Anyone experienced loneliness and anxiety being hoh or deaf?

#21
My cousin visited this weekend. He is my favorite cousin and it has been 17 years since we last visited. My hearing is so much worse now but he made the effort to speak carefully and we talked and talked and talked. Great conversations about family, our marriages- lots of stuff. I think it made a big difference that he is someone with whom I have a deep, if occasional connection. It's like my ability to understand him is "keyed in" somehow.

Lovely time.
 
#23
I feel more isolated as time goes on. I am working on my ASL as its easier to talk with. When I'm with my friends they easily forget I'm HOH and then they forget to face me and talk, or we go to loud places. I usually just sit quietly and watch them all talk and just fade out.

I've actually noticed I get a bad headache when I try and strain to hear everyone. But my friends are hearing and don't know ASL, I wish I had people who signed that I could actually hangout with and sign with, even if its just on video chat.
 

zeefour

Active Member
#24
I feel more isolated as time goes on. I am working on my ASL as its easier to talk with. When I'm with my friends they easily forget I'm HOH and then they forget to face me and talk, or we go to loud places. I usually just sit quietly and watch them all talk and just fade out.

I've actually noticed I get a bad headache when I try and strain to hear everyone. But my friends are hearing and don't know ASL, I wish I had people who signed that I could actually hangout with and sign with, even if its just on video chat.
I get horrible headaches and it makes me cranky and frustrated. A professor who kicked me out of the program I was in because of "behavioral problems" didnt believe me when I mentioned that as one of the problems being HoH causes and thats what led to a few of my supposed inappropriate behaviors like closing my eyes and putting my head down in class. She said that I cant try to make excuses that my hearing impairment causes problems because its fixed by my wearing hearing aids. Plus she knows what hearing loss means and the only thing it does is not let me hear things, it cannot and does not affect my behavior. >.>
 

peekaboo

Well-Known Member
#25
Zeefour, you and I need to meet one day. I feel like I met my twin. You and I had the same plms. I went to elementary and the teachers thought I was just being a pain in the butt because of my HA... little did they know. I remember my 4th-grade teacher gave me hell because I couldn't keep up! She was the worse. I learn nothing from her and all the other teachers before and after her. And they said its all in my head. Yeahhhhhh right! Just because they can hear, dont mean they understand HOH. what a joke. If only I went to a DEAF school, I would have been sooo much better off. grrr I was totally alone in schools, even though I had deaf friends, I was the only one in all my classes. :(
 
#26
I get horrible headaches and it makes me cranky and frustrated. A professor who kicked me out of the program I was in because of "behavioral problems" didnt believe me when I mentioned that as one of the problems being HoH causes and thats what led to a few of my supposed inappropriate behaviors like closing my eyes and putting my head down in class. She said that I cant try to make excuses that my hearing impairment causes problems because its fixed by my wearing hearing aids. Plus she knows what hearing loss means and the only thing it does is not let me hear things, it cannot and does not affect my behavior. >.>
That is almost funny it is so tragic. My social behavior is completely different from when I could hear. And I do not even attempt lecture situations.
 

zeefour

Active Member
#27
Zeefour, you and I need to meet one day. I feel like I met my twin. You and I had the same plms. I went to elementary and the teachers thought I was just being a pain in the butt because of my HA... little did they know. I remember my 4th-grade teacher gave me hell because I couldn't keep up! She was the worse. I learn nothing from her and all the other teachers before and after her. And they said its all in my head. Yeahhhhhh right! Just because they can hear, dont mean they understand HOH. what a joke. If only I went to a DEAF school, I would have been sooo much better off. grrr I was totally alone in schools, even though I had deaf friends, I was the only one in all my classes. :(
OMG that sounds like this professor! When I was kicked out of the program she said I should maybe take classes outside a college because I "just don't fit in the academic environment." Um right yeah not to brag but I went to an Ivy on scholarship, then started law school on scholarship and have 2 bachelors from our state university Anyway there are a lot of times I wish I had gone to a Deaf school. I get my parents wanting me to stay at home especially with my dad's ohana's bad experienced with residential schools. But I wish so many times I was like 10 years younger and I could have gone to RMDS which is the new bilingual charter day school in the Denver area. It would have been perfect. But wishing won't take me back in time. I'm applying for Gally for grad school starting Fall 2019. It's just so hard to keep my ASL up at a more advanced level. I live in a place where there's no DHH. Gah,

PM me!
 
#28
I understand what it’s like to have the feelings of loneliness and isolation as well because of my deafness. Since I lost my hearing (I’m late deafened) I find that a lot of hearing people have the ability to hear but it doesn’t mean they actually listen. I’m always repeatedly asking them to face me when talking, not to put their hands near their mouths so I can read lips and it never fails so many of them keep turning away or move their head while talking to me. It’s like trying to follow a ping pong ball sometimes. Very exhausting.
 

