I appreciate the advice from everyone. I am really trying as hard as I can to get my daughter the best education possible. Maybe, when I look back, I did some things right and some things wrong--but I did my very best. I think I did a LOT more for my daughter than some parents would--I refused to tell her, sorry but where we live the resources are not available so you just have to deal with what is here...not everyone CAN move for their kids to get a better education, but I know some people who would NOT go...mostly because THEY didn't want to move. My theory has always been: if they set up a school or resource on the moon and I think it would help my daughter, I would go!! NOTHING will stop me from trying as hard as I can to advocate for her and help her. So we have moved to 3 different places just to find her the help she needed--and now we are going to move again for her upcoming high school years.
What worked in early intervention needed to be changed for her preschool years--what worked during her preschool years no longer worked when she was ready for school--what worked in her elementary years is no longer working in her teen years. And then, what she needs post-high school, hopefully college and training for a career, there will be another move involved--probably just her going off to prepare for her adult life alone. I hope she finds the right resources for herself at that point--I want her to be as independent as possible. We all know "young adults", both hearing and deaf, who seem afraid to go out on their own and conquer the world as free and independent adults. My goal for my daughter is this: to become as educated and prepared as possible so that she will be completely ready/willing/and able to "fly away" on her own when she reaches adulthood.
I would love to see her get a college degree, but she is not sure if she wants to do that--some of it depends on things like making high scores on tests like ACT and SAT--she has trouble with standardized tests. But...with a great high school education, she may make great strides and do fine. Even if she does not end up with a college degree, she needs to achieve as much as she can during high school so that she can be on a good path for her future. In other words, all education is important(each year), but her high school years are very important in determining her future path in life. It is extremely important that she be at the "right school for her" during those years.
As I picture her future, I just don't see a large public mainstreamed high school setting as the best setting for her. I honestly think that she would just get lost in the crowd, not be involved in anything, be ignored, and probably not get such a great education overall. There is a lot of talk around here about the low graduation rate of all high school students in our state--many "regular" kids start high school and drop out before graduating. That would NOT be a good path for my daughter to be on!! Honestly, I don't know what the statistics are in other states, but I think graduation rates are dropping everywhere--average kids are not making it to their high school graduations in public schools all over the US--it makes a parent think twice about sending kids to public high schools!! Still, we cannot afford private schools, and I am not ready to give up on finding GOOD public schools. For my son, he has three more years of high school--he has always been in public school--he seems to be doing fine--I think he will continue to do fine in public schools when we move--I think he will stay in the public school system but in a different state and district. My daughter--private preschool and public elementary and middle school--things went well in the beginning and are beginning to sour now--looking ahead to high school and not seeing good things in the future for her at the big public schools--she needs something different. When looking at big high schools that my son would probably do well in, I just don't think that my daughter would thrive--and maybe not even survive to graduation. For her, I think a GOOD deaf school would be the best thing for her high school years.
If she does go to college, I think one such as Galludet, the one in Rochester, or the one in California(haven't begun to research these much yet) would be good--schools with lots of deaf people instead of going to a "regular" college with little or no deaf people--I think that would be good for her and she would be happy. It will be all up to her by then, though--whatever she chooses, I am behind her 100 percent. Ideally, if she makes a few really close friends during her time at the deaf school during her high school years, maybe some of them can all go off to college together--that would be cool!!
When she was young, I could never even imagine what she would be like as a teenager and young adult--now, she is there and nearing adulthood. What I thought then is very different than what I think now--I made decisions for her based on what I knew at the time. Now, I can see that things I never would have thought would be in the picture (imagine being at an AG Bell convention and talking about Galludet!) are now things we may be considering.
