Does anyone else feel like their life was ruined by mainstream school

Shakes head angrily. I am just so utterly convinced that the gross majority of pro mainstreamers and pro oral only "experts" just have their heads up their asses regarding the impact of mainstreaming. They're right up there with the " OMG INCLUSION is the ANSWER to curing what is wrong with sped, people. Again, I really think that Ann Geers, Carol Flexor and the "experts" on HOH kids are just SO clueless about what life is like at an average hearing school for hoh kids. Yes, some kids do well and even thrive. That's awesome. There's nothing wrong with that. But, it does seem like most of those kids are the same ones who would have done well thirty years ago when mainstreaming was still new. We need to fight for a continum of placement. The biggest mistake that bureocrats made, was that they think/thought that The Neighborhood Public School was the best (ie least restrictive) placement.
I wish someone would come out with research about the negative psycholsocial impact of mainstreaming.
 
I am thinking that my experience in school might have been better if I had the proper support services such as captions on classroom movies, note takers, FM system, etc.

It would have improved a lot if the school had stepped in on the bullying sooner rather than later before things got so bad. I was active on the track and cross country team. I was a long distance runner so even being active in sports meant time spent alone, running.

Sometimes I wonder if i had been able to go to a bigger school or went to ASD if I might have 'blossomed'. A new start in a new place might have been the best thing for me, but that's the past and we will never know.
 
I mainstreamed in high school, I had an interpreter in every class(except for swimming(WTF), and they took any necessary notes. It was a school with a hearing impaired unit though.
 
bad parts is....you will have to put REALLY REALLY effort to get a good grades. When my teen watch movie, I studies. when teen go to a party, I studies. when teen play game, I studies. It was not because I was a nerd( I dont have any problem to be called a nerd), it was because I was being maintream and having trouble with class lecture. All these years, I had only friend but not anymore.I was treated as being outcast by friends.

happened to me too, especially now that im at university, and all the hearing acquintences (different from freinds I know the differences now) just moved on got married, moved towns, earned more and i was better than they were in school, its really makes me angry...but thats the hearing world...So ...ts really important to find a good deaf club and stick with it, grunt and bear all the gossip mongerings, afterall what you *hear* or *see* in deaf communities is really *real* not that distant comfortably numb *in the hearing world* you see,...Deaf world is a *noisy place* lol, so go in, and get used to it, and you'd never regret it...afterall its *real life* not the hearing world ...
just my reckoning..
 
Dixie said:
I hated mainstream. I wished I had been transferred to ASD. I might have grown more socially. Instead, I was often isolated and taunted by the other kids because I was the class retard. No one wanted to be my friend, except for a few along the way that my parents didn't approve of or they simply just used me for their benefit.

I wasn't allowed to go on outings, I wasn't really allowed to socialize outside of school so therefore, I became socially awkward as I didn't know how to behave in certain social situations.

When my hearing deteriorated, instead of really being helped, I was slapped with ill-fitting HAs that I didn't like and at the same time I was slapped with braces and I was going through some really tough stuff at school. To me, at that time, I felt like I no longer had control over me. This led to a lot of self-hatred and self-destructive behavior. Even to this day I still struggle with these issues on a daily basis.

My parents were fed audist crap and they never consulted with me about how I felt about school. If I was failing, I was yelled at and told that I was just being lazy, even called slow. I was made to be ashamed of being D/HH. I was mainstreamed with no support services and I admit I struggled a lot. I felt like I had to work twice as hard as the other students just to get a simple 'B' in a class. Thankfully though I fell in love with reading and books so, I was able to work my way through that class with ease. I was even given an English Award that is given to graduating Seniors in front of my entire high school. It was the first award I had been given in years and still today I am proud of that award, even if it is just simply a small pin. To me, I felt like I had accomplished something.

I felt like I was unable to communicate. Like most people have posted, I just simply nodded my head. I would day dream, or whatever, but I was afraid to admit I was really D/HH because it would have been just one more thing for the other kids to make fun of me for

As mentioned before, I didn't have many friends. I had a few friends in elementary and middle school, but my parents never approved of them, so I was never allowed to hang out with them outside of school. By grade 8, all of my friends had moved away and I was left with people who would continuously taunt me for the rest of my school years.

