discriminated? or Mobbing?

[Liebling:-)))]

If you can go back where Liebling was trying to point out in this whole thread the first place is ....She asked each and every one of your opinion on whether it ' Discrimination ' OR ' Mobbing ' <---which I still don't understand that word but I am going to say ' Favorism ' ...

She was Not jumping to conclusions about discrimination ...All She simply did was getting it off her chest ....There's nothing with that....as we all know it feels much better being able to get some input and opinion on this....

I do not see it as being a harrassment...It more like Favorism to me....And, I see that alot of times lately!....

Sad that they didn't get a chance to know you Liebling...as you don't really need them....when you have US...

Exactly, darling
True, I did explain Kuiji75 an earlier what Mobbing is... I realized I put wrong word.... See my statement to him...
True, I´m agree that it has nothing do with harrassment or discrimination but Favoritism...
Yes, I´m glad to have you....

 

[Liebling:-)))]

Then tell them! You're letting it bother you, so it should be resolved. If I got some cheap flowers, I wouldn't care. It's only flowers.

Logical, you are man We women have the senstive feeling being treat different than others.

 

[Liebling:-)))]

Liebling -- what you described wasn't discrimination or harrassament. I know you're feeling hurt by getting different gifts/flowers -- but I do see it as favorism.

I wouldn't give a hissy over it. I would be grateful that they at least thought of me on my birthday, cheap flowers or not. If I was in that situation and it bothered me so much (but if it was really myself, I wouldn't care), I would say "Oh thank you, but I'm allergic to these hyacinths (or whatever flowers there are)" and not take them. Maybe they'll change their habits, or not. I would just appreciate that they at least remembered my birthday -- most don't know about mine... and I don't give a *crap* either.

I think you disread me...
I was being treated like this for YEARS... I thank them polite..... until Rita who started work with us last July is a different story... That´s exactly how I feeling when i saw they treat her the same as 2 women... Why I´m only one who receive differently like this BECAUSE we (4 women) work together EVERYDAY. You would feel different when you look your work colleagues who were being treated better than you... I was patience for YEARS until last week.....
Yes, I am agree that it is Favorism...

At privately is the different story, I am agree but at work.... you must have known that you being treated different.... Florist flower and lousy flower... it is a large difference...

 

[Sweet_KJ]

I think you disread me...
I was being treated like this for YEARS... I thank them polite..... until Rita who started work with us last July is a different story... That´s exactly how I feeling when i saw they treat her the same as 2 women... Why I´m only one who receive differently like this BECAUSE we (4 women) work together EVERYDAY. You would feel different when you look your work colleagues who were being treated better than you... I was patience for YEARS until last week.....
Yes, I am agree that it is Favorism...

At privately is the different story, I am agree but at work.... you must have known that you being treated different.... Florist flower and lousy flower... it is a large difference...

I read everything you said and understood it all, and even when Rita came in as a new employee she was treated like the other two -- perhaps they do communicate more with each other? And the four men just didn't know what you wanted -- you know some people give others various gifts -- something cheap for a co-worker that only says "Hi" and "Bye", something better for someone they talk/communicate with often. I understand you're a passionate person -- sometimes you just gotta speak up, and not slulk away in silence or taking it and politely thanking them for something that obviously bothers you. They might have thought you liked it and didn't see the difference. You know how men are sometimes.

It may not be the solution for you -- but it is for me... if something bothers me, I go resolve it by talking out my feelings -- not by doing anything petty like pissing in their flowers and returning it or actions like that.

 

[VamPyroX]

Liebling -- what you described wasn't discrimination or harrassament. I know you're feeling hurt by getting different gifts/flowers -- but I do see it as favorism.

I wouldn't give a hissy over it. I would be grateful that they at least thought of me on my birthday, cheap flowers or not. If I was in that situation and it bothered me so much (but if it was really myself, I wouldn't care), I would say "Oh thank you, but I'm allergic to these hyacinths (or whatever flowers there are)" and not take them. Maybe they'll change their habits, or not. I would just appreciate that they at least remembered my birthday -- most don't know about mine... and I don't give a *crap* either.