Valorrian

Active Member
#29
I lost my hearing a few years ago. When this first happened I isolated myself to my house. Just recently I've started to do something about it. I did go to the audiologist who referred me for cochlear implants. I didn't qualify for the cochlear because my ears are so messed up from meningitis. I am angry and depressed a lot. I do feel lonely. All my friends went away to college and I'm left behind. I don't know how to make friends without hearing. I feel your pain. Do you know any sign language? I am just starting to learn.
 

Beowulf

Well-Known Member
Premium Member
#30
I lost my hearing a few years ago. When this first happened I isolated myself to my house. Just recently I've started to do something about it. I did go to the audiologist who referred me for cochlear implants. I didn't qualify for the cochlear because my ears are so messed up from meningitis. I am angry and depressed a lot. I do feel lonely. All my friends went away to college and I'm left behind. I don't know how to make friends without hearing. I feel your pain. Do you know any sign language? I am just starting to learn.
I feel for you. I really do.
That is because I was young once.
Now I feel like hollering at you.
 

deafdyke

Well-Known Member
#33
I've often wondered how certain people can read threads like this, and then think that oral exclusive approaches can somehow cover all the bases. Why wouldn't you want to give your kid EVERYTHING? Including a strong social emotional community and sense of belonging?
 
#34
I do feel isolated because I want to make friends but it is constantly a challenge to keep up with people. Different accents and foreign languages are hard to follow. And on one account I like to go to get together so that I can at least switch person if I do not understand someone very well (because of accent or the way they move their lips) but on another account these meetings are in public places where there is a lot of noise in the background.
 
#35
I do feel isolated because I want to make friends but it is constantly a challenge to keep up with people. Different accents and foreign languages are hard to follow. And on one account I like to go to get together so that I can at least switch person if I do not understand someone very well (because of accent or the way they move their lips) but on another account these meetings are in public places where there is a lot of noise in the background.
I feel especially awkward about difficulty with accents. So many people with accents feel unhappy about not doing better with English, and while I explain I'm HOH, I know many take it personally. Here in Socal I sometimes say, in Spanish, I don't understand Spanish or English speakers. I'm too deaf." As though there were gradients of it, haha.
 
#36
When I was in school, I had a teacher who was so hard to understand. He had a marked accent I was unfamiliar with. While other classmates eventually found their way to understand him, at the end of his course I was still at loss.

I find it especially challenging to be among native English speakers from different countries, as I haven't been enough exposed to all of their accents. Also, some move lips scarcely...
 
#37
I've always felt isolated, especially in very public areas just because I feel like I'm not on the same level as everyone. When I'm in a loud place where I can barely discern other peoples voices I get very shy and quiet because I feel like I can't talk to anyone properly.
 
#39
Definitely. Even before I lost my hearing, I still struggled with loneliness but it has really gone up since I lost my hearing last month. I feel suddenly shut off from the rest of the world.
 
#40
Yeah completely, it happens frequently.

I found as a profoundly deaf person just listening to a group of hearing people in a social environment (pub) can be very challenging to grasp and follow. It always feels as if you're playing catch up and focusing twice as hard just to hear what a hearing person can, which can tire you out.

As frustrating or isolating as it can feel what I found that helps me is to try and accept it and to come up with coping strategies.

Jokes for instance are a great way to turn what would normally be a stressful situation into something funny. 'Do you like Hip Hop?' I thought someone said when actually it was ' I have hiccups'.

Another thing I found helpful to remind myself is that a lot of people who ate hearing won't understand what it is like to be HoH or Deaf or have misconceptions. We should use this opportunity to tell people what it is like, it could be 'Sorry there is alot of traffic coming at the moment I cannot hear, wait till that bus passes' or ' I heard _____ but I missed what you said before/after that'. It shows the other person that you are listening than just responding with 'What?'.

Not everyone is willing to listen too, though atleast if you've made the effort to try and communicate with that other person explaining some of these challenges they usually will try to accommodate. However after a few attempts and they're still not willing to look past your hearing loss don't stress and leave it there. I used to get really worked up and frustrated about this.

Emotions are powerful and natural feelings even if negative too. Don't let it build up and sit inside, try to channel and express these energies outwards in different forms (art, music, sports) I found it a great way to relax and very helpful.
LOL. you do have to laugh at times. Just today I was headed to the train and a young man started speaking to me (I wear a cochlear but have difficulty still understanding) . Then he asked what I though was, do you want sex....??? Now I know that is not what he said as I'm an old man (but who knows right lol). So I just laugh and pretend he said something else, like do I have six sense or something (although I have no idea why he would ask that). Even though I wouldn't mind hahahaha but I was in no way going to say, sure I would love to have sex with you (and I would have being so lonely lol) . That would have got an unknown negative response from him. But then I wonder how many oppertunities I've missed in life and people turning off or negative because I miss understood and just laughts with a stupid ya (which is my response to most things). I think a lot of my inability to be social is because of that "go to" response. sSome thing I must be weird LOL.
 

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