Deaf, hearing relationships

ricas27

Member
Well, he finally told me. He's deaf and I am hearing person and the two don't go together. Both have different cultures. I think that's really flakey especially after knowing him for a long time. He should have said that from the beginning. Would've saved me heartache.
yeah. Save your heartache this time. he isn't interesting relationship with hearing person.
 

Marvel1983

New Member
I am deaf and I married a hearing woman

I dated a girl who is hearing for couple years and then I got married to her. She knows sign language. But she don't like deaf people and she divorced me with in a year and what I don't understand why she married me in first place if she dont like deaf people?

Everyone tells me marry a deaf girl next time cause I was told deaf married deaf the commutation would be much better and easily get along with one another but I never had been with deaf girl before. I grew up in hearing world cause I went to mainstream school til I graduate. I wish I went to deaf school and my life would been much better.

I am single now and divorced. I am done with hearing people no more dating hearing people. I hope I find deaf girl someday.
 

slilly25

New Member
Heck my fiancee is deaf and he told me he only liked hearing girls because he grew up with implants and going to public school and made a lot of hearing friends. In every situation we go out with his hearing friends I have to be his ears and interpreter. But with his deaf friends who are very kind and we do dinner 2x a 2week with them cooking homemade meals, he usually is my interpreter.
 

VacationGuy234

Active Member
Some of the deaf guys I have met told me that they only date deaf women? why is that?
Women put a higher premium on communication. This puts even more stress on a male deaf/hearing female relationships. Asking a woman to give up talking on the phone, in this age of technology, is a big deal. So, it's easier if you take away that one requirement. Beyond that, there may be shared experiences if both participants are deaf.

Although in practice, depending on where you are, I doubt a lot of men could do it. It's not like you walk down the street and meet deaf women everyday.
 

sparrow2

Member
The funny thing is....I don't like talking on the phone, and him being deaf didn't bother me. I didn't notice it.

I mean, I still don't get it. He changed my life, I've grown so much from knowing him. I've learned so much. He's the only person that could make me laugh so much, and after knowing him for 2 years, I'm more in love with him now than when I first met him. It had nothing to do with him being deaf. It was who he was.

I understand what everyone is saying about deaf/deaf, hearing/hearing, because communication flows naturally. It's true if I'm with a hearing person, I don't have to think about how I'm going to sign a thought; I can just talk, but there is no butterflies, and no magic with the other hearing guys I dated. With my guy friend who was deaf; I loved being with him, and after 2 years, I still had butterflies and it was still magical. To me, I would rather be with him than with a hearing guy. That's me. Him on the otherhand, I guess would rather be with a deaf girl.

I'm grateful to have known him, because I know the difference between truely being in love with someone vs being with someone.

the problem that I'm having is that I can't resist him. I've tried to distance myself from him, but he'll try to initiate contact, and I always go back only to get hurt again. This time he started talking about marriage. He says his sister thinks we should get married, but the look on his face was like "ewwwww"...... I don't understand what he's doing. teasing me?......I've never talked about marriage or a relationship. The only thing I did was tell him that I was in love with him, and he didn't respond. He went completely silent.

So, I don't get him. I try to distance myself. He contacts me.
 

caz

Active Member
Do you think he is controlling you it do read like it.
one things I learn from being deaf and around deaf they don't over analyse usually blunt it good thing .
is it possible confide in his sister just be careful you only confide what you ok him finding out..He may just want sow his oats.You say you keep distance but love him mixe d. Signel..not sure what phone has do with it..the eeew look did horror or contemplating in his face..Has he told you he loves you and in what way has he changed your life...you wearing heart on sleeve lots men get scared
 

sparrow2

Member
He wanted to know how I felt about him, so I told him. Then, when I asked him how he felt about me, he went silent, would not say anything

I've read that deaf are normally direct. Not with my guy friend. He's never said he wanted to date a deaf girl or he doesn't want a relationship with me, but it has been implied by him saying he and I don't go together because he's deaf and I'm hearing. Then says he's joking. Then says at other times he doesn't want to get married; he wants to travel. Then recently, He says his sister says we should get married.....then, his face is "ewwww".....I mean, I get it right? He doesn't want to get married, and doesn't want a relationship with me.....I get it. The thing is, I've never talked about marriage. I told him how I felt about him after he asked me, and all I wanted to know was how he felt about me, and he wouldn't say or sign or write

So, this is why I try to distance myself from him, but he will eventually contact me. It doesn't make any sense to me. I'm wondering if he's playing games, but why? I'm distancing myself from him, he should leave me alone, but he doesn't.
 

sparrow2

Member
I have a question....a hearing person told me that deaf don't trust hearing people, and they are closed. How long does it take for them to trust?
 

DeafDucky

Well-Known Member
I have a question....a hearing person told me that deaf don't trust hearing people, and they are closed. How long does it take for them to trust?
Like any other group, not all deaf don't trust hearing people. And for those- it depends on the person... could take a week, a month, or a year to trust hearing people (or anybody for that matter). I don't know what the hearing person meant by "closed" but in general deaf people aren't. Yes there is a close knit community but that is different than being closed and unwilling to welcome new people or meet new people - hearing or deaf.
 

sparrow2

Member
I think the hearing person meant was accepting friendships. Maybe trusting that some hearing people want to learn about Deaf Culture, see Deaf as equal, don't want barriers, and willing to sign or even learn ASL to communicate.

Sometimes I wonder myself if my guy friend didn't trust me either.
 

