HOH girl with relationship problems

Discussion in 'Marriage, Dating & Single Life' started by Brooklynreese, Aug 20, 2012.

  1. Brooklynreese

    Brooklynreese New Member

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    I am Hard of Hearing I have had a hearing loss my whole life but in the last few years it has gone down hill. I have a moderately severe-severe hearing loss binarually. I am 23 years old. I am dating someone who is hearing and has a five year old. Recently I have noticed that we have had problems that have to do with my hearing loss. There are situations that I dont want to put myself in because I wont be able to hear and he gets upset saying I am being selfish even thouhg I tell him he can go without me. He tells me I need to try harder to hear when out with friends but doesnt try to understand how hard it is for me. He also said he feel dumb when he has to wave his arms to get my attention also not thinking of how dumb I feel not being a part of the conversations. HELP!
    How do I make him understand my hearing loss and what its like for me??
     
  2. dereksbicycles

    dereksbicycles Active Member

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    I had people tell me that my bike prices were ridiculous. Well, I sold the bikes to someone else who were willing to pay my price. Life goes on. If you've problems, you don't have to stay with the guy. No one is holding a gun to your head. You're free to make your own decision.
     
  3. Brooklynreese

    Brooklynreese New Member

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    I know I am free to make my own decisions. I would like to give him the benefit of the doubt because I love him. I believe that if he understands what it is like to have hearing loss we will be better. So im looking for ideas
     
  4. radioman

    radioman farming for love! Premium Member

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    give him this book [ame=http://www.amazon.com/Deaf-America-Carol-A-Padden/dp/0674194241/ref=cm_lmf_tit_1]Amazon.com: Deaf in America: Voices from a Culture (9780674194243): Carol A. Padden, Tom L. Humphries: Books[/ame] .

    Did he learn something? No change? no questions?

    on the other hand, have you bluntly told him how you feel?

    if nothing works- time to dump him. sorry.
     
  5. rockin'robin

    rockin'robin Well-Known Member

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    Agree with radioman....being miserable in a relationship with someone who will not accept ur lack of hearing is a big NO, NO....It's not ur fault, you know?....
     
  6. Bottesini

    Bottesini Old Deaf Ranter Premium Member

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    A leopard does not change it's spots, is an old saying. If he ia inconsiderate now, it will be worse later. Don't waste time on a person who doesn't value you for exactly who you are.
     
  7. Brooklynreese

    Brooklynreese New Member

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    thank you everyone for your feedback!
     
  8. ambrosia

    ambrosia Well-Known Member Premium Member

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    I love that. "try harder to hear" like it's an option. Do people tell blind or almost blind people to try harder to see? Someone paralyzed try harder to walk. Sheesh.

    I was married for 14 years, well I'm still married we're separated, when we met I had hearing loss in just my left ear. But about 4 years into the relationship I started losing it in my right. After 10 years he still couldn't seem to wrap his head around the fact that he couldn't talk to me from another room, while he was facing away from me, with something in his mouth or that I'm not going to want to be in some situations because I will be bored out of mind. When you're hoh and in a group situation the only way you're going to be able to be involved is if the hearing people make an extra effort to include you. I just can't expect people to do that.

    So in my experience Botts is spot on, 10 years and he still couldn't make little extra efforts to communicate with me. He still thinks I'm self involved and don't care about anything or any one. He just doesn't understand that being hoh you almost are in your own little world unless the people around you make sure they're heard.

    Maybe he could try using ear plugs and go out with you, get little perspective of what's it like.
     
  9. Brooklynreese

    Brooklynreese New Member

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    Yes he has called me selfish before but he just doesn't understand. He has no idea what its like sitting with a group of friends while they talk not being a part of the conversation at all. I try to go out with them and pretend like I am having a good time but he says I stare off into space and look sad which makes everyone around me sad. So I compromise and not ask him to stay in with me I say I wont be mad if he goes without me and that somehow makes me selfish! It is very frustrating!
    I have thought about asking him to wear ear plugs before but his hearing is so good and mine is so severe it wouldn't be anything like what it is like for me and I am afraid he just wont get it!

    Quick question I can find where to put a profile picture??
    I would like to put one up!
     
  10. ambrosia

    ambrosia Well-Known Member Premium Member

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    At the top of the screen, far left, click user CP, on the left of the screen there's all kind of option to change in your profile, the 3rd section down is like setting? click on edit avatar, then you can upload one from your comp :)
     
  11. Brooklynreese

    Brooklynreese New Member

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    thank you so much! your comment was very helpful! Would love to chat more!
     
  12. ambrosia

    ambrosia Well-Known Member Premium Member

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    :D you're very welcome
     
  13. whatdidyousay!

    whatdidyousay! Well-Known Member

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    I do not see how you can compare selling your bike to a person having a difficult time in her relationship. Your comment is very insensitive to me and does not ofter and good advice to the OP.
     
  14. whatdidyousay!

    whatdidyousay! Well-Known Member

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    Do you know if you will stay with your boyfriend or dump him ? He sound like very self centered and act like it all about him having the hard time. I think you should look for someone that would be proud to date you and not have someone blaming you for making them look dumb. The guy feel like bad news to me.
     
  15. JClarke

    JClarke AD Veteran Premium Member

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    Really, if he is making things for the worse. Cut him loose and move on.
    you'll find someone better than him - not worthwhile to stick along....
    Life is too short to wait. Go on!
     
  16. polly88

    polly88 New Member

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    I am dating a hard of hearing man, and I try to relate to what he goes through all of the time. One of the ways I was able to better understand what he goes through is muting the television and trying to follow the conversation on a show. My boyfriend lip reads, not always getting things correct, but after I tried it myself I saw how inaccurate I was and how exhausting it is. Maybe you could ask him to give it a try and he will see how tough it is? Best of luck to you.
     
  17. VamPyroX

    VamPyroX bloody phreak from hell

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    Deafness is something you cannot change. A hearing person cannot expect a deaf person to make changes in order to make a hearing person happy. A deaf person can expect a hearing person to make changes in order to make a deaf person happy.

    A hearing person can't tell you to try harder to hear and understand better for his hearing friends. You're deaf, and that will not change. He is the one who needs to make changes, not you.

    If he's giving you a hard time and is refusing to change for you, then it's time to let him go.
     
  18. ChefDylan

    ChefDylan New Member

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    I don't get it, he's mad at you for losing your hearing? Typical men, they only want the best but they do not know what it is. They are simply blind by their own judgements, I would know, I used to be a man until I became a wolf. If you wanna know more, just pm me, but what I'm saying is he's not trying to make your life better. Just be careful with that and try be more direct with him. Tell him that if your hearing isn't making it any better, then perhaps you and he should try consulting or I dunno, move on? It sucks but I get what you're going through, just be brave and focus on yourself. Beside the relationship, friendship, and hardships you have, all you really have is yourself.
     
  19. Tousi

    Tousi Well-Known Member

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    This is classical. I say, wash that man right outta your hair!
     
  20. Brooklynreese

    Brooklynreese New Member

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    hm same general thought hey
     

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