze

    Oceanbreeze New Member

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    Not necessarily. I say that I'm gay and I'm a lesbian. But, I also don't like labels, so it's a call it what you will type thing in my book.
     
  14. Hwy99

    Hwy99 New Member

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    Just correcting, that's all. Important, be yourself :)
     
  15. blairtheblur

    blairtheblur New Member

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    You all make interesting points. I think people that "discover" they are get at older ages may have been hiding their true feelings. Homophobia in the religious sector and the world at large can do wonders in terms of hiding one's true feelings.

    As how sexual orientation is decided, I personally believe it's a combination of genetic predisposition and environmental factors. There is also significant evidence that men who are lowest in a set of brothers have a higher chance of being gay due to their mother's teratogens (sp?) in the womb.

    Either way, I don't think being gay or straight should be looked at in any different light. I believe there is way too much focus on what "makes" someone gay or straight. Why don't we just embrace what we are?
     
  16. Dixie

    Dixie Farting Snowflakes Premium Member

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    I think you are born with it personally and as you get older and go through different experiences that reinforce it.

    Like for example a single mother of a boy marries an abusive man, the boy gets batted around quite a bit and sometimes for punishment he is beaten, forced to wear a dress and put on make-up and forced into a closet where he is called a pussy for not being man enough.

    The boy grows up and moves out of his mother's house and into another house with some friends. While living there he meets another boy and they become close friends, then finally they start having close feelings for each other. For the first time in his life, the boy feels respected and loved by another man and soon decides he is gay and they form a lifelong relationship.

    In this setting we see three things that might have reinforced his choice:
    1. He had an absent biological father. Maybe he felt that he wasn't lovable enough for his real father to have been around.

    2. He had an abusive stepfather, he longed for love from a man, which he never got while growing up.

    3. He was beaten and ridiculed for not being 'man enough' while growing up, having been forced to wear a dress and make-up and stuffed into a closet.

    All of these factors add up to a low self-esteem (too bad Jillio isn't here to weigh in on this), whatever feelings he could have had for women were squashed out with phrases like "Your'e too pussy for her, she needs a MAN not a girl!" or "Man up, bitch!" or maybe called a fag by some of his peers in school. But when he meets a person of the same sex that treats him with respect for the first time in his life, he can't help but have feelings for this person.

    You would think all this beating and ridicule might force a person to be 'scared straight', but sometimes it has the opposite effect.

    Then you have those that are brought up in an all-American home, a loving mother and father, played sports, had girlfriends etc, but when they go off to college they realize that they have feelings for the same sex, deal with it for a year or two until they can't stand it anymore and finally come out that they had been hiding their true feelings for all these years for fear of rejection by their families. Then their fathers reject them, and their mothers only half-heartedly accept them, for the rest of their lives they have an estranged relationship.
     
  17. deafdyke

    deafdyke Well-Known Member

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    Rape cannot make a woman gay. I mean.....that doesn't make any sense at ALL. Most women who get raped stay hetro. Yes, some of them don't trust men........but being a lesbian is more about a deep emotional connection to another women....one that is so deep that you feel like making love to them.
     
  18. Grummer

    Grummer Active Member

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    Have to disagree here, you cant seem to listen to different stories other have , aside from your own. Being sexualised in one form or another doesnt make a person as a whole being, sexual side of life is only one aspect, one avenue in a person's pathway of living. Posters here before you were making good observations, or indeed reasons for many people being mistakenly taken as gay when they are not, or indeed as 'reasons' for seeking closeness. Like hetro sexual people, sex is 'done' for many different reasons, not alway one of as 'love making' or to fulfil the 'straight sex' or 'doing what is normal' there can be other reasons underlying as well, even as a tactic to climb social ladders. These posters above were talking from a level which how childhood experiences of shun or disownment or lack of attention could very well indeed have real impacts. For some or many if not all, when i say some here, i dont mean a few - i would say it would be quite common, maybe very common. Personal life doesnt mean what happen the bedroom doors, its inside our heads and how it affect our needs for attachment or attention or indeed, affection, what all this bound up to, is security of one form or another, no two experiences are the same.
     
  19. Hwy99

    Hwy99 New Member

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    I agree.
     
  20. yagazn

    yagazn New Member

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    :roll: (sigh)
    I was born 'gay' that way, I was never turn straight or even never bi.
     

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