Compliment or Insult?

[green427]

When hearing people forget to get your attention before talking to you (such as talking to you while you are not looking), and you remind them more than once, and they reply with "Oh, I'm sorry, I keep forgetting that you are deaf (hearing impaired or whatever you consider yourself)".....

.....immediately followed with "That is a good thing, isn't it?" or another comment that implies that you do not act like a deaf person.



As we know, most of them are not aware of whether they are being rude or not, so no need to make a big stink about it....BUT....I am curious as to what the general consensus is on this.....

Do you consider it an insult or a compliment that they keep forgetting about the rule of making sure you are ready for communication before talking?


My opinion: Most of the time I am irritated, especially if I have to remind that person many, many times over a period of years.....(yes, it happens).

 

[shel90]

It is hard to say.

That's just perfect that you posted this because I was thinking about something like that last night. I was thinking that whenever bunch of my deaf friends and I are deeply engrossed in a conversation and are chatting away, we tend to forget about a few of our friends who are non-signers and if the non-signers ask us what we are talking about, it tends to disrupt the flow of conversations. That's ok but it makes me wonder if that's how hearing people who are chatting away with each other in a good conversation causing them to forget about the deaf person?

As for that comment about being a good thing that we are deaf...I would probably question myself of why bothering trying to fit in and start acting very Deaf so they wont forget. lol

 

[dereksbicycles]

I learned hard way last night that some cats will actually bite if I try to teach them to clap. Some cats will purr as you make them clap. Some will bite if you make them clap. So if people forget that I'm deaf, that is fine.

You know some people floor the gas pedal. Oh gosh, this was fast!!! Did they actually forget the car was turbocharged or what?

I would text people and they would forget they texted me about buying a bike. Life goes on.

 

[sequoias]

I learned hard way last night that some cats will actually bite if I try to teach them to clap. Some cats will purr as you make them clap. Some will bite if you make them clap. So if people forget that I'm deaf, that is fine.

You know some people floor the gas pedal. Oh gosh, this was fast!!! Did they actually forget the car was turbocharged or what?

I would text people and they would forget they texted me about buying a bike. Life goes on.

What about the non turbocharged VTEC engines in Hondas like the old 90's Honda Prelude VTEC. IT can go to 60 in 6.5 secs, not bad. Turbocharged cars aren't always the solution to the problem.

 

[AlleyCat]

Of course, I had to pick the cat option.

All kidding aside, I've been in that exact scenario. How do I feel/respond? It depends entirely upon the situation. Who I'm talking with, the circumstances, etal. There's been times I got upset over insensitivity, other times not.

 

[Bottesini]

In fact it makes me blindingly angry when someone expects me to hear and they know better, but I liked the poll questions so much, I picked the last option.

 

[dereksbicycles]

What about the non turbocharged VTEC engines in Hondas like the old 90's Honda Prelude VTEC. IT can go to 60 in 6.5 secs, not bad. Turbocharged cars aren't always the solution to the problem.

Wow!!! That 6.5 is so fast!! Turbo or no, that is one mighty cool vehicle. People don't realize how fast they are. Kinda of like people don't realize that deaf people can read lips. I never drove a Prelude so I wouldn't know if a non-turbocharged VTEC can out run some turbos such as maybe VW Golf GTI turbo.

 

[rockin'robin]

Well, picked "depends upon my mood"....and feel a lot of people are creatures of habit....hearies are always blah-blah-blah with their voices and deafies are always blah-blah-blah with their hands....

If it were someone that knew me well then feel there would be no excuse, but then again...that hearing person is so used to talking to other hearies and simply forgetting there is a deafie in the mix.....

 

[VacationGuy234]

In my case, nobody has ever thought it to be a compliment in terms of hearing things. People have thought it a compliment when saying I don't need a deaf girl because I don't come across as deaf. Ironically, sometimes they will correct my speech in the exact same conversation, I guess that is pretty funny.

I don't take any of those things as compliments. I do not get offended by any of them. You feel a little bit isolated in every case, but nobody is doing it intentionally.

 

[whatdidyousay!]

I feel is rude when I get together with my family for a holiday meal and they're all talk so soft that I can't be apart of the conversation .
I have neighbors who start talking to me when I am not close enough to hear them , I had told them in the past that I can't hear that far away . I am not sure if my neighbors keep forgetting this so I can't say what to call it.

 

[femme Fatale]

Depends on who you are communicating with,:some appreciate a reminder while others say the darnedest things. Just don't stoop to their low standards, be the smart one and take the conversation to neutral territory.

 

[ambrosia]

It is hard to say.

