Friend OR Foe?

peekaboo

Well-Known Member
#1
Have anyone here ever wondered who your true friends? I have none... nothing when it comes to friends. I have had some true friends growing up throughout the schools years and through my ex b/f friends... but were they truly my friends, or was it a phrase passing through?
I don't ever recall ever having a 1 true friend to call my own and say "THAT'S MY B/F" It gets lonely sometimes when you are out on your own, you know what I mean?
How was it for you growing up, did you have a lot of friends that are still your friends to this day?:grouphug:

I am glad that I find AD that I can chat with communicating with other deafies out there... I know ... I sound pathetic! LOL :lol:

But seriously.. do you ever wondered about who are your true friends that you know that are not just "using" you?
 
#2
My hearing was normal until I hit about 35, so clearly we are in different categories. I can tell, however, that I have only made one new friend since my hearing got really bad, and within 7 year after my hearing degraded a lot more, that friend drifted away as she did not feel I understood her. Duh. She was one of the majority who cannot figure out how to speak slowly and carefully.

now I only communicate a lot with people willing to use e-mail, or the internet. Yes, forums are useful but nurturing a friend from one into a "true friend" is quite difficult. In general people make a lot fewer friends after they leave school.

I don't worry about friends using me. I know who does and who does not... really the only one who does is my husband. It's a male entitlement thing. He has learned to speak carefully but still requires reminders daily. It is tedious. The friends I cherish are the ones who do not have to be reminded.
 

peekaboo

Well-Known Member
#3
I totally understand you. Looks like we all have our own groups that we "belong" to and those who do not. I feel like the older I get , the better off I understand how people are. Isnt there a saying... the older you get, the wiser you get? lol :D
 

peekaboo

Well-Known Member
#5
Good post!...No B/F for me....used to have one before losing my hearing...after that?...not really. Just never did quite fit in with the hearing or the deaf community, being late-deafened.
Thanks! I know how you feel... Same here. I guess we all grow up and go our separate ways and not really KIT with those who you thought of as friends. I had a favorite teacher at one time and visited her a couple of times, found her and sent her an email I never heard from her again. Its like people just don't want to be bothered??? Not sure? I got in touch with an old freind since Elementary school, we both cried when I found her, but after that, it just faded into think air again. I feel maybe we all just grow apart and do our own thing. Nothing is the same anymore when it comes to friendship. It kind of makes me sad, really.
 

Lysander

Well-Known Member
#6
I think it's kind of natural to not keep the friends you grew up with. I honestly do not communicate with a single person that I went to high school with. I actually only really keep I touch with 2 friends that I made when I was in my early 20's. I occasionally make new friends. But I'm also hearing. Can't swing a dead cat without hitting another hearing person....so it's probably easier for me. However, it can be done. I'm friends with a Deaf guy in my area. He's very aggressive when he wants something. If he wants to be your friend, he goes for it really hard. He uses apps, he lip reads, he keeps pen and paper handy. He communicates by text or email often. He uses anything he can to keep in touch with people. Have probably 5 or 6 hearing friends who don't sign who are also friends with him. It's just his personality though. He's very outgoing and aggressive. I'm also friends with his best friend who is also Deaf.

But I see both sides of that. I also have a Deaf friend who seems mostly isolated. His family is really his only in person social interaction. I try to hang out with him when I can, and it's ok for me because I sign at a level that we can have a decent conversation. But he's not very technologically savvy, he doesn't read lips, avoids people a lot. So....I know that kind of sucks for him.

Maybe try to make friends with some hearing people who can sign. Depending on where you live, there might be more signing hearing than deaf. Sad substitute for someone you feel culturally bonded to, but it's probably better than nothing too...
 

peekaboo

Well-Known Member
#7
Truth is I much rather have deaf friends than hearing friends, only because of my experiences with them, but each to their own. I ain't saying all hearing is bad, I just know from my own experiences and I know some deaf are the same way, so its a no win-win situation when it comes to making friends. I don't have any except for when I am at work. I am at home and my only means of communication is on the internet, I am pretty much a loner. I think I always have been, too scared to go out there nowadays with how society is today. It's scary! I met a lot of the deaf who want to stay together that love to interact with each other, well my old friends anyways, I don't know about the rest. I do know we have deaf events like any other persons or people that get together you know. It just that with today's technology people are becoming more less interact with each other.
 

