Deaf, hearing relationships

CrazyPaul

Active Member
I have another question. Some deaf guys seem OK to talk to me until they ask if I am deaf. Once they find out that I'm not deaf, their whole presentation changes, and they eventually move on to someone else. I would like to understand this. It's almost as if I became a different person.
To be honest with you, if I find out that you are not deaf but know ASL, I wouldn't avoid you as long as I felt comfortable with you. Some deaf people are strange, no difference from hearing people.

When I was young, a few hearing girls wanted to talk with me and I didn't avoid them since I was cool with those girls. I dated some of them, however I had no goal to have a relationship with one of them. They knew and wanted to make it one of their memories. So we moved on.
 

InfernoRaven

New Member
I have had some people walk away from hearings when they found out they weren't deaf mostly it is a part resentment and part ignorance. They resent hearing people for bullying and other attacks to their persons and can't stand their ignorance to deaf issues or dealing with deaf. It is a personal thing as a non-vocal (I stopped vocalizing when I started learning ASL) it has it's challenges but it is a patience game how much time you are willing to teach them understanding about your culture and how to interact with it. Once someone understands how to interact with you even if you never see them again they know for life how to interact with any Deaf/HoH person they meet in the future.

As for relationships it is a odd dynamic communication is key so as long as you have a way to communicate hearing/deaf relationships aren't so bad but there are a few things you should consider:

1. If your hearing partner knows ASL don't assume they are going to be your own personal interpreter

2. Likewise don't assume that your Deaf/HoH partner will vocalize everything that is being signed.

3. Don't Speak For Your Partner it pushes my buttons when someone introduces me and then proceeds to let them know I am deaf or if someone makes a comment they jump down their throat instead of letting me deal with it myself. If I wanted your help I would ask.
 

sparrow2

Member
It was hard with my guy friend that was deaf. It was really hard to communicate with him in the end. He would ask me to make doctor apt, but would get annoyed if I asked him to tell me which day and time. He wanted me to pick the day and time.

The part that has been especially difficult is him not telling via in writing or in ASL where I Stand with him. He asked me to tell him how I feel about him, and after that he went silent and eventually, after 3-4 months I figured it out, he probably didn't feel the same I guess. I asked him directly and he won't say anything. Do all deaf have difficulty expressing emotions? Or is it just this guy has issues?
 

o0talula0o

New Member
Hey sparrow, I couldn't help but read these posts and I'd like to let you in on my own experiences in relationships that I hope that will be of help to you. The one thing that I feel that you need to address in anything that you do in relationships is to have confidence in the decisions that you make. This doesn't mean that you can't ask for help, but if you second guess yourself every step that you take, you will most likely fail no matter how good your intentions are.

Just by your posts, I can tell that you care and that's a good quality to have. But instead of focusing on how to navigate the fact that you are different, find ways to embrace the things that you know that you share. That's what holds a relationship together, and the things that are different are just the icing on the cake... the sweet stuff. Just be confident. Because no matter the path that the guy is on, all men share one one thing in common... they are attracted to confidence. :) so be confident in your decisions, and show him some different sides of you.

Also, in the event that it doesn't work out, some things are just not meant to be. And that's okay as long as you take what you learned and put it to use in your next relationship. A relationship that works are those that are just... easy and they just make sense. That doesn't mean that there won't be bumps. But don't walk on eggshells with this guy, I promise it will break you. So just have fun, and be confident. :)

I wish you the best in your journey to finding love no matter how you get there. :)
 

sparrow2

Member
As time moves forward, I've come to learn that I think the signs were always there that he wasn't as interested as I was in him.

First, he never asked me any questions about me, and there was one time when he was ill, and I cooked food for him, and when I told him I was going to bring it to his home, he went silent; didn't respond to any of my texts. If he didn't want it, he should have just said something.....right? but, no.....I drove, stayed out waiting w/this food in my car.....waiting for him to respond. He didn't, and I ended up taking the food to my brothers house after driving around for hours.

When I look back, I should have walked away then. Since that time, it just made me second guess myself more; maybe it was a deaf/hearing thing, etc....but, now I realize it's not. I think it was him and not his deafness. He was someone who didn't respect me enough to be honest with me. He didn't want to be the bad guy, and tell me he didn't feel the same towards me. He went silent, hoping that I would figure it out, end it for him, and walk away....it was the most painful processes that I've had to get through, and the one thing he has taught me is that I will never be this open myself to anyone ever again.
 

o0talula0o

New Member
When it comes to dating, the best thing that you can do is just focus on having fun. I promise you, this will work. So the next time you find a guy that you're interested in, just focus on the fun. Because once you start calculating your next move, and questioning why he isn't reciprocating, it's over. So just have fun, and stay confident. And if you have any questions, you can always drop me a note. I'll try to help. :) I love seeing people happy.
 

sparrow2

Member
Thanks. This experience has been a real learning experience for me. Funny thing about this whole thing is that I wasn't looking specifically for a deaf boyfriend. It just turned out this guy was deaf.

