Confused mummy, frustrated hoh toddler. advice needed please

Discussion in 'Parenting' started by Hideyhi, Aug 29, 2017.

  1. Hideyhi

    Hideyhi New Member

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    My daughter is on 3 monthly hearing tests. At her first one they said her ears were clear but she has mild loss scoring 20db in most of it but in the top end of high frequencies and low frequencies she got to 30 and 40 and the said this is why she is struggling in noisy places like nursery ect but he said that's normal anyway for everyone to.
    At her last one im not sure what her results was but they said something about glue ear too but she has only ever had 1 ear infection so I don't know if it is that. She is not aided.

    Lately her behaviour is getting worse I don't know,if it is down to their age (3) or due to their hearing loss?she has good speech and understanding but she isn't doing as she is asked/responding straight away to the staff at nursery (and also doing this at home) especially come the afternoon and staff have commented on how she seems to be getting tired in the afternoons (she hasn't had afternoon naps since she was about 2 and she stopped them herself and had been find until recently) hence her behaviour and paddies are worse.
    I have noticed over the last week or so she seems to be miss hearing or asking what/pardon a lot more. I don't know if her frustration is just her being three or her hearing.

    I'm sorry for the very long post, I was just wondering also if anyone else has asked for their little one to be aided with a mild loss as I do think they would help but also don't want her to use them if they are not needed but also don't want to wait ages while they do there tests until she fails three in a row which is what they said they do when she could be helped sooner if that makes sense

    One pushed to the brink mummy atm. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
     
  2. zephren

    zephren Active Member

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    Welcome :wave:

    I am not a parent so I cannot say how much is a 3 year old and how much is from being hoh. Others may be able to answer that question.

    Based on your comment,s it seem like she is struggling a lot in a oral only environment. The db loss number is just a number. A hundred people with the same db loss level will have 100 different experiences - some will do well orally, others will struggle.

    Spending all day trying to understand speech is exhausting and could be why she is needing a nap during the day.

    Have you looked into programs for deaf/hoh kids? Even hard of hearing kids can benefit from some exposure to sign language to fill in the gaps of what isn't clear verbally.
     
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  3. Hideyhi

    Hideyhi New Member

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    Hi

    Thank you for your reply. No I hadnt thought to look at programms to be honest. With her still being assessed and not aided I wasnt sure if she would be eligible either
     
  4. Tristen

    Tristen Member

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    I have a deaf daughter, 15 months, so not much experience when it comes to her not following commands. She has cochlear implants, so a little different situation, but I've had Deaf friends tell me that hoh/deaf children are naturally stubborn! My daughter is such a handful lately. She wants what she wants, when she wants it, and if we don't comply, her temper tantrums are awful. I don't know if its due to her age, her deafness, or just her own personality, but its tiresome. You could always try to get her aided and see what happens. I agree with previous poster, exposure to sign language may make a world of difference. If the nursery is crazy busy, loud, visually overstimulating, it makes total sense that she's tired in the afternoons and if she has to put forth a ton of effort into hearing/listening, I think sign language would help.
     
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  5. Hideyhi

    Hideyhi New Member

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    She does sign a little but that was just from when she was a baby and I did BSL with her, nice she started talking we stopped. (Didn't realise she had hearing loss when I stopped though). I was thinking of asking for aids but I don't think they give them with her level loss with the Audi saying it's normal for everyone to struggle in noisy environments. I am definatly going to atleast ask though at her review I think. It's like today we have been to the farm this afternoon and it was quite busy/ noisy and come 4 o'clock she was sat at a plastic cow on her own and when I went over to see if she was ok she said she was tired and having a little rest. She sat there for a good half hour just by herself.
     
  6. zephren

    zephren Active Member

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    Good to know you have some BSL foundation to fall back on. Aided or not she might still be eligible for some additional support services.

    Some Audi's are anti-sign and incorrectly assume it will hamper speech development. Choose your own path and let your daughter be your guide. If you find adding some sign back into the mix brings better communication and less frustration go with it. Also, if it turns out her loss is progressive, being bilingual will give her more communication and educational options.