Sweet_KJ is right. I'm gonna be 28 years old soon. The LAST and ONLY birthday party I ever had was for my 12th birthday. Most of my friends have had at least 5 birthday parties. Not even my ex-girlfriend hosted a birthday party for me. All of my other birthdays were either small with just my parents or my ex-girlfriend. It was never with friends or anything. Now, I'm not complaining. I'm just another year older. So what, I don't care. I've even seen my friends get better gifts than I do. Still, I don't care.

 

[Mistyrose]

You know what, people?? At my office, we DONT celebrate birthdays at all! not even acknowlege our birthdays!! can u believe that? well, maybe its better that we dont! The only thing we celebrate is if anybody is LEAVING like transferring, terminating employment here, or retirement! weird people here!.................. :roll:

 

[Catmandu]

Same here Defee... people here at work are too political and clique-y. I'd rather celebrate my birthday with my family especially with my husband and my daughter.

 

[Mistyrose]

Same here Defee... people here at work are too political and clique-y. I'd rather celebrate my birthday with my family especially with my husband and my daughter.

Yes! i do too! i rather celebrate birthdays with family and friends too!

 

[Liebling:-)))]

You know what, people?? At my office, we DONT celebrate birthdays at all! not even acknowlege our birthdays!! can u believe that? well, maybe its better that we dont! The only thing we celebrate is if anybody is LEAVING like transferring, terminating employment here, or retirement! weird people here!.................. :roll:

I like that!!! I wish it should be.....

During many years we (work colleagues) celebrated together on our special day but in different way...
We celebrated like this since I was work in England for 5 years, then 2 different divisions in the same caserne in Germany. We all were being treated the same.... We collect the money to buy the presents for their birthdays etc.
Something like that... I treated colleagues with wine & cake in England... with no complication, also collect the money to buy presents what they wish, then at 1st job Germany - I treated with slice sausages, cheeses sandwiches.... with no complication, then move to 2nd job. I treated 15 men, 4 men & 3 women at canteen... with no complication but 4 men...., that´s all... All of men are not interesting to have presents from us (4 ladies) but we (4 ladies) receive only flowers from them but we (4 ladies) collect the money to buy the presents each other with no complication...

This is so..... I´m accept what their celebration organaization are..... I can´t ignore it because I work there.

 

[Liebling:-)))]

Same here Defee... people here at work are too political and clique-y. I'd rather celebrate my birthday with my family especially with my husband and my daughter.

I second that.... & also share with my friends privately, too.

 

[Liebling:-)))]

Sweet_KJ is right. I'm gonna be 28 years old soon. The LAST and ONLY birthday party I ever had was for my 12th birthday. Most of my friends have had at least 5 birthday parties. Not even my ex-girlfriend hosted a birthday party for me. All of my other birthdays were either small with just my parents or my ex-girlfriend. It was never with friends or anything. Now, I'm not complaining. I'm just another year older. So what, I don't care. I've even seen my friends get better gifts than I do. Still, I don't care.

Please remember that I work there EVERYDAY....
I also don´t care either my friends give me little or big present or not at privately because I´m happy that they have their time to visit to greet me on my special day or any else... privately...

Private life & work life are the different.... because I work together with them everyday than with my friends...

 

[Mistyrose]

I like that!!! I wish it should be.....

During many years we (work colleagues) celebrated together on our special day but in different way...
We celebrated like this since I was work in England for 5 years, then 2 different divisions in the same caserne in Germany. We all were being treated the same.... We collect the money to buy the presents for their birthdays etc.
Something like that... I treated colleagues with wine & cake in England... with no complication, also collect the money to buy presents what they wish, then at 1st job Germany - I treated with slice sausages, cheeses sandwiches.... with no complication, then move to 2nd job. I treated 15 men, 4 men & 3 women at canteen... with no complication but 4 men...., that´s all... All of men are not interesting to have presents from us (4 ladies) but we (4 ladies) receive only flowers from them but we (4 ladies) collect the money to buy the presents each other with no complication...

This is so..... I´m accept what their celebration organaization are..... I can´t ignore it because I work there.

I understand what you saying, you have to go along with these people at work and it is hard i know...dont let these guys know that you are hurt cuz they will keep doing that just to spite you! Just be your sweet self and you will be fine, ok?

