Are deaf kids bullied/harrassed more frequently than hearing kids in mainstream?

Dixie

Farting Snowflakes
Premium Member
This was quoted on Facebook this morning.
The kids who commit suicide are not the cowards, it's the bullies who drive them to it who are the cowards.

No better words spoken!
 

deafdyke

Well-Known Member
Lavender, I don't think we're negating your experiance. I do think that a lot of Deaf Schools may have been almost like zoos back in the day b/c of kids with severe emotional issues being mixed in with the the regular kids. I mean yeah, there can be severe bullying at Deaf Schools....and action should be taken so that kids don't undergo that...Like outreach and stuff like that in the dorms and antibullying stuff. We understand....but I'm wondering if you're a product of pre mainstreaming law. It does seem like experiances and things have switched.......
 

Bottesini

Old Deaf Ranter
Premium Member
Lavender, I don't think we're negating your experiance. I do think that a lot of Deaf Schools may have been almost like zoos back in the day b/c of kids with severe emotional issues being mixed in with the the regular kids. I mean yeah, there can be severe bullying at Deaf Schools....and action should be taken so that kids don't undergo that...Like outreach and stuff like that in the dorms and antibullying stuff. We understand....but I'm wondering if you're a product of pre mainstreaming law. It does seem like experiances and things have switched.......
Please don't argue about somebodies pain. Just by questioning it you negate it.

It was bad for her and she should not be expected to argue or defend her childhood unhappiness.
 

deafdyke

Well-Known Member
This is exactly what I don't want my daughter to go through. We learn everyday people are just outright mean. She is only 10 months and already get negative remarks and looks when she is wearing her hearing aids.

Sorry you had to go through this....
But at least you've learned from our experiances. I know that many hearing parents don't really consider the global impact of oral only and mainstreaming, and think " oh my kid just needs to learn to hear and talk and they'll automaticly fit into hearing society!" Unfortunatly that's not true.
 

deafdyke

Well-Known Member
Please don't argue about somebodies pain. Just by questioning it you negate it.

It was bad for her and she should not be expected to argue or defend her childhood unhappiness.
Botte, I wasn't... Sorry Lavender. We completely understand. The Deaf Schools may not be se sort of glorious utopia....and you should have gotten the right help.
 

shel90

Audist are not welcome
Premium Member
This is exactly what I don't want my daughter to go through. We learn everyday people are just outright mean. She is only 10 months and already get negative remarks and looks when she is wearing her hearing aids.

Sorry you had to go through this....
:hug:

You are wonderful to really listen to our experiences with an open mind and acknowledge them.

I am sorry that your little sweet baby is already getting negative remarks but we also did when we were babies. Important that she is taught not to try to fit in in their world by giving up who she really is. I think she will be ok because she has a mother who is keeping an open mind.
 

Speedy Hawk

New Member
Oral deaf school I went at high school age there was 1 boy keeps bullying other kids, not cos he was nasty, it cos he didn't understand it wrong. He been bullied at mainstream AND he seen most his mother bf abuse her all his life and it was normal for him and thinking it right/normal thing to do. He eventually got expelled from school and went to another deaf school experts helping deaf kids with big troubles and I saw him again many years later and he was MUCH better and now he understand what he did was wrong and understand what is right and what is wrong.

Bullying can MESS kids up badly. That very sad.
 

JabberJay

New Member
Not deaf here just losing it.

But I got picked on a lot because of my speech.
It was never good enough, and I could never understand as a kid what others were saying really, I could not pick up on tone of voice and what people were insinuating.
This was before I learned to read body language and believe me it was hell on earth.

Also being half the size of others in my class (from a small family) I was regularly stuffed into small spaces and locked in, tossed over fences, off play equipment, used as a challenging moving target in and outside the classroom.

I snapped on day in the middle of music theory class when the spitballs got bigger and kicked a boy so hard in his naids that he is now medically unable to have his own children. That was in grade 10.

It continued until in grade 12 during the last week of school they stuffed me into a metal tv container in the class room before the teacher came in, the teacher started teaching advanced calculus and about half way through class I managed to get the door open and roll out. I pretty much landed on the teacher, said nothing and took my seat. My emotions were shut off at the time and I looked unfazed apparently. The lecture kept going. This was a small class of 8 people out of the 31 in our grade, mostly boys.
They stopped picking on me the rest of the week and later told me that my stillness that day scared them. They thought I was going to murder them.

In college I was for the first 2 years in a private science based institution in a completely different province. The same thing but more public started to happen. Rumors outright, not even behind my back!
My first boyfriend at the time ignored them for the first year until they started to include him. Then he believed everyone else over me and accused me of spreading the rumors about our sex life and other things to "get attention". I eventually dropped him and had to move to a different province to get away from it all. At that time even the professors were spreading the rumors.