Cappy

Well-Known Member
I could be wrong, I'm at risk of starting a sh*t storm, but I assume the deaf community/culture mostly dhh members and family? Maybe some "insiders" can chime in?
 

sparrow2

Member
Well.....I think I now know the whole story about my guy friend. I think he did like me, maybe did love me to. I also think he was a workaholic, and would always go where his job sent him. So he tried to keep his distance, to try and not get close.
 

sparrow2

Member
This will be my last post to this thread that I started. My guy friend and I are now truly done.

I found out that he had a deaf girlfriend the whole time. I also know his deaf gf. He used me. He exploited my kindness, and took advantage of what he could get out of Me. It really hurt me.

His deaf gf told me that he despises hearing people. That most deaf are that way. They are very nice to hearing people, and honest and direct when with the deaf. She tells me he's angry, complains, volatile to her. To me he's abusive, not honest and direct

There are good and bad hearing people. I myself (hearing person) have been treated badly by some hearing people, but not all. My point is; I have feelings, and they are real. I fell in love with someone that was deaf. What hurts the most is that I was labeled a hearing person, used with no regard for my humanity just because I'm hearing? Would he treat me better if I was deaf?, would've been more honest if I was deaf?, I will never know, and I'm fine with that.

I'm determined to keep going forward. I'm a good person. I want to understand deaf culture. I see deaf and hearing as equal. I don't believe all deaf are like my former guy friend
 
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CaseyH15

Member
Everyone is entitled to have a loving and meaningful relationship. Just because someone is deaf or hard of hearing, does not make them any different... I have a wonderful and deep relationship with a "hearing" person. Though, I do not sign, I just read lips. I understand the limitations that many face in relationship like these, but EVERY relationship has challenges and limitations. We are living in a society that craves instant gratification and seems to ONLY rely on verbal communication. But, communication requires much more than that.... if we're not willing to overcome our own limitations and stop making excuses for ourselves, we will never experience the sublime beauty life has to offer for us.
 

ricas27

Member
I am deaf and I married a hearing woman

I dated a girl who is hearing for couple years and then I got married to her. She knows sign language. But she don't like deaf people and she divorced me with in a year and what I don't understand why she married me in first place if she dont like deaf people?

Everyone tells me marry a deaf girl next time cause I was told deaf married deaf the commutation would be much better and easily get along with one another but I never had been with deaf girl before. I grew up in hearing world cause I went to mainstream school til I graduate. I wish I went to deaf school and my life would been much better.

I am single now and divorced. I am done with hearing people no more dating hearing people. I hope I find deaf girl someday.
You don't tell us how you know she don't like deaf people.
 

ricas27

Member
This will be my last post to this thread that I started. My guy friend and I are now truly done.

I found out that he had a deaf girlfriend the whole time. I also know his deaf gf. He used me. He exploited my kindness, and took advantage of what he could get out of Me. It really hurt me.

His deaf gf told me that he despises hearing people. That most deaf are that way. They are very nice to hearing people, and honest and direct when with the deaf. She tells me he's angry, complains, volatile to her. To me he's abusive, not honest and direct

There are good and bad hearing people. I myself (hearing person) have been treated badly by some hearing people, but not all. My point is; I have feelings, and they are real. I fell in love with someone that was deaf. What hurts the most is that I was labeled a hearing person, used with no regard for my humanity just because I'm hearing? Would he treat me better if I was deaf?, would've been more honest if I was deaf?, I will never know, and I'm fine with that.

I'm determined to keep going forward. I'm a good person. I want to understand deaf culture. I see deaf and hearing as equal. I don't believe all deaf are like my former guy friend
yeah YO Sparrow. It's not about he is being deaf despise to Hearing people. He seems like he not ready be in real relationship with any woman. You and his Deaf girl have same pattern that he is being negative toward both hearing and deaf woman. Sound like he don't know how to treat women. That's make me feel he might probably did talk back to his mother too. Maybe he think he is a man enough but he is not. So you and his Girlfriend should know he is not kinda of gentleman. Childish. It's not deaf. okay? It's him. You mentioned hearing people said Deaf don't trust Hearing people. They might right but TOTALLY WRONG too. I am deaf. I am selective person knows how to choose to trust and not to trust someone. Not just causing hearing person. We should know we all can't trust the Stranger quickly without get to know them. We all should know personality is very important.
 

sparrow2

Member
You are right. Ricas27, it's not deaf or hearing. It's just him. He's not a nice person. I agree, trust is earned after knowing a person not because hearing or deaf. I agree, makes sense, common sense
 

sparrow2

Member
You don't tell us how you know she don't like deaf people.

It is true that communication was difficult. Even with my guy friend. But, there were other things that I loved about him. I was facinated with how he saw the world. He took a lot of pictures, would communicate with pictures. I got to see the world through his eyes. He was funny, his jokes were different. He used different English words to communicate.

I felt like my world grew bigger from knowing him. I was determined to push through any barrier, to be able to communicate with him. I felt like the more I could learn to sign, I would experience more of who he was...and .....that's what motivated me. I figured the communication barrier would be temporary, because I was open and willing to learn to sign. Isn't that worth something?
 

ricas27

Member
It is true that communication was difficult. Even with my guy friend. But, there were other things that I loved about him. I was facinated with how he saw the world. He took a lot of pictures, would communicate with pictures. I got to see the world through his eyes. He was funny, his jokes were different. He used different English words to communicate.

I felt like my world grew bigger from knowing him. I was determined to push through any barrier, to be able to communicate with him. I felt like the more I could learn to sign, I would experience more of who he was...and .....that's what motivated me. I figured the communication barrier would be temporary, because I was open and willing to learn to sign. Isn't that worth something?
Yes. You will break down the walll with wrecking ball crane. You will able getting better. But your male friend is not worth it. I read all your old posts. I felt he have no empathy to you, not building close you, and using you. But you are worthy to other people who embraced you.
 
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