I preferred the company of animals - dogs mostly - because to me a dog just accepted me unconditionally, they would just greet me with a wagging tail and a doggie-smile. People thought I was a little strange when I would let a stray dog follow me around town. The dog was looking for a friend and so was I, we just understood each other, but also understood our limitations.

When it came to people, I preferred the company of older people, people that were a little dorky. At least these people weren't so blatantly cruel to me.

Even now as an adult, I'm slowly finding friends who understand, and as I've said before those who don't understand and refuse to aren't my friends for very long.

I'm just glad I found AD when I did because it made me realize that I'm not in this alone. There's someone out there that's been in my shoes that really understands. For that, I am grateful for.
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Aww, Shel, that just breaks my heart to read that. :kiss:

To the bolded. Hell yeah to that!! You and me both!!
 
AJWSmith said:
This thread is very relevant for me as I was mainstreamed too and had no special support either. The psychological pain of not belonging is still with me, though I survived and had one or two friends. Thanks to AD I can see that the way forward is for me to stop being a pretend-hearing person and embrace my deafness. I've started to learn BSL and when I'm good enough, I'm going to meet Deaf people and find out whether I can belong there. However I'm now in my 40s so I'm making this discovery later than the rest of you.
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It truly breaks my heart to read these posts.

Belonging is *SO* important to many of us and, thanks to hearing parents who either were supportive and meant well, but sent us the oral deaf route, or hearing parents who wanted us to be normal and forced us to be oral deaf, we now have a group of 30 or 40 or 50 somethings who *STILL* want to belong. It's like we're little five year olds. Still. And it's so incredibly sad to me.

Like others I am so, so thankful for AllDeaf. I finally feel like I'm with my people. Like I belong if only over the ethernet cables. But it means a lot.
 
sarahkhan said:
My experience is also similar to Dixie.
I was also mainstreamed throughout school life without any special accommodation. and I will be mainstreamed in university again.(it is like I am going in circle)

Good part from my experience was that I learned to be a better person. I learned never to judge people, and never to accused people without any knowlegde. It is coming from my struggles, you always learned something from your struggles..and in future, hopefully I will be able to handle my pain better.

bad parts is....you will have to put REALLY REALLY effort to get a good grades. When my teen watch movie, I studies. when teen go to a party, I studies. when teen play game, I studies. It was not because I was a nerd( I dont have any problem to be called a nerd), it was because I was being maintream and having trouble with class lecture. All these years, I had only friend but not anymore.I was treated as being outcast by friends.

And worst part was that I had not known about deaf culture all these years. Though my parents known me as a deaf(because they have taken me to speech therapy and audiologist as such), deaf word was taboo to them. And they tell teacher and principal about my deafness as "hearing problem, but she is not totally deaf" And I was often scolded for being too quiet, and so on......they keep teaching me manners that "hearing people "dO. (BOTH teacher and parents always tell me not to move hand too much,and dont nod too much, blah blah....*

It had me psychologically effected greatly....that I am having more of a raw emotion later(empty emotion).

But thanks to AD I finally came to term with being a deaf. Whenever, during interviews for university, first thing i say to them is " my name is sarah, and I am deaf, so please dont talk too fast nor too slowly so that I may be able to understand better" despite my parents try to teach me to say it as a"hearing problem".

I guess I have many thing to learn ahead, I am still 19 years old and I am still immature. I am just glad that I have AD with me...... for me it is not a just a forum, but a family who always will be be my side and help me. :ty:
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Nerds ROCK!!! :cool2:

I was very much like you. No teenage years because study hard. Teach myself what the teachers didn't because I had no accommodation.

So proud of you to begin to embrace Deaf culture. And, yes, we are *always* here. Many of us were you once upon a time so we have lots of wisdom and support to offer.
 