Everything has to be completely based on each individual child--I did some things like other people, and some things differently, based solely on what MY daughter needed--not what other people thought deaf children needed. In the beginning, a hearing parent has NO idea what in the world it means to have a deaf child--please try to understand where we are coming from--we NEVER had ANY idea about ANYTHING regarding deafness until our children were diagnosed as being deaf. Yes, we mourned--of course we mourned--we thought our kids would never hear us say "I love you" and would never say it back. Then, we see other deaf kids who DO say those words and more--it is completely understandable why we, as hearing parents, would like for our kids to talk to us--it is all WE know. But there was NO forcing or meanness or whatever some people may have experienced--I simply gave her hearing aids and talked to her and played with her--lots and lots of love and talking. Soon, without any negative overtones, my daughter just began picking up language orally just as my hearing son had done--she was only slightly behind because she didn't get diagnosed and get hearing aids until she was 19 months old. I just continued to love her and talk to her--oh, and we did introduce signs to her but she stopped using them when she could use the words instead.
Anyway--as hearing parents, that is all we knew and our daughter quickly begun to talk to us--we thought this was a good thing. We were encouraged to get to know people through AG Bell--we heard some of their ideas--some we agreed with and some we did not. For example, we did put her in an oral deaf preschool to help her get her language "caught up" completely before starting school. Some oral schools try to mainstream them early, some seem to want to hold on to them for as long as possible. We decided to move and get her into public school from kindergarten--we left the oral school then. There were some AVT therapists who did not think we should use the special education resources at the public school--but my daughter began showing a need for extra help, so we DID use it--and she improved.
Anyway--time went on and the social issues began to come into play. Now, according to people we met through AG Bell and oral schools, by the time these kids are in high school, they think they should be in the mainstream. That is why there are NO oral schools that go through high school. We have met some of the kids who are in big mainstreamed public schools--you know, the STARS!!--and most of them said things like: I am like everyone else and I have lots of friends--some of them said "who needs deaf friends"--some of them were cheerleaders and homecoming kings/queens and seemed to be fitting in just fine in regular schools. Well, good for them--but my daughter is different. This isn't about being an "oral success" and being able to successfully communicate with hearing people--my daughter can do that just fine. And this isn't about needing highly specialized education because they can't keep up in regular schools--my daughter is doing pretty well academically. This is really about social issues--she WANTS to go to school with people like HER!!! I get it!! So, to all of the AG Bell people and oral school people who don't understand why an "oral success" like my daughter would want to go to a deaf school--to all of those who would act like we are "taking a step backwards" in some way--to all of those who think all deaf teenagers should go to regular mainstreamed schools--they just do not get it--not all, and I think maybe very few--deaf teenagers feel like they fit in "just fine" at regular schools--especially during their teen years.
See, as a parent, I am basing my decision solely on my daughter's needs, not on any specific philosophy or anything. The "oral side" says one thing, the "Deaf community" says another--I have to base my decision on what my daughter needs, not on either sides beliefs. So, that is a hearing parent's perspective. I have changed my views over the years depending on how my daughter is doing. She was happy at times, and not at other times--I am trying to get her back on a track that will make her happy. And I think that one day we will show up at an AG Bell convention or an oral school and tell them WHY they need to be a bit more flexible about some of these issues--plus, I guess we need to also talk to people who don't think any deaf people should talk--my daughter can tell them why she enjoys talking. I am not sure why some people don't seem to think that it is possible for a deaf person to WANT to continue talking. If she ever decides to be silent, that will be fine--I just don't think it is really "her"--and I know her better than anyone else. There must be SOME people you guys know that DO love being in both worlds--that will never give up speaking--surely you don't assume that all deaf people who learn ASL and become part of the Deaf world at times never look back--there surely are some that like to be a part of BOTH worlds. I cannot predict the future, but knowing my daughter, I think she will be very happy in BOTH worlds and will not ever leave either one behind completely. She is blessed, in a way--she will know MANY people in BOTH worlds. I just want to see her become a happy and healthy adult--my intentions are perfectly noble. And I love her exactly as she is--no matter how she "turns out" as an adult, she will ALWAYS be loved!
Jillio! 
is here to stay and don't try to fix her to improve her hearing. Good luck with your daughter and hope she find happiness what she is looking for in her deaf world. Later when she is old enough she will tell you and make the decision on what she want for education program. Give her time. 