 

[Opal]

I understand your upset for receiving cheap flower because your working there for many years, and Rita only work there since July and is receiving a bigger and expensive flowers from 4 men?

It should be the other way round, but she is popular lady at work! Oh well, nevermind, next time tell the men first that you has too many hyncinath in your garden and has had enough of it!

 

[Liebling:-)))]

I understand your upset for receiving cheap flower because your working there for many years, and Rita only work there since July and is receiving a bigger and expensive flowers from 4 men?

It should be the other way round, but she is popular lady at work! Oh well, nevermind, next time tell the men first that you has too many hyncinath in your garden and has had enough of it!

She´s not popular in our division, just normal & nice lady like us... Yes, I´m agree that it´s favourism but I don´t know why they treat me differently than 3 ladies.
I did asked Rosemarie yesterday to open me why they treat only me differently like this. She told me that she & Ingrid talked to 4 men about this. They said that they didn´t do that to me purposely. Rosemarie admitted openly that it´s so because they feel not like to chat with me because I only read their lipreading. That´s why they have no patience to speak slowly with me or writing note because they rather speak faster & too lazy to get know me. That´s all what Rosemarie said...
Look at 15 men who treat me the same as 3 ladies which they also have no patience with me, too. It shows that they accept what I am. We do chat sometimes when they feel mood.
They (3 ladies) admitted that they would feel the same when they were in my shoe.
I told her what you all say about "favourism". Rosemarie said she´s sort of agree that it´s favorism but it means is 2 persons but 4 men but it´s hard to say it´s favourism or not? I told her that I´m agree that it´s favourism because I suspect that they have no interesting to pick what they like for me but with 3 ladies is different.
Rosemarie & Ingrid tried do anything to get me to join 4 men´s birthday canteen in the future but I stay hard & said NO.
I told them that it wouldn´t be good idea to join their birthday canteen whom I know they are still not accept what I am.
I also wouldn´t invite them to attend my birthday canteen anymore in the future. They do NOT need to give me flowers in the future...
I do all is avoid alot of pain ache, misunderstand & upsetting.....
Understand what I mean.

 

[Mistyrose]

She´s not popular in our division, just normal & nice lady like us... Yes, I´m agree that it´s favourism but I don´t know why they treat me differently than 3 ladies.
I did asked Rosemarie yesterday to open me why they treat only me differently like this. She told me that she & Ingrid talked to 4 men about this. They said that they didn´t do that to me purposely. Rosemarie admitted openly that it´s so because they feel not like to chat with me because I only read their lipreading. That´s why they have no patience to speak slowly with me or writing note because they rather speak faster & too lazy to get know me. That´s all what Rosemarie said...
Look at 15 men who treat me the same as 3 ladies which they also have no patience with me, too. It shows that they accept what I am. We do chat sometimes when they feel mood.
They (3 ladies) admitted that they would feel the same when they were in my shoe.
I told her what you all say about "favourism". Rosemarie said she´s sort of agree that it´s favorism but it means is 2 persons but 4 men but it´s hard to say it´s favourism or not? I told her that I´m agree that it´s favourism because I suspect that they have no interesting to pick what they like for me but with 3 ladies is different.
Rosemarie & Ingrid tried do anything to get me to join 4 men´s birthday canteen in the future but I stay hard & said NO.
I told them that it wouldn´t be good idea to join their birthday canteen whom I know they are still not accept what I am.
I also wouldn´t invite them to attend my birthday canteen anymore in the future. They do NOT need to give me flowers in the future...
I do all is avoid alot of pain ache, misunderstand & upsetting.....
Understand what I mean.

I suspect all along that its maybe cuz you are deaf and they dont know how to cope with you! Well, its thier loss if they dont want to know you! Ive had that problem with some hearing people, i decided if they are like that, then they are not worthy of my time!! Ive got some great hearing friends who are not like that so they are my true friends! If they feel uncomfortable then too bad for them, you certainly dont have to join in their so called birthday festivities! heh! Just say "happy birthday" with a smile and leave! I dont blame you for refusing to go to their parties!! Good for you for being so brave!

