It seems like a lot of hearing men come in here asking for advice on how to date a deaf girl. Also, in my experience, it often seems like the majority of "mixed" relationships are usually a hearing man with a deaf woman. Even on this forum, it seems to be more often the case.
In my own personal experience, I have dated several hearing women, but I think I've had A LOT of potential relationships that never developed because of my hearing. And even though my previous relationships ended for whatever reasons, I do think my hearing was a factor each time. Maybe that's a faulty view. (Maybe I'm just a jerk, LOL! but I don't think that's true either. At least I hope not! :|)
I wonder about this. Assuming my observations are correct, why are hearing men more apt to find a deaf mate, but hearing women aren't as interested in a deaf mate?
Any theories? I have my own, but I'll withhold it and see what others have to say.
I'm not sure about how much deafM>deafF or whatever combination can be dreamed up here, but I'll try to write from experience.
Your hearing "disability" is always going to be an issue. I accept my hearing loss. It's really a matter of how well you and your mate go together and accept it and make the most of it in your communication.
I think you have to accept it because it's part of how "normal" communication is doled out. Some hearing people have never had to deal with it, so if its as different as that, they may not want to take the time to do learn the style of communication you may need. If she doesn't want to take the time, then forget it, she doesn't value you the way you may want to. Some people come more open to the idea of learning, some don't. (Damn you work. Damn you. You'd be amazed as to how misconstrued e-mails are. Basic rule: don't take any e-mail on a personal tinge.)
I spend a lot of time concentrating on what the speaker is saying (or what I'm saying) and a lot of times, I miss the hints of more. When I do spot it, the skies open and heaven sings.
I've had gfs who wanted to learn ASL and some got up to basic finger-spelling and some basic signs ("let's go", "bathroom", "s-e-x", etc.). When that happened, wow. I was happy. I could then provide her with my amazing eyesight for what she sometimes lacked in.
Do I prefer hearing over Deaf? I don't know because I haven't dated any deaf women before. I have been introduced to the community a wee bit and grew up involved in deaf events/camps. I think she would initially be more frustrated with my lack of ASL competency for the first month or so, but she has to be patient and I have to learn
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But, I must say that having those experiences early on in my life led me to have world-view that is more "equal" than other hearing men. I don't place as much value on precipitating race and disability stereotypes than what hearing people may. I think this impacts how hearing women see me sometimes, but I don't dwell on it. I just know that when I'm older, I'll be a very eligible bachelor
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Y'know your question of whether one group dates more of the other group (opposite sex) brings to mind "Yellow Fever". I was exposed to it at UC Davis and kept hearing the term. Someone showed me the YouTube video and I was amazed. Not only was it a widely used term, it was almost like fact. The perception is that there's a lot more Asian Women dating White Guys than there are White Women dating Asian Men (definitely seemed true). I pledged to a Asian Frat (I'm White) after I checked out a White Frat. I felt more at home with the Asian group. Why? I actually attribute this to the hearing school and deaf camp experiences. Remember, "Equality". And no, not "Stockholm Syndrome". Of course, "Yellow Fever" is a comical term for the most part, but some Asian guys are actually bitter about it until they get to know the White Guy. I think the reason why this perception seemed true was because of the values men and women place on each other and how they interpret it for themselves. The reason why I wanted to hang out with Asians was because I found them to be similar to I. Some people list the pluses of being with another and sometimes some attributes of someone are "better" spent time with certain attributes they'd like to have in their lives. I talked to some good white male friends of mine and at the time we were all dating Asian women. It came up and talked about it. Basically, it was more coincidence than anything else. Maybe it was because she was a minority and understood "fairness". Maybe she understands loyalty. Maybe she doesn't value the kind of wealth most white women seem to want, regardless of acquisition method. Perhaps women like the quick and easy and men will wait for the good ones?
If I want my mate to be my best friend, I hope she understands who I am and why I do the things I do and still love me for it. She must understand that I am HOH.
i'm hearing, been in love w/the same (deaf) guy since college. (long story!) i was a deaf studies major in college and currently teach beginning sign language classes on occasion. and i'm the "pinky" and "pinkyandshmoo", shmoo is my daughter's nickname.
But I'd like for that to change. Really, I just want someone who understands me and what my life is like. The odds are fairly good, however, that a deaf/HoH woman is going to understand that better than a hearing woman.
Maybe.