    From my personal experience, when in an all-orally environment, any effort someone makes to add some visual clues to the context of the communication is much appreciated.
     
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  7. Hideyhi

    Hideyhi New Member

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    Iv been googling and I think if I can I'm going to push for her to be aided if I can if her hearing is still down as mild as I think she needs to help even if only temporary
     
  8. DeafDucky

    DeafDucky Well-Known Member

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    Can't hurt to push for hearing aids... I believe there are hearing aids for mild especially if the loss is in frequencies that affect understanding speech. I'm pretty sure I've met some folks who had mild hearing loss use hearing aids- but likely more because they were borderline moderate loss.

    The fact that she went and sat on the cow and stayed there for half an hour makes me lean towards "yes there is hearing loss that is affecting her trying to understand/hear everything around her" partly because that's pretty much exactly what I'd do (my loss was/is profound and use hearing aids).

    I'm not a parent myself so can't say if any of it is related to age or not.
     
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  9. Hideyhi

    Hideyhi New Member

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    Will see what they say about her audiogram at her next appointment thank you, she has been at nursery today and they said she hasn't really played with anyone much, she has been playing on her own :( she used to play with a few children
     
  10. Tetracyclone

    Tetracyclone Active Member

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    Your daughters behavioral changes could be entirely due to hearing loss and difficulty adjusting to it, or there might be something else going one. It is terribly frustrating to parent a youngster who simply cannot know or put words on why they are doing what they do.

    Some people have more difficulty in noisy environments than others, but certainly it is more exhausting for her than it used to be IF the hearing loss is recent. Playing by herself? It is at least possible she is protecting herself from over-stimulation. Are there any opportunities at home for her to play with a friend in a quiet place?

    There is also something called APD, or auditory processing disorder, but I doubt there is any way to test for it at her age. I know it is terribly stressful trying to do the right thing for your daughter right now, but breathe deeply, mom. It may take quite a while to adjust your daughters environments and opportunities, including hearing devices, to find things that help her. The most important thing is that you love her as she is and have confidence she will handle life, whatever her differences from "normal".

    And those things I know you already do to perfection!
     
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  11. Hideyhi

    Hideyhi New Member

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    Aww thank you so much! You know how to give people the boost they need! I am doing everything I can just hard helping her to cope. I don't know if it's normal but it's only after all this thinking I'm doing about her hearing Iv noticed she breaks words up too and also has a lisp that seems to have got more frequent lately as it was when she was tired. It's more the letter s in the middle or at the end of a word I don't know if it's connected or not to her hearing though, these are words too she has said today but breaking up
    This is a list of things she has said today breaking up the word but she can say them normally too at times
    Ple-as - please
    Co-wat - coat
    Howas - house
    Howam - home
    Cre-am - cream
    Dawan - down
    Shoe-wes - shoes
    Arowand - around
     
  12. Beckell

    Beckell New Member

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    Thank you for sharing it with us and your concern about your daughter. You are not alone. You said you are feeling at the brink, remember that you are a wonderful mom and all you can do is show your grace. Show your grace with your daughter. When your daughter or yourself is having a hard time, you can say something like I forgive you and show that you still love her. Love is powerful!

    This sound almost similar to one of my friend’s son who has CI (received CI maybe 3 yrs old? I am not sure how old but he had it at a young age). I used to be a deaf mentor or formally called Educational Specialist for their son in the past. That was his parents’ decision to have CI on their son. He was going rough times and when he comes home from school, he would take off his CI even when he’s home. He was getting tired of wearing it all day and need frequent breaks. I think it could be a combination of your daughter’s being three and her hearing.

    Also it’s important for parents and their children to learn American Sign Language. Have you thought about that? It’s a big helpful when it comes to communication even thou you may think your child understood you everything. It’s not always the case. My friend’s son uses ASL and oralism. His parents want his son to be able to speak and plus use ASL which is very helpful in case he didn’t catch everything in conversation. Also using ASL reduce the stress and frustration. I’m aware that you said your daughter has a good speech and understanding but I’m wondering if she really understood 100%.

    You and your daughter are in my prayer.
     
