Hearing People

[SJCSue]

Who here thinks that hearing people will never understand our frustrations with the hearing world? I want to know your opinion!

 

[TongueOnFire]

I VOTE * MAYBE*

some hearing ppl can understand what your frustration about , other some hearing ppl dont cause they have no experience being around with deaf ppl before that why they dont know how to help to solve deaf ppl's problems or frustration etc... for example ... my friend know alot about deaf culture, etc.. she is hearing , she helped me alot throu with my plms and frustration , then i got thru and successful , whew! thanks to her for big help!!



TOF

 

[TongueOnFire]

Or I may be wrong!

 

[LinuxGold]

They can understand, in general sense, our fustrations, but not in absolute of it all. For example, you know how it is when we want to know exactly what is going on in meeting or in life or whatever you might call it. Sometimes when small detail come and go by, and we miss it, it might mean a lot to us or we might make BIG changes from that *SMALL* detail. That *SMALL* detail importance might vary with certain point of view, thereby abandoned as meaningless, simply because they *DONT* want to interpret everything. I don't blame them with malice, because they're innocent and hey, at least they volunteered! That is the "hidden" frustration that hearing people will *NEVER* understand, us wanting the extremes, just as much as they recieve. Same thing apply with everything else in life.

Here is my *FAVORITE* poem which shows the true frustration of deaf people:

You Have to be deaf to understand the deaf

What is it like to "hear" a hand?
You have to be deaf to understand.

What is it like to be a small child,
In a school, in a room void of sound --
With a teacher who talks and talks and talks;
And then when she does come around to you,
She expects you to know what she's said?
You have to be deaf to understand.

Or the teacher thinks that to make you smart,
You must first learn how to talk with your voice;
So mumbo-jumbo with hands on your face
For hours and hours without patience or end,
Until out comes a faint resembling sound?
You have to be deaf to understand.

What is it like to be curious,
To thirst for knowledge you can call your own,
With an inner desire that's set on fire --
And you ask a brother, sister, or friend
Who looks in answer and says, "Never Mind"?
You have to be deaf to understand.

What it is like in a corner to stand,
Though there's nothing you've done really wrong,
Other than try to make use of your hands
To a silent peer to communicate
A thought that comes to your mind all at once?
You have to be deaf to understand.

What is it like to be shouted at
When one thinks that will help you to hear;
Or misunderstand the words of a friend
Who is trying to make a joke clear,
And you don't get the point because he's failed?
You have to be deaf to understand.

What is it like to be laughed in the face
When you try to repeat what is said;
Just to make sure that you've understood,
And you find that the words were misread --
And you want to cry out, "Please help me, friend"?
You have to be deaf to understand.

What is it like to have to depend
Upon one who can hear to phone a friend;
Or place a call to a business firm
And be forced to share what's personal, and,
Then find that your message wasn't made clear?
You have to be deaf to understand.

What is it like to be deaf and alone
In the company of those who can hear --
And you only guess as you go along,
For no one's there with a helping hand,
As you try to keep up with words and song?
You have to be deaf to understand.

What is it like on the road of life
To meet with a stranger who opens his mouth --
And speaks out a line at a rapid pace;
And you can't understand the look in his face
Because it is new and you're lost in the race?
You have to be deaf to understand.

What is it like to comprehend
Some nimble fingers that paint the scene,
And make you smile and feel serene,
With the "spoken word" of the moving hand
That makes you part of the word at large?
You have to be deaf to understand.

What is it like to "hear" a hand?
Yes, you have to be deaf to understand.

(Written at 1971 by Willard J. Madsen, professor of journalism at Gallaudet University. This poem was translated into seven different languages and reprinted in publications, including DEAF HERITAGE, p. 380.)

 

[deafdyke]

I think some hearing people can understand our frustrations with the hearing world. I have friends who are hearing, but they are also minorities (meaning they don't fit into the stereotypica straight White middle class demographic) and the simalrities with our experiances growing up is nothing short of astounding!

 

[Mayflower]

I voted "no," on the poll. When I look around now and see where we are vs. what we had growing up, it has changed very little. Granted, we have more interpreters and closed caption is more available now. For hearing people to be more accepting and understanding, they pretty much would have to lose their hearing and experience deafness. Yes, there are a small percentage of those who want to understand and there are some who have exposure to Deaf culture. We really have a long way to go. The 'deaf and dumb' mentality is still very much alive among hearing people. :fu:

 

[SpiceHD]

i voted no cuz most of people who are hearing definitely dont understand and no matter how hard i explain.. .they wouldnt understand. So .. i pretty much give up on trying to explain to people i only answer to those who ask period. even my own dad doesnt understand how frustrating it was and he raised a deaf daughter (me) and even my own sister who i was closest to of all members in my family doesnt understand. So trust me.. its totally a waste of energy trying to explain to them and hoping they would understand and try to help in some way.

