Deaf, hearing relationships

sparrow2

Member
Well, I think I really messed up. I introduced my friend who is deaf to my hearing family, and I told them that he was deaf and then introduced my friend using sign language the best I could. Later I felt really bad. Did I mess up again?

When you meet other deaf people; they want to know if you are deaf or hearing. In the hearing world do you acknowledge that they are deaf or not? if I acknowledge that he was deaf, did I embarrass him? or embrace him? I'm feeling really bad now that I might have did something bad
 

Nothingless

New Member
Stop worrying, I know it's easier said than done, and just be honest with the guy. I believe, in my totally unprofessional opinion, if you guys are really going to work you should be there for each other when one is unclear about the others cultures.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I317 using AllDeaf App mobile app
 

sparrow2

Member
In the hearing world, if you announce to a group of hearing people that your friend is deaf, it might draw attention to the deaf person and some may look at that person as disabled. Or, by telling them ahead of time, they understand why I'm signing.

I was thinking at the time by telling them ahead of time, they would understand why I was signing. Then after the fact, I thought did I put him and his deafness in the spotlight?

So, are you all saying that there is no protocol? Just depends on each person? I should have asked him first?
 

Frisky Feline

Well-Known Member
In the hearing world, if you announce to a group of hearing people that your friend is deaf, it might draw attention to the deaf person and some may look at that person as disabled. Or, by telling them ahead of time, they understand why I'm signing.

I was thinking at the time by telling them ahead of time, they would understand why I was signing. Then after the fact, I thought did I put him and his deafness in the spotlight?

So, are you all saying that there is no protocol? Just depends on each person? I should have asked him first?
Just checking with him with everthing first.
 

krissy123987

New Member
Im hard of hearing and single but strangely id like a relationship with a deaf gurl i guess cause when i have normal conversations it annoys me and others always asking for them to repeat themselves cause i don't have a hearing aid or nothing so i want to sign instead of talking actually lol sometimes
 

sparrow2

Member
Mewtilation,
I understand your annoyance. My friend was very gracious. He told me it didn't bother him that I announced that he was deaf. I did tell him that from now on I plan to check with him first to make sure.

As a hearing person, not all hearing people see being deaf as same as everyone else. Some see a deaf person as a disabled person, and that's what freaked me out was that by announcing that my friend was deaf, some people would look at him as a disabled person and judge him before even knowing him.

I checked with my friend who is hearing and her husband is deaf. She doesn't tell people her husband is deaf. She just starts signing and let hearing person figure it out. So, it depends on he deaf person's preference. My friend is ok with me telling people he's deaf so it's ok now.
 

slilly

New Member
Well the guy I am talking to currently is deaf, and yes I am hearing, and we do communicate a lot via text, but also when I am around him I make it a point to look him in the face so he can read my lips, and I do my best with signing. We went bowling last night and by chance I didn't know some of my friends would be there and that we would be bowling in the lane next to them, all my friends introduced themselves to him and he was surprisingly comfortable with them and was cutting up with them mainly cause he was beating me every game we played. Overall, my friends didn't judge at him or look at him any differently than if he was able to hear, I mean heck my friends were kinda signing with him but not ASL just what hearing people would use as signs in everyday conversation. My family hasn't met him yet, mainly cause of our schedules and he is in another town over, my family doesn't mind that he is deaf because I told them if you looked at him you wouldn't know it and he is a really nice guy who can read lips very well and sometimes uses his speaking voice, but not often, and I told them straight up that he communicates very well and I like him for who he is and I don't mind that he is deaf.
 

caz12

New Member
there more hearing people in the world and highly likely the deaf marry hearie..no reason your friends should judge because he deaf,he be well use to people miming to him rather than signing sad to say but that way life is.....teach your friends some signs if you going to be a group he would appreciate it
 

Calvin

In Hazzard County
Super Moderator
Premium Member
If a deaf and hearing having a relationship, good for them if they have communication and making commitments to each other. I don't see anything wrong with that. That isn't easy for many couples like this with the social and the barriers with family such as being left out which is common.
 

sparrow2

Member
One thing that has come up that I don't understand is when I ask him questions related to sign language or what a certain word is in ASL, he never gets back to me. Or, he doesn't respond to to text or email
 

sparrow2

Member
I looked in the ASL dictionary for the word empathy, and there is no sign for that word. How would you describe empathy or sign it in ASL?
 

konnichiwa

New Member
Really what matters if both of you completely accept each other's flaws, then there will be no problems btw both of you. Hearing people must be very understanding that a Deaf person is not exposed to sound at all. Be mindful of that and everything will be fine. Good luck!
 

sparrow2

Member
Well, I'm really confused now. My deaf guy friend that I really like finally asked me to tell him how I feel, and I told him, and there has been no reply from him. After asking him directly, he will not reply.

I send him a video about ASL and Oralism, and asked him to tell me what he thinks, and he doesn't reply.

Yet, if I ask him if he washes his car or take it to the car wash, he replies. I don't understand.
 

Bebonang

Active Member
Well, I'm really confused now. My deaf guy friend that I really like finally asked me to tell him how I feel, and I told him, and there has been no reply from him. After asking him directly, he will not reply.

I send him a video about ASL and Oralism, and asked him to tell me what he thinks, and he doesn't reply.

Yet, if I ask him if he washes his car or take it to the car wash, he replies. I don't understand.
Most hearies did not understand about sounds. They are more used to hearing sounds than hearing loss people. When someone into the relationship find that there is a deaf person, then that would worry the hearie wanting so much for the girlfriend or boyfriend to become hearing and to be able to use oral instead of ASL. He or She have not learn to accept a deaf person or hard of hearing person.

But if you have a CODA (Child(ren) Of Deaf Adults), then there is a chance that you and the hearing person of Deaf parent(s) can get along fine, I hope.

There is a difference in both societies that are not the same because it is about languages (Oralism and ASL languages) and not being able to hear sounds.

If you choose to deal with the hearing society and feeling comfortable with them. Fine. It is all up to you. Everyone of us are different in choosing who they want to date or to get married. Just be careful because hearing people can be stubborn in getting what they want from the deaf person. So good luck. :cool2:

Edit: If you are talking about a deaf guy, then you need to understand his perspective as a deaf person. No one force him to be like a hearing person. Talk with him and ask him why he shut you off from him and hopefully he will explain why he is not comfortable to talk about what you want to know about Oralism and ASL. If he refuse, then leave him alone. Don't push him.
 

NYNY

Member
I looked in the ASL dictionary for the word empathy, and there is no sign for that word. How would you describe empathy or sign it in ASL?
http://www.signasl.org/sign/empathy

For you (the link). I have four or more books on signing including ASL books. The internet was faster.

I was deaf to hearing (with aids) to deaf over my life. My partner is hearing who was cautioned about my loss. We kind of grew in our relationship adjusting (and not adjusting) to my hearing mistakes and sometimes her frustration with my not being able to understand and my frustration with her frustration. But we're still here.

When I was younger and dating, I did what I could to conceal my aids. Hiding and reading seemed to work well.

It's difficult to bridge the gap between being able to hear and being dDeaf . Some can make it happen, others can't. I agree with others here that if you can't get a straight answer from the fellow, you may want to look elsewhere. I know it's difficult from both shoes - hearing, not hearing, and deaf.
 
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