I had no choice as to the school I went to as my parents were advised to not treat me differently than my brothers. I was in public school for all of my schooling. I worked my behind off just to stay with the class. I was always placed in the "front row, center seat" and when seated alphabetically, I was in the middle of the "B's" with my last name beginning with an "M". I had to take copious notes in all classes and often missed what was being said, so I had to study harder at home. One of the worst problems I had was, being in a smaller town, if you have older siblings, the teacher may have had them before you. For 8th grade history, there were 2 teachers. My oldest brother had one and the other brother had the other. Now, oldest brother was very studious and did well. Other brother was lazy and goofed off due to boredom, but still aced all tests. I managed to get the teacher that the other brother had. The teacher asked if PEM was my brother, I said yes, he said good, now you have 1 hour after school detention until the end of the school year. He was totally serious, but I got out of it and managed to change to the other teacher. We moved to a different school district between 10th & 11th grade. I had to get used to different teachers, all new students and a worsening hearing loss with no HA's due to financial issues. Needless to say, there were very few friends and doctor's excuses to get out of specific classes due to the hearing loss. Too bad we didn't know then, what we know now. My life would have been totally different.

No use thinking of the "coulda, shoulda, woulda's".
 
KristinaB said:
I had no choice as to the school I went to as my parents were advised to not treat me differently than my brothers. I was in public school for all of my schooling. I worked my behind off just to stay with the class. I was always placed in the "front row, center seat" and when seated alphabetically, I was in the middle of the "B's" with my last name beginning with an "M". I had to take copious notes in all classes and often missed what was being said, so I had to study harder at home. One of the worst problems I had was, being in a smaller town, if you have older siblings, the teacher may have had them before you. For 8th grade history, there were 2 teachers. My oldest brother had one and the other brother had the other. Now, oldest brother was very studious and did well. Other brother was lazy and goofed off due to boredom, but still aced all tests. I managed to get the teacher that the other brother had. The teacher asked if PEM was my brother, I said yes, he said good, now you have 1 hour after school detention until the end of the school year. He was totally serious, but I got out of it and managed to change to the other teacher. We moved to a different school district between 10th & 11th grade. I had to get used to different teachers, all new students and a worsening hearing loss with no HA's due to financial issues. Needless to say, there were very few friends and doctor's excuses to get out of specific classes due to the hearing loss. Too bad we didn't know then, what we know now. My life would have been totally different.

No use thinking of the "coulda, shoulda, woulda's".
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And, on top of moving to a new school, you would have had to 're-learn' the lips of the teachers because every hearie annunciates differently. Crazy! WHO DOES THAT TO A deaf CHILD??!!!
 
I wonder if a lot of the people on this thread would have been MUCH better served in one of those d/hh programs. One thing that scares that crap out of me about the oral preschool programs, is the thinking by the parents that "that's enough. Now all wittle Smashlie needs is minimal accomondations and to go to a mainstream school, and they'll be able to go to HARVARD! They don't even need to go to Clarke/CID/St. Josephs/Sunshine Cottage/Tucker-Maxon/DePaul for elementary.
Your child's experiance is not new at ALL. Those of us who are hoh experianced that. While some of us suceeded and did very well, others fell through the cracks majorly!!!!!!!!!!!!
I also think it's extremely sad. If the experiances that dhh kids experianced in the mainstream, was a family sitution, Child Protective Services would be called in b/c of emotional neglect. I mean GOD, when you think of the sped kids, (including dhh and blind/low vision and wheelchair/walker kids) you generally don't think of them as being very popular. Yes, there are exceptions and kids who thrive in the system.......but overall, even the smart kids have horrible horrible horrible social emotional experiances.
 
My life was NOT ruined by mainstream school. I went to mainstream pretty much all thoughout school except High School. I went to the Deaf School.

