Hearing people who are attracted to deaf people

Lily7

New Member
I have been thinking about the whole issue of some hearing folk being attracted to or wanting to date deaf folk. All these threads by hearing people saying they are seeking deaf people to date got me thinking about it. To be honest, it gives me the heebie jeebies, and I have been trying to figure out why, because normally I am very "live and let live".

I think it stems from an awkward experience I had years and years ago. When I was a teenager, a hearing boy hit on me. When I started talking to him, all he could talk about was my deafness, my hearing aids, etc. Whenever I tried to change the subject, he would turn it back to something to do with my deafness.

In the end, it came out that he had a hearing aid fetish.:-o:confused:

Yeah. That really exists. I googled it. Hey, whatever floats your boat, buddy, but it won't be me!

But even aside from that experience, it always made me a little uncomfortable, because it makes sense for someone to be attracted to say, a fat person or a skinny person, a blonde person or a red haired person, little boobs, big boobs - that all makes sense because people like what they like and physical attraction is a big part of the beginning of many relationships. Likewise, attraction to non-physical traits like a kind heart, a confident attitude, great sense of humor, those make perfect sense for attraction.

Deafness doesn't. Same goes for blindness, etc. To me, I can't help but think that an attraction to a deaf or blind or otherwise differently-abled person is more along the "fetish" line of thinking. Or if that's not the case, at least they seem to only want to date us because they are "fascinated" by us being different. And that bugs me, creeps me out a little bit. Or maybe they want to date us for a status symbol thing, like "Hey look at me and how cool or interesting I am because I have a deaf girlfriend" - which just makes me feel used. Not to mention it seems to be a poor basis for a relationship, because the "newness" of the person's difference wears off pretty quickly and then all you're left with is the stuff that people are normally attracted to, which may or may not be your thing in the end.

Long story short - being attracted to me solely because of my deafness makes me feel like a carnival attraction. :thumbd:

Maybe I'm wrong, but I really feel like it is not OK to be attracted to or only want to date someone with a certain disability. We are not our disabilities. We are people. And I would only want to date someone who saw me as who I am as a person, and appreciated my deafness and all it entails as an afterthought, merely a part of who I am.

It's different if it's just friendship and nothing more. I have no problem with someone wanting to be my friend because I am deaf and they find that fascinating and want to learn from me. Hey, whatever, you know? It's just when people seek more than friendship on the basis of deafness that it starts to get a little creepy and weird.

That said, I'm sorry if you are hearing attracted to deaf and I have offended you. I mean no offense, I just wanted to maybe put my thoughts out for consideration on this topic. I really do not mean to cause any drama. :hmm:
 

shel90

Audist are not welcome
Premium Member
I wouldnt want someone to date me because they have a fetish for my hearing aids. I would just ask $5,000 to sell them so they can play with them all night. That would make me a Hearing Aide whore?

:lol:

All kidding aside..these people are unhealthy and shouldnt be in realationships.
 

Bottesini

Old Deaf Ranter
Premium Member
I have been thinking about the whole issue of some hearing folk being attracted to or wanting to date deaf folk. All these threads by hearing people saying they are seeking deaf people to date got me thinking about it. To be honest, it gives me the heebie jeebies, and I have been trying to figure out why, because normally I am very "live and let live".

I think it stems from an awkward experience I had years and years ago. When I was a teenager, a hearing boy hit on me. When I started talking to him, all he could talk about was my deafness, my hearing aids, etc. Whenever I tried to change the subject, he would turn it back to something to do with my deafness.

In the end, it came out that he had a hearing aid fetish.:-o:confused:

Yeah. That really exists. I googled it. Hey, whatever floats your boat, buddy, but it won't be me!

But even aside from that experience, it always made me a little uncomfortable, because it makes sense for someone to be attracted to say, a fat person or a skinny person, a blonde person or a red haired person, little boobs, big boobs - that all makes sense because people like what they like and physical attraction is a big part of the beginning of many relationships. Likewise, attraction to non-physical traits like a kind heart, a confident attitude, great sense of humor, those make perfect sense for attraction.

Deafness doesn't. Same goes for blindness, etc. To me, I can't help but think that an attraction to a deaf or blind or otherwise differently-abled person is more along the "fetish" line of thinking. Or if that's not the case, at least they seem to only want to date us because they are "fascinated" by us being different. And that bugs me, creeps me out a little bit. Or maybe they want to date us for a status symbol thing, like "Hey look at me and how cool or interesting I am because I have a deaf girlfriend" - which just makes me feel used. Not to mention it seems to be a poor basis for a relationship, because the "newness" of the person's difference wears off pretty quickly and then all you're left with is the stuff that people are normally attracted to, which may or may not be your thing in the end.

