Contemplating days without over thinking......

Eddie Jay

Member
Ever have one of those days where you're alone in the hearing and deaf world, you tend to become a bubble, so to speak?

Everyday......since birth.

I've contemplated a plenty on the thought of what normal is for myself. If you asked my closest hearing and deaf friends, "Outspoken and Eccentric"......

Well yeah I can be a chatter box. I mean, can you blame me? My hearing mother (died 2015) raised me to speak proper English and lip read. Am I grateful? To a point...... I'm still labeled HOH, was never permitted to sign in the family, no interpreter in school, even though I have had profound deafness for almost the last 2 decades.

Fast forwarding to now...... I'm 47, I've had only two deaf girlfriends in my life, lost my virginity to one of them at age 18, only her breaking up with me the next day, on a rebound and the other, a cheater. Not much luck with deaf girls and or either, if I've got the worse taste in women in general.

I just got out of a one year, seemingly wasted year relationship with a hearing woman. She never knew any ASL. She signed when she felt like it. With her, she seemed genuine with me, at least so I thought...... I have proposed a plenty to this hearing woman, only to find out why she kept putting off marrying me. One year and one month together, she breaks down, "I'm still married to the same man 27 years ago."

It was definitely a huge blow to my heart. I felt as if I was sleeping with an enemy and a stranger at the same time.

I'm telling you, I sure know how to pick 'em......
So.
After much contemplation.
To feel normal, is surround myself with deafness, speak in ASL, instead of lip reading or being left out in the hearing world. Being in a bubble sucks in the hearing world. But, if I look to the deaf world, I'm generally not welcomed because of my late deafness, I talk, but I'm deaf. Confuses the hearing world and it turns off the deaf.

I can't win with a deaf woman, especially most are manipulative with an attitude.

I can't win with a hearing woman, most are manipulative without learning to sign.

I know I would maybe feel normal if I dated CODA women. I'm 47 years old. I'm a pot head. I've yet to find what I'm looking for without manipulation......

Right now as I'm in a bubble. I'm concentrating on my happiness without over thinking, that I know I'm not alone inb the hearing and deaf world......
 

Beckell

Member
I understand you, Eddie! I appreciate that you are bringing this up and share your feelings. I’m sorry to hear that you were betray and felt so hurt by your hearing lady. I do speak well and involved in both deaf and hearing world. There are a quite a few HOH friends that I know don’t sign but lipread others. Each deaf and HOH individual is unique and have different ability of how they communicate. It’s all depend of how they were raised by their families. People regardless of race, disability, gender etc shouldn’t judge at deaf/HOH. I mean not looking down at them or thinking they aren’t important. Don’t let your failures or success define you of who you are. You are here for a purpose.

Maybe when people are lonely or struggling with his/her identity, they start to think about more spiritual things, have you? I see my identify as a profoundly deaf, wife, mother and a child of God. Being a child of God is important to me, this gives me assurance of God’s promises. Have you thought about your faith background?

Keeping you in my prayer.
 

Dundreary

Member
Dude, heart goes out to you.

Standard rhetoric from me: not all women are bad. Not all men are bad too. Then there are the real crackheads who think we ppl are an easy target. But you're too good to deserve that in my book.

But you deep. I feel that. And I respect that.
 
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