 

[Liebling:-)))]

The real saddest I ever seen in my life is my friend Petra...
She told us unhappily yesterday what she received her farewell present from her work colleagues is a just card.
She felt pissed off over that lousy card... after work for 13 years last week.
During years she donated the money to buy the flower, fruit basket, etc etc for her colleagues´s farewell, retirement, etc. All is she got only a farewell card.
She dropped a card to rubbish bin front of them & walk out to leave cake & wine with them (she treated farewell party herself to them). She was upset & think it´s reason is because of deafness... I told her that I also think it´s "favourism" but she think it´s discriminated. I understand exactly how she feel when she received a card like this is a big difference what others received a flowers or fruit basket...

I don´t know what I should say because of this... I told her to forget her work to start a new life & new job which she will start on 1st May.

 

[VamPyroX]

Sometimes, I think people expect too much. Not all of us get exactly what we want. It's like I said before, I've treated a lot of my friends because I enjoy doing it. My friends don't treat me for my birthday or anything. The only person who ever treated me with something was my ex-girlfriend (girlfriend at the time). The only birthday party I ever had in my entire life was in 1988.

 

[kuifje75]

I remember when I was in Germany, it was my birthday and 3 days left until going back to USA. I went to the city hall to "mich abmelden" and the lady was funny. She saw my birthdate and congratulated me with a chocolate candy bar that she had on her desk. I thought it was strange that she would be so friendly to a stranger like me.

Then I went to the Fachhochschule where I was studying at, to the international student office. The lady was phoning my insurance company when she found out that it was my birthday. So she made another phone call and I didnt know. She told me to go to another office, and we went together. There were some small cake with candles, a paper with "Happy Birthday!" and people's signatures, and also a bottle of good wine. I was surprised that they were so nice to me.

Then my German friend came from Bavaria to visit me that evening. She brought some brownies and we shared it with the people in the Studentwohnheim TV-Raum. People were drinking and saying happy birthday to me even though I did not know who they were. It was nice.

I do think it was favouritism in your case, Liebling. I don't think that being Deaf always play a role.

 

[VamPyroX]

I remember when I was in Germany, it was my birthday and 3 days left until going back to USA. I went to the city hall to "mich abmelden" and the lady was funny. She saw my birthdate and congratulated me with a chocolate candy bar that she had on her desk. I thought it was strange that she would be so friendly to a stranger like me.

Then I went to the Fachhochschule where I was studying at, to the international student office. The lady was phoning my insurance company when she found out that it was my birthday. So she made another phone call and I didnt know. She told me to go to another office, and we went together. There were some small cake with candles, a paper with "Happy Birthday!" and people's signatures, and also a bottle of good wine. I was surprised that they were so nice to me.

Then my German friend came from Bavaria to visit me that evening. She brought some brownies and we shared it with the people in the Studentwohnheim TV-Raum. People were drinking and saying happy birthday to me even though I did not know who they were. It was nice.

I do think it was favouritism in your case, Liebling. I don't think that being Deaf always play a role.

Yes, it sounds like favorism. You shouldn't really be concerned about it. I doubt it has anything to do with being deaf.

 

[Liebling:-)))]

I remember when I was in Germany, it was my birthday and 3 days left until going back to USA. I went to the city hall to "mich abmelden" and the lady was funny. She saw my birthdate and congratulated me with a chocolate candy bar that she had on her desk. I thought it was strange that she would be so friendly to a stranger like me.

Then I went to the Fachhochschule where I was studying at, to the international student office. The lady was phoning my insurance company when she found out that it was my birthday. So she made another phone call and I didnt know. She told me to go to another office, and we went together. There were some small cake with candles, a paper with "Happy Birthday!" and people's signatures, and also a bottle of good wine. I was surprised that they were so nice to me.

Then my German friend came from Bavaria to visit me that evening. She brought some brownies and we shared it with the people in the Studentwohnheim TV-Raum. People were drinking and saying happy birthday to me even though I did not know who they were. It was nice.

I do think it was favouritism in your case, Liebling. I don't think that being Deaf always play a role.

It´s really nicest, I ever see what you stated.....
I like this what she did to you.... because you lived in Germany for only 5 months. It´s a difference.

I like when somebody like you surprise me with a cute cake or browies etc..... It shows that they like me very much but my case or Petra´s case are the different.
I am also agree that it´s favourism what they did to me & Petra.