ASL with girlfriend

Oliver

Active Member
#1
So, not sure if this belongs in this forum or in Relationships but I think this is where I need to put it.

Anyways, my hearing has only managed to get worse and communitcating to my girlfriend has gotten difficult. I miss important parts of conversations or just don't hear her at all if she isn't facing or right next to me.

She also struggles with hearing but can mostly make out what's being said and just doesn't catch words of someone is soft spoken or if you aren't facing her.

She gets slightly frustrated when I don't hear her and most of our conversations are short or left unfinished. She learned a few signs for when I'm anxious and can't speak.

I want her to learn how to Sign and will be willing to teach her but I feel like asking will be or sound selfish.
I just really wish she could learn to sign at least the basics. I'm not expecting for her to use asl instead of talking or anything but it would be nice to have that as a back up.
 

Oliver

Active Member
#3
Asking someone who supposedly cares for you to learn how to talk to you is in no way selfish. It is however selfish for someone who cares for you to make no effort to learn to talk with you.
True, but I just not sure how to come about asking her to try to learn. I have so much anxiety especially when it comes to asking for something or to be done. I fear I may phrase it wrong somehow and come off as if I am demanding it of her. How would you go about bringing it up and phrasing it?
 

Lysander

Well-Known Member
#4
True, but I just not sure how to come about asking her to try to learn. I have so much anxiety especially when it comes to asking for something or to be done. I fear I may phrase it wrong somehow and come off as if I am demanding it of her. How would you go about bringing it up and phrasing it?
I would demand it. If this is something you need then you are entitled to that. No relationship is going to grow in a positive way if need aren't being met. Communication, especially in a relationship, is of the utmost importance. It is a need for a healthy relationship. Your hearing causes a situation where you have a specific need. Anyone who is going to be with you needs to understand that this part of the price of admission to be in a relationship with you.

I wouldn't state it as a request. I would state it as, "This is something that I need in a partner. I need someone who is willing and interested in learning to talk to me in the way that works the best for me. I need you to learn to sign. I am willing to help you. I am willing to teach. But if you want to be with me for something long term then this is a requirement of being with me."

I tend to be an asshole, and I don't pull punches. You should be direct. It's something you need. I would state it as such.
 

Oliver

Active Member
#5
I would demand it. If this is something you need then you are entitled to that. No relationship is going to grow in a positive way if need aren't being met. Communication, especially in a relationship, is of the utmost importance. It is a need for a healthy relationship. Your hearing causes a situation where you have a specific need. Anyone who is going to be with you needs to understand that this part of the price of admission to be in a relationship with you.

I wouldn't state it as a request. I would state it as, "This is something that I need in a partner. I need someone who is willing and interested in learning to talk to me in the way that works the best for me. I need you to learn to sign. I am willing to help you. I am willing to teach. But if you want to be with me for something long term then this is a requirement of being with me."

I tend to be an asshole, and I don't pull punches. You should be direct. It's something you need. I would state it as such.
Valid point, I will try to talk to her about it.
 
#6
One thing you can do to gather more information without making "the announcement" is to start signing to her in small ways with a happy smile. It is the most fun thing in the world! Hello, goodby, I love you, no way! If she refuses to reciprocate you have one answer. Then you would need Lysander's script, but be sure you are ready to let go of her if she will not learn. If you just want to string her along awhile- you know, take advantage of her and such, then sign to her your level of disgust with her character before kissing those ruby red lips.:gorgeous2:

:nana:
 

Oliver

Active Member
#7
One thing you can do to gather more information without making "the announcement" is to start signing to her in small ways with a happy smile. It is the most fun thing in the world! Hello, goodby, I love you, no way! If she refuses to reciprocate you have one answer. Then you would need Lysander's script, but be sure you are ready to let go of her if she will not learn. If you just want to string her along awhile- you know, take advantage of her and such, then sign to her your level of disgust with her character before kissing those ruby red lips.:gorgeous2:

:nana:
:rofl: I have a super shitty day today and this has made feel fucking great . Honeslty something I would do to be honest.

