His profession versus mine...

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rebeccalj

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I'm feeling confused.:hmm:

I grow up with musicians in my family and find it frustrating to not hear the music and words properly. The only way, when I was younger, was to wear headphones with volume really, really high. But, loud sounds really, really hurt my ears and need to be away from it. I play a number of instruments, and even sing, but I take long breaks from it.

I'm also the type of person who likes to participate in the passion of my SO. I like to be able to enjoy that with them even though we may have our own, separate, hobbies and interests. I *LOVE* my space and my Rebecca time but I also like to be able to enjoy, and take part, in their passions as well as my own.

So, I meet an awesome hearing guy two months ago. He treat me awesome. Learning ASL because he want to speak *my* language not the other way around. This is good, right?

Well, then we come to his profession. He is a professional sound engineer. The kind of engineer that travels all over the world working with artists like Sarah McLachlan, Brian Doerkson, Blue Rodeo, Tragically Hip, Deadmau5, Kyprios, John Fogerty, Colin James, Metric and many others. I don't know some of these names but I digress.

To me, there are probably two issues. One really. I can't be around loud sounds for too long. I join him at work for a Fogerty concert and my ears hurt *SO* bad, even wearing HAs (turned off) with headphones covering my ears, that I need to leave. It make me realize how our lives are *SO* different. The second issue, which really isn't that big of an issue, is that many women take their tops off in the crowd and/or hit on him because they think he can get them to the musicians.

I buy industrial headphones (pink ones :giggle:) so that I can come to Deadmau5 concert and watch the light show, feel the music and keep loud sound away. It was good experience but I *still* leave feeling like I'm from different world because hearie come up to me to ask why pink headphones. It wasn't a good experience because he mumble so I do not understand what lips say. I feel stupid but realize he is just 'coming on' to me.

Maybe I'm just too sensitive to *SO* many years of being made to feel like I do not belong and this is 'my stuff' to work through but I wondered if anyone else have hearing/deafie relationship where you were faced with one of your biggest sensitivities by being in it and how you work through it? I *SO* want to understand 'his' world but, by being in it, I'm forced to be around loud sounds; something that is painful sometimes for me.

This past weekend he is doing show close enough for me to drive to be with him but I stay home. I have lots of things to get done around the house, want to play here at AllDeaf, and justify it that way, but the truth is that I was worried about facing fears again. Silly, huh? Especially when I only want to be with him. Then he send me text and photo, kind of laughing, about woman who goes bare breasted in crowd and that security remove her. Most of the time this do not bother me but, in this case, it bother me to know he around that. Especially when he text me that there were burlesque? dancers and then 'go go' dancers onstage and he love his job.

He know me as very sexually confident and proud Deaf woman. Well educated and independent. This weekend reduce me to be like weak woman and I HATE THAT!!

Any advice or thoughts? Similar experience?

Why couldn't I just meet a nice Deaf professional accountant like me? :giggle: Life is *never* simple.
 
You know I work as stage, monitor system for the interpreter, and security and I been through many bands like Meat Loaf (gawd), Michael Bolton and such. You know many hearing people who work around the stage wear ear plugs and for me I wear nothing. At one point I felt like I was normal hearing person because I'm able to separated the music and vocal. I can hear clearly with lead singer.
So, as far as your sensitivity of your ears, everyone have different level of "damaged ears", you know how much hair you have in the cochlea, or how the hammer moved and such. I know some HOH couldn't stand going to the bands because his/her ears hurt so much. Or other way since your ears are not used to the loud sound, it's like it been rested too long and all of sudden the loud natural sound blaring through your ear canal. It same go for hearing people who have different level of sensitivity and I know one person who wear ear plugs and head phone all together.