Lysander

Well-Known Member
#8
It just that with today's technology people are becoming more less interact with each other.
I can totally agree with that. Why would you need to spend time with someone when you can just read their facebook and know what's going on with them. It's making us less social. Less interested in spending time with people. I don't like it. Yeah, we have deaf events here.
 
#9
What I learnt so far that you can easily "tell them apart" IF said "friends" are willing to help you out in any time AND in any position your in.

If they leave soon after as your having problems getting people to understand your frustrations?

If they says on your relay over and over again that they need to go?

If they say that they would do something and they never said sorry later on about it and/or do this often?

You should probably find someone else to hang out with. As...
But I see both sides of that. I also have a Deaf friend who seems mostly isolated. His family is really his only in person social interaction. I try to hang out with him when I can, and it's ok for me because I sign at a level that we can have a decent conversation. But he's not very technologically savvy, he doesn't read lips, avoids people a lot. So....I know that kind of sucks for him.
Mentioned I am in the similar position but I am actually tech savvy and trying to find people to connect with. However as with most things in life you obviously need somewhere to do that.

Forums? They are an idea but very very few are like here

In "life"? If your looking for much more than Church services you are stuck unless your in a more major city MAYBE

With that said it is indeed frustrating for me to find somewhere to do that AND get positive results. For getting TRUE friends...
 

peekaboo

Well-Known Member
#10
The results are in.... interact on the internet, unless you are a businessman or a CEO or a celebrity, or that requires to interact with people. I am happy just being in my room by myself. If that ain't an introvert I don't know what is! lol
 

DeafDucky

Well-Known Member
#13
I'm also deafblind (well low vision..my sight is better than most dbers).
I really had no close friends growing up (mainstream), I did have a friend when I was 11-12 but we drifted apart and that person actively avoided me (even though we lived next door to each other)when we went to different schools in 7th grade. I have zero idea what all happened to the kids I knew in elementary school and most of the kids on the summer swim team. High school... I did lose track of everyone after my freshman year in college (again mainstream though a very small school); only contact was for reunions- I wen to the 10th, after that different things happened to keep me from going. Now, I'm back in touch...sort of...through Facebook with a few of them (floored when the valedictorian of my class friended me...a very very bright individual and well known in their field to boot).
College I did have a "BF", which was nice, we've kind of lost touch due to them having to work 2 or 3 jobs to take care of their kids and that person isn't too much into tech/computers lol. I've met a lot of people online mostly but in my entire life I can really only count maybe 2 or 3 people who are true friends; some have lost my trust (they're working on it...LONG story), some disappeared, and at least 1 person insists we are friends even though I have zero clue of ever meeting her... College was somewhat easier to meet people what with the ASL (finally) but I'm still not a big people person lol.
 

Beowulf

Well-Known Member
Premium Member
#14
Thinking of Grenada. If a marine raps at your door and yells, "Friend or foe?" and you don't answer?
Boom, you're dead.

lol
 

Barbaro

Well-Known Member
#19
Oh, yeah. There were a few classmates from my elementary and middle schools. They pretend to be your friend and want you to do their homeworks. Then you get stabbed in the back. In middle school, one of them asked me again to do her homework again and I told her NOPE. I took a pleasure in watching her failing a class. She had gotten herself in trouble all the time. She loves to spread lies all the time. She forged her mother's name and got a detention. Her favorite subject is she likes to chase boys and makes out with them. Last time I heard she graduated high school, which is a miracle. She has lots of issues she still refuses to admit. My friends told me she decided to be a mommy, nothing else because she simply has no goals in her life. She and I share mutual friends, but I told them I am not interested in knowing what's going on in her life and it's none of my business.

I am in contact with my hearing friends from private high school. They are begging me to go visit them in Mexico, but my first priority is my son now. I have to wait a little longer until he becomes older. I look forward to visiting my friends in Mexico someday.

If you feel very comfortable with a friend you share same interests with, then it's great. It's the best way to build a good relationship.
 

peekaboo

Well-Known Member
#20
@ barbaro .... i know the feeling. I had a lot of "old "friends" who did the same thing. I had one guy who didnt do math very well, copy from my paper almost everyday. until I got caught and I got into trouble. I didnt do it after that, that old hag was watching my back. I had a lot of hearing friends, but they weren't really my friends, just wanted something from you. Or thought it was funny to make fun of someone who wore a hearing aid. I hated my school years!
 

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