The last 2 years of my college thankfully although 1/4 size of the first college was much more accepting and I was not treated any different. Actually I was liked for my ability to act and take an impact (fall or stick ect) on stage. It got around that my friends needed to be durable but no one knows why, except my closest friends. Which is ok, it helps to weed out the superficial friends.

I have taken a more aggressive attitude because of my first 15 years of schooling. I have become more blunt and forceful but not to the point of bullying others. I tell it like it is without trying to hurt others and apologize if I do hurt someone. I have a high breaking point but give plenty of warning before I snap, most people back off before then.
 

LisaFL

New Member
I was not bullied as much as I was ignored. It was rough being different from the other kids and I hated school. But I was an outgoing child who made friends easily until after the third grade. I was abused emotionally and mentally by my third grade teacher for the entire year. She believed that because I had one hearing aid, that I could hear everything. Not so. I have equal bilateral sensorineural loss in the severe-profound range.

This teacher ridiculed me constantly for "not listening", and I was punished frequently by being isolated from the other students. She would put my desk in the back of the room facing away, even though she knew I needed to read lips, or so she had been told by my mom and didn't care. What that woman did to me was criminal, and if I ever see her again, I'll spit in her face. My parents didn't know because I was afraid to tell them what was going on at school. This teacher/monster brainwashed me into believing I was "a bad child".

It's a lot different these days and children communicate with their parents better then they did in the past. What happened to me occurred in the early 70's. I did end up dropping out of school in th 11th grade, and I don't regret that, really. I went to school at night, got my GED, and a few years later I became an LPN. I had my limitations, but I was a nurse for 17 years. Now I'm disabled with foot bone and ankle joint problems, but I will retrain for another career. All in all, I grew up and did learn to love and respect myself. But if my parents had a choice back in those days, I would have been better off in a school for the deaf.
 

Banjo

Expelled
Premium Member
How many deaf and HOH students are in your school?
We have to remember that every society is not the same, they do vary from place to place. There are places where the deaf are bullied to the point where they commit suicide or move away to somewhere else. Meanwhile, some are treated like an equal. However, I do believe that the bigger the presence of the deaf, the less susceptible they will be to bullying problems.

It all boils down to one thing about an individual's fate... attitude. Not the individual's attitude, but the society's attitude. The society is a powerful force, they can do a great deal of damages to one's self-esteem.
 

jillio

New Member
We have to remember that every society is not the same, they do vary from place to place. There are places where the deaf are bullied to the point where they commit suicide or move away to somewhere else. Meanwhile, some are treated like an equal. However, I do believe that the bigger the presence of the deaf, the less susceptible they will be to bullying problems.

It all boils down to one thing about an individual's fate... attitude. Not the individual's attitude, but the society's attitude. The society is a powerful force, they can do a great deal of damages to one's self-esteem.
Exactly. And we must also keep in mind that it appears that hearing students get bullied more because there are more of them. There is a greater number of incidents just because there are a greater number of hearing students. The important thing to look at is if one group is disproportionately bullied more, and I would say they are.
 

rebeccalj

New Member
Yeah, I thought that kind of stuff happened only in Lifetime movies. It happened to me and it hurt. When people start talking about their prom, I can't help but feel sad for myself. It hurts still. I sometimes wish I could have a prom of sorts but at my age it would be stupid and ridiculous.

However I think I would have been better off just not going in the first place. I would have saved myself from the humiliation and embarrassment.
Is not silly to want to have proper prom. I'd do it if for no other reason than to heal yourself a little.

I had similar taunting at different points in school. I was tomboy and always play with older brother and his friends. I remember playing out in field and they all suddenly stop and surround me. One of the guys say he going to rape me and I did not understand right away. Could not believe my older brother did not beat the shit out of that yahoo.

Thankfully I was athletic so a lot of the taunting stop around grade 6 onwards. Most kids forget that I'm deaf. Just see me as fellow athlete.

Also had boys try to grab breasts in high school but just think normal hormone hungry cavemen. :hmm:

But, like others, by the time I'm 16 start eating disorder. By early 20s down to 85 pounds and in and out of hospital. Do not finally get better until early 30s and regular therapy. At the heart of *all* of my issues was audist mother who abandon me at hospital when born and then strip language from me at 5. Then try to hide me (ie: don't speak unless can talk properly). Took 2 years of regular therapy to feel healed enough to eat normal and thus began my journey toward accepting myself *as is* instead of who I was not.

Big hugs for you Dixie and Skeptic and everyone else who have horrible experience. Breaks my heart. :hug:
 

HH scientist

New Member
This is my story.

I come from a cold country in Northern Europe and was born with 50% hearing in one ear only (diagnosed at the age four rather). I had quite many friends in school. I was never bullied regularly by kids in my class or by professors. Some other kids used to tease sometimes, but it was probably not because of my hearing disability (no one did ever mention it to me in that context).

