Anyone experienced loneliness and anxiety being hoh or deaf?

#1
I am Hoh; moderate to severe. Been like this as an infant. Just wondering from anyone on this site if they have felt isolation or loneliness being hoh or deaf? I've always been around hearing people my entire life, so I am constantly confronted with people who do not understand how to properly communicate with me. Even though I tell them to speak up or I end up not caring enough about what they said and play along, I can't help getting immense anxiety going out. Especially if I have a hearing friend who decides to tag more people along; I panic because I want to know who's going, how many, where we're going, are they soft speakers, etc. I have tried making friends, and it's hard to hear them. To them, my lisp weirds them out. Idk, I have tried connecting with someone who was hoh and the person wasn't interested in talking more about it/exchanging stories. I haven't been able to see if others experienced the same difficulties I face. Thank you in advance!

PS: I have the same exact thread posted in hearing aids forum; it was posted in the wrong spot.
 
#2
Definitely I lack friends and feel isolated. I get very frustrated that people cannot take the time to learn to communicate with me. When my hearing was normal I had tons of friends and was very social. Now I find friends in books.
 

AlleyCat

Well-Known Member
#3
I think most, of us experience this. It can be very hard to function in a social setting, and even with family when we don't understand everything being said. And harder if we use sign language and none of our friends or family learn sign to communicate with us. This is very common. You are not alone.
 
#9
Yeah completely, it happens frequently.

I found as a profoundly deaf person just listening to a group of hearing people in a social environment (pub) can be very challenging to grasp and follow. It always feels as if you're playing catch up and focusing twice as hard just to hear what a hearing person can, which can tire you out.

As frustrating or isolating as it can feel what I found that helps me is to try and accept it and to come up with coping strategies.

Jokes for instance are a great way to turn what would normally be a stressful situation into something funny. 'Do you like Hip Hop?' I thought someone said when actually it was ' I have hiccups'.

Another thing I found helpful to remind myself is that a lot of people who ate hearing won't understand what it is like to be HoH or Deaf or have misconceptions. We should use this opportunity to tell people what it is like, it could be 'Sorry there is alot of traffic coming at the moment I cannot hear, wait till that bus passes' or ' I heard _____ but I missed what you said before/after that'. It shows the other person that you are listening than just responding with 'What?'.

Not everyone is willing to listen too, though atleast if you've made the effort to try and communicate with that other person explaining some of these challenges they usually will try to accommodate. However after a few attempts and they're still not willing to look past your hearing loss don't stress and leave it there. I used to get really worked up and frustrated about this.

Emotions are powerful and natural feelings even if negative too. Don't let it build up and sit inside, try to channel and express these energies outwards in different forms (art, music, sports) I found it a great way to relax and very helpful.
 

Pea

New Member
#10
Yeah completely, it happens frequently.

I found as a profoundly deaf person just listening to a group of hearing people in a social environment (pub) can be very challenging to grasp and follow. It always feels as if you're playing catch up and focusing twice as hard just to hear what a hearing person can, which can tire you out.

As frustrating or isolating as it can feel what I found that helps me is to try and accept it and to come up with coping strategies.

Jokes for instance are a great way to turn what would normally be a stressful situation into something funny. 'Do you like Hip Hop?' I thought someone said when actually it was ' I have hiccups'.

Another thing I found helpful to remind myself is that a lot of people who ate hearing won't understand what it is like to be HoH or Deaf or have misconceptions. We should use this opportunity to tell people what it is like, it could be 'Sorry there is alot of traffic coming at the moment I cannot hear, wait till that bus passes' or ' I heard _____ but I missed what you said before/after that'. It shows the other person that you are listening than just responding with 'What?'.

Not everyone is willing to listen too, though atleast if you've made the effort to try and communicate with that other person explaining some of these challenges they usually will try to accommodate. However after a few attempts and they're still not willing to look past your hearing loss don't stress and leave it there. I used to get really worked up and frustrated about this.