That's just perfect that you posted this because I was thinking about something like that last night. I was thinking that whenever bunch of my deaf friends and I are deeply engrossed in a conversation and are chatting away, we tend to forget about a few of our friends who are non-signers and if the non-signers ask us what we are talking about, it tends to disrupt the flow of conversations. That's ok but it makes me wonder if that's how hearing people who are chatting away with each other in a good conversation causing them to forget about the deaf person?

As for that comment about being a good thing that we are deaf...I would probably question myself of why bothering trying to fit in and start acting very Deaf so they wont forget. lol

I don't think they meant that it's a good thing that he/we/you whatever are deaf, they mean that if you communicate well enough they can forget that you have problems, they're saying it's a good thing, that you're good enough at it to make the people around you forget.


But I've never had anybody say that to me. It would also depend on who the person is whether or not I'm going to get annoyed with them for trying to talk to me while I'm not looking and things of that nature. For instance, my husband was really really bad at that, and yes it was annoying. He was with me every evening for years and years and years, I mean c'mon now. If it's a coworker or someone that doesn't really spend a lot of time with me, no I don't. Hearing people have conversations all day all the time, they have habits. If you are the one person they have to make these kinds of consessions for and they are not with you for large amounts of time to make it a habit for them, they are going to forget. We throw them off their groove.

 

[Lau2046]

Do you consider it an insult or a compliment that they keep forgetting about the rule of making sure you are ready for communication before talking?

I find it to be a royal PIA. I hate when people who know, because I repeatedly remind them that I can't hear, don't face me when talking. I hate when they drop their voice to levels that's hard to hear or expect I'll be wearing my HA before my coffee. I like to unwind with coffee and silence in the morning on weekends...

Laura

 

[VacationGuy234]

To be fair, it's not easy for them either. I've come to realize that I only play a small part in other people's lives. For the most part, the people I associate with have children, co-workers, relatives and many other people they interact with daily, weekly and monthly. If I were interacting with that many people and had to remember just one person who was hearing impaired, I'd be making the same mistakes myself. Hell, I already make those same mistakes because I don't interact with many deaf so I can just imagine how it is for my friends who don't even interact with as many as I do.

It's frustrating, but it's understandable.

 

[Jiro]

When hearing people forget to get your attention before talking to you (such as talking to you while you are not looking), and you remind them more than once, and they reply with "Oh, I'm sorry, I keep forgetting that you are deaf (hearing impaired or whatever you consider yourself)".....

I respond with and "no..." along with brief correction/explanation.

 

[shel90]

I don't think they meant that it's a good thing that he/we/you whatever are deaf, they mean that if you communicate well enough they can forget that you have problems, they're saying it's a good thing, that you're good enough at it to make the people around you forget.


But I've never had anybody say that to me. It would also depend on who the person is whether or not I'm going to get annoyed with them for trying to talk to me while I'm not looking and things of that nature. For instance, my husband was really really bad at that, and yes it was annoying. He was with me every evening for years and years and years, I mean c'mon now. If it's a coworker or someone that doesn't really spend a lot of time with me, no I don't. Hearing people have conversations all day all the time, they have habits. If you are the one person they have to make these kinds of consessions for and they are not with you for large amounts of time to make it a habit for them, they are going to forget. We throw them off their groove.

I have had people say that to me but sometimes I do question if that is just an excuse for them for not making an effort. So, I took action and stopped being in the hearing world 24/7 and made my life better.

 

[Catastrophic]

None of your poll options are something I would choose.

 

[ambrosia]

None of your poll options are something I would choose.

Me either, but I explained ^^^ up there what I would pick if it were an option. It doesn't depend on my mood, it only gets annoying when it's my nearest and dearest. My soon to be exhusband was awful, awful. He'd talk to me with a cig between his lips, talk to me while I was facing away from him, be talking to me and turn around and walk away, while still talking, talk to me from another room.......almost every coworker could wrap their heads around it better than he could. Now that is irksome.

 

[green427]

Me either, but I explained ^^^ up there what I would pick if it were an option. It doesn't depend on my mood, it only gets annoying when it's my nearest and dearest. My soon to be exhusband was awful, awful. He'd talk to me with a cig between his lips, talk to me while I was facing away from him, be talking to me and turn around and walk away, while still talking, talk to me from another room.......almost every coworker could wrap their heads around it better than he could. Now that is irksome.

Interesting replies so far.

As for your husband.....was he always like that, or did he stop respecting you later? (My guess is that it is his normal self, but your hearing loss later in life brought out his true colors, and you finally got to see them)....

Either way, good thing he will be your ex soon, and you have the rest of the world to choose from!!

 

[green427]

If it were someone that knew me well then feel there would be no excuse, but then again...that hearing person is so used to talking to other hearies and simply forgetting there is a deafie in the mix.....

That is understandable and expected....I have a handful of people that have been working with me daily for 13 years and still don't get it, and come up with some hokey excuse...