My dad used to be tough with and say that school was the most important thing. He was quite rough at times and it was not much fun. He came from the lowest rung of society and worked himself up to the middle classes by studying hard and going to university after school (so I understand it, but I don't find his attitude to be a justifiable).

The only really big problem that I have had with other people is my shyness which I had from an early age and I did never really fit in sometimes. Much later in life, I learnt that hearing people discuss quite a lot and exchange information. That is socialization in their view but I have never ever been that type of person, very much because I can't. I feel that the socialization criterion is the biggest barrier between my and hearing people.

Recently (I am just over 30 now), I managed to get rid of my shyness. I know now that it is about attitude (other people may have different experiences). I tried to talk myself into developing a different view and after a while, the cloud of negative thoughts surrounding my shyness went away and the shyness with it. It worked! :lol:

The point about my shyness is that it was a result due to the people's attitude: if you cannot socialize, then you are odd. Society ought to value with different skills and abilities, but sometimes it does not happen. To counter the feeling of shyness, I always keep in mind that people have different skills, personalities and abilities.
 

jillio

New Member
This is my story.

I come from a cold country in Northern Europe and was born with 50% hearing in one ear only (diagnosed at the age four rather). I had quite many friends in school. I was never bullied regularly by kids in my class or by professors. Some other kids used to tease sometimes, but it was probably not because of my hearing disability (no one did ever mention it to me in that context).

My dad used to be tough with and say that school was the most important thing. He was quite rough at times and it was not much fun. He came from the lowest rung of society and worked himself up to the middle classes by studying hard and going to university after school (so I understand it, but I don't find his attitude to be a justifiable).

The only really big problem that I have had with other people is my shyness which I had from an early age and I did never really fit in sometimes. Much later in life, I learnt that hearing people discuss quite a lot and exchange information. That is socialization in their view but I have never ever been that type of person, very much because I can't. I feel that the socialization criterion is the biggest barrier between my and hearing people.

Recently (I am just over 30 now), I managed to get rid of my shyness. I know now that it is about attitude (other people may have different experiences). I tried to talk myself into developing a different view and after a while, the cloud of negative thoughts surrounding my shyness went away and the shyness with it. It worked! :lol:

The point about my shyness is that it was a result due to the people's attitude: if you cannot socialize, then you are odd. Society ought to value with different skills and abilities, but sometimes it does not happen. To counter the feeling of shyness, I always keep in mind that people have different skills, personalities and abilities.
Good for you. You have reframed your situation and made something more positive of it.
 

HH scientist

New Member
But, like others, by the time I'm 16 start eating disorder. By early 20s down to 85 pounds and in and out of hospital. Do not finally get better until early 30s and regular therapy. At the heart of *all* of my issues was audist mother who abandon me at hospital when born and then strip language from me at 5. Then try to hide me (ie: don't speak unless can talk properly). Took 2 years of regular therapy to feel healed enough to eat normal and thus began my journey toward accepting myself *as is* instead of who I was not.
I 'merely' had bad self esteem, but I know what it is like to feel down for a long period of time. I managed to escape it after a while. I hope that you doing better now.

My parents did never try to 'hide' me. I am sorry for that experience of yours.

I think that I developed an awkward sense for perfect grammar due to my hearing disability. But I feel that it is difficult to socialize with hearing people sometimes, because they expect you to behave in a particular manner that only can be acquired by socializing with the very same people. And that type of reasoning reminds me of an old question: what came first, the chicken or the egg?
 

deafdyke

Well-Known Member
I 'merely' had bad self esteem, but I know what it is like to feel down for a long period of time. I managed to escape it after a while. I hope that you doing better now.

My parents did never try to 'hide' me. I am sorry for that experience of yours.

I think that I developed an awkward sense for perfect grammar due to my hearing disability. But I feel that it is difficult to socialize with hearing people sometimes, because they expect you to behave in a particular manner that only can be acquired by socializing with the very same people. And that type of reasoning reminds me of an old question: what came first, the chicken or the egg?
Oh yeah I feel for you...I'm even that way with my second mom and she's VERY dhh friendly and signs and all..
 

rebeccalj

New Member
I 'merely' had bad self esteem, but I know what it is like to feel down for a long period of time. I managed to escape it after a while. I hope that you doing better now.

My parents did never try to 'hide' me. I am sorry for that experience of yours.

I think that I developed an awkward sense for perfect grammar due to my hearing disability. But I feel that it is difficult to socialize with hearing people sometimes, because they expect you to behave in a particular manner that only can be acquired by socializing with the very same people. And that type of reasoning reminds me of an old question: what came first, the chicken or the egg?
Yes, same here. :hug:

And, yes, hearies *expect* you to be like them even though you look like them.

The deafie came first. For proof just look for my link in the 'News' or 'Current Events' forum. No chicken or egg needed. :giggle:
 
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