If he asked you why wearing "pink" headphone, just tell him I support breast cancer society!! <grin>
Let me tell you, you know you are Introvert, I'm Introvert and I need my space and time alone. After all the crowded people, or busy time with people needed help or whatever..sometime I just need to get away from all that and have my own time and space so I can recharge myself before going back to the crowd again. I enjoyed being alone time as well. Now when you mentioned "I'm forced to be around his loud sounds", try think of other way, if you have SO that work in office everyday, do you "forced yourself" to be around in his office? Same way, your SO is his profession and he work that way. Also, I can understand how you felt about being with him since you felt "limited" of what you can do in his life. This is where you can't do about it but you both need to compromise it, or to find a middle ground where you both can understand.
Now let me tell you about how he send text msg and photo with women flashing her boobs, I believe that where he enjoyed watching all that and maybe his reason for choosing Sound Engineers. It's like that is all he think of it, just about women flashing her boobs? You said you don't mind but just think of other way around of why he doing this, you know what I mean? So, you just have to be yourself and how you want out of your life, having relationship for the rest of your life.
I know there's lot more to talk about it, but there are many ways to find balance to it.
 
Wirelessly posted (BB Curve 9300)

You didn't mention how your SO responded when you discussed this with him.
 
My girlfriend is a die hard Beatles fan. SHe cannot live without Beatles!! She is hearing and wants to teach me all about Beatles.

One time, we watched a musical movie WITHOUT sound so that my girlfriend would experience what it is like to be deaf. She watched it with CC just like I do. SHe said it was hard to follow music via words only. You need to feel the sound. She didn't enjoy the movie very much.

If you were to watch a comedy or romantic movie without sound, I'm sure we can all live with that but if you watched a music movie without sound, you may be missing out on something.
 
SneakerNet said:
You know I work as stage, monitor system for the interpreter, and security and I been through many bands like Meat Loaf (gawd), Michael Bolton and such. You know many hearing people who work around the stage wear ear plugs and for me I wear nothing. At one point I felt like I was normal hearing person because I'm able to separated the music and vocal. I can hear clearly with lead singer.
So, as far as your sensitivity of your ears, everyone have different level of "damaged ears", you know how much hair you have in the cochlea, or how the hammer moved and such. I know some HOH couldn't stand going to the bands because his/her ears hurt so much. Or other way since your ears are not used to the loud sound, it's like it been rested too long and all of sudden the loud natural sound blaring through your ear canal. It same go for hearing people who have different level of sensitivity and I know one person who wear ear plugs and head phone all together.

If he asked you why wearing "pink" headphone, just tell him I support breast cancer society!! <grin>
Let me tell you, you know you are Introvert, I'm Introvert and I need my space and time alone. After all the crowded people, or busy time with people needed help or whatever..sometime I just need to get away from all that and have my own time and space so I can recharge myself before going back to the crowd again. I enjoyed being alone time as well. Now when you mentioned "I'm forced to be around his loud sounds", try think of other way, if you have SO that work in office everyday, do you "forced yourself" to be around in his office? Same way, your SO is his profession and he work that way. Also, I can understand how you felt about being with him since you felt "limited" of what you can do in his life. This is where you can't do about it but you both need to compromise it, or to find a middle ground where you both can understand.
Now let me tell you about how he send text msg and photo with women flashing her boobs, I believe that where he enjoyed watching all that and maybe his reason for choosing Sound Engineers. It's like that is all he think of it, just about women flashing her boobs? You said you don't mind but just think of other way around of why he doing this, you know what I mean? So, you just have to be yourself and how you want out of your life, having relationship for the rest of your life.
I know there's lot more to talk about it, but there are many ways to find balance to it.
Click to expand...

Didn't realize that you did sound work before. Learn something new everyday.

I don't have many of the little hairs which is part of my problem to be around loud sounds and I cannot do the earphones that squish inside canal. Those hurt and make ears itchy. Headphone that cover ear work best.

I like the breast cancer comment. :giggle:

I also like what you say about office versus concerts. It just his job and even though I feel limited I just need to sort out a way around it that work for both of us.:ty:

He send me lots of photos from texting; not just the one with women flashing who was taken from security. He send light show photos and what the crowd look like in front of him, etc. He want me to feel apart of it even though I'm not there. Want me to see how crazy it can be also. Also say that he wish I were there to show them all real beauty. :giggle:
 
dereksbicycles said:
My girlfriend is a die hard Beatles fan. SHe cannot live without Beatles!! She is hearing and wants to teach me all about Beatles.