It is what made me who I am today. :)
 
rebeccalj said:
And, on top of moving to a new school, you would have had to 're-learn' the lips of the teachers because every hearie annunciates differently. Crazy! WHO DOES THAT TO A deaf CHILD??!!!
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that is a really good point, kudos! yes i remembers quite of lot of this sort of situation but i never really thought about this one, good one
 
Wirelessly posted

Grummer said:
rebeccalj said:
And, on top of moving to a new school, you would have had to 're-learn' the lips of the teachers because every hearie annunciates differently. Crazy! WHO DOES THAT TO A deaf CHILD??!!!
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that is a really good point, kudos! yes i remembers quite of lot of this sort of situation but i never really thought about this one, good one
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And to think I changed schools almost every year due to travelling and moving around....just saying.
 
Babyblue said:
My life was NOT ruined by mainstream school. I went to mainstream pretty much all thoughout school except High School. I went to the Deaf School.

It is what made me who I am today. :)
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Yeah, but Babyblue was it solotaire mainstreaming or what? Granted I think with the right teachers and right accomondations mainstreaming can be a decent option. But the thing is, mainstreaming is TOO one size fits all. We need to revamp mainstreaming. Too many kids are falling through the cracks emotionally and socially!
 
Grummer said:
that is a really good point, kudos! yes i remembers quite of lot of this sort of situation but i never really thought about this one, good one
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Not just another pretty face. :laugh2:

The fact is that familiarity is what helps many of us to be able to communicate. Especially the oral deaf. We need to know the similar reading of this person or that. I avoid strangers like crazy because of it. When I'm around people that I know I rarely have to look at their lips only every second or third word. Because I know them and I get the majority of my information from other things. Their body language. What their hands are doing. I take the whole picture in. But, a child? How does a child who does not have our experience in communicating the whole picture communicate? Especially when thrown into a new situation like a new school, new teachers, new students, who they do not know because they are not familiar?

Drives me crazy reading some posts about struggles. Breaks my heart.
 
rebeccalj said:
Not just another pretty face. :laugh2:

The fact is that familiarity is what helps many of us to be able to communicate. Especially the oral deaf. We need to know the similar reading of this person or that. I avoid strangers like crazy because of it. When I'm around people that I know I rarely have to look at their lips only every second or third word. Because I know them and I get the majority of my information from other things. Their body language. What their hands are doing. I take the whole picture in. But, a child? How does a child who does not have our experience in communicating the whole picture communicate? Especially when thrown into a new situation like a new school, new teachers, new students, who they do not know because they are not familiar?

Drives me crazy reading some posts about struggles. Breaks my heart.
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i know...(in sincere way im agreeing) yes breaks my heart too, and yes ' a But child?, its indeed should be really be pointed out, that mainstreaming even with CI is just plain cruel...i didnt have a very happy school and thats partly the reason too, the fear of stress in trying hard to lipread and hear...it wasnt like im learning to Live, i was learning to Lipread for goodness sake all those energy is wasted...and yes as d/Deaf people as we are, our 'experiences' is less like 'life experiences' and more like 'survival experiences' in the context of communication...I too had to take the whole picture in, and thats sometimes so hard to do..the stuggles still goes on..
 
Grummer said:
i know...(in sincere way im agreeing) yes breaks my heart too, and yes ' a But child?, its indeed should be really be pointed out, that mainstreaming even with CI is just plain cruel...i didnt have a very happy school and thats partly the reason too, the fear of stress in trying hard to lipread and hear...it wasnt like im learning to Live, i was learning to Lipread for goodness sake all those energy is wasted...and yes as d/Deaf people as we are, our 'experiences' is less like 'life experiences' and more like 'survival experiences' in the context of communication...I too had to take the whole picture in, and thats sometimes so hard to do..the stuggles still goes on..
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My god, Grummer, are we actually *gasp* getting along? :giggle:

Do not understand 'But child?' Think I do but not sure.

I like what you say about not learning to live, we already know that part, but learning to lipread. Nice. I like.
 
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i meant in referring to how you said before "but a child?" then i added on to this. sorry i wasnt too clear, all day tinnitus been buzzing and it was hard to focus.
 
Grummer said:
i meant in referring to how you said before "but a child?" then i added on to this. sorry i wasnt too clear, all day tinnitus been buzzing and it was hard to focus.
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So sorry you have tinnitus. Painful and annoying. Hope you better.

Understand what you say to 'but a child.' So true.
 
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