 

[Nancy]

I voted "no" too because I feel the majority of the hearing people don't understand what it is like to have a hearing loss so I feel if they are in our shoes (hearing loss from old age, etc.) they would finally understand how it is.

 

[The*Empress]

Never.

Because I am mad at my Aunt who keep bringing all of
those new movies CD to my house...

My mom and my Aunt don't want me to spend money
on Blockbuster movies...

but want me to watch some CD that it is illegal...

My Aunt bought the CDs from some people who secretly
record the film in the theatre.... with the hidden camera...
and some people would make copies from original movies.
And sell them illegally.

I wish to report those people who did that....

Offtopic, sorry, but my point is,,, I get upset
because I told my Aunt that I don't appreciate her bringing
these illegal CDs to my mom's house...
And want me to watch that...
And not get movies from Blockbuster.

I want Blockbuster movies because I need Closed Captioning
and I can't watch these cheap illegal movies, because I can't
understand what the actors are saying...without Closed Captioning....

And plus, some people stood up, walking or coughing and
the pictures are sooo bad, especially the sound... and I HATE
CHEAP ILLEGAL MOVIES!!!!!!!!!

My Aunt doesn't understand that, she said, "Turn your hearing aids up"

But she doesn't understand that even if I turn up my hearing aid...
I still can't understand what they say....

My Aunt will never understand, I wish to throw these illegal copies
at her, cause it is rude... cause I need Closed Caption.

And I mad at her since I was little, she thinks I was ignoring her...
but she doesn't talk clear or speak up, and expect me to understand
what she say. and she pissed off because she doesn't have any patient.

So some hearing people will never understand deaf or hearing impaired frustrastion.

 

[Opal]

I voted no, I agreed with some of your comments above!

 

[Steve]

I voted no, meaning they will never understand. If your own family just doesn't get it, how do we expect the average person to figure it out.

One really good book for hearing people, perfectly titled...

http://www.deaflife.com/deaflifepress_books/hpo.html

3rd Edition is now in print. If this continues to circulate, we could change my answer to maybe.

Steve

 

[Opal]

:topic: Steve,
Thank you for this book! I am going to buy it for my hearing husband as we discussed about deaf culture yesterday, he said he don't believe it because there is no deaf food, deaf church, deaf god etc, as it is mistake for deaf people to believe it is, as it should be label as deaf communities not culture as I was brought up. it is big different.

 

[gnarlydorkette]

:topic: Steve,
Thank you for this book! I am going to buy it for my hearing husband as we discussed about deaf culture yesterday, he said he don't believe it because there is no deaf food, deaf church, deaf god etc, as it is mistake for deaf people to believe it is, as it should be label as deaf communities not culture as I was brought up. it is big different.

[rolling her eyes] Just because a culture doesn't have its food to claim doesn't lessen it. What about the native tribes in South America-- they dont exactly cook up their own food--after all they just collect different fruits/vegetables, and hunt meat... THAT IS THE MOST FUNDAMENTAL DIET for many cultures! They have no religion either-- they do have "spiritual" belief but the pious folks will say it is "voodoo" crap so these tribes have no culture?? WRONG.
Culture is what a group of people that shares the SAME social norms, behavorial habits etc... IT IS NOT THE FOOD, THE RELIGION, ETC.
From Dictionary.com "These patterns, traits, and products considered as the expression of a particular period, class, community, or population" and "The predominating attitudes and behavior that characterize the functioning of a group or organization."
From m-w.com "a : the integrated pattern of human knowledge, belief, and behavior that depends upon man's capacity for learning and transmitting knowledge to succeeding generations b : the customary beliefs, social forms, and material traits of a racial, religious, or social group c : the set of shared attitudes, values, goals, and practices that characterizes a company or corporation"

Hope these definitions help your husband understanding "CULTURE"... what you learn from your peers/parents/whoever raise you-- that is culture you are learning-- the proper way to behave, how to react, etc.

Hm,
maybe I should change my answer to NO. I did click on "MAYBE" since there are several CODAS who did get first-hand experiences on their parents' hardships.

 

[Opal]

Gnarlydorkette, thank you for your comments, I am hungry to research more about deaf culture/communities :|

 

[Ethereal]

...he said he don't believe it because there is no deaf food, deaf church, deaf god etc, as it is mistake for deaf people to believe it is, as it should be label as deaf communities not culture as I was brought up.

If you look up "culture" you'll get a general description of (depending on where you look it up):
"The totality of socially transmitted behavior patterns, customary beliefs, and social forms, of a racial, religious, social group, etc."

It sounds to me like the deaf community fits into that description. It doesn't say that the "beliefs" need to be religious or any other type of belief and deaf people (that I've come into contact with) definitely have tansmitted behavior patterns and social forms.


But, back to the topic. I voted Maybe because I think maybe sometime in the future, that hearing people could undefstand. But I doubt. I probably only understand because I lived it.