One time, we watched a musical movie WITHOUT sound so that my girlfriend would experience what it is like to be deaf. She watched it with CC just like I do. SHe said it was hard to follow music via words only. You need to feel the sound. She didn't enjoy the movie very much.

If you were to watch a comedy or romantic movie without sound, I'm sure we can all live with that but if you watched a music movie without sound, you may be missing out on something.
Click to expand...

My daughter (18) is also huge, huge Beatles fan. :shock:

Did she not understand that the Deaf appreciate music differently because of her experience with CC? I would imagine it make her look at life a little different?
 
Reba said:
Everything that concerns you.
Click to expand...

Absolutely! The first time I meet him I find out his profession and almost decide to not see him again because of how odd it would be for a Deaf woman to be dating someone who relies on sound for living. Bizarre to me at first. Ironic. But he read as *so* kind that I decide to push fears aside and try to get to know *him* not his job.

As for the burlesque dancers they are paid performers on a stage so that did not really bother me. He knows I love dancing and suggested I learn that form. He say he think I would be hot at it. :giggle:

I mention in OP that I grew up with musicians so I understand that 'life.' Musicians have bad reputation, sometimes well earned, but he isn't a musician. He is a sound engineer. My point is that it does not bother me that women in crowd go bare breasted, seen it lots before, only that *this* time it did. I think it is only because we have to be apart, I miss him, I love him and wish I could be with him. If I were there we'd both have a good laugh over the exhibitionists.

So, yes, we do talk about all of these things that concern me. He is very good with ideas and options. In fact, he came up with the idea for the industrial headphones so that I could join him at work. He's been very patient transitioning to my world. Very understanding. Mature.
 
rebeccalj said:
Absolutely! The first time I meet him I find out his profession and almost decide to not see him again because of how odd it would be for a Deaf woman to be dating someone who relies on sound for living. Bizarre to me at first. Ironic. But he read as *so* kind that I decide to push fears aside and try to get to know *him* not his job.

As for the burlesque dancers they are paid performers on a stage so that did not really bother me. He knows I love dancing and suggested I learn that form. He say he think I would be hot at it. :giggle:

I mention in OP that I grew up with musicians so I understand that 'life.' Musicians have bad reputation, sometimes well earned, but he isn't a musician. He is a sound engineer. My point is that it does not bother me that women in crowd go bare breasted, seen it lots before, only that *this* time it did. I think it is only because we have to be apart, I miss him, I love him and wish I could be with him. If I were there we'd both have a good laugh over the exhibitionists.

So, yes, we do talk about all of these things that concern me. He is very good with ideas and options. In fact, he came up with the idea for the industrial headphones so that I could join him at work. He's been very patient transitioning to my world. Very understanding. Mature.
Click to expand...
That's the most important aspect, then. As long as you both keep open the two-way communication about any concerns that you might have. :)
 
rebeccalj said:
My daughter (18) is also huge, huge Beatles fan. :shock:

Did she not understand that the Deaf appreciate music differently because of her experience with CC? I would imagine it make her look at life a little different?
Click to expand...

Yeah, she does look at life in a different way since dating me. When I'm not around, she never put CC on TV. When I'm around, she makes sure to put CC on TV.

SHe wants to embrace Deaf World with me. She wants to teach me how to enjoy Beatles through words. In her whole life, she never thought she would be dating a deaf person. She is sooo excited to show me the joy of Beatles through word and vibration.
 
dereksbicycles said:
Yeah, she does look at life in a different way since dating me. When I'm not around, she never put CC on TV. When I'm around, she makes sure to put CC on TV.

SHe wants to embrace Deaf World with me. She wants to teach me how to enjoy Beatles through words. In her whole life, she never thought she would be dating a deaf person. She is sooo excited to show me the joy of Beatles through word and vibration.
Click to expand...

That is awesome! Deafies and hearing have *so* much that we can teach each other if both parties are up for the education.
 
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