I didn't talk most of Today and used sign (I also tend to stop talking when overly anxious and a lot went down today), most of my friends know asl and understood and she kinda didn't understand. She picked up some words when people told her what they meant but I don't think she will willingly try and to learn unless someone tells her what something means. It's really frustrating because asl is a major factor in my life. I can't use it at home and most people in public don't know asl so it's difficult to catch everything. I have talked to her excessively on her trying to learn but she usually changes topic or brushes it off with a "mhm okay" and it pissed me off at times.

At this rate I'm thinking maybe if I choose ASL over talking when around friends she'll try and since she hates not being able to understand conversations (Not in a jealous way she just likes to be able to get a joke and to not feel pushed out)

Cause it's either she learns or I'm gonna have to leave her, I've been bending over backwards to do what she wants done and to keep her happy and yet all we ever do is fight. She makes me happy, to a point. She doesn't try and make things work on her end. I know I am not the best person to be with and that some of the fighting is my fault so I won't lie and say I've been an amazing partner, but I try to do everything I can on my end to fix this and she doesn't try one bit. ASL is the only think I have asked of her and it bothers me she doesn't put effort in that.
 
#8
Oliver- So happy I made you smile. :)
FRom what you say it sounds as though she is a pretty self-absorbed. I chose someone like that once and there was/is a lot of isolation built into a relationship like that. Caring tends to flow one way. So yeah, do it! :gorgeous: :kiss:. In the snarkiest possible way... but only if you become convinced this is a one way street.
It is always possible she is language phobic rather than just selfish. A significant portion of the population has a terrible time trying to learn a second language. Just think of all the elders who brought their kids to the US to succeed, but never could catch on to English for themselves. :dunno2:
 

Oliver

Active Member
#9
Oliver- So happy I made you smile. :)
FRom what you say it sounds as though she is a pretty self-absorbed. I chose someone like that once and there was/is a lot of isolation built into a relationship like that. Caring tends to flow one way. So yeah, do it! :gorgeous: :kiss:. In the snarkiest possible way... but only if you become convinced this is a one way street.
It is always possible she is language phobic rather than just selfish. A significant portion of the population has a terrible time trying to learn a second language. Just think of all the elders who brought their kids to the US to succeed, but never could catch on to English for themselves. :dunno2:
That is true, I just wish if she has trouble learning to voice it. I wouldn't be as bothered by it if she said it was difficult for her to understand because I'm the same at with Spanish. I'm half Hispanic and yet Spanish doesn't stick with me no matter how hard I practice and try. I know ASL, some Norwegian and a small portion of German and it tends to be easier for me. So I would understand if she said, "Hey, I know you want me to learn but it just doesn't stick with me or confuses me to much."

I would be able to let it go easier, But from what I've seen she puts no effort. The only signs she knows are the ones chooses to remember (Lesbian, Gay, Good, Tired, You, I and please)
Other then that she Doesn't put effort, I am willing to sit down and teach her.

I'm just hoping she gives me a clear answer as to why she Doesn't try but I fear if I ask she'll take some offense to it.
 
#10
A lot of people do not know why they (we) do what they do, but if you watch a person long enough you get a truth sense of what/who they are.

i feel that a lack of self-awareness is grounds for dismissal of a person... unless it is me, of course. :dunno2:
 

Lysander

Well-Known Member
#11
A lot of people do not know why they (we) do what they do, but if you watch a person long enough you get a truth sense of what/who they are.

i feel that a lack of self-awareness is grounds for dismissal of a person... unless it is me, of course. :dunno2:
I totally agree with this sentiment. People can say anything they want. You'll never know if what someone says is the truth. However, it's really difficult to keep up continued actions for a long period of time. Give someone enough time and they'll show you the truth. Words mean nothing. Actions mean everything.
 

DeafDucky

Well-Known Member
#12
I totally agree with this sentiment. People can say anything they want. You'll never know if what someone says is the truth. However, it's really difficult to keep up continued actions for a long period of time. Give someone enough time and they'll show you the truth. Words mean nothing. Actions mean everything.
The old adage--- "Actions speak louder than words".
 

Communication Software for Deaf Hard of Hearing - NexTalk

Top