Long story short - being attracted to me solely because of my deafness makes me feel like a carnival attraction. :thumbd:

Maybe I'm wrong, but I really feel like it is not OK to be attracted to or only want to date someone with a certain disability. We are not our disabilities. We are people. And I would only want to date someone who saw me as who I am as a person, and appreciated my deafness and all it entails as an afterthought, merely a part of who I am.

It's different if it's just friendship and nothing more. I have no problem with someone wanting to be my friend because I am deaf and they find that fascinating and want to learn from me. Hey, whatever, you know? It's just when people seek more than friendship on the basis of deafness that it starts to get a little creepy and weird.

That said, I'm sorry if you are hearing attracted to deaf and I have offended you. I mean no offense, I just wanted to maybe put my thoughts out for consideration on this topic. I really do not mean to cause any drama. :hmm:
Sadly, they all find their way to Alldeaf.
 

JAMES09

New Member
Before I lost most of my hearing, I was attracted to Deaf women because of the fact that I wanted to learn all I could about the deaf. I was studying ASL at the time & I thought what better way to learn than from the deaf...ok maybe not the best way, but I learned a lot from the deaf not just about ASL, but their culture, the way they think, what makes them tick as a community, etc.

Today, the deaf are just another community of people that have their share of idiots as well as hot babes & everything in between. I learned that the deaf are really not much different from myself. I have a great respect for all people, & the deaf are no different.
 

Mintee

New Member
i have to agree with you. i think it's creepy that all the hearies come here to hunt for Deaf women/men. because of my experience with hearing men, i'm very leery of these people. i find that most hearing men who are attracted to us Deaf women think we are easy to "control"- because of our hearing loss.

one time, a guy with shit for brains told me: "i was really glad when i found out you were deaf. when i saw Marlee Matlin for the first time, i thought to myself 'Wouldn't it be great if I had a Deaf woman. I bet they don't talk/or nag as much as hearing women.' "
 

mbrek

Active Member
Premium Member
one time, a guy with shit for brains told me: "i was really glad when i found out you were deaf. when i saw Marlee Matlin for the first time, i thought to myself 'Wouldn't it be great if I had a Deaf woman. I bet they don't talk/or nag as much as hearing women.' "
Why not find himself a porn star instead? They LOVE sex all the time and have the big "O" once every minute.

Unless, of course, they were "acting"...
 

Bottesini

Old Deaf Ranter
Premium Member
"i was really glad when i found out you were deaf. when i saw Marlee Matlin for the first time, i thought to myself 'Wouldn't it be great if I had a Deaf woman. I bet they don't talk/or nag as much as hearing women.' "
:lol: My husband would dispute this guys idea!
 

SneakerNet

My IQ: 12
Premium Member
I'm earmold fetish.. I love the smeeeellll (taking a deeep sniiiifffffff), oh! that is nice! 18 layers of wax!!!

(mmm...perfect timing for Halloween....Not a bad idea)
 

dereksbicycles

Active Member
May be a reason why some people who wear hearing aids would date people who wears hearing aids only. Not that I know anyone, but you never know.
 

Rosewind

Member
Well.. I met most hearing people who study ASL at Deaf Coffee...the reason, they want to making with new deaf friends. I know one of deaf late friends. He told me when he start losting his hearing. He start learning sign language improve better. Also, his wife still support him and learn too. That is good.
 

VacationGuy234

Active Member
I'm guessing, in the majority of cases, they are people who either want to be interpreters or have social problems were they can't relate to people in general.

I can understand that in some cases there are people who identify my hearing as a characteristic of something they have gone through in life. However, you can't equate hearing with social problems like money, addiction and depression because it is not the same thing.

I've never heard of a hearing fetish, that's a new one.
 

melindajanet

New Member
Well, I'm a hearing girl who is attracted to a deaf person :P but prior to my partner I hadn't really thought about being in a relationship with a deaf person, let alone actively sought deaf people to date. The person I love is smart, kind, funny, beautiful, fun to be around, and also happens to be deaf. Yes I do often think about it, because it's obviously a big part of who he is and how we communicate, but that's just one aspect of many to him.