Emotions are powerful and natural feelings even if negative too. Don't let it build up and sit inside, try to channel and express these energies outwards in different forms (art, music, sports) I found it a great way to relax and very helpful.
Good post.
Normally I don't let things build up and sit inside, but for some reason I can't seem to shake the feeling off. As a way to unwind I love to craft, but I sit at my craft table and basically that's as far as I get, I just sit there, it's like my mojo has got up and gone away.
 
#12
yes, it´s can be very isolating. especially if you move in hearing world around. yes. the last time, my outburst was at christmas, with parent and my older brother. as you guessed, they are hearing and i know very well, they meant not ill with me. however i can get in rage, if someone told me, i dont need to know, even though i was asking. and i dont ask a lot. its hurtful and isolating from my own family. so i went to home.
i can only tell them, please dont invite me to the bigger hearing group party. please let me go home if i have enough. they acceptet, so i am glad. :) after then i am enjoying with hobbies to relax. you need to balance out :)
 

BecLak

Well-Known Member
#13
Yes definitely, but Ive learned to be content with my own company, rather than being frustrated all the time in the company of hearing people. Though I welcome every opportunity to be with other Deaf and chat in Sign Language.
 
#14
Yes, i do find it a bit isolating. I'm hoh and often times i refuse to acknowledge when i really am struggling to hear as though it will just get better. Learning ASL helps with it but with the fact is ASL makes me feel awkward. Im learning a language that also belongs to me as a HOH person yet is emerged as more of a presence in my life as time goes on ill need to communicate but also it forced you to accept a part as yourself you're losing while gaining a new(yet also your) culture, community and new perspective.
 
#15
Yes, i do find it a bit isolating. I'm hoh and often times i refuse to acknowledge when i really am struggling to hear as though it will just get better. Learning ASL helps with it but with the fact is ASL makes me feel awkward. Im learning a language that also belongs to me as a HOH person yet is emerged as more of a presence in my life as time goes on ill need to communicate but also it forced you to accept a part as yourself you're losing while gaining a new(yet also your) culture, community and new perspective.
Gosh Erika- the yin and the yang of life!
 
#17
Then you have me Lonely does not describe the hollow feeling I relate to much of what said but mine started 6 + ago
And the last 2 year pretty well deaf. Even though they say I’m not Now if it was not for my job I don’t think I would of made it last year when my girlfriend dump me because of this deafness or hoh what ever you want to call it
This year is started out with a cochlear inplant it little comfort when can’t use it to the fullest they say it take Time
My problems use to melt away with a Little Rock and roll Now I don’t listen to music yet atlest
 

asmae

New Member
#18
Loneliness... yeah that’s that one bitch who is always knocking on your front door. When I started to lose my hearing it was a kinda hard. So many negative emotions started to hit me from nowhere. Until I’ve decided to drop all the negativity in the trash. Literally. The friends I used to hang out with who didn’t do any minuscule of effort to speak clear and articulate, so I threw the whole bunch of friends in the trash I’m happy now. I always hang out with myself or with the people who are aware of my deafness and still love the crazy in me. So my advice is: stop hanging out with “friends” who don’t help you and start to love yourself and spend time with yourself. You will feel a lot better. Trust me.

Sending you a lot of blessings
 

peekaboo

Well-Known Member
#19
its not all that bad guys. we are here now, even though we are far apart. But I DO UNDERSTAND ABOUT THE LONELINESS. It can feel very isolating and feel as you are all alone. I know its painful and sometimes you just wish that you could live closer to a D/deaf /hoh community. I know I do! I am just glad I found this place. :D
 

zeefour

Active Member
#20
I did bad growing up. I was the only DHH kid in a mainstreamed school. I grew up in a small mountain town. I hated being pulled out of class for speech and reading, even though the teacher was nice. I got called stupid when I tried to talk.

I went to a bigger city school for high school after my parents divorced. It was better, I found good friends. There was a guy my age with a CI who didn't sign and a girl two years older who was profoundly Deaf and only signed. I also had good hearing friends.

But it does feel lonely sometime as HoH. Not fully hearing but not fully Deaf I feel stuck in between two worlds like I know some about them but don't fit in completely.

Welcome!
 

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