How do you meet other gay deaf people?

Lysander

Well-Known Member
I was wondering this. I know that in my area I've only come across about 3 deaf gay people. I've met them through Scruff, Grindr, and I have 2 deaf guys who dated friends of mine. (If you ever want, I can tell you the horrible story of what a hearing friend of mine did to his b/f who was deaf. It'll definitely piss you off.) But there have to be more than just those 3-4 in my area. I live in a small city. There are no Meetups for deaf people. It took me years to even find an ASL class in my area.

So how do you meet other Deaf gay people? At this point, in my limited experience, it seems impossible. I just don't know how y'all do it.
 

DeafDucky

Well-Known Member
I don't know about in general but there is RAD- Rainbow Association of the Deaf- they have conferences every two years.

http://www.deafrad.org/

There's a conference this year in Ft Lauderdale FL.

I'd have to ask some of my Deaf gay/bi friends about that though. For sure it's easier in bigger cities and locations like Washington DC.
 

zephren

Active Member
I am not gay so I can only speak from observation and not personal experience...

Where I live there are large GLBT communities in and around the college towns. There are 5 colleges all nearby each other. I frequently attend Deaf events in that area and there also seems to be a large Deaf GLBT population in that area as well. Some the reasons could be that there are two Deaf schools in the region, community services serving Deaf people and several of the colleges offer ASL programs. I have noticed this to be the case in other places though - college towns are more GLBT friendly so you find Deaf GLBT people there too.

One thing I have mentioned in other threads is if there isn't a community near you, why not try to create one yourself. Sometimes others are just waiting from someone to start. Create a meetup group and see if anyone wants to join.
 

Lysander

Well-Known Member
One thing I have mentioned in other threads is if there isn't a community near you, why not try to create one yourself. Sometimes others are just waiting from someone to start. Create a meetup group and see if anyone wants to join.
I've sincerely considered this, but as a hearing person I've felt like it's not my place. Like, look at this asshole outsider coming in trying to tell me what I need kind of thing.

As someone who's also essentially an observer to Deaf culture right now I'm keenly aware of my behavior and try desperately not to be offensive or inconsiderate. Part of being on this forum is me trying to learn what's acceptable and what's not. I'd hate to start a Meetup only to have it have been considered rude. I suppose I could start an ASL Meetup. At least that seems more neutral than starting a Deaf Meetup.
 

dogmom

Well-Known Member
oops - sorry DeafDucky and Lysander!
emailing or otherwise connect with Deaf community in the urban area closest to you maybe....
 

Lysander

Well-Known Member
http://www.deafrad.org/
<Rainbow Alliance of the Deaf - National>
Totally didn't know this existed.

oops - sorry DeafDucky and Lysander!
emailing or otherwise connect with Deaf community in the urban area closest to you maybe....
I can do that. I was hoping there was something more local to my city. I love in Harrisburg, PA. It's the capital of the state, so I figured there'd be more of a presence here, but it doesn't seem like there is. Either that or the community is so guarded that I can't find it.

The closest big cities are Philly and Pittsburgh. Philly I can do. It's only 1.5 hours away. Pittsburgh is 3 hours away. I was hoping there'd be something local. Ah well. It's a good reason to do a day trip to Philly.
 

dogmom

Well-Known Member
I know you were hoping for something closer to you, Lysander. It's very possible -maybe even likely - that there is nothing public closest to you or even farther, especially as you're a hearing person. I happen to be hoh and biQueer/pansexual. The Deaf community and the GLBTQI community has endured so much discrimination and hatred that unless you are part of one or the other, it may be very difficult to get involved. But good luck!
 

zephren

Active Member
I've sincerely considered this, but as a hearing person I've felt like it's not my place. Like, look at this asshole outsider coming in trying to tell me what I need kind of thing.

As someone who's also essentially an observer to Deaf culture right now I'm keenly aware of my behavior and try desperately not to be offensive or inconsiderate. Part of being on this forum is me trying to learn what's acceptable and what's not. I'd hate to start a Meetup only to have it have been considered rude. I suppose I could start an ASL Meetup. At least that seems more neutral than starting a Deaf Meetup.
Yes, an ASL Meetup is what I meant. If you frame the purpose as an ASL practice or socializing group open to all it is the most welcoming. You will get ASL students but also some members of the Deaf community will likely check it out. You could put that it is GLBTQI friendly but I think if you try to make it exclusive you may have a harder time building a following.
 