I really wonder about this myself. I think, however, it probably depends on the hearing person in question. There are instances where I can see this making sense...a hearing person who has Deaf parents, who grew up surrounded by Deaf Culture and feels most comfortable signing, for example. But for the most part the posts I've seen on here either reek of fetishism, or troll.

As I said in response to one of the hearing girls on this board looking for a deaf boyfriend...if you're actively seeking a partner based on disability alone, you'd be overlooking their person as a whole. I would never want to date someone who was fetishizing something about me in that way. Being deaf/Deaf is just an aspect of a person, it's not who they are.

If my partner and I ever break up, I would never actively seek another deaf partner just because they were deaf. If I happened to end up with another deaf person based on who they are overall, then great. Any one who's looking to date someone just so they can learn ASL is also really scummy in my opinion. I'm really grateful that my boyfriend is extremely open-minded and patient with me, because learning sign doesn't happen overnight. I'm also really lucky that he even was open to dating another hearing person, since he was in a relationship with a hearing girl a few years ago who seems to fall into the "fetishizing deafness" category, from what he's told me.
 
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Lily7

New Member
Well, I'm a hearing girl who is attracted to a deaf person :P but prior to my partner I hadn't really thought about being in a relationship with a deaf person, let alone actively sought deaf people to date. The person I love is smart, kind, funny, beautiful, fun to be around, and also happens to be deaf. Yes I do often think about it, because it's obviously a big part of who he is and how we communicate, but that's just one aspect of many to him.

I really wonder about this myself. I think, however, it probably depends on the hearing person in question. There are instances where I can see this making sense...a hearing person who has Deaf parents, who grew up surrounded by Deaf Culture and feels most comfortable signing, for example. But for the most part the posts I've seen on here either reek of fetishism, or troll.

As I said in response to one of the hearing girls on this board looking for a deaf boyfriend...if you're actively seeking a partner based on disability alone, you'd be overlooking their person as a whole. I would never want to date someone who was fetishizing something about me in that way. Being deaf/Deaf is just an aspect of a person, it's not who they are.

If my partner and I ever break up, I would never actively seek another deaf partner just because they were deaf. If I happened to end up with another deaf person based on who they are overall, then great. Any one who's looking to date someone just so they can learn ASL is also really scummy in my opinion. I'm really grateful that my boyfriend is extremely open-minded and patient with me, because learning sign doesn't happen overnight. I'm also really lucky that he even was open to dating another hearing person, since he was in a relationship with a hearing girl a few years ago who seems to fall into the "fetishizing deafness" category, from what he's told me.
THAT kind of relationship is normal though, you're dating/attracted to a guy who just happens to be deaf as opposed to a deaf guy, if that makes sense. So it's not creepy. :cool2:

It's also pretty normal if say, a hearing person saw a beautiful/cute deaf person standing/signing in a store somewhere and was taken with that particular person's poise and mannerisms or whatever, then they could be either attracted to the fact that the person is deaf and beautiful/cute, or attracted to the person who happens to be deaf, but either way, it's at least a somewhat normal thing because it has to do with a particular person. They didn't start out SEEKING to date someone who was deaf, it just so happened they ended up attracted to someone who was.

It starts to get creepy and weird when a hearing person is SEEKING deaf person to date without any particular person in mind. When the criteria for any random stranger who is potential dating material is that they are deaf. That shows that they just want to date... well, deafness. Which is just ... ick. **shudder**
 

Frisky Feline

Well-Known Member
I wouldnt want someone to date me because they have a fetish for my hearing aids. I would just ask $5,000 to sell them so they can play with them all night. That would make me a Hearing Aide whore?

:lol:

All kidding aside..these people are unhealthy and shouldnt be in realationships.
:rofl:
 

rebeccalj

New Member
I date only one guy who treat like 'Deaf girlfriend.' Feel like *always* on display for him. Like, for him, "Oh, look, I got me a deaf girlfriend." The thing is, the thing that attracted him, the little bit of ASL I still remember from child, he do not want to do. :shock: Never once do he want to sign, or learn it, but like to see it and even when sign to myself, for practise, he make comment, "Aww, look, she's talking to herself." :roll:
 

Lily7

New Member
I date only one guy who treat like 'Deaf girlfriend.' Feel like *always* on display for him. Like, for him, "Oh, look, I got me a deaf girlfriend." The thing is, the thing that attracted him, the little bit of ASL I still remember from child, he do not want to do. :shock: Never once do he want to sign, or learn it, but like to see it and even when sign to myself, for practise, he make comment, "Aww, look, she's talking to herself." :roll:
:barf::slap:
 
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