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  13. Hideyhi

    Hideyhi New Member

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    Thank you for your kind words, I have started signing with her again and it has helped a little. She is still getting frustrated and has even needed a nap a couple of times this week due to being tired in the afternoon. Just going to see what happens at her appointment
     
  14. shel90

    shel90 Audist are not welcome Premium Member

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    I agree with Beckwell about the CIs..I am a 45 year old woman and I work in an environment where nobody uses ASL so I use my CIs to help me communicate with my co workers and it is a noisy place. As soon as I get home, those CIs are coming off and I dont wear them at home as my hubby and son are fluent in ASL. I grew up wearing hearing aids, went without hearing aids for over 5 years since everyone used ASL at my old job. Got this job and tried to go back to hearing aids to help with lipreading...discovered that my hearing went south to the point where I could no longer hear anything with hearing aids so I went for a CI...I wasnt too happy about it because I have a fear of surgery after a bad experience. OMG...overstimulation is definitely the right word. It is TOOOO MUCH but lipreading skills definitely improved. However, as soon as I am home, I take them off before I change into comfortable clothes so I totally understand the kids mentioned in the few posts and your daughter probably being tired. I am more tired from the job than I was at my old job because of of working harder to communicate with others as nobody else uses ASL. Maybe that's why your daughter is acting out. You got good advice from others so I have nothing to add but just stating that I can relate to the kids as I feel the same too. They dont have the language nor the understanding yet to express their feelings like I can so I hope this post helps.
     
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  15. Beckell

    Beckell New Member

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    You are welcome! I’m glad that you have started signing again with your daughter. That’s great! It takes a lot of patience and time. What’s the result at her appointment?

    God’s blessings
     
    Last edited: Sep 12, 2017
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  16. Tetracyclone

    Tetracyclone Active Member

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    Are you posting in bold type on purpose? Your posts are thoughtful but I find the bold emphasis distracting.
     
  17. Hideyhi

    Hideyhi New Member

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    She hasn't had it yet, it is next Tuesday :) I will up date the thread with what they say. Thank you for asking
     
  18. Beckell

    Beckell New Member

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    Sorry, no did not do on a purpose when I type in bold. Thanks for the reminder.
     
  19. Beckell

    Beckell New Member

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    You are welcome. That’ll be great if you could update it with us in the thread!
     
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  20. Kristina Clark

    Kristina Clark New Member

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    We already knew we would teach my son ASL as a baby due to my interest and research showing all of the benefits there are for it during the pre-verbal period. But It turned out to be a life savor for my son who had developmental delays due to his inability to retain weight (long story), but even though he lacked verbal speech he was a rockstar with sign. When I decided to return to work when he was about 2, entirely depending on sign, I knew we had to find somewhere that was willing to sign with him or risk him losing his communication progress.
    I know that the situations are entirely different, but we definitely understand the fear of a child feeling left out due to difficult communication. I hope you get things sorted, but I think due to you already noticing, researching, and advocating for her, that you are on top of this and she will thrive. If you feel something is off, listen to your instincts! Don't let people put you in the "overbearing" box. I had friends who would get irritated with me for being worried about my son's development, essentially telling me that I was being too concerned and he would learn to walk and talk whenever he learned... and I had doctors confirming that there were things to worry about! So if anything, make sure you have an understanding support system so you can have a free space to talk about your concerns.
    As for sign negatively impacting speech ability, the research that I have done shows the opposite. Bilingualism in and of itself is a major major thumbs up in boosting academics. And sign with speech is an awesome combination for even hearing children (like my son) because it uses both tactile senses and sound to reinforce each other. I know audiologists fear that relying on sign would be a crutch of some sort and negatively impact spoken word, but I would do my own research and listen to what the experts on the other side say. Doctors tend to want to fix, it's their job, so look at the whole picture and see if this situation needs to adapt to her or her to the situation. Everyone is different and there are a million and one ideas of what is right. Look at everything and decide what you think would be best for her. She's an individual and one person's fix isn't necessarily what would be best for her. Your doing awesome though! Sorry this was so long... I tend to talk in circles :/
     
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