I met anothr guy who flat out stated that since I was a hearing person, he would not talk to me. He told me he only talks to deaf. I don't understand why? Can someone explain this?
 

sparrow2

Member
Well......I tried to move on ......, but I can't. My guy friend had such a huge impact on me that there isn't anyone that I am interested in, and it doesn't matter if they are deaf or hearing. He's the only one that I was really attracted to, and completely in love with. I never felt this way about anyone else ever, and I'm not a young person. The good thing is now....is we are talking again. We are friends again. I am really happy about that. This time though, I decided not to worry about what I say or what he says or try to figure out what he's doing.

Also, I told him I only want him to sign, no more text or email, and even though I may not know what to say; I'm going to sign the best I can, and if he doesn't understand me; oh well.....finger spell, and have fun acting it out.

I can only hope that it works out, but it doesn't matter to me anymore. I'm just glad that he came back to me and we are friends again
 

hoichi

Well-Known Member
Allot of us deafie giys dig hearie chicks and deafie chicks...
U need to find the righr deafie...thats all..
Why many many deafie.refer deafie is simple.language and culture...
Learn sign, sign sign...many deafie like me think its awsome and want more hearie chicks ro want to learn sign...
Ive always loved hesrie chicks, wanting to learn my language hot signs and all....
Wink
 

sparrow2

Member
well.....I'm not looking specifically for a deaf boyfriend. It turned out that when I met him, he was deaf. Since then, I have met other deaf and hearing guys; none of them I found as interesting as my guy friend.

Some of the deaf guys I have met told me that they only date deaf women? why is that?
 

rockin'robin

Well-Known Member
well.....I'm not looking specifically for a deaf boyfriend. It turned out that when I met him, he was deaf. Since then, I have met other deaf and hearing guys; none of them I found as interesting as my guy friend.

Some of the deaf guys I have met told me that they only date deaf women? why is that?
Real time Communication.
 

sparrow2

Member
Does real time communication mean the same as when two hearing people talk to each other there's no need to finger spell words or say slow down....etc. Or, even they don't have to accomodate the hearing person and sign in english order.....they can just sign in ASL?
 

AlleyCat

Well-Known Member
well.....I'm not looking specifically for a deaf boyfriend. It turned out that when I met him, he was deaf. Since then, I have met other deaf and hearing guys; none of them I found as interesting as my guy friend.

Some of the deaf guys I have met told me that they only date deaf women? why is that?

For ease of communication. Deaf women have said the same thing about deaf guys.
 

sparrow2

Member
I went to the doctor, and it is confirmed now that I am losing my hearing in my left ear.
I was noticing it since 2013. Now, when I'm at mall or in room with many people talking at once; and someone talks to me. I cannot hear what they say. I'm always asking them to repeat again.

When my guy friend tries to voice to me, sometimes I cannot hear what he is saying either. I don't want to tell him that I'm losing my hearing, because I really think if I was HOH, he would date me, but because he thinks I'm a hearing person, he won't even though I'm learning how to sign.

I don't want the fact that I'm either hearing or deaf, or HOH to be criteria to determine if I'm datable or not. I really would like it to be who I am that is the deciding factor.

If I don't tell him, then I feel a little bad, because if I can't hear what my guy friend is voicing, he'll think it's him; that I don't understand what he is saying, but I'm not ready to tell him.
 

sparrow2

Member
ok....so now....I need to wear a hearing aid in my left ear. Is there such a thing as a good brand? and is it true that insurance doesn't cover it?
 

rnock30

New Member
@sparrow2 Maybe you can find any general hospital or professional audiology clinic that sell hearing aid with insurance or without but do not go Hearing Aid Store(like you buy from online, ebay, amazon, or store without ear test). Audiologist will ask you question how you lost your hearing. When audiologist put you in audio room to test you, do not guess the sound.... just hear the sound as you be honest. Then Audiologist will discuss with you how much sound you can hear so far and they will advise you on the various options of hearing aid. Best or better brand of hearing aids? ask Audiologist. They will tell you latest brand or which one better. Of course most of them expensive. I think they are basically around $500 or more.
 

rnock30

New Member
well.....I'm not looking specifically for a deaf boyfriend. It turned out that when I met him, he was deaf. Since then, I have met other deaf and hearing guys; none of them I found as interesting as my guy friend.

Some of the deaf guys I have met told me that they only date deaf women? why is that?
I think they mean deaf woman... not like you.. You were ex hearing person like Halle Berry, Jodie Foster....other hearing-loss people are "Not In Their Cultural Upbringing or accustomed with deaf people." If they know you are was hearing to hearing loss, they might think you are part of hearing culture. Deaf guys might think hearing women are complicated with each other or they have bad experience with them being superiority complex. they looking for deaf women Why? maybe they are handful, sociable, easy communicate , that their kind(deaf culture) so on i think. Some deaf guys do go with hearing women because they how to work out each other or keep up each other like in equal levels.
 

rnock30

New Member
Does real time communication mean the same as when two hearing people talk to each other there's no need to finger spell words or say slow down....etc. Or, even they don't have to accomodate the hearing person and sign in english order.....they can just sign in ASL?
YES. do you think deaf can only reading mind without sign, talk, or write? No? You know YODA and Luke Skywalker can read mind each other? Real time communication. deaf sign deaf real time. english sign language with asl sign language not real time communication. they little bit
frustration.
 
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