Lysander

Well-Known Member
Yes, an ASL Meetup is what I meant. If you frame the purpose as an ASL practice or socializing group open to all it is the most welcoming. You will get ASL students but also some members of the Deaf community will likely check it out. You could put that it is GLBTQI friendly but I think if you try to make it exclusive you may have a harder time building a following.
That's a really great idea. And I totally agree. Making it GLBTQI friendly is something I could put in the agreement to attend the group. This is a great idea.
 

DeafDucky

Well-Known Member
Too bad I don't live in the Philly area anymore... could pop in to say hi. Of course if you know of any great jobs willing to hire a poor unemployed duck well...;)

Great suggestions here- I hope it works out!
 

Lysander

Well-Known Member
Too bad I don't live in the Philly area anymore... could pop in to say hi. Of course if you know of any great jobs willing to hire a poor unemployed duck well...;)

Great suggestions here- I hope it works out!
You could always come work for Amazon in Carlisle PA, making no money, and doing awful manual labor. And that job is only 20 miles from me. Actually, one of the only deaf gay guys I know in the area works there. OMG, he's so hot too. Mmmmm...now I'm gonna have to take a cold shower. He's so cute.

There's a good number of jobs in PA near Philly and Pittsburgh.

https://www.deafjobwizard.com/pennsylvania
 

DeafDucky

Well-Known Member
LOL sadly I'm likely too old for the manual labor job end of things (though yes I've tried to apply for them here in NC along with stocking at local stores. Might be time to try again).

Thanks for the link! I had that link on my mind the other day but forgot to click to open it. My field is IT (am trying to get to coding bootcamp to upgrade my skills- but the one I was accepted to is... closing :( :( )- as a QA Tester.

Thinking about coming up to Philly in September- if I have the money to.
 

dogmom

Well-Known Member
DeafDucky, just want to wish good luck with the job search. My hub <hoh/deaf, grew up oral, no sign> is also in IT. He's a very techie/EE type guy.
 

AmputeeOT

Active Member
So you're a Hearing guy who has a thing for Deaf guys?

You should try posting an ad on Craigslist!

I am not saying that in a flippant way at all - I met my significant other because I was bored one day and put "Deaf" into the search section of CL personals (We're both Deaf but I am late-deaf). We've been together 3 years.
 

Lysander

Well-Known Member
I wouldn't say that I have a thing for Deaf guys. The Deaf part is completely inconsequential. I just have a thing for hot guys, and the deaf guy in my area just happens to be nuclear bomb hot. I'm off the market as it is anyway. I've been with my partner, he's hearing also, for almost 14 years. I just think that it's easier to make friends with people that you have something in common with. The gay thing just happens to make it easier because then I know that I'm not going to have to worry about establishing a connection with people only to have them not be accepting of me being gay. I'd rather just find someone gay to be friends with and forgo the awkwardness of having to reveal that at some point.

Plus it might be nice to have a gay guy teach me signs appropriate to gay stuff. Like asking a straight friend what the sign for butt sex is might be awkward.
 

Lysander

Well-Known Member
LOL sadly I'm likely too old for the manual labor job end of things (though yes I've tried to apply for them here in NC along with stocking at local stores. Might be time to try again).

Thanks for the link! I had that link on my mind the other day but forgot to click to open it. My field is IT (am trying to get to coding bootcamp to upgrade my skills- but the one I was accepted to is... closing :( :( )- as a QA Tester.

Thinking about coming up to Philly in September- if I have the money to.
What kind of IT work do you do? Are you in desktop, networking, systems analysis? I have a lot of friends in IT where I live. My best friend is an network specialist for Ames. He knows a bunch of people in the IT field around here. If moving is something you'd be comfortable with, I could look around and see what's up here. And I could gauge how Deaf friendly they are.
 

AmputeeOT

Active Member
Like asking a straight friend what the sign for butt sex is might be awkward.
This is the funniest thing I have read all morning: I award you one internet.

Any Deaf friend willing to show you the sign for straight buttsecks would also be willing to show you the sign for gay buttsecks. But yeah, an open community where you can discuss such things would make it less awkward.

=)
 
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