 

[SpiceHD]

:topic: Steve,
Thank you for this book! I am going to buy it for my hearing husband as we discussed about deaf culture yesterday, he said he don't believe it because there is no deaf food, deaf church, deaf god etc, as it is mistake for deaf people to believe it is, as it should be label as deaf communities not culture as I was brought up. it is big different.

Btw... there is deaf church :-P just let u know theres a lot of deaf churches all over US

 

[prostock19]

I voted no. I have been around my Deaf friends for 5 years now. I have a better understanding, but admit, there are still times I am Sometimes, when with my Deaf friends, I try and be Deaf to see what it is like. The other day, when visiting Gally, My friend and I went to Chipotle for dinner. I did not speak 1 word while there, even when ordering my food.

 

[Oceanbreeze]

Erm, well...

As most of you know, I'm hearing. I would like to also respectfully disagree with the idea that hearing people don't understand. I know most people don't, but I don't think it's because they don't have the ability. Most anybody has the capacity of understanding, but they just don't exercise it. In order to understand someone's situation, one has to have empathy. How many people actually have empathy? Think about it. Not many, and that's a shame. I won't be so cocky as to say "I know what's it's like to be deaf", because, well..I don't. I really don't, but I do know what it's like to be different. Being disabled myself, I come across morons who stare at me when I'm out with my parents, or the ones who are practically tripping over their own two feet trying to offer me help I don't need. It gets annoying. Sometimes, I'll cop an atitude and go about my business. Sometimes, I just smile and say "Thank you" while mentally flipping them the bird.

I just wanted to say to you all that as a hearing person, I would do the best I could to not make any of you feel uncomfortable. It's not in my nature to be rude to someone because they are deaf, or are in a wheelchair. I really do try to put myself in the other person's shoes, because, that is what I would want them to do. Unfortunately, though, there's a lot of idiots in this world who can't do that, and that's a shame.

 

[Oceanbreeze]

...I do know what it's like to be different. Being disabled myself, I come across morons who stare at me when I'm out with my parents, or the ones who are practically tripping over their own two feet trying to offer me help I don't need...[\QUOTE]


Your story of how people are so keen to help you out reminded me of a story former classmate who happens to be blind and makes use of a guide dog told me during a break in class. She is independent, a mother of two, a teacher, and musician, and she still gets people that come out of nowhere and grab her arm, scaring the heck out of her, practically dragging her across the street when she was just pausing for a moment to collect her thought after crossing the very same street!

If I got paid 50 cents for every time I got the the question "Helllllloooo.......caaannnn.....yooooouuuu...uunnnddeeerrssttaannnddd....meeeeee?" said to me very loudly and every single person in the library looks at me, I wouldn't need to work. :Oops:

Yeah. What is also very aggravating to me and also saddens me, is that members of my own family have treated me like I have no brain just because I sit in a wheelchair. For instance, I have an aunt who to this day, doesn't get that I've grown up, and she treats me like an infant. If it weren't for my parents continually fighting with her as I grew up, I would not be able to do the things I am able to do. If this aunt had had her way, I would have never learned to crawl because the "the floor is too dirty, and the baby will get sick", or whatever else she sat and obessed over. :roll: Meanwhile, it's now 2005, and "the baby" is now thirty-six years old.

I have dealt with my own limitations my entire life, but I will tell you, my own limitations aren't what hold me back or irritate me. It's the atitudes of others.

Okay, but I'm on my soapbox now, so I'll step off. Suffice it to say, I agree with you deaflibrarian. I realy don't think it takes much for someone to understand someone else. All it takes is a willingness to do so. Unfortunately, we as a society have a long way to go on empathy.

 

[Oceanbreeze]

Do you have any theories why society acts this way around PWD? Is it because they haven't met someone with a particular disability, they see it via the media (telly, movies, newspapers, etc.), or what?

I still get people asking me if I know that deaf actress that won the Oscar (maybe twice a year). That totally baffles me because why would I know her? Because I am deaf too? I wonder sometimes if "the hearing and non-disabled" world realizes just how many Deaf/deaf/hard of hearing people there are. That is like asking me if I know Jane Doe in Newfoundland or Tom Doe in Yukon because I am Canadian.

I know. As to your question, though, I really think it's both. There are people who have never met someone with a disabilty, so they simply don't know how to act around them. And, society carries with it it's own perceptions, which are hard to ignore. These perceptions are often reinforced by the media. As you probably know, rarely is a disabilty realistically protrayed. Usually, we see the person in a nursing home, or being cared for by others. This happens, of course, but more often there are people like me out in this world trying to convince the majority to give me a decent shot. I guess if I had to give advice; it would be this:

Don't assume. Chances are your assumptions regarding me are going to be wrong. If you want to know something, simply ASK ME. I don't mind questions, and I don't mind answering them. What I do mind is people not asking the question, and therefore, perpetrating their own ignorance, and the ignorance of others.